Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home

  real estate market

George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look!

It cost our president a cool $2.07 million (adjustable-rate mortgage/interest-only payments for four years/a steal!) (Just kidding he likely paid for the whole thing upfront with golden diamonds.) It’s an enormous one, sure, but pathetic & gay when compared to the next house over, which is the actual Palace of Versailles. Still, congrats George! Hope you enjoy this one as much as you do your other huge property, which is only two hours away.

[The Smoking Gun]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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105 comments

  1. sk1win

    Instead of SouthFork, he should name it PitchFork. You know, because he’s like the devil and stuff.

  2. AngryBlakGuy

    …the fact that his house is being photographed by a Un-manned Ariel Vehicle isn’t good(for him atleast).

  3. queeraselvis v 2.0

    No, no. The 8,501 square foot mansion is for Laura and her new Swedish masseuse boyfriend, Lars. The 850 sf maid’s quarters is where Georgie is getting banished. And no pool privileges either!

  4. Vewol Mevemont

    Even rich-person Texas is so dry and dead. If I wanted to live in an oil soaked desert with people who loathe civil rights, I’d live in Saudi Arabia with Bush’s boyfriend. At least I could have multiple wives.

  5. Hamster

    Are there any laws about mailing feces and/or roadkill? And if so, do they still apply if I use DHL?

  6. Gorillionaire

    Remember when the wingnuts went into a mass wave of hypertension induced fainting spells because the NYT printed pictures of Rumsfeld and Cheney abodes? You know, CUZ THE TERRORISTS WOULD KNOW WHere THEY LIVE!

  7. Borat

    Hey, that’s 3 times the price of my innercity hovel. And I even get crack head hookers lying in my front door! And its only going to get worse with our new hobo nation.

    It really amazes me that houses are so big can be so ‘cheap’

  8. Tra

    Not really the dogs’ fault their owners suck. Hopefully they spend all their time chewing on the $5 billion furnishings.

  9. shortsshortsshorts

    Doesn’t George know that wherever he decides to land, there will be a Cindy Sheehan and her horde of bearded muskrats there to avert his desires?
    NAY?
    WHAT SAY YOU?

  10. Mustang

    When will you stop harassing this poor man? You hounded him out of office for accidently getting into a war he was not prepared for. Now you spy on his modest retirement home. You are animals.

  11. FreshCliches

    That thing surrounded by red in the top center of the photo….isn’t that the Hopey “O” logo?

  12. ToeCramps

    Did Bushie buy this with his bail out monies? This is why Paulson doesn’t want any oversight. Paulson and Bush will buy several horse buttseck dens, butt plugs and truck nutz with all teh tax payers hard earn monies!

  13. springfield_meltdown

    Two million?!?!? Laura said they had to be careful of their xmas budget for a two million dollar home. Hell, she is going to get more than that for her book advance since all of America is breathlessly awaiting to learn what sort of drug cocktail she’s been on for the past eight years.

  14. WadISay

    Here’s hoping the shithole has termites, cockroaches, fireants, rats, radon, hair lice and bedticks, and that it’s haunted by gunned-down rappers.

  15. V572625694

    Sure wish those Smoking Gun guys would get a better looking Web site. Ew. Anybody have the Google Earth link? Or a Zillow ref?

  16. robanybody

    I wonder if the sellers picked up the tab for soundproofing the torture basement. Buyer’s market and all.

  17. Lord Foppington of Dandyshire

    Whatever space-outfit Cindy McCain’s messicans dressed her up in today costs more than this place.

  18. pedestrian rage

    More importantly, what’s the precise location of the panic room so the federal marshals know where they need to go in order to serve the warrants for war crimes?

  19. Hooray For Anything

    [re=191471]Gorillionaire[/re]: I think even the Wingnuts don’t care if the terrorists know where W lives

  20. chascates

    Comes complete with bubble to ensure he continues to think he’s not a piece of crawling excrement.

  21. american mutt

    I’m picturing Bush becoming like the oil man at the end of “there will be blood”. he’ll stagger around hunched over shaking his fist at the sky.

  22. anabellum

    nice neighborhood….only five doors down from New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin…[sorry, it's a local joke]…

  23. magic titty

    Who’s the neighbor? Jerry Jones? Mister Scarface? LBJ’s penis? (are there any other Texas celebrities)?

  24. Min

    It’s all part of Laura’s clever plan. She figures she can lose him among the 10 miles of hallways and landings.

  25. robanybody

    I’m sorry, it just makes no sense that this man would have a “house” in “Dallas” with a “roof” and a “driveway” and “outbuildings” and “a life in suburbia” after he leaves office. This is an illusion, a Karl Rove Disneyland thing. I think the house is merely a one-dimensional decoy that hides a tunnel running south to Paraguay. That’s a Bush post-presidency I can believe in.

  26. anabellum

    [re=191541]robanybody[/re]: i agree….pure fantasy….i’ve said for a long time that the only place for Bush is the Green Zone in Baghdad….it’s the only place where there are enough ‘private contractors’ to provide the needed security…

  27. Vanity Smurf

    [re=191530]polpo[/re]: A FIVE DIGIT HOUSE NUMBER! omg that’s an automatic disqualification in my book. Anything above four digits is uncouth. The horrors never end do they.

  28. projoe1979

    Re: dryness\deadness. The pictures were taken in the fall…. haters. It’s a very nice part of Dallas. I’m just a few blocks west. I’m sooo gonna invite him over for my St Patrick’s Day party next year!

  29. WadISay

    [re=191530]polpo[/re]: Daria? Isn’t that the phonetic spelling of “diarrhea” in Texan?

    Also, I assume that the number, 10102, works well for people who can’t count to three.

  30. chascates

    Any chance we can talk Ozzy Osborne to move in next door to Dubya? Or Dennis Rodman? Just to class up the ‘hood.

  31. robanybody

    [re=191545]anabellum[/re]: Ha! Bush forced to go Green. It’s perfect. His own private hell, with khaki-clad servants who hate him more and more with each passing week, and sporadic rocket attacks. Now that’s karma I can believe in.

  32. chascates

    [re=191551]projoe1979[/re]: What pizza places deliver there? Are trick-or-treaters a big problem?

  33. WABishop

    [re=191484]Mustang[/re]: Yes, and he wouldn’t have accidentally gotten into the war he was not prepared for if he’d been told that the reasons for it were all lies. The man deserves some peace.

  34. WABishop

    [re=191510]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Asbestos. Dry rot. UFFI. Lead paint. Aluminum wiring. Weeping field that flows towards the finished basement. Poorly documented toxic waste dump. Paved-over cemetery with some really pissed-off occupants. Balustrades spaced just wide enough to get his head through but not back out again.

  35. heroinmule

    So that’s why we had this whole subprime nonsense! G-Dubs perfectly timed this real estate slump.

  36. An American in Toronto

    Gee, I certainly hope he has enough brush to clear. That man loves his brush, by gum.

  37. gidgetbananas

    Since we, the taxpayers, are the unwilling noteholders on that place, may we foreclose on his ass?

  38. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=191583]WABishop[/re]: That’s the best description of Texas I have ever seen with my own eyes.

  39. nurple

    Ha-hah! Stupid modern subdivision dump! No better than his Dad’s legal residence, a frickin’ HOTEL ROOM. Such fuckin losers. (Full disclosure, my own apartment is smaller than many boats, but still I’d prefert to this cul-de-crap.

  40. Lazy Media

    How apropos that it’s on a cul de sac. Remind you of any of your foreign policy initiatives, Junior, HEHNGH?

  41. danlikey2

    The house that is next to it, which is an actual portal to Hades, belongs to Tom Hicks, owner of the Dallas Stars/Texas Rangers. He is probably only a few notches below Bushie in sheer douche-baggery. I’m sure they will enjoy some great times while bbq-ing babies over coals pulled straight out of hell, or swapping stories over the back fence about crushing the hopes and dreams of mankind. Or maybe just how the whole wife-swapping thing is going to work.

  42. picyou

    It’s 8.6 miles from Bush’s new house to the spot where JFK was killed. Bush was first elected in 2000; Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. 2000-1963 equals 37. Divide that by 8.6 and you get 4.3023255813953488372093023255814. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

  43. rocktonsammy

    That room to the west will be my “thinkin and writtin” room.

    The room to the south east will be my bike ridin room. No fucking way I’m going outside while I’m in Dallas.

    Oh, that big room in Crawford, thats Laura’s.

  44. RobPetrified

    Why does that “Dallas” Photo remind me of Central America?
    Could it really be Paraguay?
    The USA would be well rid of that particular asshole, I think.

  45. smellyal8r

    [re=191682]nurple[/re]: Daddy does have an actual house in Houston and it’s a damn sight better than this POS. I mean, even from the sky it looks like a dump. Laura’s gonna have to get all the closet cases formerly of the administration over to do a LOT of decorating.

  46. otisfatboy

    We owe Dallas! Thank you Dallas, and could we have the money it takes to heat/cool that shit hole for a year? We could use it for 4 years of mortgage payments.

  47. picyou

    rocktonsammy:
    You’re right. He needs a good room to write those memwars. We’ll put the libary out in the garage.

  48. badmuthagoose

    otisfatboy: the money to heat and cool it? Well the money to cool it would be a lot, but we don’t need to spend much money on heating bills in Dallas. It’s….Dallas.

    And I’m sure glad someone else pointed out above that the area looks dry and dessicated because it was taken in fall or winter and we have those things called deciduous trees here. They lose their leaves and all. And our Bermuda grass dies back twice a year–in the summer, when it’s too blazing hot and dry to keep it green and late in the winter. (It always comes back.) I’m guessing that pic was taken late in the winter because of the leafless trees (the ones with leaves are probably Live Oaks, Yaupon Hollies, and other evergreens).

    It’s not very impressive, I’ll tell ya that. Anyone thinking they can drive by it–it’s WAY up a long driveway off Walnut Hill. That’s one of those areas where my daughter and I go “huh, wonder where THAT gated driveway leads to?”

  49. Blub

    methinks the house would make a good setting for a contemporary redo of A Christmas Carol, with shrub as Scrooge, Cheney’s ghost as Marley/the hades-bound guide, and a foreclosed-upon Joe the Plumber as Cratchit. Jeb will play the prodigal nephew.

  50. hockeymom

    realestalker.blogspot.com is reporting that the house next door, which is slightly smaller, just went to contract as well. Home for the secret service perhaps?

    Cuban lives around the corner. For now.

  51. sanantonerose

    [re=191559]chascates[/re]: Or Mr. Wango Tango. ‘Cept he’d be shooting all the neighborhood deer while sporting a loincloth.

  52. villageatrois

    ‘heard Dan Akroyd is moving in next door. Carrie Fisher is stalking him. ’bout the same as D.C.

  53. kaabong

    Great actual location, 32 degrees 53′ 03.77″N 96 degrees 48′ 43.56″W the drive is only 47 yards long and the best door to door (previous residence)1,180.04 miles which is about 10,000 miles to few

  54. MrsDSF

    Again, a more fitting residence for the nitwit would be a FEMA trailer in the 9th Ward of New Orleans.

  55. zhubajie

    [re=191533]magic titty[/re]: Texe Marrs, weirdest of conspiracoid evangelists (I know there’s a lot of competition.)

    Zhu Bajie

  56. bonsai pajamas

    Now tell the truth. How many of you have been playing “missile strike” with your cursor over the aerial photo of Bush’s new digs? I know I have!

  57. grampaof5

    i have read the above ramblings and truthfully, i don’t think it is respectful to talk about the president that way.

Comments are closed.