Looking chipper!MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania?

The answer is no, because no human mortal could. That leads us to explanation number two for Tweety’s strange behavior: he actually has no intention of leaving his cush job at MSNBC and is just flirting with this Senate thing to make his bosses feel bad about giving Keith Olbermann a big fat raise. After all, what better way to get your own raise than to threaten to leave your job for one that pays way, way less?

Currently, Matthews is pulling in around $5 million a year, though it’s widely believed that he’ll be offered less this time around. … It’s highly unlikely that Matthews’ deal will match the one offered to another MSNBC host, Keith Olbermann. Earlier this month, the network scrapped Olbermann’s contract and reportedly upped his yearly take from $4 to $7.5 million, through 2012.

Hell, is the DNC still looking for a chairman? Why not give that to Chris Matthews? It is the perfect position for a loud man with many opinions.

Matthews inches closer to Senate run [Politico]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • shortsshortsshorts

    It’s so nice to see Olberman’s assistant stepping up in the world.

  • Senator Bateman

    Poor Chris Matthews….you’d think with that 5 million a year he could get a better haircut…how about a mop?

  • JadedDIssonance

    Campaigning at the county fairs would be hard. Everyone would be trying to choose him as their carny-prize.

  • dano

    Tweety is just mad that he didn’t get Tim Russert’s old job.

  • Not_So_Much

    Holy shitballs! He needs to mull a new comb, or comb-over or some friggin’ thing…

  • Pop Socket

    Get Hillary to move to Pennsylvania and he’ll run for sure.

  • shanemcgowan

    Matthews should run for the House, just so he could share a chamber with Michelle Bachmann. I’d move to Pennsylvania just so I could vote for him.

    However, with both Matthews and Al Franken in the Senate, C-Span would become much more entertaining.

  • ph7

    He’ll have to keep his lunches with Miss America on the extra down low if he goes for it.

  • TGY

    Yes, but you can’t show up daily on the senate floor drunk. Or can you?

  • mattbolt

    Christ, he looks like hell there. I can practically smell the reak of bourbon on his breath and hear the incoherent mumbling about “y’seeee, heeere’s-‘a thing about secretary o’ educatiooon…”

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=191149]Pop Socket[/re]: This is funny because it’s true.

  • Tra

    Wouldn’t it be nice to see Chris Matthews dealing with being asked Chris Matthews-type questions? Or would that much inanity in one place cause the universe to asplode?

  • nurple

    Yo Tweety Yo,

    Move to Oklahoma or someplace where there’s a repug that needs defeatin’. You’ll only further nuttify the GOP.

  • lousylover

    Stylin’ with the floppy haired Boris Johnson look.

  • ManchuCandidate
  • S.Luggo

    Matthews for Senator. I can feel the thrill going up my leg.

  • nurple

    Matt: bourbon no, DeKuyper Doctor Funk yes.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=191163]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Is that K.O. he’s carrying?

  • norbizness

    I would rather they let him roam free in a field with a Hilary chew-toy. Aside from a bad peroxide job and a mouth (from where nothing useful ever emanates) large enough to hold four billiard balls, what is there to recommend him?

  • actor212

    Senator Chris Matthews.

    Kind of has a ring to it.

    Like the kind in a bathtub.

  • ella

    [re=191158]Tra[/re]: And he’s such a motormouth he’d be the Fillibusterer in Chief.

  • FreshCliches

    [re=191158]Tra[/re]: recursion, (ree-KUR-shun), n.: 1) see recursion.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I’ll bet all the cute MSNBC finance chicks whom he regularly molests with his eyes and craven lines would be all for it.

  • magic titty

    Michelle Bachman will exploit his anti-American sentiments in Congress if he is ever so privileged to serve.
    That sounded dirty.

  • snideinplainsight

    Um, isn’t there someone from Pennsylvania who could represent the people of the great state of Pennsylvania?

    I never get this, why states would let any goofy celebrity from somewhere else come in and claim to understand their needs, fears, deepest legislative desires, etc.

  • FreshCliches

    Out of curiosity, has the phrase “Will the gentleman from Pennsylvania just shut the fuck up?” ever appeared in the Congressional Record?

  • FreshCliches

    [re=191201]FreshCliches[/re]: Santorum.

    Never mind. As you were.

  • turdsandwich

    I seen it with my own two eyes: Arlen, fulfilling his ranking member duties, barely audible, with no hair, at a Judiciary Committee mark-up. Anita Hill, Schmanita Hill. Magic bullet, schmagic bullet. He da man. Fuck Chris Matthews.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    He makes 5 million a year? For what? Probing, insightful political analysis and masterful interviewing journalism? HA!

    Matthews has all the skillz of your local, townie-bar blowhard. He should be glad he doesn’t get paid in complimentary pretzels.

  • Aurelio

    [re=191211]turdsandwich[/re]: Fuck Chris Matthews. That sentiment has my complete and unequivocal support.

  • magic titty

    [re=191220]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: They must pay him many dineros to keep him from the clutches of Turner at CNN and Ailes at FoxNews. Har har.
    It’s like Couric’s contract at CBS. Mostly in place to keep talent like that in house.

  • obfuscator

    That photo caption should be “Uhhh… where’s my protective headgear and safety scissors??”

  • actor212

    [re=191238]obfuscator[/re]: Or alternatively, “Ded ye wan fries wi’dat?”

  • heroinmule

    Even if he does decide to run, surely his unfortunate habit of nonsensical analogies will sink him.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    [re=191234]magic titty[/re]:
    They must be shoveling gold doubloons at that talented mofo just to keep him from founding his own journalistic empire and putting all news people to shame and out of business.

    I don’t know why I even bother ever tuning into Hardball when I do. It’s always the same. Matthews arbitrates a squabble and then throws out his own random deciding opinion based on gut reaction regardless of what his guests say.

  • norbizness

    Alternative caption: “Sir, what happened in there?” “I [hic] dunno… I just grabbed this biker’s girlfriend’s tits, and all [hic] fucking hell broke loose!”

  • obfuscator

    [re=191252]actor212[/re]: “My cat’s breath smells like cat food… welcome to ‘Hardball!'”.

  • norbizness

    [re=191286]obfuscator[/re]: (raises hand) “Mr. Executive Producer! I glued my head to my shoulder!”

  • Cape Clod

    I hope Fox hires him to take Colmes place. It actually might make watching Hannity’s show somewhat entertaining.

  • magic titty

    [re=191274]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Yes. But – there are guests on Hardball? I thought those were just wax figures he’s allowed to shout at?

  • Toomush Infermashun

    Anonymous Office Zombie: okay, for two complimentary bar pretzels, mmmmm….we loved him when he made Michelle have her McArthy orgasm….and drew her out for a couple additional contractions….I think I like him right where he is – the fluffer for Olberman, who is the warm-up act for my Rachelle….

  • actor212

    [re=191286]obfuscator[/re]: There is definitely a “Ralph Wiggum” element to Chris Wiggum.

    I mean, Matthews.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, oh, oh, I hope he runs and then that dickwad from wherever–fuck, I’m so sick and congested I can’t think (or it’s the lortab) that Zel Miller, the from that crap state that would be as bad as Okrafuckinghoma if it weren’t for the large number of African-American voters– will run for the senate again.

    And OH, this is so fucking good–They will both win and Miller will finally get that duel, and the oddsmakers can divvy up the money on who is Aaron Burr and who is Alexander Hamilton. They were both power-hungry nut-jobs, so the fit is perfect.

    WIN! Run, Chris, run, and Zelig–the nation is crying for your return. If they don’t want you in Georgia, or whatever Dixie hell-hole you’re in, move to OK–you’d be incredibly popular here. All you have to do is put that crazy convention speech on a loop and run it over and over, interjecting challenging Matthews to a duel once in a while.

    Oh, and on another dumb Okie point, my friend was at a convenience store and asked the ‘billie to turn up the sound because it was an Obama press conference. The fat white trash lady said she didn’t want to watch him, because he was a do-nothing president. WhAAAA? Friend pointed out that, in fact, the guy the white trash lady (don’t think she called the fat bitch that to her face) probably voted for was still the president.

    Oklahoma is hysterically funny–the okies just don’t get the joke.

  • space stout

    he would actually prolly end up running against Santorum- already word that the Repubz will run a more conservative candidate against Arlen in the primary, and considering the fate of the moderate R these days, Senator Chemo is doomed. Debates between santorum and matthews would be HIGHly entertaining, however.

  • Palladin

    Chris, just STFU!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=191161]nurple[/re]: Srsly. Of all the real skuzzbag Republican senators you could replace, Arlen Spectre isn’t one of them. Not even in the top 30.

  • Min

    Chris ought to stick to mulling wine.

  • rocktonsammy

    Hes wearing a Carhartt jacket.
    Chris is in the tank for Palin.
    Good move sir.
    Hitch your wagon to a rising star.

  • hansdog

    [re=191656]rocktonsammy[/re]: No, that’s the jacket the cops gave him when they pulled him outta the ditch.

  • Makeithurt

    I was looking forward to being rid of Tweety Pie and putting him in the senate where he would be slapped down every day of his diabetic life by people he used to slobberingly skewer. Jesus, what an intolerable asshole.

    I’ll forgive him for many things except this comment he made about seeing “W” walking from the Camp Davis heliport: “Look at him swagger! Americans love a swaggering president.”

    Chris Matthews is a hack boob and he has no business in journalism. Put him in politics where we expect asshole boob nutcases to be and where we can gradually lose track of him altogether.

Previous articleArab Camels Spotted Near Porous Mexican Border
Next articleSenator Calls New Capitol Visitor Center A ‘Left-Leaning’ Offense To God