WHAT WE NEED IS MORE PUNDITS  5:32 pm December 3, 2008

by Jim Newell

SPITZER TO EDIT SLATE’S NEW LADY BLOG, XX FACTOR: Or something! The Observer reports that human penis Eliot Spitzer will be writing a column for the online Slate magazine, starting tomorrow. Oh that Slate, always keeping us on our toes! The column “will appear every other week and it’ll be about government, regulation and finance.” In other words: just softcore. And… uh… just imagine that this post had clever sex jokes in it, k? [Observer]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 36 comments }

Neilist December 3, 2008 at 5:36 pm

About “government, regulation and finance”?

A. “Government” = “Control.”

B. “Regulation” = “Dominance.”

C. “Finance” = “$200 per hour for “Madam Ashley” to exercise A and B, supra.

shortsshortsshorts December 3, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Apparently he’s going to be writing about government and finance? Those are two things that should be very easy for a sex addict to relate to.

NewSpence December 3, 2008 at 5:38 pm

But will it be about Muppets?

Mustang December 3, 2008 at 5:39 pm

I never get tired of that picture of Spitzy. Can we put it next to the one of Jeb and call it “Tormented men trying to eat their own faces?”

Kev-O-Tron December 3, 2008 at 5:40 pm

In a kind of point/counterpoint fashion Hooker Kristen will author a bi-weekly column on government, regulation and assfucking.

SayItWithWookies December 3, 2008 at 5:41 pm

I can’t wait for Phil Spector’s music column or the O.J. Simpson sports highlights either.

hedgehog December 3, 2008 at 5:42 pm

“A Shot at Love with Client 9″

nurple December 3, 2008 at 5:42 pm

Man if I were that rich (NY family real estate money) I wouldn’t do ANYHING. I’d just by a house and watch teevee and garden all day. These people insist on being important, and they’re always making it worse. I think it was Galbraith who said the idle rich are better for society than the working rich.

S.Luggo December 3, 2008 at 5:42 pm

The Best Policy is to keep your pecker in your pants, Elman.

sarahconnor December 3, 2008 at 5:44 pm

hmmm, bet this column will probably be worth reading. damn, i wish it weren’t so wrong to stick your dick in the mashed potatoes from time to time, we could probably use his core competencies in these otherwise effed times in which we live.

p-Sludge ofTheElves December 3, 2008 at 5:50 pm

true story: I recall seeing him on late night TV, expecting to like & respect him, but thinking he had a “sleaze factor”.

azw88 December 3, 2008 at 5:54 pm

First column, just in time for the holidays “What to get the mistress who has already taken everything from you”

demtard December 3, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=190501]NewSpence[/re]: Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff December 3, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Ha ha! The second clever sex joke I imagne you making is the funniest thing I’ve imagined reading in a while Jim. Nice work!

L Urchin December 3, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Spitzer, the human emoticon.

trophy(forparticipation)wife December 3, 2008 at 5:57 pm

There’s surely more to know with a mouth posture like that. Spitzer or swallowzer?
Slide your lips gently over your teeth for smooth sailing. …

thefrontpage December 3, 2008 at 5:57 pm

NEWS FLASH:

SPITZER HAS ALSO BEEN HIRED AS A COLUMNIST FOR MAXIM, PLAYBOY AND SPORTS ILLUSTRATED’S ANNUAL SWIMSUIT ISSUE.

Godot December 3, 2008 at 6:06 pm

I was never clear on what exactly XX was.

X = fully nude solo posing
XXX = Explicit fucking with full penetration

XX is I guess some kind of middle ground but I was never sure what the specifics were.

metropolitan December 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm

god, i really wish spitzer was still governor. he is the one man who multiple times forced wall street to change the way it does business and one of the few men in goverment who knew all the intricacies of the finance world.
how we let this man go just because he fucked an ugly hooker is beyond reason.

sorry, no snark, i miss my spitzer kicking wall streeter’s asses.

Hans the Brinker December 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm

It seems like they could have let him put
his teeth back in before the picture taking.

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2008 at 6:16 pm

[re=190541]Godot[/re]:
Full penetration but wears socks.

iwillsavethispatient December 3, 2008 at 6:19 pm

I hope, like his WaPo article, he ends every article with the phrase “Although mistakes I made in my private life now prevent me from participating in these issues as I have in the past, I very much hope and expect that…”

Hans & December 3, 2008 at 6:26 pm

“…..my teeth will be mailed back and they will be white”

Internally valid December 3, 2008 at 6:36 pm

Oh, Slate.com I used to read that every day before I discovered Wonkette. While both fulfill my need to feel better than other people, Wonkette doesn’t burden me with all that contrarian “analysis” and “information.”

Also, Slate doesn’t talk about ass-fucking nearly enough–though I might have to check out Spitzer’s column for that to change.

Borat December 3, 2008 at 6:36 pm

[re=190512]nurple[/re]: Oh, I thought Spitzer’s dad was some kind of Wall St. Baron. Hence his bitter rage against something that hurt him, sniff.

S.Luggo December 3, 2008 at 7:00 pm

[re=190525]azw88[/re]: Easy question to answer: Whore Diamands.

Texan Bulldoggette December 3, 2008 at 7:34 pm

Shouldn’t that be ‘XXX Factor’?

S.Luggo December 3, 2008 at 8:28 pm

[re=190536]thefrontpage[/re]: You omitted, “Felcher’s Week In Review”.

sati demise December 3, 2008 at 9:04 pm

[re=190590]Borat[/re]: it hurt all of us when Bush-co shut down Spitzers report on ‘states can regulate bank mortgages’, hahah ’cause they are handing out money and swindling everybody, even poor people, minorities, could cause a crash, people are getting ripped off, &c. the end. sexy time!

Chief Grinning Eagle December 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

[re=190503]Mustang[/re]: Eliot Spitzer could get at least a bronze medal in a Gurning Competition.

rocktonsammy December 3, 2008 at 10:08 pm

He got a job, good for him.

Maybe the economy is turning around.

nosnikreplliw December 3, 2008 at 11:18 pm

i think slate kinda sux

p-Sludge ofTheElves December 3, 2008 at 11:51 pm

I knew I’d seen that punum before.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GluCM_ggMvw
About 2:13

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 4, 2008 at 1:56 am

They have just leaked Spitzer’s first column:

Dear Slate,

I never thought your blogs were true until the other day. I was the governor of a state, 5′ 11″, trim and 8″ cut. I was on boring business trip, when suddenly there came a dock on the door of my hotel room….

Read the rest at http://www.slate.com

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 4, 2008 at 1:58 am

Personally, I look forward to reading a blog about government, regulation and finance in the porn and prostitution industries.

Heck, in six months, they might be the only industries we still have.

nurple December 4, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Lionel: I bet you could make some fantastic quantitative connections studying those economics. Kinda like the shoe-repair index.

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