Peggy's WorldEvery day is Good Friday in the Wall Street Journal, because Friday is Peggy’s Day, and this week her wonderful Declaration is right there in the headline, “At Least Bush Kept Us Safe.” Wait, what? Let’s just ask the old Internets here and double-check, because it is so hard to remember, say, when TERRORISTS BLEW UP MOTHERFUCKING MANHATTAN, WITH JETS, WHICH RUINED EVERYTHING FOREVER.

Umm, yep, Google says September 11, 2001. Who was president then, anyway? Right, right, Al Gore. That fat faggot, he killed 3,000 innocent Americans who weren’t even in the military, and then he started a war with the wrong place, and luckily he was indicted for War Crimes and then executed on teevee — along with Lieberman, which was extra-awesome — and the Supreme Court appointed George Bush Junior to be president because he actually won Florida, it was finally determined, and Bush kept us safe!

Reading Peggy Noonan’s column is an exercise in intentional dangerous insanity, like taking Ecstasy before a street fight, or eating a bowl of glass shards. And sometimes, she goes into double-secret stealth mode, luring you into a false sense of calm and complacency — Oh, she’s just writing a mildly amusing diary entry from some GOP holiday party in Reston or McLean or whatever, don’t worry — and then you realize the dipshit headline (probably just written by this douche, right?) is actually lifted from her suddenly lunatic prose.

Back to the Christmas gathering. There was no grousing about John McCain, and considerable grousing about the Bush administration, but it was almost always followed by one sentence, and this is more or less what it was: “But he kept us safe.”

This is the special moment that comes in nearly every Peggy Noonan column, the bit when you sputter out something like “Jesus fucking christ that did NOT happen at all, anywhere.” Was there a Christmas party in Northern Virginia, even? If so, was Peggy Noonan really in town for it? Who knows?! She may have imagined the whole thing in a vodka-percocet stupor, from inside a confession booth at her beloved St. Thomas More Church on the Upper East Side, weeping and shaking as the Men and Boys Choir sang vespers.

George Bush Junior will be remembered for many things, for a very long time. But the witless clown who jacked off at his pretend ranch in Crawford while freaked-out FBI agents were frantically begging for White House help in stopping an organized plot unveiling itself within the United States for foreign hijackers to crash passenger jets into high-profile American buildings will certainly the fuck not be remembered by anyone as the guy who “kept us safe.”

‘At Least Bush Kept Us Safe’ [Peggy Noonan/Wall Street Journal]

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  1. I also like how she conveniently forgets about the August 2001 intelligence brief titled “Bin Laden determined to strike in the US” & how other intelligence said it could happen via an airline. Hoo Hoo, good thing they put a stop to that airliner because it could have caused the worst terrorist incident ever on US soil.

  2. Ken is right to call bullshit on this fake anecdote. That alleged Christmas party happened on December 3 at the latest. Who the hell has Christmas parties that soon, and less than a week after Thanksgiving?

    Although I suppose the white elephant gift exchange would be redundant at a Republican Christmas party, huh?

  3. When all is said and done, all the evil, and the pain and suffering and ugliness and crude crass hell of modern life can be traced back to one word:
    Until everyone associated with The Gipper is wiped from the national stage, until our collective mythology finally throws up that helmet-haired nullity like a bad piece of Tandoori Chicken, we are doomed to suffer. Peggy Noonan is the crazy chick still in our bed the next morning after our Reagan bender, the one who calls us daddy and tugs way too hard on our chest hair. Why, oh why, won’t she just stop yapping and let our head ache in peace?

  4. “We have not been attacked since 9/11.”

    yeah, it’s a good thing no one sent anthrax to anyone in the wake of 9/11, I mean that would be like totes, —
    oh wait, nevermind.

  5. Richard Dawkins needs to introduce himself to Peggington, and then promptly beat the shit out of her for her gratuitous use of “meme”.

    Then we can say, “Well, at least Dawkins kept us safe”.

  6. Truth be told, there are about 150k dead Iraqis who are now quite safe from the terrists and terrisms.
    But I’m a glass half-full type of person, so…

  7. Well, he did keep those folks safe at Guatanemo for all those years….quit pissing on my Peggy…it ruins all the little starry blingees….

  8. Looks like Pegs finally found her lost pill bottle of Percocet.

    1) Ignored warning about 9/11
    2) Let OBL survive in Tora Bora
    3) Wasted US military power on Iraq (no connection to 9/11)
    4) Ruined US America economy
    5) Gutted numerous environmental regs so if the WMD don’t kill folks, the droughts and poisoned water will.

    Yup, he kept the US America safe.

    Oh crazy eyed hateful Peggy, I missed you so!

  9. I doubt that I could top what you just wrote.

    Reading Peggy Noonan’s column is an exercise in intentional dangerous insanity, like taking Ecstasy before a street fight, or eating a bowl of glass shards.

    Indeed. Which is why they print it on (Good) Fridays. It give you a whole weekend to recover from the insanity.

  10. I hate George W. Bush and have done so since before November 7, 2000. This post is one of the most exquisitely reasoned and written discussions of why both he and those who support him are such disgusting creatures that I have ever read.


  11. The Christmas party she’s describing was at that house where the shadow government in X Files always met. And by “us” she was referring to the small group of people like her who will be welcomed into the new aristocracy when the space aliens finally take over.

  12. I can’t believe she didn’t drag out the ole’ wingnut chestnut; “911 was Clinton’s fault”..
    Shit, never too early to start teh drinkz….

  13. At a sparkling Christmas gathering of mostly Republicans, there was warmth, laughter and a mild sense of confusion: “Are we still important?”


  14. But he kept us safe…that’s like saying “well, Hitler did help hurry along the establishment of the Jewish homeland, Good on you, Adolph!”

  15. If I were President for eight years and my sole job performance were to take a crap on the White House lawn every morning I would do less damage (and provide more consistent leadership) than Bush has done.

  16. You forget, Ken, that nobody knew about terrorism before 9/11. He prolly woulda kept us safe if he had any idea that terrorists existed. Then once he knew, he just cold tortured and warred them away. LERN YUR HISTORIS!

  17. Lady-Brain is insane. WSJ is a “Nazi-ish” platform. Lady-Brain wears a girdle. My dog caused 9/11, and the August 2001 briefing was a decoy, (shirking the forthcoming responsibility onto Muslins everywheres), sent via K-9 express. I groused Peggy Lady-Brain Noonan!!!

  18. Jeebus! There’s not enough drugs in this world to help me see her point of view. Because she’s already taken them all, the greedy idiot!

  19. What you librals don’t understand is that homersexuals made baby jesus cry and so that’s why all this bad shit happened TO Bush and not because of him.

  20. Her articles are hard to read, as she enjoys sandwiching reasonable points in between completely insane ones. And the parentheses surrounding the entire op-ed are the “two Christmas trees” of some corrupt Republican douche in McLean. Ugh.

  21. [re=192348]freakishlystrong[/re]: Just like the finance bubble was caused by Congress, since they were the ones really in charge the last two years.

  22. Dubya kept them turrists from killing more Murkins by sending our boys to some God-forsaken cat litter box that had nothing to do with the attack so another 4,000 citizens and counting could get killed while letting Exxon’s profits hit record highs. Me bitter? Naaah.

  23. Worse yet, and often overlooked, is what Cheney did to the National Security Council. After being warned repeatedly by Richard Clarke about the imminent threat of terror attack, what did Cheney do with the NSC? Did he start a group to study Israeli/Palestinian relations? No. Did he have Mr. Clarke in to discuss his worries? No.

    Instead, Cheney formed the “Dabhol Working Group,” which was tasked with strong-arming India into paying back Enron $2.3 billion for the monstrously expensive and inefficient Dabhol power plant in Maharashtra state. Yes, Dick Cheney turned the NSC into a collections agency for Ken Lay.

    And don’t even get me started about the nuclear sites in Tuwaitha, Iraq.

  24. On around September 13, 2001, I heard an interview with a British journalist who had previously interviewed Bin Ladin. He (the journalist) said that Osama believed that the Soviet Empire, which he had already dismantled, posed more difficulty than what he expected to encounter when he destroyed the American Empire. Chilling.

    And so now we have massive job losses, imploding core industries, potentially unsolveable financial crises (including the looming disasters in pensions, healthcare and social security), unscalable mountains of debt, virtual liquidity at the Fed, zero credit worldwide, a vanishing middle class, vicious personal attacks masquerading as political leadership, a complete loss of status among our allies, and incontrovertible proof that our military is essentially impotent in the context of 21st century conflict. And more. But I can’t go on.

    So, yeah, real safe. Thanks George. Thanks Peggy. If that’s safe, give me peril any day.

  25. Well, I feel safe. If by “safe,” you mean a constant, nagging sense of dread bordering on panic. Safety is all around us, like a nice warm blanket that eventually ends up smothering you.

  26. you really do hear it all the time, though, from dumbshits like peggy to smart people like republican catholics. still hard to understand how someone who starts a war in which thousands die is also considered someone who “kept us safe”. doesn’t “war” equal “unsafe”?

  27. What’s truly amazing is that she can spend 700 words fellating the Bush Administration, then turn around at the end and criticize them for embracing Nazi terminology in naming the Dept. of Homeland Security. Gee, do you think there might have been some underlying psychological reason why these right-wingers embraced such a term?

  28. we saw a house with a big glass-walled living room that faced the street, and below it a glass-walled entrance room, and each had its own brightly decorated tree.

    She’s more easily impressed with shiny objects than even Maureen Dowd. Which says a lot.

  29. Let’s play this game with other world leaders too:

    Stalin: “But he beat the Nazis!”

    Mao: “But he increased pig iron production by 500%!”

    Saddam: “But he established universal education and literacy!”

    Hitler: “But he kept the trains running on time, even in a time of War and Terror!”

    Milosevic: “But he fought that consarned bureaucracy in Belgrade!”

  30. [re=192338]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He spent months on end at his ranch. No guarantees that he didn’t crap all over the ranch, but we can be fairly sure that he did not jet back to Washington to defecate at the White House during that span.

    You see the importance there is providing open leadership to the American people. The Presidential poo – although somewhat disgusting – would be a constant reminder that the President is a common man on a daily basis. He would be as regular as the sun, and we would admire that. He would also prove that he has a normal stance, which would negate any Gannon-ish bathroom stall rumors.

    But alas, what we don’t see is left unproven, and we can only assume that Bush spent the time mating with his livestock and plotting with China to destroy our economy.

  31. It’s a typo. She meant to type “at least he keeps a safe”. He only uses it to keep a secret stash of booze in, but this apparently is important to Ms Noonan to whom the secreting of alcohol is a sign of civilisation.

  32. George Bush spent his entire adult life failing upwards…I guess he will now show all of us how to suck royally at being an ex-POTUS. I for one look forward with great anticipation to his continued pratfalls and malapropisms in the service of our great nation.

  33. Yeah and he really kept all the troops in Iraq safe, except for the thousands of dead ones and the tens of thousands of disfigured/maimed/crazy ones.

  34. More spewings from the crap mill. Tool King David Brooks’ Tuesday column is a fairy tale about how Bush has brilliantly straightened everything out in the middle east. The reason you never noticed is that he was doing his brilliant diplomacy in “small and symbolic” ways. And he goes on to say he hopes that that loser Obama won’t screw up Bush’s brilliant plan when he tries to execute it. Excuse me? Did I just enter a parallel universe?

  35. So when Hopey is sworn in a few weeks he’ll be like an apprentice-prez until September09, right? Maybe the Bush Depression will be over by then.

  36. “To drive through the suburbs of Northern Virginia is to marvel still at the widespread wealth, the mansions and mini-mansions that did not exist a quarter-century ago, the quaint squeegee bums moved from the inner-city to suburban street corners, the people gathering insect-infested acorns for their Holiday maggot and gray sparrow gruel. At least Bush kept us safe.

    We stop at red light. A gentleman of the street wanders over and wipes our windshield with an oily sleeve. I wish him a Merry Christmas and hand him two coupons for Estee Lauder facial care products. At least Bush kept us safe.

    The other night, the big houses were strung with glittering white Christmas lights—not all different colors, as the tacky poor people, but stately white and I marvel at the fortitude of the little Mexicans holding up those lights. At least Bush kept us safe.”

  37. Nice rant, Ken.

    Whether you think Bush kept us safe depends on your definition of “us.” It would seem that Dame Peggy’s definition of “us” is “people with tract mansions and two Christmas trees.” Mission accomplished!

  38. Doesn’t the new NSA Report completely contradict Ms. Noonington?
    The whole ‘fightin’ ’em over there, so we dont have to fight ’em here’?
    Turns out that is a bunch of bu11shit.

  39. I hate this arguement too because it boils down to: “Bush kept us safe after 9/11. Yay us! Suck on it England, Spain, India, Iraq, and countless other countries where terrorist attacks have occured since then.”

  40. [re=192420]Hooray For Anything[/re]:

    Presumably the people in those countries didn’t string WHITE lights around their mansions. They probably had those tacky multi-colored lights with giant bulbs, strung up all around their foreclosures.

  41. “from polar bears” was somehow excised from Nooner’s text. Sloppy proofreading, no doubt.

    Indeed, the margin of safety from marauding polar bears is such that they skirt the edge of extinction.

    Huzzah, Mr. President!

    And now, if someone would kindly summon my driver, dusk approacheth and I am partied out.

  42. President Bush has kept us safe. This is at the very core of Bush’s efforts in office. He has worked desperately to keep us safe, his raison d’etre. This is a man with overwhelming determination and a love of America. He is a good, decent and nice man. There is very little that’s better to say about anyone. We should all be thankful (especially those liberals and those of the biased media who have had the privilege and luck to live and work in this great nation) for Bush’s determination; and, yes, even his pre-emption and the so-called Bush Doctrine. History will judge this man much better and fairer than we have, this man who virtually stood alone (think Canada, Germany and France) against the horrible deeds and designs of the world’s terrorists. The images of Kerry, Pelosi, Edwards, Gore and others will fade as history’s torch moves along, as its light brings forth the accomplishments of Bush thereby elevating Bush to a much higher plane than many could now imagine.

  43. If “kept ‘us’ safe” means Peggy and the other 305,817,034 Amercuns (ferreners don’t count in Pegworld) who didn’t get blown up on 9/11, IEDed or suicided in Iraq or Afghanistan, heart attacked, cancered or stroked due to air and water pollution he encouraged, drowned in New Orleans, killed in intensified storms aggravated by global warming, picked off around the world due to increased hatred toward all things USA, frozen on the streets or self-offed after the economic catastrophe took away their homes, expired due to a healthcare system he thought was just dandy, or, you know, stuff like that, she might have a point. On her elbow.

    I like the phrase an old college friend used to offer with a polite smile: “That might be a thought.”

  44. [re=192297]NewSpence[/re]: When all is said and done, all the evil, and the pain and suffering and ugliness and crude crass hell of modern life can be traced back to one word:


  45. [re=192590]myheadsexploding[/re]: Blasphemer. You should make up for such sinful things by saying at least 5 Hail Ronnies before you go to bed.

  46. How did La Noonan get to be Reagan’s and Bush XLI’s
    speech writer? I recall XLI’s acceptance
    speech at the 1988 GOP convention, which Our Peggy
    famously wrote. She also wrote some of Reagan’s
    better stuff.
    But — how do you get hired in the FIRST place —-
    and, unlike Jeff Greenfield’s slobbering assertion of IMMORTALITY
    at the ’88 GOP convention, NOBODY remembers anything
    except the catch phrases from her damn speeches —
    and NONE of those are Gettysburg Address level eloquence.
    This game is like the best sitcom writing. Maybe once
    or twice in a decade an actual PHRASE or LINE becomes
    part of the national lore, but 99.99 % of this shit is
    strictly “in the moment” fluff.
    But La Noonan — as Pat Buchanan before her, will
    keep the ole bank balance flush for the rest of her
    life based on a few well turned phrases in the midst
    of a lot of utterly forgetful BULLSHIT.

  47. [re=192612]NunnaTheSOBs[/re]:
    “How did La Noonan get to be Reagan’s and Bush XLI’s
    speech writer?”
    She was excellent at neck massages.
    Talent will out.

  48. [re=192561]paparapapa[/re]:
    You seem lost, son. This is a reality zone. Freeperland is thataway.

    Then again, there must be some hope for anyone who uses raison d’etre and semi-colons. Excepting in the case that you’re really Bill Kristol in disguise, in which case you are a lost cause who can go to hell.

  49. I’ve been spending more and more time on blogs about cryptozoology, ufo conspiracies, and chupacabras. It all makes way more sense than Peggy’s column. Weird…

  50. [re=192561]paparapapa[/re]:

    “…The images of Kerry, Pelosi, Edwards, Gore and others will fade as history’s torch moves along, as its light brings forth the accomplishments of Bush thereby elevating Bush to a much higher plane than many could now imagine.”


    American Airlines Flight 11
    United Airlines Flight 175
    American Airlines Flight 77
    United Airlines Flight 93

  51. The alleged Christmas gathering could never have happened because everybody knows that Northern Virginia is “communist country” anyway, so I question the entire premise of Nooner’s argument to begin with. Our dear Peggity is so far around the bend that I don’t think we’ll ever get her back. About the only functioning mental process at work here is her cycling through the stages of Republitard Grief. I think she must be at the “bargaining stage” by now where rationalizations creep in. If she isn’t too whacked out on prescription drugs and booze she’ll get to the point of accepting the fact that George W. Bush was a piece of shit and that she will never again have the chance to write a presidential speech for a Republican president because she will never live to see another one. It will take about that long for them to recover.

  52. [re=192561]paparapapa[/re]: Man up, get an avatar, join the discussion & take your hits or else fuck off back to the puppy-killing mill you came from.


    Pumpernickel, is that you?

  53. According to the Republicans very own Heritage Foundation: “The President of the United States has no greater responsibility than protecting the American people from threats, both foreign and domestic.”

    Did NOT protect us from 9-11. Did NOT protect the citizens of New Orleans and its environs from Katrina.

    That’s what’s known as a FAIL, Peggy and your deluded bunch of outer-beltway Martini & Rossi swilling ‘Pub-tards. George Bush kept this nation safe like a prison sugar daddy. Someday, maybe, we’ll be able to sit down again.

  54. As a resident of NoVa, I can assure you that we’re not standing around talking about how safe we feel and I’m positive such comments never happened in Reston, McLean or anywhere else. Obama won big in this part of ‘unreal’ Virginia, largely because we unanimously (except for the ones who are paid to claim otherwise) believe that George W. Bush is The Worst President Ever and an asshole beyond any redemption. Ever. So good luck with that ‘No Really, Bush Isn’t A Big Douchebag’ tour, Peg.

  55. [re=192297]NewSpence[/re]: Amen, Brother! Reagan was absolutely the worst thing to happen to the US until GWB came along to break all the records and set many, many new ones for incompetence, stupidity and villainy. I want to puke every time someone wants to name something after that asshat.

  56. Yeah Pegs, besides 911, Katrina, Ike and a Major Financial Meltdown he did a bang up job….Nice one Peggy…go back to talking about grace and start smoking again

  57. Paparapapa, I commend you on the forthright manner in which you have stated your opinion in spite of knowing that these liberal pussy wimps were certain to mock and malign you for doing so. This would be twice as admirable if the man you support were not a lying, murdering, thieving, shiftless, arrogant, oafish, putrid piece of shit and a motherfucker.

  58. No,no, this is all a big misunderstanding. Obviously when Bushite says “He kept us safe” he’s referring not to the country as a whole but to the Bushite himself and his buddies. So far they’ve been kept out of prison, right?

  59. “We only had one Christmas tree, growing up. Well actually, some branches hung with potatoes. We had to throw the whole thing into the fireplace to make ‘Christmas dinner’…”

  60. There is an alternate universe, somewhere, where all the beer commercials are made. I keep meeting Americans from it, who tell me that nothing bad ever happens. They listen to my accounts of life in the America where all the Blues/C&W songs come from with shock and disbelief.

    Zhu Bajie

  61. [re=192381]sux2bu[/re]: So what’s next for him? Pope? UN Sec’y general? I keep having a suspicion that he’ll become an evangelist with a mega-church and a cult compound, like Rod Parsley or Tony Alamo.

    Zhu Bajie

  62. [re=192561]paparapapa[/re]: “History will judge this man much better and fairer than we have….”
    I don’t know about History, but the members of the American Historical Association long-ago voted him the Worst President Ever.

    Zhu Bajie

  63. I saw Peggy Noonan on Oprah last month and she was the very visage of Blanche Dubois, twirling about in a shredded ballgown, over-enunciating to all us Stanley Kowalskis out here who intend to shock the living daylights out of her with the political realities and all. She was talking and talking of all the prayers in the kingdom that would soon be raining down from the churches on the Obama family’s heads. She seemed to be from another time, clutching her pearls and putting a little damp hanky to her temples. She is absolute proof of time travel. I knows it.

  64. [re=194182]what tha?[/re]: The Marie Antoinette of the Reagan cause: unable to comprehend why the peasants now rebel at the failure of free market capitalism and their loss of jobs, the Pegster still loves her (small) people, but they not her, the Grand Dame de Fin de Cycle.

    BTW: Mine is metaphorical, but your relation is far superior. Mary Tyrone in “Long Day’s Journey into Night.”

  65. I just have to point out this is hardly a Peggy Noonan exclusive, its pretty much mantra of anyone on the right, and they seem to feel that 9 months after leaving office, Clinton was still to blame because he once let a fat chick go down on him.

    Part of it is they have nothing else nice to say about Bush, like some idiot cousin who you can’t think of a good thing about except his sweet Trans Am.

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