Gas will soon cost less than a buck a gallon, as nobody has a dollar, and nobody has a job to drive to anyway. Even Wal-Marts are closing down. And now Knut the cute polar bear, who was photographed topless by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair just last year, is an unwanted and unloved victim of the global economic meltdown.
Knut used to be the darling of that other global meltdown story we used to pretend to worry about, back when we had food and iPhones and wifi dildos from The Sharper Image. But now Knut is all washed up, just a big-ass nasty-ass smelly fish-suckin’ sack of off-white shit, all growling at children. Nobody wants to see that. These days — even in a previously wealthy socialist-Nazi state such as Germany, where Knut currently lives — humans will not pay money to see animals unless those animals are being cooked up, for dinner, for the people to eat.
So the Berlin Zoo is saying good-bye to the polar bear. Do you want this washed-up animal? Call the zoo, we guess, and speak German. It might be cheaper if you have it killed there and just sent in pieces, by DHL. [DHL just went out of business in America. Sorry. — Ed.]
This is the second time the dumb beast has been abandoned — the first time, Knut’s own mother didn’t want him. And that was when he was all cute and fuzzy!
The same sorta deal happened to Washington’s magic panda mascot, Butterstick. It was all cute and also a baby, but then it grew into the usual D.C. adolescent (a crack whore) and that was the end of that.
Let’s take a moment to remember “The Cute Knut.”