Now that he’s the President of Global Business, Bill Richardson is on the A List! People are interested, maybe, in what he has to say! So it’s a good thing Esquire just posted some random stuff from an interview with the de-bearded New Mexican. He named his horse after some country music jackass! Barack Obama helped him out at a debate!
Bill Richardson could’ve been the first Mexican president, and the first Western president since Reagan, and he is a smart dude who flies around the world on Mercy Missions or Diplomatic Things. But he’s a pretty lame campaigner, and is too fond of steak and booze and cigars and the ladies, so he never really had a shot at the nomination, even if he made the funniest campaign commercials.
Now, as Secretary of Commerce, the former congressman and Secretary of Energy and ambassador to the United Nations and soon-to-be-former Governor of New Mexico will have a job that is traditionally nothing anybody cares about, but it could be very important now, as President Obama is going to socialize America and seize all small businesses and also the guns of the white people. So what was Bill jabbering about, before he became relevant again, this morning?
- “Every elegant man should have a nice fountain pen and a nice watch.”
- “New Mexicans have better imaginations than anybody. My point on UFOs is, I don’t know if they’re fact or fiction. But it’s fun. It’s Americana. Why shut down dreams? And Dennis Kucinich said he’d actually seen one.”
- “My mother used to insist that I go to confession almost every day when I was a kid. I’d say, ‘This is absurd! Let’s do it every three days. Give me time to sin!’”
Jesus, what is he doing here, auditioning for Larry King’s old column in USA Today?
Also, there is a funny story about how Richardson was failing at a Dem debate, because he wasn’t paying any attention to the moderator — he was probably checking out some young ladies in the audience — and then he gets the question and is all, “Wha?” and Barack Obama whispers “Katrina” to Bill, so Bill is all, “Right, Katrina, here is my plan to solve Katrina, the hurricane that happened several years ago,” and later Bill tells Barack thanks dude for saving my ass.
And Barack says, “Nothing to it, brother.” This is how minorities talk to each other!
Bill Richardson: What I’ve Learned [Esquire]
{ 43 comments }
De-bearding is so sad for all involved.
After Delilah shaved his beard, Richardson could no longer push a pickup truck full of bricks 50 yards by leaning up to it and flexing his man-boobs.
Saddam had these small, black eyes.
I’ll bet he tells that cannibal joke, too. Uh — told.
“Let’s do it every three days. Give me time to sin!’”
Right on, brother, right on.
Dennis Kucinich sees an alien in the mirror everyday.
Bill Richardson could’ve been the first Mexican president, and the first Western president since Reagan
Yea, and monkeys COULD fly out of my butt…
If Joe Torre was president, Bill Richardson would have to shave.
News McNuggets had to quit printing Larry King’s column because they ran out of ellipsis dots.
Ha-ha. Bill Richardson was the most gay for Obama I’ve seen anybody be and all he got was Commerce.
He’s been the Governor of serious Truck Nutz country here in NM
Good for Obama for not dropping Janet Napolitano into his reply on the “Isn’t this a consolation prize” question. Hmm, putting an Hispanic in charge of the tragedy that is ICE…total token appointment.
Off-topic, I know…
I always KNEW they talked that way in private!
Ok, the pic with the baseball bat is just weird..and why would anyone name anything after Toby Fucking Keith-other than that, I’ve always kinda liked ole’ no-beard..
“Nothing to it, brother.” If that man does not stop making me swoon over his Smoothness, I shall be entirely undone. Oh, swoooon.
But no, he will not be socializing businesses and making us all learn Spanish and grow beards, Richardson will be busy with the MOST IMPORTANT TASK OF ALL TIME: the Census! http://voices.washingtonpost.com/federal-eye/2008/12/the_census_tops_richardsons_co.html
[re=189992]cal[/re]:
I de-bearded once, too. You’re right, it’s awful.
Moving forward, I think it should be required of all elected officials that they wear beards. The lady politicians, too. Long, luxurious, Oak-Ridge-Boysian chin-warmers.
Q: “How can you tell if a politician is lying?”
A: “His/her beard is swaying.”
[re=189992]cal[/re]:
Also, the getting skinny thing. (Or is he still fat? I haven’t seen the footage.)
A skinny Bill Richardson does not work. Obama needs a plump and jolly (preferably bearded) Richardson as the Sancho Panza to his quixotic Quixote self.
Maybe he shaved because ladies don’t like little tiny hairs growin’ out of a big blob of fat. Could be chin, could be neck, could just be a blob. Could be anything, really.
“Every elegant man should have a nice fountain pen and a nice watch.”
At the risk of sounding like a foppish dandy, I agree wholeheartedly with this.
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IF YOU DONT GIVE POSTS TO 5 BROS THEN YOU ARENT A BRO
[re=190011]groove[/re]: My feelings exactly.
Bill Richardson, ready to SLAM with a BASEBALL BAT those naughty folks over at Commerce. Literally.
[re=190002]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That totally explains his wife.
[re=190034]4tehlulz[/re]: Yes but what does the tranny post look like?
O.K. I’ll say it. I like this Bill.
He sure could make an intelligent, entertaining president – after Barry’s two terms.
And only while Bill is president, will we see loads of UFOs over N.M.
He grosses me out. He’s way more Herve Villechaize than Ricardo Montalban. Although I’m sure he has some fine Corinthian leather to go with his fountain pens and such.
>>I named my horse after Toby Keith
He lost me right there.
I have to disagree about the elegance thing. All a dandy really needs is a pair of gilded Trucknutz and a Playboy bunny decal etched on his socket wrench. Flash these at a lady and she’ll swear off the pole forever.
[re=190018]freakishlystrong[/re]:re:the bat, bill might need to club-a-hoe
[re=190055]4tehlulz[/re]: If it makes you feel any better, his horse is named Asshat.
I named my horse after Toby Keith
And the horse’s ass jokes just make themselves…
[re=190026]MoodProcessor[/re]: So, with Hillary, I look to see if Bill is swaying?
Toby Keith is one of US now. Colbert blew his mind, and irony broke through and possessed his soul. There’s a war on Christmas, if y’all didn’t know, and Toby kicks ass with his missile toe!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/19/toby-keith-praises-obama_n_119930.html
[re=190023]Doglessliberal[/re]: He has to deal with the census and keep track of the weather satellites. Tough job.
[re=190094]Min[/re]: I just found a picture!
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[re=190113]2goats[/re]: zing!
“This is how minorities talk to each other!”
Ahem, this is how !ALIENS! talk to each other!.
Wake up people!
I was enthusiastic about Richardson’s candidacy until he appeared at a candidate’s forum at Morongo Reservation; “going through the motions” would be an insult to kinetics. He was genial, but sleepy, even though Dennis’s wife was looking totally hot and causing a ruckus (I think the elegant toys, cigars and brandy interested him a bit more than the local talent). I don’t think Bill minds the spotlight, but perhaps he feared the Presidential media microscope — sort of Bill Clinton with self-awareness. As the Euphemists say, “unwilling to get out of his comfort zone.”
There’s that new-age masculinity guy the Bill Moyers interviewed way back when who said he didn’t trust any man who doesn’t carry a pocket-knife.
[re=190119]John McClain[/re]: Yes, ever since he kissed Stephen under the mistletoe. Of course they edited that out.
I do love that story about the debate. Probably because we all have one of those stories about getting caught not paying attention. If it can happen during a nationally televised debate for the potential leader of the free world, I don’t know why my boss is getting so cranky.
When Tom and Nicole divorced, wasn’t he de-bearded?
I think after the coronation, all of the Obama cabinet, including Hillary, should grow beards. It would be so cool.
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