Here’s your almost-president, Barry O’Bomber Obama, explaining how he will fix all the potholes by putting bums to work mixing concrete or asphalt or another road covering material. Soon we will all have government jobs with congressional benefits (hookers, IM sexytime, etc.) and this so-called “terrible recession” can go back to Canada. [YouTube]
Barack Obama Will Build A Road To Your Heart
by Ken Layne
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{ 71 comments }
What I really need is an overpass to my colon.
Barry’s use of the papal/royal “we” conveys just the right amount of gravitas while still being above all the petty problems of his new subjects.
Just in: Obama picks Chan Gegov as the CTO of his administration.
I like his pretend Oval Office, especially with the window overlooking America behind him. Very Presidential!
The bit about solving the recession by changing the light bulbs in federal buildings – not so Presidential . . . did he really have to be that specific?
Asalamalakum my brothers!
Wait a second! Compare this video with the one he did just last week. Everything’s the same – the desk the lamp, the picture, the books – but the view outside the window is totally different. The tall buildings, the bright sunshine – all of it’s gone. Instead we have, what? Are those streetlights and traffic seen from far above, or perhaps rather the smoldering ruins of a city – indeed, an entire civilization – on the brink of collapse?
Next week, I expect this will be the view from his window.
I really don’t like the idea of spreading hot asphalt all day. I wonder if, instead, I could get paid as a sub-contractor and supply inexpensive brown skinned laborers who wouldn’t need silly things like insurance or a living wage. That would be the way we did it after Katrina and that worked swell.
Is buttseks covered under “etc.”? I just want clarification before I sign on.
NO BUTTSEKS! NO PEACE!
[re=192919]Mahousu[/re]: Good lord Mahousu, I think you are right – it’s a fake window. It’s just a damn poster. If he’s prepared to deceive people with pretend windows, then heaven knows what other untruths he’s telling. Can we even be sure he’s President-Elect, or is that just another one of his cynical lies?
As long as the road has curb and gutter along with proper drainage and gets the snow plowed in a reasonable amount of time, I consider Barry the Road Builder a total success.
[re=192922]wheelie[/re]: It’s a Potemkin Presidency, that’s for sure, but what he’s covering up is a little harder to say. I think he’s just hiding the fact that the U.S. Government itself has been outsourced, and that these things are being broadcast from Jakarta, a.k.a. New Washington.
He has the greatest obligation to the blue parts of the country. The only right thing to do is to pillage and consume the reddest parts of the country first. I say we put up an imigrint fence around Oklahoma. If’n okies want to get out, they have to pay money into the federal treasury, then we feed them (a little) and enslave them laying asphalt for benefit of the rest of us.
Is there any money in that stimulus package for marketing departments cause I really hate manual labor. Us unemployed liberal arts majors need help too, ya know.
Is he still going to cut taxes for 95% of all Americans? Surely this can’t all be paid for by the increase on Joe the Plumber’s pretend income.
It took America practically eight years to remove one dim bulb. He’s not out yet.
How many inefficient workers does it take to install one efficient light bulb?
Do we get double time for overtime?
Sign me up. Hand me down my hammer and my ladder. Let’s sing work songs.
“If I had a hammer I’d hammer in the morning. . . ”
“It’s the hammer of freedom – it’s the lighbulb of comic book captions, it’s a song about love between my brothers and my sisters. Aw aw aw aw awl over the land.”
(It’s the awl of awl penetrating wisdom.
Don’t let them fool you the guy is not a muslim, he’s a buddhist).
Look at his facial features. I think he’s a stone statue sprung to life from Easter Island. Now I’m really getting paranoid.
When do I get a solar panel for my rental apartment?
[re=192919]Mahousu[/re]: All those droopy-ass plants he had in his earlier video address must have croaked.
[re=192919]Mahousu[/re]: I smell a green-screen type challenge. What would be funny? Maybe some hideous McCain/Palin-rally jeering hicks behind him. Or the glowering giant head of Sean Hannity.
[re=192930]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: oh give it up Canmon T.I.
He appoint Hilz SoS.
If you watch the MTP interview today, we are going to have deficit spending for a couple of years.
Bush raided the Treasury before he left office, and you are fuckin’ worried about your little tax cut.
He has to rebuild the middle class from scratch, solve the global economic crisis, rebuild the energy grid, rebuild the transportation grid, save the auto industry, solve two wars and bring peace to the middle east.
But you just complain, complain, complain. want some whine with that cheese?
[re=192931]Chief Grinning Eagle[/re]: yea, people keep misquoting Bush.
Instead of saying “I wish the Iraq intelligence would have been differn’t”, he really said “I wish my intelligence were differn’t”
I am very unhappy about this. Obama’s strategy of spreading federal largesse beyond roads to water and sewer systems, schools, and even extending broadband access is little more than a massive centralization and extension of federal authority over the national economy under the guise of an economic stimulus plan. The Obama stimulus package—likely to be more than $300 billion over two years—is old-style pump priming. Welcome back to the days of old-fashioned Marxism.
’bout time we started working on the infrastructure of this county ‘stead of the infrastructure of some other country (read: Iraq). Build bridges, improve roadways, find ways to save electricity, put Americans to work fixing our national parks. A nation of glum teens with Twitter won’t get us past the Chinese. I’m glad I voted for the guy. It’s damn time we had a President who wants to rebuild the country he’s in charge of. Now, who’s the guy in the video? Anyone?
Hammer Time
http://utdummies.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/mc-hammer-photograph-c10040195.jpeg
[re=192937]paparapapa[/re]: I, for one, welcome our new Communist Overlord and I share your concern that all this spreading federal largesse could lead to our health care system being rendered dysfunctional, the loss of our industrial base, huge gaps in wages between the rich and poor, global warming, and the decline of our national infrastructure.
Oh, wait.
[re=192938]smellyal8r[/re]: >>A nation of glum teens with Twitter won’t get us past the Chinese.<<
Right! We’ve got to get those Chinese teens wasting away twittering themselves. Progress! I mean, that is, if we’re too civilized to re-fight the Opium wars.
Sorry for O/T comment but . . Let the Annals of Hopiness record that an African-American (mom from Mississippi) was today elected to one of the highest offices in the world, i.e. Miss France.
http://www.france24.com/en/20081207-new-miss-france-french-american
[re=192937]paparapapa[/re]: No, it ain’t Marxism. It’s not even socialism.
Not the same ballpark, not the same league, not even the same sport.
I’d rather have the government watching my shit than AT&T or Microsoft. (Remember, the technical definition of fascism is corporate and private control of everything.)
Have you read much Marx, son?
Can Obama fix the Packers? That’s my question on this particular Sunday.
[re=192936]sati demise[/re]: That’s Bush to my left isn’t it?
[re=192937]paparapapa[/re]: Happy days are here again, comrade! I miss our old Marxist days.
[re=192944]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: “the technical definition of fascism is corporate and private control of everything” –
especially mass communication. Look at the spam AT&T allows: Newsmax. And for me personally, they automatically put Lynn Woolsey’s emails into spam without my asking for that.
~ Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. ~ Twain
As to corporations and the ghost in the machine; it’s takes something strong to kill it. Let’s get started.
He needs to take a tour of DC.
uh… that background is totally drawn in!
[re=192943]wheelie[/re]: So whose harem does she join, Obama’s or Sarkozy’s?
roads roads roads. more walmarts to follow. change?
[re=192947]L Urchin[/re]: >>You can keep your Marxist ways, for it’s only just a phase…
Money, money, money makes the world go round!<< http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/money.php
[re=192939]Rush[/re]: [re=192948]Chief Grinning Eagle[/re]: It’s takes something strong” – a phrase I picked up from my construction staff.
[re=192953]p-Sludge ofTheElves[/re]:
Another Twain quote applies to your monty python: “The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
[re=192950]gadfly[/re]:
Nope. You can see car headlights moving (albeit slowly, that’s how you can tell its Chicago). I think he’s in his Fortress of Solitude, high atop the Sears Tower.
As La Noonan would say, “Daddy’s home…”
This economy stuff is depressing. Can’t he talk more about implementing an NCAA football playoff?
[re=192956]fishcanoeski[/re]: I think that is Ecodriving in the background.
[re=192951]jagorev[/re]: Ugh, I hadn’t thought of the prospect of Sarko trying to coax her into a dirty weekend while La Carla is away promoting her mediocre CDs. Flee little girl, flee! Ceci n’est pas le change que nous believons en.
[re=192926]Mahousu[/re]: Almost as bad as Jakarta. That looks like the view from the Signature Lounge on the 95th floor of the Hancock Building (heh, he said “Hancock”) in Chicago.
You know the economy is in the crapper when the guys sent into fix it gives his briefings from the local bar.
I have a feeling the plan to have more kids on the Internet will gain widespread Republican approval.
I like the framed picture of Soupy Sales and Minnie Pearl. And it’s nice he showed his hardbound copy of the Lord of the Ring trilogy too: Economy, come to me my precious.
I’m not physically up to physical labor. Can I get some WPA-type job where I just shelve books or make coffee or something?
[re=192931]Chief Grinning Eagle[/re]: You’re half right. He’s not an Easter Island idol – he’s a golem. Some sorceror wanted a student, so he fashioned a Galatea-ish young man from cermet to become his apprentice. But when the creature was brought to life, it started sneaking Nieburh and Tillich texts from the library. Then it took to complaining about their fiddling all day with lead and gold so that kings may finance wars while the peasants starved in the streets. And then one day it was just… gone.
Is there not supposed to be an Al Jazeera identification on the bottom of these fatua videos?
There goes Mr. Perfect showing off again.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
[re=192973]chascates[/re]: learn how to do an energy audit on buildings?
The idea of a pubic works program has aroused passion in the pubic mind, and it still needs to be fleshed out, but it feels hairy to me. I don’t mean to sound crotchety, but genitally speaking, the pubic sector is too well exposed already, and further prodding of this kind, even if it’s vigorous and sustained, won’t get us over the hump and will only expose our assets to a messy pounding. The notion of ramming this program through might sound slick and seductive in pubic intercourse, but this blunt, full-frontal fiscal thrust just seems like a quickie fix to me, a groping in the dark if you will. Putting bums to work long and hard might sound satisfying, even exhilarating, but we always feel pain in the end. But that’s must my opinion.
Just.
Joe the Plumber’s gonna be soooo pissed when Hopey gives him a job.
Why not convert some of the interstate lanes to high-speed rail corridors? Display the advantages of rail travel right in commuters’ faces, while they sit in dead traffic and watch a commuter train zip by at 60+ mph.
[re=192999]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, especially when he has to clean out all the shit from Bush’s and Cheney’s toilets; er… throats. Oh wait, That was already spewed all over US America. My bad.
This country is totally over.
[re=193004]Hans the Diaper[/re]: No. No. You are wrong. Eat a dick.
Love,
Satan
I will now selfishly share my opinion with you on the blogosphere thing. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME, BY THE WAY.
This country is far from over. We aren’t a kindred spirit of “we’re fucked,” we are the kindreds of “fuck you.” That will prove useful when L. Ron Hubbard and his army of minions comes to kill us all, don’t you think?
I’m a poet. May I be hired to write rhyming couplets to inspire the Workers filling potholes? I think that used to be a job in Stalinist Russia.
[re=193013]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Much closer to home, sister. The WPA funded artists of all kinds. I had a great uncle who was a WPA artist. Orson Welles’ famous voodoo Macbeth production…done by the WPA Federal Theatre Negro Unit. You’re thinking, what kind of shit am I smoking? But it’s true. And Hopey’s planning to give artists some respectability again by inviting them to the White House. Is there anything that unicorn-riding, rainbow-bestowing man can’t do?
The precision with which those background items were placed is really bugging the shit out of me. Colon problem solved.
And will someone please close the fucking drapes?
[re=192956]fishcanoeski[/re]: Harpo Studios is in the Sears Tower?
[re=192920]fishcanoeski[/re]: I have done that job, in Florida in the summer, and it’s no joke.
Can we FINALLY just pave the streets with gold, and make the Promise of America come true?
[re=193001]Servo[/re]: That’s actually an intelligent idea. Are you in the right room?
[re=193024]gurukalehuru[/re]: and build wind and solar energy running along highways in the SW & fly over states. The wires are already there, but turbines might hypnotize certain drivers to buy more truk nutz.
[re=193003]quoth teh Raven[/re]: The equipment he’ll need to clean out the WH toilets will more likely invole an industrial-strength d&c sorta vacuum, unfortunately. And some sorta solvent to dissolve dreams, teddy bears and democracy.
paparapapa: With the wheels of festering decadent corporatism grinding to a frickin halt, it may take more than a squirt of WD-40, ne c’est pas?
[re=192942]p-Sludge ofTheElves[/re]: When we stop getting the proceeds from the Opium Wars, what will we do for income? What other business exists in the big US cities?
[re=193001]Servo[/re]: Agreed. I’ve long thought interstate medians were a perfect site for light rail. Problem is, in most communities you need a damn car to get near one. Interstates are wonderful for destroying neighborhoods and connecting towns that become gas station and mall paradises (the Dante kind). Since cities overwhelmingly voted for the Hopemaster I say light rail bequeatheth on thee oh thou that livest in groups. Fie on ye bitterz with trucknuts betwixt your axles. Get thee to a city!
Could we get back to the title of this post? No Drama Obama already built a road to my heart. At last we managed to elect a man with a kind heart, an excellent mind, a generous soul, and GOOD HABITS. I read Dreams from My Father just a couple of weeks ago, and I’m halfway through The Audacity of Hope. We are in desperate straits, we’ve trashed the whole planet, we NEED someone as good as O to help us find our way back to sanity. It’s hard to imagine how we could be in better hands than his.
Well, one thing I’ve been nervous about it all the soldiers coming home from Iraq – they’ll need jobs! And there aren’t many to go around. Since they’ve already finished all their paperwork as government employees, it will be easy to transition them into building infrastructure, if they choose to do so. I guess those aren’t the most glamorous jobs in the world, but man, the USA really does have lousy infrastructure. There are third world countries with better roads and bridges and dams than we’ve got. And some of those dams really scare me, more than the terrorists at at any rate.
[re=192937]paparapapa[/re]: Well I’m sure that once he hears you are unhappy, he’ll drop the whole thing.
Ass.
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