Not the Bushes' home, but we expect a McMansion along these lines.Can you even believe this George Bush. While all of you people and everyone else are having your homes foreclosed by the Subprimes, PRESIDENT MONEYBAGS over here and his smoker wife “Laura” are going to *buy* a home, to *live* in. “Laura Bush confirmed that she and the President are buying a house in Dallas, about two hours from his beloved Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas.” Superfluous!

Oh and yes, obviously the downward economy is having all sorts of negative effects on the Bush Family’s dynastic wealth:

She broke the news while unveiling the White House’s patriotic Christmas décor this morning, explaining that her family will be “very careful” with spending this holiday to save up for their real estate purchase.

“We will be moving to Dallas in January and there might be a new house coming along. So I think that’s where we’ll spend our Christmas money,” she added.

They have this cute little fantasy about real life, that they probably got from watching a children’s teevee show, in which normal people actually have “Christmas money” that they set aside from their other money, rather than just one monolithic heap of constant debt that must be creatively rolled over, forever. Also: Dallas?

Bushes Planning a Move to Dallas [ABC News]

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  1. It’s a little sad Poppy Bush didn’t want W living in Houston with him; I mean it’s a big shitty city. Was he afraid he’d bring their property value down (as if you could do that in Houston)?

  2. So basically they lived in Crawford to have “real people” “true texas cowboy” street cred, then the minute they didn’t have to pretend to be salt-of-the-earth rednecks anymore, got the hell out of Dodge and moved to snooty Dallas.

    Seems about right.

  3. Behold the words (from the article) of America’s “first lady”:

    “The theme of the White House Christmas this year: patriotism.

    ‘That’s the theme. It’s a red, white and blue holiday,’ the First Lady said. ‘And it’s just — since it’s our last Christmas here, we wanted to do a patriotic theme. And it’s an election year, so it’s perfect to do a patriotic theme.’”

    Can anyone really be this stupid and still live?

  4. Dear Texas, Congratulations! We’re going to start building that wall you’ve keep asking for! We’re just going to move it a tiny bit further to the north …

  5. I would love to see them in a treeless McMansion. With a satellite dish and boat or RV in front. And a BBQ pit in front too. And a screened in porch.

    Or his ‘smokehouse’ like in the Escape from Guananimo Bay Movie, what its name, like Bill & Ted or Sanjay & Praneep or something, you know the one

  6. God I hate Dallas. Everything about it. Especially the airport. Which is the only part of Dallas I’ve ever been in. But I think they arrested my brother once but couldn’t make the charges stick.

    [re=190275]sanantonerose[/re]: Another reason indeed.

  7. Dallas? After what he’s done to the nation Bush should be sentenced to a lifetime of community service cleaning latrines at a YMCA in Newark, New Jersey.

  8. So he’s keeping the hobby ranch and getting a shiny new mansion in vulgar Dallas, guess he doesn’t have to worry about “refilling the ole’ coffers”, he stole it all, from US.

  9. How dare they buy a house, in this recessionary environment no less! I hope the Daily Kostards are launching a mass mailing campaign to impeach Bush over this right now.

  10. [re=190281]V572625694[/re]:
    You have followed what is going on the past 8 years or so, right?
    (Just like being a smart ass asking a question to a question.)

    But the answer is yes.

  11. That’s where we’ll spend our Chrismas money – on a multi-million-dollar, multi-acre estate with ponies and cattle to slap on the ass.

  12. That’s where we’ll spend our Christmas money – on a multi-million-dollar, multi-acre estate with ponies and cattle to slap on the ass.

  13. It’s a little hard for a non-Texan to understand but Dallas is perfect for the Bushes. Showy money, fake friendliness, wearing religion on your sleeve, etc. Every stereotype about Texas is evident in Dallas. SMU may not want the ‘Freedom Institute’ but you can bet Dubya will be doing some witnessin’ at the higher-priced churches eventually. The Dallas Petroleum Club will give him free food & drink and he can go by the Rangers’ office to tell them how baseball should be done. The trouble with Texas politicians (if you actually count Bush as a Texan, most don’t) is that larger than life translates into being a loud asshole. He said he wants to be ‘out of the limelight’ but the attention is the only thing that he craves. He showed his brothers & parents. He didn’t compromist his principles. He can’t keep his mouth shut any more than Bill Clinton does.

  14. Laura wakes up on January 21, walks to the bathroom, and finds George in the shower, asleep and covered in scotchy vomit. The entire last eight years – sobriety, popularity, and the cache of the White House – were all a dream. George chokes.

  15. Sigh. Great. Now I think I will have to move.

    Well, at least I can comfort myself with the fact that Obama won Dallas County this year. And with the exception of the rich, spoiled, snotty Park Cities & Preston Hollow types, and obnoxious and sketchy Uptown & Downtown condo “$30,000 Millionaire” douchebags…and those vile, vile SMU kids who drive nicer cars than most lawyers and doctors…aside from these things, Dallas is a pretty nice place to live.

    Of course, I live in a part of town with diversity and great people, so what would I know.

  16. what’s the big mystery?…Dallas is one of the few cities in the US that doesn’t require war criminals to register with the police….

    Please Lord, I beseech Thee….let Bush’s blind trust have lost 50% of it’s 1999 valuation…and the other half be miraculously transformed into a massive shipment of mexican valium to be distributed via stockings to every good boy and girl in the US this Christmas…

  17. [re=190311]chascates[/re]: The source of Chimpy’s inadquacies:

    George H W Bush George W Bush

    Star baseball player at Yale Cheerleader at Yale

    Successful oil man Failed oil man

    Loyal, reliable vice-president who Arrogant asshole who won’t play if he can’t be captain
    could be trusted on important diplomatic

    Established an international coalition Plunged American into an endless, pointless war
    to win a well-defined war objective

    I don’t even like GHW Bush, but at least he succeeded at things

  18. [re=190311]chascates[/re]: One Northern impression of Dallas after a few days there on business is that it’s the Texan mecca for new money, even newer boobs and noses, huge hair and blue eyeshadow.

  19. Dallas will be the first of the Texan colonies to ratify the new United States of Texas Constitution, thereby becoming the capital of this new/old nation, and whoever lives in the most White House-looking mansion on Live Oak Lane automatically becomes President Washington of Texas! President Bush of two countries! But some filthy libs will dig up his Certificate of Live Birth from Massachusetts or wherever, and he will be disqualified and turned over to the International War Crimes Tribunal for being a goddamn immigrant!

  20. Being in Dallas makes it easier for Bush to go around to his asshole buddies, remind them how much money he made them during the last eight years and collect his cut.

  21. [re=190361]anabellum[/re]: And we can’t forget the douchebags in Affliction t-shirts escorting the bottle-blondes around town.

    Well, the ones who haven’t scored an older gentleman with an Aston Martin at the Rattlesnake bar in the Four Seasons yet, that is.

  22. her family will be “very careful” with spending this holiday to save up for their real estate purchase.

    Bush plan: cause gas prices to soar over $4, sell all oil company stock at all time highs. Get out of stock market.

    Tank the economy. Tank home prices. Tank oil stock profits and buy a house at 70% of its value six months earlier. Take remaining profits and buy back oil stock at 20% of its value six months earlier.

    Just like he did with Arbusto.

  23. “her family will be “very careful” with spending this holiday to save up for their real estate purchase.”

    Because, you know, isn’t everybody’s Xmas budget about the same as the price of a house in Highland Fucking Park? Guess Jenna and Not Jenna won’t be getting new Range Rovers this year because Mom’s gotta have a house in town so she won’t have to watch W drink himself to death at the ranch. Crawford has seen the last of Pickles.

  24. When George crosses the city line, the Hell Mouth will open and begin spewing lava, which will burn little Mexican school children to a smouldering crisp and kill small, whimpering puppies, and the manholes will send up geysers of sticky blood.
    It will get worse once he reaches his driveway.
    The end.

  25. [re=190321]choinski[/re]: Wait, isn’t Jeb “Bobby”? And isn’t Neil the one who ran off the Knott’s Landing?

    Or is Cheney “J.R.” and W. is “Sue Ellen”?

    And who will Fred Thompson play?

  26. ThomasAllen,

    The amusing thing is that Live Oak is a a street that runs through a neighborhood of immigrants, poorly maintained 1920s houses subdivided into apartments, heroin addicts, biker bars, crack whores, gaggles of homeless squatting in the shadows behind liquor stores, and especially down-at-the-heels hipster types (such as they are) … the underbelly or “Tenderloin” if you will … It’s amusing for obvious reasons to imagine W & his “better half” relocating there.

  27. I thought all Wonketteers worshipped at the feet of Nate Silver and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamgraphs. If you look at that curious little set of maps that break down the US into red vs. blue by counties, and you look at the Texas graph, there is a very blue spot in the northeast set in a vast field of red. That blue spot is Dallas.

    Furthermore, back in ’92 when H. Ross Perot was ruining the election for Bush the First, H. Ross ditched his snooty old-school membership to the Dallas Country Club in order to appear more like the common man. When the election was over, and H. Ross had settled his campaign debts with the loose thousands in his pick-em-up truck’s ashtray, he tried to get back in and he was stiff-armed. Say what you want about pretentious old assholes, they know a douchebag when they see one. If you think that W is going to get a universally warm reseption in all of Dallas, you are wrong.

    W will, of course, receive nothing but warm receptions in Dallas, but that’s because he’s not going to set foot out of the Park Cities anyway. It’s not like he’s going to try to pull that shit in East Dallas.

    Oh, and before I forget, fuck Houston.

  28. And old Drudge got all righteous about Obama buying a wife a $30,000 ring, while George buys his a $3M house on sale because, well, he destroyed the real estate market for the ENTIRE PALNET EARTH. Can I get a siren for THAT ONE?

  29. [re=190281]V572625694[/re]: Poor Laura, she just barely has a pulse.

    I’m with Angry Blak Guy, dude should seriously be looking into beating a hasty retreat south of the border… I was thinking Colombia, but Parguay sounds nice too.

    I don’t care what happens to him as long as it involves eating a bag of you know what, and I don’t mean pretzels… or do I?

  30. Aloysius,

    Just as many foreigners curiously think America is overwhelmingly white, most Americans think that of Dallas. They’re dead wrong, of course. But one has to admit the vast majority of Dallasites who are white are assholes. We liberal gringos hunker over here in East Dallas, and after awhile you can come to believe Dallas is a moderately liberal city … but East Dallas about 4×4 miles and North Dallas is, what — 40×40?

    Dallas has gone blue mostly by virtue of its ethnic demographics.

  31. Ugh. Go away George and stay away. Gin, poppers, Schlitz, whatever just take it and shut up. And leave Laura alone-poor thing has been battling with her lithium dosages for years…

  32. BTW, everybody, you can check out the actual neighborhood he’s moving to on Google Street View. It’s bounded by Northwest Highway, Midway Road, Lovers Lane and Inwood. It’s perfectly obscene, of course.

  33. This whole “running/ruining the country” business behind him, Dubya can finally focus on his true ambition: becoming just like that J.R. fella on that telly-vision program.

  34. Why not move to Borden County? It went 88% for McCain. (qualifying it for dumbest county in the United States) Would serve him right….nothing but desert and rednecks for miles and miles.

    Dallas county went blue, but good ol’ Tarrant stayed red. Sumbitches..

  35. [re=190520]National Fried Boloney League[/re]: I think Ochiltree county went 92% for McCain. And it has the added advantage of being completely flat. Doesn’t Bordon county have some hills?

  36. As someone who lives a few blocks from the empty lot the Bushes bought (actually they have owned it since like 2004), I think everyone should know that NOBODY wanted them to actually move here. We are not a bunch of wingnuts…most people were upset when SMU got the library, and we are actually a blue county now. So yeah Bush sucks but we don’t.

  37. Dallas is the most worthless, uninhabitable place on earth, unless you are a dipshit, then its perfect. I created a login just to say that.

  38. I just want to note that the ABC story says he will be building his presidential library at SMU nearby. It’s common knowledge that it’s going up there, of course; I’m just pumped he himself will be doing the work on it. I can’t wait to see him around campus. Maybe we can ride bikes together.

  39. [re=190280]NoWireHangers[/re]: Crawford hates Bush-Trash. Elitist New Yorker article awhile ago about Bushies running around Crawford before 2000 election buying all the land they could to create fake ranch. Big open spaces so junior could fall down most anywhere and only get bruised.

  40. Actually, Daisy, I’m from Baltimore and I do sorely miss the East Coast — not Baltimore, though, which is a true dump, albeit with great crab cakes. Pretty much NYC and Boston rock, Pittsburgh surprisingly has its charms and all the other cities on the East Coast are crusty dumps. Dallas is just mediocre and full of nouveau riche people who follow all the trends they read about in expensive magazines. Culture here (besides music) is something you purchase in a store to prove your refinement. So, in short, I guess you’re assessment isn’t exactly wrong.

    I bitch about this place more than anybody, but I know of what I speak. And the gay scene here beats hell out of Baltimore/D.C. — believe it.

  41. Will they please stop talking about his Crawford weed patch as a “ranch?” You have to have more than one cow for it to be a “ranch.”

  42. Dad and Mom didn’t want him down the street from them in Houston, harshing their buzz while they sit around at Astros games getting ulcers. Mizz Laura didn’t want to permanently live at that crap hacienda in Crawford and certainly not “back where it all started” in Midland f-ing Texas. Dallas is perfect for a coupla phonies like them. GW and L will be all decked out in brightly colored Polos and hanging at the (mostly white) country club with Mr and Mrs Don Evans, etc. Oh, that Freedom Institute? Call Condi. She’s in charge. Plus, while the house is being built, I imagine they will be at “home” in the new Dallas Ritz.

    Laura Bush’s “pin money” is the funniest part of this story. She sets aside $100 a month of George’s salary to pay for Christmas. I guess it sits right next to the swear jar that Dick Cheney had to drop a quarter into each time GW screwed up (meaning there’s about 12 million bucks available for the post-presidency).

    God, these people can’t leave soon enough.

  43. Compared to Plano (megachurch-oriented suburb north of Dallas which was the location of David Byrne’s “True Stories”) Dallas is heaven.

    //spent months at TI in Plano

  44. I’m thinking of when George Sr. and Babs retired from the White House and moved in across the street from Homer Simpson. That didn’t go over too well.
    Good luck, Dallas!

  45. Gah. Anyone who says Dallas is all rednecks with money and big hair and blue eyeshadow got their stereotypes back in the 80s and haven’t ever been here to bother updating them. Dallas is a VERY diverse city, and most of it is hardly wealthy (that’s really making me crack up).

    Yeah Pickles and Chucklenuts will plonk themselves in teeeensy tiny University Park and they’ll NEVER step foot out of that ten fucking square miles MARK my words. Unless it’s to be driven to the airport to fly somewhere else. They will exist only in that tiny pocket of weirdness north of downtown.

    The rest of Dallas would probably give them a hearty helping of middle finger if they dared show their faces around. I’d love to see Bush take a tour of Lakewood or Casa Linda or even better, South Dallas! WHOOOO!! OAK CLIFF REPRESENT!

    No, if he really wanted to be surrounded by nothing but white people who like him (or mostly like him), he’d have been better off continuing to pretend to be rural and retiring to Crawford, but of course that was all a big fat act.

    Dallas County has been solidly, reliably blue for the last two election cycles and will probably continue to be for the foreseeable future. If you’re a liberal living in Texas, you could do FAR worse than the big urban areas of the state.

    I’m happily ensconced in my nice blue southwestern suburb of Dallas, Grand Prairie. We have a Dem state rep! And he’s the son of the mayor so the mayor switched over to being a Democrat, too. They’re reading the writing on the wall. You can’t survive as a republican here anymore. Fuck yeah.

    Oh and fuck Bush. This is MY city. Me and my multi-generation Democratic family have been here since the early 40s when they were still putzing around in New England. Fuck ’em.

  46. I think Dallas is blue by a smidge, Fort Worth is red by a smidge.

    I live in the Mid Cities, in Useless, and will gladly drive 40 minutes or an hour just to shit on George Bush’s lawn.

  47. Well. He’s already had his conversion from aimiable drunkard to God-fearing conservative, maybe he’ll have another one. “We Republicans were wrong,” he says, popping the top on a Coors. “Living out here in Dallas has proved it to me, because this city is so diversificated.”

  48. Toast and Love, I’ll join you. Here’s the address: 10141 Daria Place, Dallas. I had the neighborhood wrong by a few miles. This is the Bush’s new address, just came doen the info pike. Once again, that address is: 10141 Daria Place, Dallas. Shit one, shit all!

  49. [re=190709]badmuthagoose[/re]: I spent my childhood Christmases at my great aunt and uncle’s little bungalow on Purdue in University Park and get all misty-eyed in the remembering. Last time I visited, the original houses were being snapped up, torn down and McMansions were being built to the lot-lines. Those Connecticut carpetbaggers will fit right in.

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