what we need is more pundits

SPITZER TO EDIT SLATE’S NEW LADY BLOG, XX FACTOR: Or something! The Observer reports that human penis Eliot Spitzer will be writing a column for the online Slate magazine, starting tomorrow. Oh that Slate, always keeping us on our toes! The column “will appear every other week and it’ll be about government, regulation and finance.” In other words: just softcore. And… uh… just imagine that this post had clever sex jokes in it, k? [Observer]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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36 comments

  1. Neilist

    About “government, regulation and finance”?

    A. “Government” = “Control.”

    B. “Regulation” = “Dominance.”

    C. “Finance” = “$200 per hour for “Madam Ashley” to exercise A and B, supra.

  2. shortsshortsshorts

    Apparently he’s going to be writing about government and finance? Those are two things that should be very easy for a sex addict to relate to.

  3. Mustang

    I never get tired of that picture of Spitzy. Can we put it next to the one of Jeb and call it “Tormented men trying to eat their own faces?”

  4. Kev-O-Tron

    In a kind of point/counterpoint fashion Hooker Kristen will author a bi-weekly column on government, regulation and assfucking.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    I can’t wait for Phil Spector’s music column or the O.J. Simpson sports highlights either.

  6. nurple

    Man if I were that rich (NY family real estate money) I wouldn’t do ANYHING. I’d just by a house and watch teevee and garden all day. These people insist on being important, and they’re always making it worse. I think it was Galbraith who said the idle rich are better for society than the working rich.

  7. sarahconnor

    hmmm, bet this column will probably be worth reading. damn, i wish it weren’t so wrong to stick your dick in the mashed potatoes from time to time, we could probably use his core competencies in these otherwise effed times in which we live.

  8. p-Sludge ofTheElves

    true story: I recall seeing him on late night TV, expecting to like & respect him, but thinking he had a “sleaze factor”.

  9. azw88

    First column, just in time for the holidays “What to get the mistress who has already taken everything from you”

  10. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Ha ha! The second clever sex joke I imagne you making is the funniest thing I’ve imagined reading in a while Jim. Nice work!

  11. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    There’s surely more to know with a mouth posture like that. Spitzer or swallowzer?
    Slide your lips gently over your teeth for smooth sailing. …

  12. thefrontpage

    NEWS FLASH:

    SPITZER HAS ALSO BEEN HIRED AS A COLUMNIST FOR MAXIM, PLAYBOY AND SPORTS ILLUSTRATED’S ANNUAL SWIMSUIT ISSUE.

  13. Godot

    I was never clear on what exactly XX was.

    X = fully nude solo posing
    XXX = Explicit fucking with full penetration

    XX is I guess some kind of middle ground but I was never sure what the specifics were.

  14. metropolitan

    god, i really wish spitzer was still governor. he is the one man who multiple times forced wall street to change the way it does business and one of the few men in goverment who knew all the intricacies of the finance world.
    how we let this man go just because he fucked an ugly hooker is beyond reason.

    sorry, no snark, i miss my spitzer kicking wall streeter’s asses.

  15. iwillsavethispatient

    I hope, like his WaPo article, he ends every article with the phrase “Although mistakes I made in my private life now prevent me from participating in these issues as I have in the past, I very much hope and expect that…”

  16. Internally valid

    Oh, Slate.com I used to read that every day before I discovered Wonkette. While both fulfill my need to feel better than other people, Wonkette doesn’t burden me with all that contrarian “analysis” and “information.”

    Also, Slate doesn’t talk about ass-fucking nearly enough–though I might have to check out Spitzer’s column for that to change.

  17. Borat

    [re=190512]nurple[/re]: Oh, I thought Spitzer’s dad was some kind of Wall St. Baron. Hence his bitter rage against something that hurt him, sniff.

  18. sati demise

    [re=190590]Borat[/re]: it hurt all of us when Bush-co shut down Spitzers report on ‘states can regulate bank mortgages’, hahah ’cause they are handing out money and swindling everybody, even poor people, minorities, could cause a crash, people are getting ripped off, &c. the end. sexy time!

  19. Chief Grinning Eagle

    [re=190503]Mustang[/re]: Eliot Spitzer could get at least a bronze medal in a Gurning Competition.

  20. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    They have just leaked Spitzer’s first column:

    Dear Slate,

    I never thought your blogs were true until the other day. I was the governor of a state, 5′ 11″, trim and 8″ cut. I was on boring business trip, when suddenly there came a dock on the door of my hotel room….

    Read the rest at http://www.slate.com

  21. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Personally, I look forward to reading a blog about government, regulation and finance in the porn and prostitution industries.

    Heck, in six months, they might be the only industries we still have.

  22. nurple

    Lionel: I bet you could make some fantastic quantitative connections studying those economics. Kinda like the shoe-repair index.

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