HORRIBLE MONSTERS  12:51 pm December 3, 2008

Jim Lehrer Tells Creepy Stories About Cannibals, For Laughs

by Sara K. Smith

Who better to promote a heart-warming comedy show than a man with a funereal demeanor and the beady, coal-black eyes of a dead shark? Nobody! Please watch Make ‘Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America, lest Jim Lehrer be forced to make your faucets run with blood while he sings to you, from the sewer, wearing a clown costume. [YouTube]


Hola wonkerados.

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shortsshortsshorts December 3, 2008 at 12:54 pm

JEEBUS. This will put more people to sleep as much as Lurch Kerry running for President or something, which we luckily know will never happen. So there.

Serolf Divad December 3, 2008 at 12:55 pm

I think we’ve found the guy who’s gonna take over for John Stewart when he retires.

BarthexDeRosa December 3, 2008 at 12:57 pm

Jeez, any comedic momentum built up during the montage clip-segments will be sucked clean out of the joint whenever spookyface pops up to do some narration.

Serolf Divad December 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm

BTW: I first read that as “Cannabis.” I’d totally tune in to the News Hour to hear Lehrer regale his audiences with tales of all the manifold times he’s rolled a fattie and gotten high off his ass while cueing the VCR to the last 20 minutes of “2001 A Space Oddysey.”.

BarthexDeRosa December 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm

What’s next, PBS? Is Dick Cheney gonna guest on Sesame Street?

WhatTheHeck December 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm

I, er… I… um…
… left speechless.

shortsshortsshorts December 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=189951]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: *then*
Not *as much as*, you horrible, horrible failure.

shortsshortsshorts December 3, 2008 at 1:00 pm

[re=189951]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: *than* not *then*. You are watching your life flush down the toilet via interwebs.

ella December 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Wednesdays? As in plural, they’re gonna try this more than once?

monty December 3, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=189957]Serolf Divad[/re]: yeah i totally got it wrong too

SayItWithWookies December 3, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Pledge drive fare, of course. Better than those soft-focus lilting helldog Celtic Wymmyn what haunts me dreams.

Anonymous Office Zombie December 3, 2008 at 1:07 pm

OMG. Greatest freaking delivery evar. Better deadpan than Steven Wright, even.

MathewBrooks December 3, 2008 at 1:07 pm

“coal-black eyes of a dead shark” LOLOLZ

nurple December 3, 2008 at 1:08 pm

Reminds me – gotta get my Dad a copy of White Widow for Christmas. I’ve wanted to get him that for years. I probly will read it first. Also a bottle Becherovka.

freakishlystrong December 3, 2008 at 1:11 pm

[re=189962]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: DON’T read your own posts, Shorts read other peoplez, than* you won’t kick yerself…

AzDownboy December 3, 2008 at 1:11 pm

beep beep Mr Lehrer

Mongo December 3, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Jim Lehrer was for the Iraq invasion from the beginning, and antagonized the weapons inspectors in camera.
He is the biggest joke himself.

shortsshortsshorts December 3, 2008 at 1:26 pm

[re=189988]Mongo[/re]: You take that back! Jim Lehrer is the self-described most objective non-bias possessing person who has ever lived on the planet, ever. HOW DARE YOU.

actor212 December 3, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Listen, it couldn’t be half as bad as Lewis Black uncovering the World’s Funniest Joke for the History Channel.

And no, it’s not The Aristocrats…

CrimsonColonial December 3, 2008 at 1:29 pm

[re=189956]BarthexDeRosa[/re]: From the YouTube link, it looks like Billy Crystal is hosting and Amy Sedaris narrating. Lehrer just did this as a one-off, I don’t think he actually appears in the show.

lawrenceofthedesert December 3, 2008 at 1:35 pm

On the strength of this triumph, Lehrer has signed to play Frank in a remake of “Once Upon a Time in the West.”

Pizzuti December 3, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Well why else would you talk about cannibals but “for laughs?”

Min December 3, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I didn’t get the James Joyce reference yesterday, but I am all over the Stephen King reference today. i r so proud.

Heywood Floyd December 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm

So Jim Lehrer and Harry Reasoner walk into a bar.

They order drinks and nothing out of the ordinary happens.

TGY December 3, 2008 at 3:03 pm

That would explain why Jim Lehrer looks so fed up with people.

sanantonerose December 3, 2008 at 3:33 pm

[re=189977]MathewBrooks[/re]: Like dolls eyes…

Tra December 3, 2008 at 3:48 pm


New, even creepier standard is button eyes, thanks to Neil Gaiman and “Coraline.”

bitchincamaro December 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

[re=189978]nurple[/re]: Becherovka is the shit. Actually, drink a whole bottle of it like I did this summer in Praque, and it’ll give you the shitz.

chauncey December 3, 2008 at 5:47 pm

I’ve always thought his eyes were pinkish brown, like a rabbit’s…

Hans Slolo December 3, 2008 at 6:40 pm

[re=190166]Heywood Floyd[/re]: Oh god. I love this.

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