WASHINGTON, DC, 02:42 PM, SAT NOVEMBER 21 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS
HORRIBLE MONSTERS

Jim Lehrer Tells Creepy Stories About Cannibals, For Laughs

Who better to promote a heart-warming comedy show than a man with a funereal demeanor and the beady, coal-black eyes of a dead shark? Nobody! Please watch Make ‘Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America, lest Jim Lehrer be forced to make your faucets run with blood while he sings to you, from the sewer, wearing a clown costume. [YouTube]


12:51 PM on Wed December 3 2008
By Sara K. Smith
1133 Views

  1. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:54 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    JEEBUS. This will put more people to sleep as much as Lurch Kerry running for President or something, which we luckily know will never happen. So there.

  2. Serolf Divad says at 12:55 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    I think we’ve found the guy who’s gonna take over for John Stewart when he retires.

  3. BarthexDeRosa says at 12:57 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    Jeez, any comedic momentum built up during the montage clip-segments will be sucked clean out of the joint whenever spookyface pops up to do some narration.

  4. Serolf Divad says at 12:58 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    BTW: I first read that as “Cannabis.” I’d totally tune in to the News Hour to hear Lehrer regale his audiences with tales of all the manifold times he’s rolled a fattie and gotten high off his ass while cueing the VCR to the last 20 minutes of “2001 A Space Oddysey.”.

  5. BarthexDeRosa says at 12:59 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    What’s next, PBS? Is Dick Cheney gonna guest on Sesame Street?

  6. WhatTheHeck says at 12:59 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    I, er… I… um…
    … left speechless.

  7. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:59 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: *then*
    Not *as much as*, you horrible, horrible failure.

  8. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:00 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: *than* not *then*. You are watching your life flush down the toilet via interwebs.

  9. Wednesdays? As in plural, they’re gonna try this more than once?

  10. Serolf Divad: yeah i totally got it wrong too

  11. SayItWithWookies says at 1:07 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    Pledge drive fare, of course. Better than those soft-focus lilting helldog Celtic Wymmyn what haunts me dreams.

  12. Anonymous Office Zombie says at 1:07 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    OMG. Greatest freaking delivery evar. Better deadpan than Steven Wright, even.

  13. MathewBrooks says at 1:07 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    “coal-black eyes of a dead shark” LOLOLZ

  14. Reminds me - gotta get my Dad a copy of White Widow for Christmas. I’ve wanted to get him that for years. I probly will read it first. Also a bottle Becherovka.

  15. freakishlystrong says at 1:11 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: DON’T read your own posts, Shorts read other peoplez, than* you won’t kick yerself…

  16. AzDownboy says at 1:11 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    beep beep Mr Lehrer

  17. Jim Lehrer was for the Iraq invasion from the beginning, and antagonized the weapons inspectors in camera.
    He is the biggest joke himself.

  18. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:26 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    Mongo: You take that back! Jim Lehrer is the self-described most objective non-bias possessing person who has ever lived on the planet, ever. HOW DARE YOU.

  19. actor212 says at 1:28 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    Listen, it couldn’t be half as bad as Lewis Black uncovering the World’s Funniest Joke for the History Channel.

    And no, it’s not The Aristocrats…

  20. CrimsonColonial says at 1:29 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    BarthexDeRosa: From the YouTube link, it looks like Billy Crystal is hosting and Amy Sedaris narrating. Lehrer just did this as a one-off, I don’t think he actually appears in the show.

  21. lawrenceofthedesert says at 1:35 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    On the strength of this triumph, Lehrer has signed to play Frank in a remake of “Once Upon a Time in the West.”

  22. Well why else would you talk about cannibals but “for laughs?”

  23. I didn’t get the James Joyce reference yesterday, but I am all over the Stephen King reference today. i r so proud.

  24. Heywood Floyd says at 2:52 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    So Jim Lehrer and Harry Reasoner walk into a bar.

    They order drinks and nothing out of the ordinary happens.

  25. That would explain why Jim Lehrer looks so fed up with people.

  26. sanantonerose says at 3:33 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    MathewBrooks: Like dolls eyes…

  27. sanantonerose:

    New, even creepier standard is button eyes, thanks to Neil Gaiman and “Coraline.”

  28. bitchincamaro says at 3:56 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    nurple: Becherovka is the shit. Actually, drink a whole bottle of it like I did this summer in Praque, and it’ll give you the shitz.

  29. chauncey says at 5:47 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    I’ve always thought his eyes were pinkish brown, like a rabbit’s…

  30. Hans Slolo says at 6:40 pm, December 3rd, 2008

    Heywood Floyd: Oh god. I love this.

Leave a Reply