Wonkette
- Police are going to use truth serum (probably just pinot noir) on the only surviving Mumbai terrorist. [Daily Beast]
- Harvard is in a recession too! The elitist madrassa where Barry spent his formative years managed to lose 22% of it’s $36.9 billion endowment in four months. [HuffPost]
- According to Jonah Goldberg, the real victims of Proposition 8 are the Mormons, who were in no way affected by Proposition 8 or any of its outcomes. [Andrew Sullivan]
- Obama loved his new boyfriend Bill Richardson better when he did the whole bear thing. “We’re deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard,” Obama said at a press conference, which was probably held in some art gallery in Providence. [CNN Political Ticker]
- The forgotten territory of Oklahoma is celebrating the completely irrelevant fact that John McCain won the state with a dumb Christmas card. [Ben Smith]
Gay Mormons? What?
What’s the inside of the card read: “Oklahoma, Slightly Dumber Than Wyoming”?
“After the campaign, I grew a beard as a rebellion against those consultants who told me I had to comb my hair, shave, lose weight.”
Cure images of Rolypoly Richardson lying on the sofa in a Cheetos-stained t-shirt, belching Mountain Dew as he scratches his greasy neck beard.
That’s change we can believe in!
How could McCain win Oklahoma with a dumb Xmas card when the election was in November?
Aw. Poor Hahvahd.
That’ll hurt almost as much when they see the irony that their much “vaunted” graduates from the Bidniz Skule played a huge role in destroying said endowment as well as the World Economy.
FMA: yummmmm - Gay Mormons. So clean cut and impressionable
part Mencia. part Al Gore. Now a much smaller part after shaving.
Oklahoma is acting like the only kid on the block that didn’t get a Wii for Christmas, exclaiming “we didn’t WANT a Wii, our old Nintendo 64 is way cooler!”
Being the loser state in the Union is nothing to brag about. OKLAHOMA, the Trig of the United States of America.
Bill’s wife was tired of ‘beard burn’ on her inner thighs?
Poor wittle Mormons. Were oo wittle goldie plates threatened? Ur wittle magic-y underoos?
Well, there isn’t anything else to celebrate in OK, so why not Walnuts’ totally not fucking up in one state (where the collective IQ is about the size of Charlie Daniels’ waist size).
Poor Mormons. They spent 20 million dollars to forcibly divorce thousands of gay people, and said gays (victims of same sex attraction, in Mormonspeak) had the temerity to come out and picket. In front of the Temple!
azw88: Ehhh…I was raised in OK. They’re probably still using their Pong consoles & bitching at the dumb, drunk uncle to turn the antenna on the roof a little more to the left to get the best TV reception.
Cooper Union is still free, if you’re a math genius for engineering, or a totally egomaniacal douche for art.
To the commenters here and at Politico who used these results to slam Oklahoma: I’m from Oklahoma and while definitely a diehard liberal, we all resent the idea that the state is full of inbred hicks, etc. These idiotic wars between heartland and coasts, small towns and big cities, only get worse when people in those small towns feel looked down on for being “stupid” or “backwards.”
azw88: You should be ashamed! You said Wii. he he
Texan Bulldoggette: a Texan from Oklahoma?? dang you have had a rough life. What did you or your ancestors do to piss off the gods that made you deserve such a fate?
If one American isn’t free to take away the rights of another American, then nobody’s really free. And Jonah Goldberg needs to be stuffed in a locker full of old athletic supporters.
All the smart people in Oklahoma went to CA in the 30s and became gay Mormons.
…they are poised to settle the matter of Kasab’s nationality through the use of “narcoanalysis” – a controversial technique, banned in most democracies, where the subject is injected with a truth serum.
Just how the hell does this work? You ask the guy what flag he saw when he looked around the delivery room?
JT: Surely you jest!??
Flashing red like that, Oklahoma is a tiny penis attached to a gruesomely enlarging prostate.
SayItWithWookies: Butt Secks with the alumni. What Fun!
SayItWithWookies:
Nahhh, a man of his talent and physique should be drafted into the Army at gunpoint. 2008’s answer to Leonard Lawrence aka “Gomer Pyle” of Full Metal Jacket.
JT:
Whoah. I’ve been around enough to know not all Okies are ignerant dumb hicks but your case is pretty weak. All one needs to do is point to the Kochs and Inhofe and your valiant defense of your state disappears in a flood of stupid.
JT: Chill out. BTW: Being raised there, I can say that Okla IS full of inbred hicks, racists & their small towns are full of ’stupid’ & ‘backwards’ people. Stereotypes don’t just write themselves.
Once more, Jonah’s riding the short bus. At NRO last month, Kay-Lo declared about Prop 8 and religious freedom, “We’re all Mormons now.” http://www.galesburg.com/opinions/x1720673898/Mormons-in-the-crosshairs
Texan Bulldoggette: Small town girl raised there and fled from there…I agree.
We should be thanking the Mormons for reminding everyone what a strange little cult they are. But then the Mormons are the same group that cries about being smeared when you point out their…interesting relationship with black people (and pretty much every other non-white group).
JT: Well, I’m a diehard liberal from Eastern Oregon, and all through the rural parts of our state 2/3 of us voted for the Republican ticket. So no, we’re not all inbred hicks out in the country - just 2/3 of us.
ManchuCandidate: Damn, I forgot about that option. He’s definitely Chickenhawk Brigade material.
JT: if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. If you burn easily, stay out of the sun. If you can’t handle the snark, stay off of the Wonkette. (or at least never admit you are from OK). Besides, that red map of OK counties pretty much belies your argument.
AZ may have voted for McCain, at lest SOME parts of the state went blue….. I mean FUCK, even ALASKA and UTAH had Blue areas for christssakes!
Obama loved his new boyfriend Bill Richardson better when he did the whole bear thing.
That crack demands a posting of the Bear Force One clip.
The effects of the end of book-learnin’ are already upon us: the possessive form for it is “its”. I hate myself for this comment.
All men look better with goatees.
JT: “These idiotic wars between heartland and coasts, small towns and big cities, only get worse when people in those small towns feel looked down on for being “stupid” or “backwards.””
hey, JT. I’m from OK and in OK right now–in rurul Oklahoma, which is so Real America it would make Sarah Palin hang her head in shame for being from a west coast state.
The sad thing is, that the coasts look down on Okies for stupid and backwards because, well, they are. I feel the same way about them, which is why I have no friends except for the losers on wonkette.
Like today–I feel like shit, have maybe three pounds of pollen and dust in my head and I turn to the wonkette for some distraction and, fuck, you confront with this card that reminds that, besides being full of allergens, OK is full of morons.
Thanks a lot, bitches.
DustBowlBlues: Mom? Is that you?
A friend’s girlfriend was from OK. She kept on going off about how she hates ‘foreign’ food (and, mind you they came to visit me NOT in America, so how the hell do you define ‘foreign’). America is great, and well maybe the only ‘foreign’ food she would eat is French.
As it turned out French food to her was Steak Frites, period. Thats it. French food = steak frites, no exceptions. Not even a consideration of a trace of Escargot.
So, Okies, this is the image you guys have to overcome. I’ve only met one of you (this unfortunate waste), but you aren’t setting the right impression, god help you abroad. Especially to people who have just spent 3 hours in the kitchen making you real food and then having it rejected, without tasting it, because it looks ‘foreign’.
DustBowlBlues: Norman. Flee to Norman until you can get out for good.
JT: Hey, JT. You stood up for our little state and got shit on. That’s not right, guys. JT and I live here–isn’t that bad enough? Do you have to humiliate us just for showing a little love for our home? How about about some respect for being brave enough to be a liberal in OK? Yay, us. Besides–we’ve got the greatest state song.
As to that bullshit Xmas card, I can’t help but think that somewhere, somehow, Tom Joad weeps.
Hans Slolo: “Mom? Is that you?” I hope not–I mean, I try to hide. Besides, my kids are too smart to risk having a handle on wonketter. I think. John? Chris? Has to be one of the boys, because the girls are too smart for his shit.
DustBowlBlues: there’s nobody anywhere in this majestic land mass of wildly disparate citizen populations that can’t find morans, intolerance, inbreeding and general ignorance within in oh, like 50 miles.
take heart my friend.
Borat: well, in her defense, steak frites is rather awesome.
ladymacbeth: Basic human decency. Are you sure you belong on wonkette?
DustBowlBlues: this is what i love about the wonkette: basic human decency wrapped in a package of bile.
witty bile.
Just the sight of “truth sebum” is usually enough to make a captive sing like a canary.
FMA: A gay Mormon is a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints who:
1. Has procreated less than six children (excluding the family pets);
2. Rejects that the Sun spins around the Utah;
3. Eats hippie, whole-wheat crackers in bed; or
4. Does not poop the sacred white undergarments after hearing the word, “Mordor”, or the phrase, “Peter Allen”.
“John McCain won the state with a dumb Christmas card.”
Sounds about right.
Oklahoma, Andrew Jackson’s gulag for the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Choctaw, and the Creek.
OKLAHOMA, O-kay.
In OK, fornication is illegal because it might lead to dancing.
JT: Uh, Dude, Okie-homeland *did* go tres-gay for McWALNUTS!….so,…just sayin’…if the Walmart flip-flop fits…
Upon further review, I’ll admit that I’ve visited OKC back in Spring 2000 - willingly, and on my own dime - on some sick, twisted Cultural-Anthropology bender. I went to a gun show (loved all the swastika-décor items - really, really klassy!), I had a bite/barf at Sonic, I visited THAT Ground Zero (in the dead of night, and had a truly good chat with a semi-babe security guardette who wanted to talk about it) and of course I drank lots and lots of shitty Oklahoma wannabe-near-beer, wondering why I wasn’t gettin’ schlitzfaced until a local yokel informed me that Okla-homies can’t be trusted with arugula, sex toys, or any beer that’s worth drinkin’ down or pissin’ out. And I’ll swear on a stack of Oral Robert’s bibles (you know, the ones that’re hollowed-out to hide handguns and/or sex toys) that I was in the proximity of one of those clean-cut Gay Mormons-types at least once or twice that weekend. Good times…..
I have a neighbor who is a Mormon. I don’t know if he’s gay but he is, for sure, an asshole.
proudcitizen: Hey–I have a neighbor who’s an asshole too, but Pentecostal. And another one who’s an asshole but she’s a Southern Baptist. Not just assholes, but smug assholes who pretty much know they are about to be taken up in the rapture while the rest of us grovel around down here with big race horses, or something.
All I can say is, please, could the lord just take them now? All of them? We actually have some lovely country and a state that began with the most populist constitution in the country. If we’d barred churches from setting up shop here, we’d be better off in OK, which kind of makes me sad since, you know, I teach Sunday School and attend worship regularly. Like, always. But I’m in one of the good churches, few and far between, ironically, in the Bible Belt.
Bearbloke: Hey Bear bloke, Alaska dude or whatever makes you Bear, do NOT be bad-mouthin’ the Sonic. It’s the most progressive corporation in the region. Thank God the hillbillies like their grease, or they’d be boycotting Sonic.
“Wishing you a red Christmas”
Okies say green is for pussies!
DustBowlBlues: Hey, Alaska dude or whatever makes you dusty, let us all know what makes Sonic so great - maybe you can improve my opinion of the place, especially if the same progressive polices prevail at the other Sonics that aren’t called “Sonic” (Rally’s and the other one). I still think the food sucks, ’cause I’m spoiled with *good* junk from In-N-Out(!) & Fatburger.