REAL ESTATE MARKET  4:49 pm December 4, 2008

Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home

by Jim Newell

George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look!

It cost our president a cool $2.07 million (adjustable-rate mortgage/interest-only payments for four years/a steal!) (Just kidding he likely paid for the whole thing upfront with golden diamonds.) It’s an enormous one, sure, but pathetic & gay when compared to the next house over, which is the actual Palace of Versailles. Still, congrats George! Hope you enjoy this one as much as you do your other huge property, which is only two hours away.

[The Smoking Gun]

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AngryBlakGuy December 4, 2008 at 4:51 pm

…they sure build Federal Prisons nice nowadays!

sk1win December 4, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Instead of SouthFork, he should name it PitchFork. You know, because he’s like the devil and stuff.

NewSpence December 4, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Funny, it doesn’t look like a prison…

NoWireHangers December 4, 2008 at 4:54 pm

And now, in our continuing series, Life Isn’t Fair…

AngryBlakGuy December 4, 2008 at 4:56 pm

…the fact that his house is being photographed by a Un-manned Ariel Vehicle isn’t good(for him atleast).

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 4, 2008 at 4:56 pm

No, no. The 8,501 square foot mansion is for Laura and her new Swedish masseuse boyfriend, Lars. The 850 sf maid’s quarters is where Georgie is getting banished. And no pool privileges either!

Vewol Mevemont December 4, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Even rich-person Texas is so dry and dead. If I wanted to live in an oil soaked desert with people who loathe civil rights, I’d live in Saudi Arabia with Bush’s boyfriend. At least I could have multiple wives.

Hamster December 4, 2008 at 4:57 pm

Are there any laws about mailing feces and/or roadkill? And if so, do they still apply if I use DHL?

Gorillionaire December 4, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Remember when the wingnuts went into a mass wave of hypertension induced fainting spells because the NYT printed pictures of Rumsfeld and Cheney abodes? You know, CUZ THE TERRORISTS WOULD KNOW WHere THEY LIVE!

Pop Socket December 4, 2008 at 4:58 pm

I didn’t know Paraguay was covered by Zillow.

Borat December 4, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Hey, that’s 3 times the price of my innercity hovel. And I even get crack head hookers lying in my front door! And its only going to get worse with our new hobo nation.

It really amazes me that houses are so big can be so ‘cheap’

Tra December 4, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Not really the dogs’ fault their owners suck. Hopefully they spend all their time chewing on the $5 billion furnishings.

Gopherit December 4, 2008 at 5:01 pm

That place is as ugly and dry-looking as Big Barbara.

shortsshortsshorts December 4, 2008 at 5:02 pm

Doesn’t George know that wherever he decides to land, there will be a Cindy Sheehan and her horde of bearded muskrats there to avert his desires?

SayItWithWookies December 4, 2008 at 5:03 pm

The best feature is there’s a nook under the stairs for the Presidential Library.

Mustang December 4, 2008 at 5:03 pm

When will you stop harassing this poor man? You hounded him out of office for accidently getting into a war he was not prepared for. Now you spy on his modest retirement home. You are animals.

Monsieur Grumpe' December 4, 2008 at 5:04 pm

Is that a lawn jocky in the front yard?

FreshCliches December 4, 2008 at 5:06 pm

That thing surrounded by red in the top center of the photo….isn’t that the Hopey “O” logo?

ToeCramps December 4, 2008 at 5:06 pm

Did Bushie buy this with his bail out monies? This is why Paulson doesn’t want any oversight. Paulson and Bush will buy several horse buttseck dens, butt plugs and truck nutz with all teh tax payers hard earn monies!

springfield_meltdown December 4, 2008 at 5:07 pm

Two million?!?!? Laura said they had to be careful of their xmas budget for a two million dollar home. Hell, she is going to get more than that for her book advance since all of America is breathlessly awaiting to learn what sort of drug cocktail she’s been on for the past eight years.

gurukalehuru December 4, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Let him move in. Then build the fence.

S.Luggo December 4, 2008 at 5:09 pm

Where’s his spider hole? I don’t see it.

WadISay December 4, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Here’s hoping the shithole has termites, cockroaches, fireants, rats, radon, hair lice and bedticks, and that it’s haunted by gunned-down rappers.

V572625694 December 4, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Sure wish those Smoking Gun guys would get a better looking Web site. Ew. Anybody have the Google Earth link? Or a Zillow ref?

Pizzuti December 4, 2008 at 5:16 pm

Ugh that is the worst urban sprawl I have seen in my life!

actor212 December 4, 2008 at 5:17 pm

Hey, there’s no cattle at this one either!

TGY December 4, 2008 at 5:17 pm

It beats my big cardboard box.

robanybody December 4, 2008 at 5:17 pm

I wonder if the sellers picked up the tab for soundproofing the torture basement. Buyer’s market and all.

shortsshortsshorts December 4, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=191496]WadISay[/re]: And SARS… don’t forget SARS.

Lord Foppington of Dandyshire December 4, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Whatever space-outfit Cindy McCain’s messicans dressed her up in today costs more than this place.

pedestrian rage December 4, 2008 at 5:19 pm

More importantly, what’s the precise location of the panic room so the federal marshals know where they need to go in order to serve the warrants for war crimes?

Hooray For Anything December 4, 2008 at 5:20 pm

[re=191471]Gorillionaire[/re]: I think even the Wingnuts don’t care if the terrorists know where W lives

sanantonerose December 4, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Lot of brush needs to be cleared.

chascates December 4, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Comes complete with bubble to ensure he continues to think he’s not a piece of crawling excrement.

american mutt December 4, 2008 at 5:23 pm

I’m picturing Bush becoming like the oil man at the end of “there will be blood”. he’ll stagger around hunched over shaking his fist at the sky.

anabellum December 4, 2008 at 5:28 pm

nice neighborhood….only five doors down from New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin…[sorry, it's a local joke]…

polpo December 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Vanity Smurf December 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm

Cul du sac. heh.

magic titty December 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm

Who’s the neighbor? Jerry Jones? Mister Scarface? LBJ’s penis? (are there any other Texas celebrities)?

Min December 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

It’s all part of Laura’s clever plan. She figures she can lose him among the 10 miles of hallways and landings.

robanybody December 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

I’m sorry, it just makes no sense that this man would have a “house” in “Dallas” with a “roof” and a “driveway” and “outbuildings” and “a life in suburbia” after he leaves office. This is an illusion, a Karl Rove Disneyland thing. I think the house is merely a one-dimensional decoy that hides a tunnel running south to Paraguay. That’s a Bush post-presidency I can believe in.

anabellum December 4, 2008 at 5:38 pm

[re=191541]robanybody[/re]: i agree….pure fantasy….i’ve said for a long time that the only place for Bush is the Green Zone in Baghdad….it’s the only place where there are enough ‘private contractors’ to provide the needed security…

Vanity Smurf December 4, 2008 at 5:39 pm

[re=191530]polpo[/re]: A FIVE DIGIT HOUSE NUMBER! omg that’s an automatic disqualification in my book. Anything above four digits is uncouth. The horrors never end do they.

projoe1979 December 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Re: dryness\deadness. The pictures were taken in the fall…. haters. It’s a very nice part of Dallas. I’m just a few blocks west. I’m sooo gonna invite him over for my St Patrick’s Day party next year!

Valerie December 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

[re=191522]sanantonerose[/re]: Laura…Brazilian? Nah. She could never pull it off. Heh.

WadISay December 4, 2008 at 5:45 pm

[re=191530]polpo[/re]: Daria? Isn’t that the phonetic spelling of “diarrhea” in Texan?

Also, I assume that the number, 10102, works well for people who can’t count to three.

chascates December 4, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Any chance we can talk Ozzy Osborne to move in next door to Dubya? Or Dennis Rodman? Just to class up the ‘hood.

robanybody December 4, 2008 at 5:47 pm

[re=191545]anabellum[/re]: Ha! Bush forced to go Green. It’s perfect. His own private hell, with khaki-clad servants who hate him more and more with each passing week, and sporadic rocket attacks. Now that’s karma I can believe in.

chascates December 4, 2008 at 5:47 pm

[re=191551]projoe1979[/re]: What pizza places deliver there? Are trick-or-treaters a big problem?

bitchincamaro December 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm

And no fucking poolhouse? Where will the peons live? HEEENGGHH?

anabellum December 4, 2008 at 5:51 pm

[re=191561]robanybody[/re]: glad you like the scenario…it helps me get to sleep at night

anabellum December 4, 2008 at 5:54 pm

[re=191569]anabellum[/re]: you forgot to mention alcohol and drugs..idiot

WABishop December 4, 2008 at 5:55 pm

[re=191484]Mustang[/re]: Yes, and he wouldn’t have accidentally gotten into the war he was not prepared for if he’d been told that the reasons for it were all lies. The man deserves some peace.

JohnnyMeatworth December 4, 2008 at 5:55 pm

it’s okay, dallas has a Chuy’s restaurant he can go to so he can get arrested for public drunkenness at the same chain that busted jenna in 2001:

tonashideska December 4, 2008 at 5:57 pm


WABishop December 4, 2008 at 6:02 pm

[re=191510]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Asbestos. Dry rot. UFFI. Lead paint. Aluminum wiring. Weeping field that flows towards the finished basement. Poorly documented toxic waste dump. Paved-over cemetery with some really pissed-off occupants. Balustrades spaced just wide enough to get his head through but not back out again.

V572625694 December 4, 2008 at 6:04 pm

[re=191530]polpo[/re]: Thanks for the Google. Here’s Zillow, showing that he paid right at market:

naveed December 4, 2008 at 6:29 pm
rocktonsammy December 4, 2008 at 6:37 pm

Lots of trees and a hardware store that sells ropes once the investigations start.

heroinmule December 4, 2008 at 6:37 pm

So that’s why we had this whole subprime nonsense! G-Dubs perfectly timed this real estate slump.

HomoPolitico December 4, 2008 at 6:39 pm

That’s a whole shit load of “Christmas Money”

An American in Toronto December 4, 2008 at 6:40 pm

Gee, I certainly hope he has enough brush to clear. That man loves his brush, by gum.

wickedlittledoll December 4, 2008 at 6:45 pm

He paid for it with the bailout money, duh!

gidgetbananas December 4, 2008 at 6:49 pm

Since we, the taxpayers, are the unwilling noteholders on that place, may we foreclose on his ass?

shortsshortsshorts December 4, 2008 at 7:32 pm

[re=191583]WABishop[/re]: That’s the best description of Texas I have ever seen with my own eyes.

Enturbulate December 4, 2008 at 7:36 pm

Foreclose immediately! Relocate them here!

Hmmpf. The words “Rundown_Shack” kinda kill the komedy.


nurple December 4, 2008 at 7:38 pm

Ha-hah! Stupid modern subdivision dump! No better than his Dad’s legal residence, a frickin’ HOTEL ROOM. Such fuckin losers. (Full disclosure, my own apartment is smaller than many boats, but still I’d prefert to this cul-de-crap.

Lazy Media December 4, 2008 at 7:38 pm

How apropos that it’s on a cul de sac. Remind you of any of your foreign policy initiatives, Junior, HEHNGH?

danlikey2 December 4, 2008 at 7:41 pm

The house that is next to it, which is an actual portal to Hades, belongs to Tom Hicks, owner of the Dallas Stars/Texas Rangers. He is probably only a few notches below Bushie in sheer douche-baggery. I’m sure they will enjoy some great times while bbq-ing babies over coals pulled straight out of hell, or swapping stories over the back fence about crushing the hopes and dreams of mankind. Or maybe just how the whole wife-swapping thing is going to work.

tlsintx December 4, 2008 at 7:42 pm

pathetic, yes. gay, HA!!

tlsintx December 4, 2008 at 7:45 pm

gay my ass.

Mara47 December 4, 2008 at 8:09 pm

I want to know when Karen Hughes and Condi Rice are scheduled to have a cat fight in the pool.

psychedelicSludge December 4, 2008 at 8:12 pm

wonder if you can see The Hague from his house?

picyou December 4, 2008 at 8:20 pm

It’s 8.6 miles from Bush’s new house to the spot where JFK was killed. Bush was first elected in 2000; Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. 2000-1963 equals 37. Divide that by 8.6 and you get 4.3023255813953488372093023255814. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

rocktonsammy December 4, 2008 at 8:28 pm

Dallas owes us.

rocktonsammy December 4, 2008 at 8:34 pm

That room to the west will be my “thinkin and writtin” room.

The room to the south east will be my bike ridin room. No fucking way I’m going outside while I’m in Dallas.

Oh, that big room in Crawford, thats Laura’s.

avatard December 4, 2008 at 8:42 pm

That house needs more cowbell.

RobPetrified December 4, 2008 at 8:43 pm

Why does that “Dallas” Photo remind me of Central America?
Could it really be Paraguay?
The USA would be well rid of that particular asshole, I think.

smellyal8r December 4, 2008 at 9:02 pm

[re=191682]nurple[/re]: Daddy does have an actual house in Houston and it’s a damn sight better than this POS. I mean, even from the sky it looks like a dump. Laura’s gonna have to get all the closet cases formerly of the administration over to do a LOT of decorating.

otisfatboy December 4, 2008 at 9:04 pm

We owe Dallas! Thank you Dallas, and could we have the money it takes to heat/cool that shit hole for a year? We could use it for 4 years of mortgage payments.

picyou December 4, 2008 at 9:05 pm

You’re right. He needs a good room to write those memwars. We’ll put the libary out in the garage.

rocktonsammy December 4, 2008 at 9:15 pm


Both books he writes will be one more than he had ever read.

gliberal December 4, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Ten bucks says he locks himself out of it the first week.

Vanity Smurf December 4, 2008 at 9:59 pm

[re=191736]gliberal[/re]: Who you gonna get to take a sucker bet like that?

badmuthagoose December 4, 2008 at 10:27 pm

otisfatboy: the money to heat and cool it? Well the money to cool it would be a lot, but we don’t need to spend much money on heating bills in Dallas. It’s….Dallas.

And I’m sure glad someone else pointed out above that the area looks dry and dessicated because it was taken in fall or winter and we have those things called deciduous trees here. They lose their leaves and all. And our Bermuda grass dies back twice a year–in the summer, when it’s too blazing hot and dry to keep it green and late in the winter. (It always comes back.) I’m guessing that pic was taken late in the winter because of the leafless trees (the ones with leaves are probably Live Oaks, Yaupon Hollies, and other evergreens).

It’s not very impressive, I’ll tell ya that. Anyone thinking they can drive by it–it’s WAY up a long driveway off Walnut Hill. That’s one of those areas where my daughter and I go “huh, wonder where THAT gated driveway leads to?”

Grimnir December 4, 2008 at 10:30 pm

It all makes sense now… he tanked the economy to get a good deal on a foreclosure sale in Dallas!

hobospacejungle December 4, 2008 at 10:34 pm

[re=191496]WadISay[/re]: Don’t forget scorpions!

Blub December 4, 2008 at 10:37 pm

methinks the house would make a good setting for a contemporary redo of A Christmas Carol, with shrub as Scrooge, Cheney’s ghost as Marley/the hades-bound guide, and a foreclosed-upon Joe the Plumber as Cratchit. Jeb will play the prodigal nephew.

Johnny Zhivago December 4, 2008 at 11:06 pm

There go da neighborhood!

Waveos December 4, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Yeah, he really needs a new house. One with iron bars on it

hockeymom December 4, 2008 at 11:38 pm is reporting that the house next door, which is slightly smaller, just went to contract as well. Home for the secret service perhaps?

Cuban lives around the corner. For now.

wuggawugga December 5, 2008 at 12:39 am

Did dubya sell his fake ranch yet?

sanantonerose December 5, 2008 at 1:22 am

[re=191559]chascates[/re]: Or Mr. Wango Tango. ‘Cept he’d be shooting all the neighborhood deer while sporting a loincloth.

villageatrois December 5, 2008 at 1:28 am

‘heard Dan Akroyd is moving in next door. Carrie Fisher is stalking him. ’bout the same as D.C.

bonsai pajamas December 5, 2008 at 2:53 am

This does not mean that we can’t burn and salt Crawford.

kaabong December 5, 2008 at 5:56 am

Great actual location, 32 degrees 53′ 03.77″N 96 degrees 48′ 43.56″W the drive is only 47 yards long and the best door to door (previous residence)1,180.04 miles which is about 10,000 miles to few

MrsDSF December 5, 2008 at 7:23 am

Again, a more fitting residence for the nitwit would be a FEMA trailer in the 9th Ward of New Orleans.

zhubajie December 5, 2008 at 8:29 am

[re=191533]magic titty[/re]: Texe Marrs, weirdest of conspiracoid evangelists (I know there’s a lot of competition.)

Zhu Bajie

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) December 5, 2008 at 9:27 am

[re=191496]WadISay[/re]: You forgot to hope for carbon monoxide, and asbestos.

bonsai pajamas December 5, 2008 at 9:44 am

Now tell the truth. How many of you have been playing “missile strike” with your cursor over the aerial photo of Bush’s new digs? I know I have!

yellowdogdem December 5, 2008 at 12:53 pm

[re=191533]magic titty[/re]: Kinky Freedman, Matthew McConnaughey, T. Boone Pickens

JRinDallas December 5, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Lionel Hutz Esq. December 6, 2008 at 7:58 pm

The housing market is at its bottom.

Bush decides to buy a new home.

Just sayin’….

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 6, 2008 at 7:59 pm

No one is getting credit anywhere.

Bush gets a new mortgage.

Just sayin’ …

grampaof5 January 9, 2009 at 10:44 pm

i have read the above ramblings and truthfully, i don’t think it is respectful to talk about the president that way.

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