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Many have asked Wonkette to chime in on the insane constitutional crisis embroiling Canada’s idiot government these days, which is shocking, because well-to-do white nerd countries had supposedly given up on such uncouth measures as overthrowing the state. Slate’s posted a thorough summary of the whole thing; and if you’d like an “authentic” Canadian newspaper article about it… well crap, what’s the name of any Canadian newspaper… Toronto must have one… ah, here. Our briefest of recaps is below.

This is more or less the deal: PM Stephen Harper’s Conservatives won October’s elections with a 46% plurality of seats, so he needed to ally with one of four insanely liberal/separatist minority parties to build a majority coalition and “formal legitimacy,” the liberal parties asked for various hippie progressive reforms in return for their allegiance, the Conservatives responded by offering more newer wingnut ideas instead, the liberal parties decided they did not want to eat this particular bag of dicks and banded together to churn out a proposal whereby they would seize the government as a majority coalition, albeit unelected. A Parliamentary vote — which is somehow allowed to decide this — was expected to decide in their favor on Dec. 8.

But then the figurehead colonial governor of Canada, who was appointed by the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, decided yesterday morning to suspend the government until January 26.

Canada is famous for such things as Eskimos and maple trees.

Chaos in Canada [Slate]
Sources predict early Dion departure [Toronto Star]

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  • magic titty

    “…decided yesterday morning to suspend the government until January 26.”

    That is called ‘icing’, I believe.

  • rambone

    Canada has a government? How the hell are you supposed to boss around beavers and mooses?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Canada is also famous for being the most boring and nominal country that has ever raised a flag.

  • 2druk2phluq

    Oh no, I’m not getting roped into posting the first comment. Damn.

    I knew Canada was in trouble when the United States didn’t look so bad after all. Move to Canada? Surely ye jest. Maybe if Canada was in the tropics…

  • WIDTAP

    My fellow Americans who happen to be Canadian instead of Real Americans(TM):

    Now you see why the US rebelled against the monarch of England. It’s not too late. You can throw off the shackle of tyranny and tea taxes of the hated British and join you bro’s to the south. Unification has the added benefit that we will not need to kick your ass over that Northwest Passage business, so it’s win-win.

    Best regards.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Nice recap, Jim. ‘cept for two things:
    1) The Governor General usually abides by the PM’s recommendation (only said no once some 70 years ago)
    2) No gratuitous use of eh or aboot in any of your sentences or any mention of the Mackenzie Brothers. I’m sort of disappointed, but it’s Friday so I’m all aboot letting this one go. Take off, eh.

  • Scandalabra

    Can you imagine what it would be like if WALNUTS/Palin had won, and we’d all made good on our vows to move to Canada, and we were having to deal with this?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192529]WIDTAP[/re]:
    Many of the earliest settlers were Loyalists, aka Americans who wanted to sing “God Save The Queen” and were kicked out of US America.

  • Aurelio

    This reminds me of when the Australian Governor General dismissed a democratically elected prime minister in 1975 at the behest of the Queen because she and her pals in the US government didn’t like Gough’s politics. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gough_Whitlam

    DESPITE all this, my Australian friends still insist that the Governor General’s job is “purely ceremonial.” I suppose our friends in Canuckistan will feel the same way about their Governor General guy–or will they?

  • Theo_Mobius

    I think that’s cute that they’re setting up their own independent “gouvernement.” Everyone knows the real boss of Canada is whoever is the guy in the White House. I used to live in Canada. Everyone there subsists on a diet of seal fat and wild mushrooms. Canadians are a gritty, gritty people.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192533]ManchuCandidate[/re]: All this time I have thought you were the only person in Canada.

  • Aurelio

    Whether the Canuckistanis want to admit it or not, they–like their cousins in Ozistan, are still a fucking colony.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192536]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    Damn you found out my secret…

  • Dreadful Gate

    The sharpest knife in this drawer is Gilles Duceppe, the separatist leader. Canada should dissolve itself, become Quebec, and make him Prime Minister

  • Dildo Baggins

    Well the thing is that Canadians have such an inferiority complex (and why not?) that they always respond in some half-assed way to things happening in Amero-land. Just like they elected that dick Trudeau after the events of 68 here. Plus, it’s a long, long winter with not much to do but watch hockey and drive the Skidoo to the Tim Horton. Also, what the fuck is a Progressive Conservative?

  • thatonegirlsays

    Why do those silly Mooses even pretend to be independent? Canadia is simply an oversized, clean version of Olde England.

  • facehead

    In other words, Canada hasn’t gotten any more interesting since we last checked.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192542]Dreadful Gate[/re]:
    True, but many of remember this.

    http://www.martinbreton.com/cpg/albums/userpics/10001/duceppe.jpg

  • sevenrepeat

    So it really wasn’t a joke? Canada is a real country?

  • Canuck13652

    As a just minor technical point, the Governor General was appointed by the Queen of Canada. It happens that it’s the same person as the Queen of England, but the Canadian Monarchy is separate.

    And, thanks very much, I’m glad we have a smokin’ hot head of state (even though I like teh buttsechs): See, e.g., here: http://www.gg.ca/media/pho/index_e.asp?GalleryID=218&Sequence=2 and also http://www.gg.ca/media/pho/index_e.asp?GalleryID=218&Sequence=4

    And before you all go talking smack about Canada, I’ll point out it has the most stable bank system in the world, a budget surplus, no deficit, a Prime Minister who can put a sentence together in two languages, gay marriage, universal health care, etc etc. So maybe it’s boring, but hey, it’s not too bad.

    I do live in California, however.

  • edgydrifter

    And so exactly WHY hasn’t the Coalition of Rabble told His Worshipful Lord Governor Hemophilius T. Copperbottom to, uh, go fuck himself in the majestic arrrrrse? Just curious. What’s Britain going to do? Send the Hessians? We whipped those dickheads soundly when they pulled that shit on us, and we were even MORE ignorant and poorly-equipped back then than the Canadiers are today. Britain, you suck.

  • Theo_Mobius

    Also, Canada forces black people to live in shanty towns in Nova Scotia: http://www.blackloyalist.com/canadiandigitalcollection/communities/preston.htm

    That’s not racial transcendence.

  • Voyou Charmant

    So. The politicians were being bad and the an appointed nanny has them all standing in the corner?

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Bottom line is that during the biggest financial crisis in most people’s lifetime, Canada will not have had a chance of passing any financial bills for nearly four months between early September, when the last election was called and the end of January when they resume. Come to think of it, given the trillions spent by the U.S. Treasury in that time, this may not be such a bad option.

  • Canuck13652

    [re=192555]edgydrifter[/re]: Keep in mind the US invaded Canada several times and got their asses whupped.

    Just sayin’.

  • tsunami

    [re=192552]Canuck13652[/re]: nice…thanks.

    take THAT sarah palin, you skanky bitch.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=192552]Canuck13652[/re]: Yesss, I first noticed your GGILF on the celebration of your Queen Mum’s 100 Birthday or somesuch thing as was celebrated on Canadian teevee (which was the only teevee I could obtain with the rabbit ears I had at the time). They had her marching in a parade in downtown Canada City and I thought, “Damn, who is that fine, dark hosehead mama?”

    I was prepared to be governed, commonwealth-style, to say the least.

  • Guppy06

    I say that we’ll annex 8 of the 10 provinces outright, but that we tell Quebec and Alberta that we’ll only accept one of them, and make them participate in a no-holds-barred cage match to determine which.

    Not sure yet whether we want the winner or loser of that fight, though.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=192560]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: That’s something they pointed out on the CBC news last night. The average Canuck was shrugging shoulders and saying, “They can’t cause no more trouble ’til January, eh? We’ll just go aboot our business then, eh. Merry Christmas, eh!”

  • PedestrianMe

    About “white nerd countries,” Canada has more foreign-born than the US. France is 25% black. The UK is more multicultural than us. I guess well-to-do has nix-to-do with white.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=192563]Canuck13652[/re]: 54-40 or Fight!

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192567]Guppy06[/re]:
    Quebec:
    Upsides
    1) Poutine (aka Fries with Gravy and Cheez Curds)
    2) Quart Bottles of Beer
    3) All the French Canadian Strippers you want
    4) Montreal
    5) Rue St Catherine in Montreal
    6) Nudity on TV

    Downsides:
    1) Poutine
    2) Non Nude Quebec TV
    3) Speaking French for all you US Americans who are afraid of speaking something other than American

    Alberta
    Upside:
    1) Oil
    2) Only part of Canada City that really LOOOOVES US America
    3) One party State of RWers
    4) Full of Fundies (loves guns too.)
    5) Loves Budweiser

    Downside:
    1) Alberta ego (Think Texans)
    2) Loves Budweiser
    3) Alberta would be Texas North
    4) Full of Fundies
    5) Loves Budweiser

  • Canuck13652

    [re=192571]edgydrifter[/re]: Bring it on. Oh, and: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_of_Washington

  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    [re=192552]Canuck13652[/re]: Yeah, that’s all fine.

    But Stephen Harper is the d00d pulling the stunt.

    Am I wrong to think he’d like to take all that good stuff you mentioned away?
    ~

  • Neilist

    This may be off-topic, but I don’t care:

    First O.J. finally goes to jail.

    Now let’s move on to Bush, Cheney, Yoo, Libby, and the rest.

    (As a former law clerk for the Chief Justice of the Nevada Supreme Court, I say: Well done, O Silver State!)

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192571]edgydrifter[/re]: Dude, have you BEEN to WINNIPEG? It’s freezing fucking cold and they drink fucking slurpees all the goddamn time. Saddest fucking music in the world. There’s no pussy in Winnipeg. You have to fuck a pair of socks!

  • Canuck13652

    [re=192575]ifthethuderdontgetya”[/re]: The joy of a minority parliament is that he can’t. At the end of the day, the majority of Canadians are socialist pinko libtard muslin-loving commies. The revolution will be polite.

  • Theo_Mobius

    [re=192573]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Are French Canadian strippers superior in some manner to other strippers? I can imagine that they might be, but I’m not sure why.

  • Neilist

    After the last eight years that we’ve had in the U.S., the idea of a Governor General suspending the Executive Branch and/or Congress has a certain appeal.

    Particularly if said Head of State — heh, heh — was a GGILF.

    Just saying.

  • LittlePig

    [re=192581]Theo_Mobius[/re]: Ask for the “Poutine Supreme”.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192581]Theo_Mobius[/re]:
    Less attitude. Kinda skanky in a hot way. Very attractive. I don’t know many straight males who can resist dirty talk in a Quebecois accent.

  • S.Luggo

    Deux choses (in American that’s pronounced, “duck, shoes”):
    1. Parliament? Feh. So what? In the United Snakes, the Bushies have be suspended the government for the last 8 years. And I ask you, my friends, are really any worse off? Answer honestly.
    2. Why do United Statesains believe that their culture is so damn universal? In Canada, “coup” is written “le coupé.” No wonder they want to send their ravenous polar bear armies to kill us.

  • NoWireHangers

    We lived through 8 years of W. You Canadians will get through this, and if you go to war with Great Britain, at least it’ll be funny.

  • null

    [re=192578]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Fuck a pair of socks? Does that have something to do with being bi-lingual?

  • Guppy06

    [re=192570]PedestrianMe[/re]: What color are their respective cabinets?

  • Theo_Mobius

    Wow, I’m sold on Quebec then … although, I once knew an extremely hot one-armed girl from Alberta. Something to do with a combine and the grain harvest. Now that I think of it, almost all the girls I’ve ever met from Alberta have been hot, even the ones with two arms. This may be a tougher choice than I’d expected.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192591]null[/re]: Oui. And ketchup flavored Pringles. (also bilingual.)

    Canada’s got a lot going for it but man… too many causes of constipation.

  • erymanthian bore

    [re=192563]Canuck13652[/re]: Keep in mind the US invaded Canada several times and got their asses whupped.

    Word. Plus which we burned down the fucking White House. AND invented basketball. Also the telephone.

  • HomoPolitico

    Re: Obama Vs. The Queen

    Bros before ho’s, man!

  • Guppy06

    [re=192574]Canuck13652[/re]: This is something I’ve never understood: Canadians trying to take credit for what some British regulars did, folks who’d never been on this side of the Atlantic until after the crown shipped them over after dealing with the French. There might have been a Canadian militia unit here and there that ventured south of the border, raiding border states, but the guy who burned Washington was born and raised in Ireland (and died outside Baltimore, perhaps not an example you want to emulate).

  • Kinbote

    Trailer Park Boys ends on Sunday. Now that’s a fucking crisis, if ya ask me.

  • swearing_is_caring

    Maybe we should give Alaska to Canada, so they can anoint Sarah Failin their
    Queen. Also.

  • Canuck13652

    [re=192601]Guppy06[/re]: Too much attention to detail ruins a good story. Except a significant part of the forces that raided Washington were Canadian militia–the UK couldn’t expend many resources on the War of 1812 since it was busy with that fat short French dude in Europe.

  • erymanthian bore

    Plus which, how cool are or at least were the Mounties? Remember how it took a whole division of US Cavalry to escort Sitting Bull and company up to the border where they were met by an RCMP sergeant and two constables? Incredulous Yankee military dildo says “Where’s yer army, dudes?” Heroic Mountie says, “We, sir, are it.”

  • gidgetbananas

    With Quebec, you get foie gras.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Are we really going to end Friday night Wonkette with a story about ummm….Canada? Shit, I don’t care what happens in Mississippi, much less a furreign country. There must be something good, patriotic & American we can ridicule.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    ABOOOOOOT!!!!!!~!~@@!~!11!!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Yes. That was a Canadian Paultard.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192533]ManchuCandidate[/re]: At the time of the American Revolution, that would have been, “God Save the King”. But, oh, sweet Mary, one must admit that George III did have an eye for Max Factor enhancements and frilly, frilly things: http://uh.edu/engines/romanticism/georgeiii.jpg
    Am 18th Century Hannity.

    [re=192558]Theo_Mobius[/re]: In full, the article is about “Black Loyalists” (e.g. Alan Keyes) and, as well said by Bugs, “Maroons” (think former Republican Representative J. C. Watts), and the Repug concept of the Big Tent.

  • tsunami

    [re=192606]Canuck13652[/re]:

    i lived for a year and a half [in miami] with a young lovely from Chicoutimi. she sure was fine,
    but not a stripper. the french thing was tres sexy, but, over time, she learned english and
    our relationship headed downhill.

    heard a lot about Chicoutimi but never went [sadly]. she had 5 or 6 brothers in the hash trade, and
    they came to visit us…so i stayed home [happily].

    unfortunately, when she drank…well, she tried to shoot me twice [actually pulled the trigger!] so
    i had to let her go….i’ve always wondered if she was a typical quebec belle.

  • erymanthian bore

    Speaking of Canadian war heroes, how about that General Isaac Brock? The smooth way he took down Fort Detroit? So cool, so cool. Even Tecumseh, upon first meeting him, said “Hooo–heh! You da MAN!” Brock was reputed to float like a butterfly, but sting like a bee.

  • bago

    Just for the heck of it.

  • Guppy06

    [re=192606]Canuck13652[/re]: Notrly. Why would the Brits go through the effort to pack lolmilitia into ships to sail them down the coast and up the Chesapeake? Ross wasn’t exactly fond of militia, which was why his guard was down when the Maryland militia killed him. Just about everybody involved was from Europe now that Napoleon was on Elba.

  • picyou

    I didn’t even know the Queen was still in the mix over here in North America. So does this mean if she tells Canadians to do the Funky Chicken, they have to do it? Or can they respectfully decline? In truth, that’s something I’d really like to see on SKY News.

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    HOLY SQUAWKING SHITBIRDS! As those rotten-toothed morphine-addled Brits gear up to put Canada right once and for all, we must pray to baby Jesus that they don’t align with France, China, and Mexico, and attack us in our weakened state, effectively rendering us separate from our precious Truck Nutz™.

  • proudgrampa

    This was one of the best exchanges I’ve ever “lurked.” Congratulations, all!

  • bitchincamaro

    We are all hosers!

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    Christ! Our neighborhood militia resembles a clutch of asthmatic, land-bound manatee…with Cheetos™ stained flippers.

  • p-Sludge ofTheElves

    Which party favors allowing Canada Geese to marry large bails of Marijuana?

  • redcoat99

    Well I’d just like to say I went to canada once I think…anyway those french canadian strippers are so scrawny you’d probably need to fuck a sock. God save the queen! Carry on.

  • Hans Xioaping

    BREAKING NEWS:

    A KIND OF AUTO BAILOUT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!

    THIS IS A JOYOUS DAY FOR FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY!!!

    TURN ON THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW AND WATCH HISTORY IN THE MAKING!

  • Darehead

    I really thought this post might have summoned back our Canuckledragger by now. Eh.

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192615]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: How about Doris Kearns Goodwin?

  • solid

    point of fact the soldiers that raided the white house were from Newfoundland.
    although i don’t know if that makes them Canadian.

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192648]solid[/re]: If you have internet access you could look it up!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=192647]Hans Xioaping[/re]: She’ll do. I think she plagiarized some crap for one of her famous dead politician books awhile back. She must be absolutely salivating that ‘team of rivals’ is being uttered by every pundit in the librul media.

  • karenology

    You forget to mention the hilarious bit about Harper trying to force the minority parties to pass a budget that would have wiped themselves out of existence. This is the particular bag of dicks the minority parties were unwilling to eat.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Canadians never invaded the White House, I don’t care what any of your “history” or “facts” may say, but simply never happened. NEVER.

  • Darehead

    [re=192654]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: White House, no. But Canadian ex-con Jack Bauer pissed all over the CIA and CTU. I think he’s on his way back to Washington now.

  • Barrett808

    [re=192552]Canuck13652[/re]: Just the name, Michaëlle Jean, gives me a chubby.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192656]Darehead[/re]: Jack Bauer would totally kick Chuck Norris’ ass. Just sayin’ Doooods.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192604]swearing_is_caring[/re]: Give, give, give. What are you? A Barry Husein socialist?
    At least keep the frigging mineral rights. And the moose.

    [re=192654]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That’s because they knocked once, heard no response and left. So decorous, so polite. And we depend upon Canadians in our war on the A-rabs. Sure. Right.

  • Barrett808

    How is possible that Shatner has gone unmentioned on this thread? He has a new show: Raw Nerve.

    William Shatner exposes himself!

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=192567]Guppy06[/re]: Nope, we get Alberta (1) because of all the oil and (2) Calgedmonton is just Houston’s furthest north suburb anyway. Alberta has the Calgary Stampede, which is a American rodeo, also,

    No, we let Quebec and New Brunswick fight it out. After all, can the US have a province/state that’s also the name of a college town in New Jersey? One thing’s for sure–since both QC and NB are full of francophones, we can count on seeing a lot of Le Capitaine Crunch in our future. And, hey, I think Canadian Tire dollars are worth 30 US cents.

  • Hans Xioaping

    Jim Carrey is Canadian.

    Enough said.

  • wheelie

    USA must send in tanks immediately to stabilize Canada. Separate the Conservative and Liberal militias, send troublemakers to Alaska’s Bristol Bay Detention Center immediately, and also bomb Saskatoon into submission. Commandeer the Canadian airwaves to broadcast reruns of Wayne and Shuster and The Littlest Hobo until the natives submit; use The Edison Twins if necessary.

    Prosecute Stephen Harper in international war crime tribunals for Tediousness and Insipidness. Sentence him to death by Collective World Yawning.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=192606]Canuck13652[/re]: Fuck me, are you going to have Doris Kearns Goodwin come on next and explain how this all worked, and how it was like the last season the Dodgers spent in Brooklyn? What’s the Quebecois word for “Ken Burns”? Does it sound like “que donne un fuck?” or “ennui”? If GHW Bush wasn’t in the WH when the Canadians/Brits/Sara Palin burnt it, I don’t care. Also, more snark, please.

  • DangerousLiberal

    I mean, “qui donne un fuck.” Also, I don’t know if “un fuck” would be “une fucke.” Been a while since I took french. Au revoir, aussi.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Quebec is a cross between France and West Virginia. A Citroen with TruckNutz.

  • OffTheRecord

    Someone alert me when Peter Van Loan starts crying like a little girl. Until then I am not interested.

  • Giant Robot

    Congratulations Canada, on converting to the 24 hour day!!

  • Toomush Infermashun

    NO, you don’t get it – this is CANADA! PRONOUNCED CANADA!… Even though there’s no government for a couple of months, no one goes in and steals all the chairs….!

  • mattbolt

    Haha, I get it, Canada’s small and backwards, boy, some real zingers, heh.

  • Lumber Jack

    At least we don’t crush people at Wal-Mart, eh? Or shoot up toy stores, eh?

    And we have Pascal Dufour. How aboot “L’homme-grenouille,” eh?

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192695]Lumber Jack[/re]: Oh great. Another smug Canadian.

  • jagorev

    We are all Canadians today.

  • Hans Xioaping

    Does anyone know where the rules are posted?

  • hockeymom

    Can Canada take Pamela Anderson back?

  • Lumber Jack

    [re=192698]Hans Xioaping[/re]: Seems like somebody has tummy troubles, eh?

    When I’ve had a few too many Molsens, I like to sing. Feel free to join in, eh?

    Ô Canada!
    Terre de nos aïeux,
    Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
    Car ton bras sait porter l’épée,
    Il sait porter la croix!
    Ton histoire est une épopée
    Des plus brillants exploits.
    Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
    Protégera nos foyers et nos droits
    Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

  • WadISay

    I went to the Canucks hockey game tonight. They played The Star Spangled Banner and some Joni Mitchell.

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192704]Lumber Jack[/re]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meLpuF9UMvk

    Hope your tummy gets better.

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192707]WadISay[/re]: I didn’t realize Joni Mitchell played hockey.

    Was she any good?

  • Lumber Jack

    [re=192708]Hans Xioaping[/re]: And they checked Sarah Palin every time she tried to get in front of the camera, eh?

  • Hans Xioaping

    [re=192711]Lumber Jack[/re]: When? Today?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192704]Lumber Jack[/re]: Thanks. This is national anthem of Togo (or Swaziland). Must visit it one day when they stop eating Americans.

  • null

    [re=192704]Lumber Jack[/re]:
    O-oh sey can you see
    By the twightlight’s last night
    What so proudly we hailed
    At the twighlight’s last evening.
    Whose broad stripes, and bright stars,
    Through that perilous fight,
    Were still clean and bright,
    And were last gleaming.
    And the bombs bursting , and some rockets were there,
    Gave proof through the night, that some stars were still gleaming.
    Oh say does that STAR SPANGLED BANNER YET WAVE
    O’er the home of the FREE-EE, and the land of the BRAVE

    Beer me.

  • WhatTheHeck

    The more destabilized the Canadian government gets, the more Dubya and his oil buddies want to bring democracy to that hock rink up in el norté. Did I say oil? Do I have news for you! Sarah Palin will be crowned queen of Canuckistan. And does she know about drill, baby, drill.

  • null

    Oh crap the ungenerous html parser of Wonkette’s CMS has stripped from my post the nub of my gist. Rats.

  • Hans Xioaping

    When Democracy is everywhere then what are we gonna do?

  • Panderfinder

    don’t be knocking teh canadas. stephen harper has done enough
    on his very own. who shuts down a government for seven weeks?

    this is the kind of thing that makes on wish that AS IT HAPPENS
    (the CBC’s longtime grownup radio version of our beloved
    Wonkette) were on 34/7.

    it makes one long for the sunny days of the (failed, of course)
    Meech Lake Accords.

  • Hansanta _XiaoClaus

    I just wanted to say that I used to like
    Canada Dry Ginger Ale.

    Other than that, not really a Canada fan.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192702]hockeymom[/re]: Pammy? How far? She has extended, a-hew, broadly. La-la-la. And in exchange must we accept Elisha Cuthbert? Not fair.

  • Dear Diorama

    [re=192689]Giant Robot[/re]: Canada must stop its Toronto polar bear hunt.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192720]WhatTheHeck[/re]: “Did I say [Obama] oil [pals]?”
    You did.
    Explain.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Whoa, whoa, what’s up with the nationalistic shoving match? The Dems win the presidency and suddenly Wonketters get all Redstate testosterone and ready to rumble for God and Country.

    C’mon people, remember your Librul Marxist values. It’s not about whether America is better or Canada is better. It’s about arugula. It’s about lattes. And most of all, it’s about aiding the terrorists.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to drink my bottled Schlitz, and instant watch Red Dawn via Netflix… ironically.

  • qaf

    [re=192598]erymanthian bore[/re]: Two words: William Shatner. Care to go on?

    No, I’ve known some very cool Canadians, and frankly when I’ve seen them en masse (or is that in situ) they’ve seemed better adjusted than most Americans. Though that was twenty years ago, plenty of time for sociopathy to flourish, as it has here.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=192730]Dear Diorama[/re]: In Toronto wandering bijon frise are often confused with polar bears. In which case I say, “Tally-ho.”

  • robanybody

    My brother saw a wolverine there once. That’s all I know about Canada. And the French-Canadians get all haughty and hate us if we speak English at them. And when I went to Victoria one time on the ferry, with a raging hangover, no one was murdered in the city during my entire visit. And they had a full-sized replica of a mastodon at the museum that made me weep for early humans, and for mastodons. That’s all I know about Canada. But they seem like nice enough people. And I like some of Mike Myers’ stuff but not all of it, and the beer hosers were sorta funny for a day or so and then not so much. Let’s see–there was that thing between Condo-Liza and Harper, or somebody, some kind of flirting thing. And Canadian money is worth the same as ours now, or more, or a little less, but that never happened before, we always used to get pissed when we’d find a dime with a sailboat on it because we couldn’t really spend it and we had to sucker it off on someone else, but I guess now we can spend it without being sneaky. And Joni Mitchell is from there, and Bruce Cock-burn, but you don’t say it that way.

    I guess I know a lot about Canada.

  • Hans the Diaper

    [re=192742]robanybody[/re]: Well it certainly sounds like it!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Seriesly. When does Keybeck get da Bailout?
    Seriesly. Where is Muslim Jeebus?

    Two questions the MSM AVOIDS. YAA. YA THAT’s A GOOD POINT DER.

  • Dindc

    It’s a diversion, I tell you, a diversion by those sneaky Liberals from across the 49th Parallel.

    They are taking over. We’ll all have to get gay married, speak French and smoke dope.

    People, this has been years in the making.

    “America’s Sweetheart,” Mary Pickford was Canadian!

    Cap’t. Kirk is Canadian!!

    (Even Lois Lane was Canadian – and George of the Jungle)

    For Gawd’s Sake, ALL THE LIFETIME MOVIES ARE MADE IN CANADA!!!

  • Wagamuffin

    Hi kids! Long time, no snark.

    Just back from advising the Governor General. It’s hell being an ‘Angel of Democracy’ (TM).

    She’s originally from Haiti, was a radical as a kid and is married to a guy who used to support the Quebec separatists/soverignists or whatever the hell they are calling themselves these days. So it is right and proper that she get to perform the coin toss.

    It’s too long to go into here, but basically you have a bunch of old dudes from all parties being just a tad too political for the average Canadians appetite. “Peace, Prosperity and Good Government”
    is a boring motto we have proudly and successfully lived by for more than a century. Basically, the GG decided that average Canadians (from whom she heard in drovers) were smarter on this one, and she did take the PM’s advice about best course of action.

    So, there will now be a cooling off period (proroguing: parliament will not be sitting, though it does sound more like someone who enjoys a healthy sex life ), so that the Prime Minister can grow up, the Liberals can axe their loser leader, the New Democrats can get the stars out of their eyes about getting some cabinet seats (Finance—if you want the country to EXPLODE and BURN, suggest that Jack Layton be the Minister of Finance), and that Gilles Duceppe can go to ground to figure out his next move in playing both sides of the House.

    While coalition governments are not unknown in parliamentary democracies, we up here have only had a very few. We don’t like ’em. And most other countries in the world, where they do have to live with them, don’t like ’em much either (Germany, Belgium, Afghanistan, Irag, Gaza, Israel, Italy, India, etc.) Make your own jokes.

    For the next 6 weeks, until Parliament is called back when the PM will have a go at releasing a budget that all can agree to (or if not, go through a non confidnece motion and perhaps another election–or a coalition government), look for a lot more plotting, skullduggery and guys shitting themselves.

    Because someone (or three) is going to come out a very big loser in all this.

    BTW, the plural for moose (moosies) and for beavers…Ok, I won’t go there.

    And, for the love of god, keep Sean Avery in Dallas. We don’t want him.

  • robanybody

    And Gordon Lightfoot, he’s from there, too. And they’re cutting down all their trees to make more room for the dirt. That’s it, that’s all I know.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192750]Wagamuffin[/re]: You filthy Canadian. You people do nothing but defend you (being fucking Canadians) create a HORRIBLE environment for folks against the equal tyranny of KINGS and STUFF. You Whores.

  • Mojopo

    Well, well. You Anne Murray loving Canadians… What can I say? Karma comes around, eh?

    The Candian Coup And Now Who Looks Stupid?
    http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2008/12/canadian-coup-and-now-who-looks-stupid.html

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Anybody can pretty much say anything right now, like John Cousack did er whatever.

  • Wagamuffin

    [re=192753]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’ve missed you most of all, sss. Mwah!

  • contentsunderpressure

    It’s been all downhill since they eliminated the “stubby” beer bottle. The long necks start to wobble as soon as they exit the car window and you just can’t hit a road sign to save your life.

  • Mojopo

    [re=192759]contentsunderpressure[/re]: I miss OV splits, so much. One could ice them in July, with little time to waste, and enjoy them all night long. I was 17 then. Time flies!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=192759]contentsunderpressure[/re]: THAT’S IT! That’s exactly why I hate Canada.

    Let’s nuke ’em!

    (Just kidding, I’m taking my wife and kiddies to Victoria BC next weekend; the CDN$ is back at $ .80 where it belongs, and it’ll be a cheap jaunt for the family, with Cuban ceegars for me.)

    Then you can nuke ’em.

  • TRUECRISTIANN

    [re=192762]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You are right that sin seperates us from a holy God. Homosexuality is a sin just as robbery, murder, adultry etc. However, once we come to know the Lord and we choose to follow Him. That means we turn from our sin. Of course we can never be perfect, but we choose to give up continual sinning. Unfortuantely, choosing to sin in any way and never coming to know the Lord means eternal punishment or Hell.

  • Mojopo

    [re=192749]Dindc[/re]: I think Canada needs to let her bare ass swing in the wind, so that Canada can understand what it is like to be defined by bad management. Holla, US of A under Dubya and can I get an AMEN? Thank you.

    We can all get through this. If I, a libtarded Democrat, can get through the Dubya years then Canada will survive Harper. I am more than willing to cheer Canada on, if only to encourage them to get their shit wired tight. Good luck, eh.

  • foog

    Why oh why is it that EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME someone posts something tongue-in-cheek about Canadians, every Johnny Canuck in shining armour has to get all indignant-like, with earnest corrections and proclamations and “Actually Jim, the Governor General does X” and “Well Jim, Canadian parliament doesn’t really function as Y, but blah blah blah”. Oddly enough, they never feel compelled to point out elsewhere that “Actually, unicorns and rainbows do not literally fly out of Obama’s anus” and “Well, George Bush doesn’t REALLY eat babies… that anyone has noticed.”

    And there’s gotta be some corollary to Godwin’s Law that explains the likelihood (100%, accurate to within 0.001 percent 99 times out of 100) that as soon as someone pokes fun at Canadians, some fecking eejit will pipe up about how “Yabbut, we burned down the White House.” Let it go, the Americans sure as fuck have. It was a long time ago. No one remembers. No one cares. And “we” weren’t even “we”. “We” were the fucking British.

    Anyway, it’s sad that otherwise smart and funny people get so frigging shirty over a bit of silliness. Stop taking Jim’s recap as being 100% serious, dammit! It’s a joke. Ha. Haha. Ha. ha. ha. Julius Irving Christ you lot know how to suck the air out of a room!

    Sorry for being so pedantic, dull, and irate. I can’t help it. I’m a Canadian.

  • swearing_is_caring

    First things first: ABOLISH THE ENGLISH MONARCHY. Why the British public puts up with
    a money sucking, rights-by-birth, outdated, socialilogical, decades old political model is beyond me!

    The sooner they remove themselves from the useless vestiges of old world monarchy, the
    better.

    Of course, ultimately, the will of the the Canadian people should be paramount.

    /nosnark

  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    [re=192768]swearing_is_caring[/re]: No future for you, swearing is caring.
    ~

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192767]foog[/re]: I think you’re correct. I’m an American who would rather be a Canadian, like most of the rest of us, but this sort of thing gives me pause:

    Canadians are typically the most uptight, passive-aggressive, constipated people I’ve ever met. It’s a real cultural flaw. Albertans and Quebeckers do it in different ways but it’s the same put-upon resentful bullshit, so they hate each other even more for it. Layton and Harper fucking HATE each other full-time, even during their off hours, but the worst they do is make fun of each other’s clothes during debates. W Buckley was a turd while at work but at least after fighting all day you could drink a beer with the guy. (Joe Clark was like that too I imagine. Trudeau liked him.) Harper wants to dreg up all that tired resentment, and unbelievably, it works.

    Look, the best way out of this situation is for Layton and E May to get together and make NDP-Green babies in such a way as to peel some Quebec ridings away from the BQ. Put together an authentic social progressive option (which is what Quebec wants in the BQ) and you’ll get an NDP-ish minority government. Given the full-on dysfunction of the Liberals and the Tories, that’s not such a bad view. And Layton has an awesome mustache.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192767]foog[/re]: Oh, and we burned York for you and for our troubles y’all built a taller Space Needle next to some railroad tracks. No one in the states gives a shit, however.

  • Monsieur Grumpe&#39

    [re=192552]Canuck13652[/re]:
    I am reminded of a famous Pepe’ Le Pew quote.
    Les rar rar!

  • answerbird

    [re=192619]tsunami[/re]: Still have her number? Sounds like my type of girl.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Eh, ya know, cool down doncha know. It’s breakfast time, eh. Have another Brador.

  • P.T.T.

    [re=192533]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Many of the earliest settlers were Loyalists, aka Americans who wanted to sing “God Save The Queen” and were kicked out of US America.”

    And the even earlier Murkins who just wanted to steal the land vacated by the froggies when they got booted d……own the Missisip to the Big Easy.

  • P.T.T.

    Only a Canadian would chuck a beer bottle at a road sign — that’s too easy for real Americans who aim to put it inside a plastic newspaper box cuz then it just explodes.

  • montecon

    In conclusion, Canada is a land of contrast.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    I love how TRUECHRISTIAN just comes slumming in anywhere and just want to put him/her in bed with wagamuffin to discuss christianity in canada until they become unreasonable….also, TRUECHRISTIAN, I believe the reason God put homosexuals on earth is so that we can understand what women would be like if they were men….spiritual true fact….

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=192767]foog[/re]:
    Dude, I like Jim’s hateful angry writing and I am greatly amused by it even it is on things I like or support.

    Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about your earnest Canadian bitching post about Canadian earnestness. The irony tastes like a Tim Hortons doughnut.

    I’ve been a few boards where the Don Cherries freaked out when some US American Rushbot screamed Canada Sucks and there ain’t really nothing like that at all here. Sure that Canada City earnestness shows up from time to time, but this hasn’t turned into a intertubes cross border fight so take a drag on a Rothmans, chug a few Moosehead beers and relax.

  • Borat

    [re=192768]swearing_is_caring[/re]: The best thing about the english monarchy they consistently sucker american tourists into seeing Olde England sights. My personal favorite is those who are willing to pay 9 quid to stand on a travelator at Tower Hill and watch the crown jewels go by.

  • Borat

    [re=192787]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I for one support our Canadian brothers plight against the evil dictatorship of Alaska and their war crimes against your peoples. You have my permission to invade, rape and pillage.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    I thought a prorogue was the beginning of a Japanese book.

  • Darehead

    [re=192795]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: A few hours ago I was going to make the same joke. Dern.

    Either a Japanese introduction, or pro-rogue as in pro-North Korea, Syria or Palin?

  • Steve D

    Just when our fringe parties are going on about how evil and monopolistic the two party system is, along comes this fine kettle of poutine. Both systems have advantages and disadvantages, and both can lead to gridlock and conflict. The two party system too often pits two undesirables against each other; the parliamentary system allows for more nuance (here in the US, aka Upper Mexico, we don’t do nuance very well) but is more prone to paralysis and breakup. By the standards of Bosnia, Rwanda and Afghanistan politics, this is pretty tame. I suspect Canada will survive.

    You guys burned down Washington in 1814, but where are you now that we really need you?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=192534]Aurelio[/re]: I still tell incredulous friends that the US overthrew the Australian government in the 1970s. First read about it in a book called Blond Ghost about the fellow who was CIA station chief in Saigon when it fell — sort of the Zelig of American fuckuppery of that era. I’ll find the passage if I get a little less lazy.

  • loquaciousmusic

    I was just watching a documentary about Canada on YouTube! How weird!

  • Dreadful Gate

    Well, Jim, you sure shook all the Canuckistanis out of the trees with this post. I’ve never seen so much earnest, snark-free discussion since Hopey was elected.

    The real story is, no one cares. No one. Not here in Canada City and not in ‘Murca. Merry Christmas, eh?

  • astroprofeddie

    I will take our form of government poorly executed (even by the GOP) over any other form. I love the Constitution….. Canada sux

  • Lumber Jack

    Canada, love it or leave it, eh?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I am officially against annexing Canada. Sharing citizenship with George Bush is outrage enough, but Celine Dion is where I draw the line.

  • Lumber Jack

    Oh, and the funny thing about it: if you translate “truechristian” in Quebecois, it is <>. If you translate “truecretin” in Quebecois, it is <>, eh?

    That is certainly a wry observation, eh?

  • DAVE ID

    Oh HAI! first of there are 4 parties in all so Harper and his understudies, the conservatives have to go the 3 remaining parties for support, but THEY banded together to make a coalition and vote him out of office through a vote of no confidence and officially take over the government.

    There’s a similar option in your US consitution to drop-kick asshole presidents to the curb and yet no one had the balls to use it in the past 8 years, but I digress. Up here in Canada, we vote on confidence all the time. We have elections all the time because of this and it’s kind of annoying but hey democracy works.

    But Harper has prorogued the Parliament for 6 weeks until he can come up with a new strategy which will hopefully fail and undergo another confidence vote so we can get rid of this asswipe once and for all.

    And by the way, they are elected. Each seat occupied was elected by voters, that’s how it works. We elect seats, the party with the most seats get’s to run the government with either a minority (like now) or a majority rule. Usually the party leader becomes Prime Minister but this is not obligatory. Unlike American elections. It’s not the Party leader running for election, it’s the regional seats. The party with the most seats wins.

  • erymanthian bore

    FAIRLY RECENT NEWSFLASH: President Bush today hailed the CIA-sponsored coup which has brought Paul Martin to power in Canada. The dramatic capture of Saddam Hussein had obscured the regime change in Ottawa, which displaced Prime Minister Jean Chretien last week, when Special Forces operatives stormed the Parliament buildings and seized power without a fight.

    Chretien is being held in a secret location; Mr. Bush would say only that “we’ll prolly give the little Frenchie a taste of Camp X-Ray after he’s had a few sleepless nights and asked him a few questions. We had Army doctors examine his rectum to make sure he wasn’t harboring any weapons of mass destruction.”

    Visible signs of change in Canada were few during the busy holiday shopping season, although several statues of General Isaac Brock were toppled by celebrating American tourists. (Brock is the Canadian war hero who defended the country against a US invasion in the War of 1812.) The new Canadian Ministry of Education, to be directed by US Defense Secretary Donald “Napoleon” Rumsfeld, will rewrite Canadian history books to reflect that the American invasion was in fact a success, as US textbooks already demonstrate. English will become the official language and in a “No Canuck Child Left Behind” initiative, natives of Quebec will be learned good English.

    The new puppet administration of Paul Martin is expected to reflect strong support for US war aims in Iraq and less support for same-sex marriage and decriminalization of marijuana. Also, Canada will send an annual tribute of 5000 Native Canadian virgins to be employed as concubines in the US Senate. Halliburton Corporation and Yale Skull and Bones will be given exclusive contracts to reconstruct the largely underdeveloped nation, and the Tim Horton donut chain will be renamed “Dick Cheney’s.”

    President Bush emphasized that “It not about the oil. It about freedom and democracy and also the right of our good neighbors to the north to not have to speak that awful French language no more.”

    Even as the President spoke, bomb blasts were heard in Montreal. The Al Canuck terrorist organization, headed by Osama bin Leveque, claimed responsibility.

  • Borat

    Does all this spark demand for a weekly Newz from the North column?

  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    [re=192818]Borat[/re]: Perhaps this will suffice.
    ~

  • KristaJulieva

    It’s obviously just because I’m watching it now on A&E, but I think The Shining is a useful analogy to the current situation in Canada. Snowbound in a vast physical space, these “Canadians” have kept up a creepy veneer of staid normalcy. But underneath the surface, there is the fraying and the fraying; but now, finally, the axes and psychotic Ed McMahon-quoting come out.

  • lousylover

    [re=192795]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: I want to ride your camel. WIN.

  • Borat

    (Totally off topic, but since this is the last thread of the weekend…)

    If you’re bored or unemployed, Powerline has opened up a discussion thread on ecodriving:

    http://www.plnewsforum.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/44675/

    I kicked it off clean enough to hopefully get their old college competitive spirit going.

    So if you’ve go nothing better to do, go over there and tell em to Suck It.

    Depending on how drunk or stoned I get later I may go back with a few TruckNut$ like posts until I get banned.

  • Chautauqua

    I can’t wait to watch the yelling on scepter to scepter P-SPAN (or whatever that channel is named)! Jan 26 will be a day for the record books.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192820]KristaJulieva[/re]: It’s a really strange place up there. For example…

    http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com/2008/12/canada-is-facing-twofold-political.html

  • sezme

    Thanks Wonkette for bothering to pay attention to that little thing called our ‘parliamentary democracy’ which is allowed to govern at the pleasure and mercy of our King, Stephen Harper, who wears, instead of a crown, a waxen mouldy beaver pelt which is the tradition here. What happened is that a couple of bright young patriots attempted to publicly suggest that perhaps he isn’t a very good King and shouldn’t be one any more. At which point, King Harper prorogued parliament. Proroguing is a fancy term, meaning “to have all dissidents shot in the head”. Well, there you have it, crisis averted. Whew – what a relief!

    For an actually good summary of the political mess up here, read this article in the Globe and Mail, by the same guy who brought you “Talking to Americans” (“Congratulations, Canada, on your national igloo!”)
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081205.wPOLmercer1205/BNStory/politics/home

    Don’t worry about getting a few of the details wrong; I cringed hundred of times over the past few months listening to Canadians attempting to intelligently discuss US politics.

  • WIDTAP

    [re=192818]Borat[/re]: The “Caribou Barbie Report”?
    Coverage of all topics Canadian, Sarah Palin and Russian (whatever Russian you can see from there).

    I’m for it. Why should we only get Peggy on Friday.

  • getoffmylawn

    Gov. Palin is massing her troops along the border to protect the homeland against potential invasion from the Huns of Ottawa, Manitoba or wherever. I here there are secret underground bases in the area around Moose Factory Ontario.

  • hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=192840]WIDTAP[/re]: Great name. It can also cover hockey, the NASCAR of the frozen North.

  • Woodwards Friend

    The three-man ruling junta of Generalissimo Stephen Harper, Don Cherry, and Spinner from Degrassi: The Next Generation will rule Canada until order is restored.

  • honkeyman

    THE PREMIER
    by Sarah Binks, Sweet Songstress of Saskatchewan

    He heard the call to service and arose
    At once, (his ear was tuned to just that pitch)
    Left field and ox, nor stopped to change his clothes,
    Left plough and harrow idle in the ditch.

    His ear was finely tuned to just that sound.
    Ah, well attuned — will someone tell us now,
    What note will reach that ear pressed to the ground,
    And call back Cincinnatus to the plough?

  • Canuckledragger

    The only thing that matters is that come late January, the Tories will join the Libs in looking for a new leader. This temporary timeout will not alter the outcome.

    Stephen Harper: Smart enough to get elected; too dumb to govern. Which is one better than Bush, who had to steal TWO elections.

    Note to Yanquis: your astingent assertions that Canuckistanis are too earnest are likely right.

    Note to Canuckistanis: Your comments on your own country’s affairs are unwelcome here, despite the apparent entre provided by Jim’s post. Yanquis care only about themselves. The rest of the planet can go fuck itself. [“But enough about the USofA; let’s talk about YOU and what YOU think of the USofA.”]

    The more things change, the more they remain the same, with or without unicorns.

  • selfevaluation

    i think its really cute that people from the united states like to poke fun at canada to boost their own egos. :)

  • wickedlittledoll

    You mean that barnacle to the North?
    http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/

  • Czn939

    [re=192610]erymanthian bore[/re]:
    MOUNTIEEEEEES! What is your profession?!
    HAOOH! HAOOH! HAOOH!
    You see, Yankee military dildo…
    I brought more warriors than you.

  • Borat

    [re=192840]WIDTAP[/re]: I like the name ‘Caribou Barbie Report’ and I am tired of Noonan

  • jbd

    I’m forced to make the trip to Hamilton on Tuesday. Can I expect to be turned away at the border? Should I watch “Canadian Bacon” for advice on how to get across? If I have at least one Alanis Morisette CD in the car — not to listen to, mind — will I be admitted?

    Oh, and if I get a bit drunk at a Christmas party up there (note: not Holiday Party), will it be OK if I make fun of the nucks for not having a government if I at least follow up the statement with an indication of envy and thus possible libertarian leanings? What about being able to spell?

    Must have etiquette advice….

  • Scooter

    Aboot the only thing Canada is good for is slowing down those Arctic cold fronts in winter, and they’re doin’ a piss-poor job of that lately, eh? Why don’t ya build a border fence about 3,000 metres high, ya hosers?

  • wheelie

    USA or Canada, the most important thing to remember is that you all ALL a bunch of North American losers with sucky politics.

    Europe sucks worse, what the hell is going on in Asia, Africa is terrible, and don’t talk to me about South America.

    I hear Antarctica is good, though. We humans have not fucked up Antarctica yet. Maybe we should target that next.

  • Jim Newell

    I scanned some of these comments and keep reading things like, “Wow, this comment thread is wacky and angry and earnest and there are trolls,” but I am too lazy to locate the guilty referent(s). Is someone supposed to be banned here? Someone just write up a list of names plz.

    [re=192850]selfevaluation[/re]: This was the one standard-issue comment I did notice, because it is near the end. I assume there are more like it.

    I do not think this blog has missed many opportunities to mock the United States of America. On the other hand, at least we didn’t ignore our national election because we were paying attention to another’s.

  • Scandalabra

    Oh, Canada!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192861]Jim Newell[/re]: You can blame Canada for that.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    OFFICIAL NAMES OF THOSE TO BE BANNED (before I go do “human reality” things):

    First of all, please do not ban TRUECHRISTIAN, as the insanity coming from TRUECHRISTIAN is impossible to emulate, even in Dallas.
    To wit, please ban astroprofeddie, as saying something like “Canada Sucks” is obviously unacceptable. Everyone knows that Canada sucks.
    sevenrepeat is on edge, but you may want to present that to the committee for further review.
    I usually enjoy Scandalabra, but “Oh, Canada” as a comment doesn’t exactly pay the bills.

    You may want to ban Jim Newell. He is dishonoring the very fabric of society and is probably concocting some kind of hippie-love bomb that will destroy us all.

    ACTUALLY, more importantly, please send shortsshortsshorts $5,000 in unmarked $100 bills. IT IS SATURDAY. GO OUTSIDE.

  • Weeping Jesus

    [re=192850]selfevaluation[/re]: I also poke fun at midgets so I can bolster my heightcentric image of myself.

    Interesting fact: Most canadian newspapers have no longer articles than the Wonkette summary. The rest of the papers are filled with ads for sales at Tim Horton’s and announcements of the next Eddie Shack autograph event. Well, that and the seemingly countless “husband wanted” ads.

  • Wagamuffin

    [re=192767]foog[/re]: Win!

  • CanadianBacon

    Man is it ever funny reading these comments from the products of no child left behind. Reminds me of the time I was in Europe and some guy accused me of pretending to be a Canadian because I was wearing a Canadian flag. Well you drinkers of that weak horse pee you call beer please stop it now. We have more of that “Freezing Cold” (actually I was wondering what other kind of cold is there,warm?)and are not afraid to use it. Although we shut down the Celine Dion factory after only one completed model, there is nothing stopping us from getting another government grant and opening the factory again. Stop the libel about burning down the White House. Everyone knows Canadian parents teach their children not to play with matches. As for the comments about Canadian women,remember, Americans invented viagra because of American women. Real men play football with three downs, it takes you guys four. You even made the field smaller. I could keep on going but its time to go milk the moose.

  • Wagamuffin

    [re=192778]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Who will get to wear the strap-on?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192868]CanadianBacon[/re]: Seriously? Can you people get over the whole “Canadian Pride” thing? I mean, who do you really think you’re kidding?

  • CanadianBacon

    [re=192870]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Not being familiar with the term “Canadian Pride” despite having grown up watching Sesame Street, Mr Rogers Neighborhood and Baywatch I Googled it. Aparently it is a drink. 2/3 ounce Maple Syrup, 3 ounces Grapefruit juice, 3 ounces Canada Dry Ginger Ale. Shake and strain into a Collins glass 3/4’s full of broken ice. Now I see why we can’t get over it. MMMM Maple Syrup with broken ice.

  • WABishop

    [re=192870]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: But who would we be, if not non-Americans?

  • glamourdammerung

    In the spirit of reaching out to our Canadian neighbors, I suggest we take Harper off your hands. It seems like there has been an obnoxious Canadian export program for years now, so this should be no different (not that I am making fun of you all. I think it is pretty neat you folks somehow get all your dipshits to move here).

    Although, if you wanted to instead trade him for Lieberman, I would certainly not complain.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=192804]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That incident was also the main reason that Christopher John Boyce gave for selling secrets to the Soviets.

  • dilhavarti

    What’s the official Canadian cookie?

  • Mojopo

    [re=192873]CanadianBacon[/re]: Why would I mix any drink, besides Kool-Aid, when alcohol isn’t involved? I don’t get it. So I thought, Hmmm – beer coctails? They have beer in Canada. So I hit the Goog and this is what I found:

    http://www.thatsthespirit.com/en/beer/beer_cocktails.asp

    Beer and Worcestershire sauce. I think they’re doing it wrong.

  • dilhavarti

    [re=192882]Mojopo[/re]: Shouldn’t there be a beer cocktail with malt vinegar? It just sounds so right.

    Canadian food & beverage. Now this is something worth fighting about.

  • Mojopo

    [re=192883]dilhavarti[/re]: Let me see… A beer coctail with vinegar? Let me guess – it’s made with Bud Lite, and called Piss & Vinegar. Am I right? I hope I win a prize.

  • Darehead

    [re=192861]Jim Newell[/re]: Please offer [re=192848]Canuckledragger[/re]: a guest column. We’ll need more Canuckispeak when we all become NAU anyway.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=192848]Canuckledragger[/re]: The only thing that matters really, is that it will be negative 450 degrees in Canada come January. Please feel free to suck my California dick.

    DISCLAIMER: shortsshortsshorts can in no way be held responsible for telling Canada to suck any sort of California dick. That is for Idaho.

    DISCLAIMER TO DISCLAIMER: In no way should Idaho feel compelled to suck the dick of another man. No matter how much your state sucks balls, this shall remain dependent on the ability of Canada to suck said balls.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Eat me, you cretins. God Bless.
    I WILL C YOO ON SECOND LIFE AND STUFF. WE CAN ALL SHARE A MOMENT TOGETHER REALIZING THAT WE SHOULD FUCKIN’ DO SOMETHING COOL INSTEAD OF BEING PATHETIC ALL THE TIME.
    – Love,

    Kenny G.

  • Borat

    [re=192868]CanadianBacon[/re]: yes, there must be some guidebook, or crazy-scared tour operators that tell Americans to wear Canadian flags otherwise they will be summarily beaten or terrorised when they are outside the USofA. It’s only occasionally you run into a true Canadian, which are differentiable, usually due to the Roots backpack rather than the LLBean one.

  • Borat

    Here’s a question: my father was Canadian. If I were to ever run for prez, would the wackjobs challenge me in the supreme court, or is that just for non-whites?

    Note: As much as you might dream of me running for prez, there is a conspiracy against me which prevents me from running from office. Well, that and all the drugs.

  • Captain Swing

    It’s been mentioned by fellow Wonketteers, but Australia has a similar set-up. It is the Governor General, not the Prime Minister, who is legally our Head of State. Yes, and we also prattle on about it being a ceremonial position, until one of these jokers temporarily forgets that they were only appointed to cut ribbons, and decides to dismiss an elected government or something.

    While called “The Queen’s Representative”, the Queen doesn’t actually get much say in the appointment. Basically, the Prime Minister flips through his Rolodex, finds some clown (usually an ex-jurist) who looks suitably pompous and, he believes, can be relied upon to er… do the right thing in a crisis- That is, will remember just who gave them this prestigious, highly paid, junketz-unlimited filled gig, and will not bite the hand that fed them. Well, that’s theory, anyway.

    In Australia in 1975. Labor Party Prime Minister Gough Whitlam was stabbed in the back by his man John Kerr. Kerr then appointed conservative Leader Malcolm Fraser “Caretaker P.M” until an election could be held. Fraser and his snakes won the subsequent election in a landslide.

    Funny how G.G. Michaelle Jean was also appointed by a progressive P.M. (Paul Martin), and has now stepped in to prop up a conservative government. There just seems to be something about Vice-Regal office that can put a plum in even the most down to earth mouth…

    Recently, we actually had the chance to vote to become a Republic, do away with this colonial hang over and become a truly independent nation. Thanks to a poorly run campaign by the pro-Republicans, and well run scare campaign by John Howard and his cronies, the Republic was voted down. It was one of the few times in my life that I felt ashamed to be an Australian.

    I don’t know how the Canadians feel about Monarchy versus Republic- Maybe it’s time they had a vote. If so, I hope they have more balls than us.

  • WABishop

    [re=192879]dilhavarti[/re]: Official Canadian cookie? The Maple Leaf, of course: http://www.darefoods.com/ca-en/products/cookies/ultimates/maple/index.shtml

  • WIDTAP

    [re=192893]Captain Swing[/re]: You and your Australian theories.

    The plain facts are in Real America(TM) The People are sovereign. It right there in the first three word of the Preamble of our Constitution. The Sovereign declares themselves.

    Canucks, Ozzies and Kiwis all kiss the royal throne as their Sovereign. And you know, if you folks don’t consider yourselves worthy enough to rule over yourselves, well that’s just fine. Live and let live until the Real Americans(TM) get an itch to bomb another country I say.

    Just don’t say we didn’t make the offer.

  • Beer4Prez

    WIll there be a special edition sunday live blogging at 2PM? I hope so!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Okay, you’ve pretty much seen the stuff about the Aussie coup that parallels the current Canadian job. The Aussie one, though, had some pretty heavy CIA influence — so, as I mentioned yesterday, here’s some relevant info from Blond Ghost by David Corn. Ted Shackley, the subject of the book, was head of the CIA ops division that covered Australia. Anyway:

    On 11/2/1975, Aussie PM Edward Gough Whitlam “accused opposition leader Doug Anthony and his right-wing National Country Party of having recieved CIA money…Some press reports noted that Whitlam’s charge came from information his government recently discovered showing that the conservatives had accepted Agency funds in the late 1960s.” It later came out that Anthony was friends with and had rented a house to a CIA agent, Richard Lee Stallings.

    The CIA had been worried about Whitlam since his party came to power in 1972. Of special concern was the CIA’s valuable station at Pine Gap, used to collect satellite information. The CIA had planted information implicating Whitlam’s government of trying to borrow $4 billion from Arab sources — apparently in the hope this could be exploited by the NCP. This was likely the trigger for Whitlam’s anti-CIA accusations that followed.

    Whitlam then outed several CIA agents who were actively undercover in Australia at the time. Shackley fired off an angry letter to the head of Australian intelligence (the ASIO) saying their professional relationship was in peril. In the middle of a budget impasse in Parliament, Whitlam publicly considered not renewing the CIA’s lease on Pine Gap, due to expire on 12/9/1975.

    Australia’s GG at the time, John Kerr, was a potential CIA asset. During WWII he had been an Australian intelligence officer assigned to the OSS. In the 1960s he ran a foundation that was secretly funded by the CIA. According to Corn, “Ray Cline, a former top Agency officer, told one Australian journalist that officers of Shackley’s division had suplied oposition politicians with negative information on Whitlam and had induced Australian civil servants to pressure Kerr.” Kerr then removed Whitlam.

    After Jimmy Carter was elected president, Deputy Secretary of State Warren Christopher was dispatched to Australia to assure the government there that the CIA would never again interfere in Australian domestic politics — a reassurance that would seem meaningless had they not actually done so.

    The story’s on pp. 303-307 of the book. And our respect for democracy continues.

  • Weeping Jesus

    Six or seven years ago I drove my Florida-registered vehicle into Canada. Somewhere in the middle of nothing they had a roadblock set up. No apparent reason for it, other than to hassle Americans. They told me I could go no further because I didn’t have a front license plate. They refused to believe that Florida didn’t issue front plates. I had to sit there for more than an hour while they conferred with an officer on horseback who used signal flags to communicate with a relay on a mountain. They searched my vehicle and asked what I planned to do with some CD’s they discovered. They asked if I had been drinking, but I knew it was a wily trick question.

    I mean, really, shouldn’t we hassle Canadians just to show them who’s boss? I’d start with the ones who winter in the South. They’re very rude in many cases. I recall several.

    Thank you for allowing me to share. (I made up a couple things, but nothing vital.)

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=192778]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: the best way out of this situation is for Layton and E May to get together and make NDP-Green babies in such a way as to peel some Quebec ridings away from the BQ.

    I would earnestly point out that you raise a very point here: Canadian legislative districts are called ‘ridings’ which is clearly superior to the American equivalent, because ‘riding’ sounds vaguely dirty.

    But please, CN > Space Needle? OK, your tower may be taller, but let’s face it, it looks like ass.

  • monty

    i say we just go take it over
    most of the mexicans are here anyway i say we just annexx canada and mexico

  • Dreadful Gate

    Here’s what you get to take:

    David Frum
    Celine Dion
    Jim Carrey
    William Shatner
    Jennifer Granholm

    Here’s what we get to keep:

    Neil Young
    Feist
    Leonard Cohen
    Mike Myers

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=192905]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Geez, that could have used some proofing. A few missing words there.

    Oh well, +1 point to the Canadian side. I are jest a sttopid Amerkan.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=192890]Borat[/re]: Actually, I recall several outfits advising Americans to wear Canadian flags around the time Operation Iraqi Adventure Part II, Curly’s Gold started.

  • fishandvodka

    Well here in Sexby Chambliss Confederate States of ‘Merika (aka Georgia), we passed a law that says any furreigner
    without a US driver’s license cannot present that license in lieu of bail for traffic violations. That means if you are speeding, and a Canadian, you are going to jail. The law is mostly against Messicans, but I guess it works against those Queen – loving canucks as well.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=192905]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: The CN tower is about twice as tall as the Space Needle, and about twenty times uglier. That was my point. Of course, Toronto’s come a long way in terms of design sensibility since then, and even before (the Mies van der Rohe towers in the heart of town are nice examples of that trend).

    Toronto’s a great town, Canada’s a great country. If I could trade passports with any Canadian I would. I’d even live in Winnipeg. I’d even study French verbs and try poutine (if there’s a vegan version). And I’d do y’all a favor and kick Harper in the nuts. Fair enough?

  • LBOtomist

    Wow…Barry really has changed everything. How else can you explain 48 hours of comments on some incomprehensible post about a made up place called “Canada” with a “figurehead” monarch called the “Queen of Canada” who happens to also be the “Queen of England”? Are we so confident that our magic unicorn can protect us from the impending Darth Cheney coup that we have time for this shyte? Also.

  • dilhavarti

    [re=192885]Mojopo[/re]: Heart u!

  • dilhavarti

    [re=192895]WABishop[/re]: The whitey cookie.

    with…

    [re=192908]Dreadful Gate[/re]: No chocolate chips.

    So mebbe Canada should rethink it’s national cookie?

    http://worldfamousnosh.wordpress.com/2008/01/25/hershey-kiss-cookies/

  • nhazen

    Well I thought Harpercrite was a smartypants but now he is more Bush-like than ever. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Dion should go, no doubt there – but so should the ‘other Steve.’ I admit though, it’s a lot funnier watching this from Detroit than from the Canadian side of the river.

  • Darehead

    [re=192908]Dreadful Gate[/re]:

    Also take: Kiefer Sutherland

    Keep: Sandra Oh

  • Bearbloke

    [re=192908]Dreadful Gate[/re]: ummm… the they can have Mike Meyers also – “The Love Guru” sucked ass!

  • Hedley Lamar

    [re=192578]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: You make the sock fucking sound like it’s a bad thing, eh?

  • chascates

    [re=192908]Dreadful Gate[/re]: Can we have The Posies?

  • chascates

    [re=192974]chascates[/re]: DAMN IT! I meant the Sadies! I guess we don’t get them now.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    You comment people are better than those other, Weekday commenter people.
    This is at least a fuckload more funny, to suggest.
    Jihad, Islam and all that.

  • foog

    You lot are welcome to The Arcade Fire too, but only if we can have Hank Snow back.

  • TGY

    This is not a ‘coup’. It’s more proof that we in the US don’t understand Canadian government, or, for that matter, the British government. Actually, I’m a bit fuzzy on the differences between the UK and Canadian parliamentary system, myself.

    Whatever. Back to ass fucking.

  • Dreadful Gate

    [re=192961]Bearbloke[/re]: I’m talking the Austin Powers/SNL Mike Myers. You can keep his latest incarnation. Also, please take Bryan Adams and Chad Kroeger

  • Dreckster

    OK…I’ve had it with all this Canada-bashing. As we say: You’re either with us or you’re against us.
    Don’t make me come down there and do some serious “Mission Accomplished” on your collective butts.
    Sincerely, Canada.

  • hypatia

    “Many have asked Wonkette to chime in…”

    And the question is why. Does everyone get a kick out of the blind leading the blind? Or in this case the painfully ignorant leading the woefully ignorant.

    You, and sadly most of the people commenting, have such a poor understanding of the Canadian Government that you might as well discuss how the world has been carved out of lemon meringue pie by teletubby overlords.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=193231]Dreadful Gate[/re]: But let’s keep Shatner – stuffed and mounted.

  • Bearbloke

    BTW Wonketteers, is there any more wackiness from Kanadian Korner, or have we all had a good chuckle before digging into a hearty plate of steamin’ Alpo-Helper© as we watch Faux News tell us that The Republican Great Recession is all That One’s fault?

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