horrible monsters

Jim Lehrer Tells Creepy Stories About Cannibals, For Laughs

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Who better to promote a heart-warming comedy show than a man with a funereal demeanor and the beady, coal-black eyes of a dead shark? Nobody! Please watch Make ‘Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America, lest Jim Lehrer be forced to make your faucets run with blood while he sings to you, from the sewer, wearing a clown costume. [YouTube]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • shortsshortsshorts

    JEEBUS. This will put more people to sleep as much as Lurch Kerry running for President or something, which we luckily know will never happen. So there.

  • Serolf Divad

    I think we’ve found the guy who’s gonna take over for John Stewart when he retires.

  • BarthexDeRosa

    Jeez, any comedic momentum built up during the montage clip-segments will be sucked clean out of the joint whenever spookyface pops up to do some narration.

  • Serolf Divad

    BTW: I first read that as “Cannabis.” I’d totally tune in to the News Hour to hear Lehrer regale his audiences with tales of all the manifold times he’s rolled a fattie and gotten high off his ass while cueing the VCR to the last 20 minutes of “2001 A Space Oddysey.”.

  • BarthexDeRosa

    What’s next, PBS? Is Dick Cheney gonna guest on Sesame Street?

  • WhatTheHeck

    I, er… I… um…
    … left speechless.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=189951]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: *then*
    Not *as much as*, you horrible, horrible failure.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=189951]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: *than* not *then*. You are watching your life flush down the toilet via interwebs.

  • ella

    Wednesdays? As in plural, they’re gonna try this more than once?

  • monty

    [re=189957]Serolf Divad[/re]: yeah i totally got it wrong too

  • SayItWithWookies

    Pledge drive fare, of course. Better than those soft-focus lilting helldog Celtic Wymmyn what haunts me dreams.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    OMG. Greatest freaking delivery evar. Better deadpan than Steven Wright, even.

  • MathewBrooks

    “coal-black eyes of a dead shark” LOLOLZ

  • nurple

    Reminds me – gotta get my Dad a copy of White Widow for Christmas. I’ve wanted to get him that for years. I probly will read it first. Also a bottle Becherovka.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=189962]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: DON’T read your own posts, Shorts read other peoplez, than* you won’t kick yerself…

  • AzDownboy

    beep beep Mr Lehrer

  • Mongo

    Jim Lehrer was for the Iraq invasion from the beginning, and antagonized the weapons inspectors in camera.
    He is the biggest joke himself.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=189988]Mongo[/re]: You take that back! Jim Lehrer is the self-described most objective non-bias possessing person who has ever lived on the planet, ever. HOW DARE YOU.

  • actor212

    Listen, it couldn’t be half as bad as Lewis Black uncovering the World’s Funniest Joke for the History Channel.

    And no, it’s not The Aristocrats…

  • CrimsonColonial

    [re=189956]BarthexDeRosa[/re]: From the YouTube link, it looks like Billy Crystal is hosting and Amy Sedaris narrating. Lehrer just did this as a one-off, I don’t think he actually appears in the show.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    On the strength of this triumph, Lehrer has signed to play Frank in a remake of “Once Upon a Time in the West.”

  • Pizzuti

    Well why else would you talk about cannibals but “for laughs?”

  • Min

    I didn’t get the James Joyce reference yesterday, but I am all over the Stephen King reference today. i r so proud.

  • Heywood Floyd

    So Jim Lehrer and Harry Reasoner walk into a bar.

    They order drinks and nothing out of the ordinary happens.

  • TGY

    That would explain why Jim Lehrer looks so fed up with people.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=189977]MathewBrooks[/re]: Like dolls eyes…

  • Tra


    New, even creepier standard is button eyes, thanks to Neil Gaiman and “Coraline.”

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=189978]nurple[/re]: Becherovka is the shit. Actually, drink a whole bottle of it like I did this summer in Praque, and it’ll give you the shitz.

  • chauncey

    I’ve always thought his eyes were pinkish brown, like a rabbit’s…

  • Hans Slolo

    [re=190166]Heywood Floyd[/re]: Oh god. I love this.