Who Will Be The Next Barack Obama?

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He also speaks Tibetan!Our President-elect has mastered the art of time travel and can shoot laser beams from his nipples, but he hasn’t figured out yet how to be in two places at the same time. ERGO, somebody must fill his senatorial seat while he is off being the President. But who, hmmm? Jesse Jackson Jr. seems to be making a lot of noise about he wants the seat, but that is what those Jacksons do — talk endlessly about whatever.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich gets to appoint the replacement, of course, and he has many choices! He discussed these many choices with Lynn Sweet, the sabertoothed journo who asked Barack Obama about the puppy at his very first post-election press conference.

The governor, I learned, is trying to set up an interview with Jackson to discuss the vacancy. He’s already talked to Dem Representatives Jan Schakowsky; Danny Davis, who is becoming more vocal about wanting the seat, and Luis Gutierrez. Former state Senate President Emil Jones, Veterans Affairs chief Tammy Duckworth, and Attorney General Lisa Madigan are near the top of what the governor said was a long list.

Wonkette endorses Danny Davis, because it is easy to misread his name as “Lanny Davis,” whom observers might recall is one of the more delightfully colorful frauds associated with Hillary Clinton’s failed presidential campaign. Otherwise, what the hell, give it to Jackson if he wants it so bad.

Exclusive: Blagojevich talks about Obama Senate replacement. [Chicago Sun-Times]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • facehead

    Flavor Flav.

  • ihasasad

    Oprah Winfrey

  • NoWireHangers

    I vote Jan Schakowsky, my old congresslady because she’s hella librul or Tammy Duckworth beacuse Congress needs more “Tammys”. If chosen, JJ Jr. would never.stop.talking. But he could do a mean filibuster. Regardless they’re all well-versed in the Chicago machine. Decisions, decisions…

  • TGY

    They need anotehr mutt, obvs.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …isn’t Jerry Springer in Chicago? I’m just saying!

  • naveed

    [re=189861]facehead[/re]: New York!

  • WhatTheHeck

    Preferably someone born in Indonesia of muslim parentage, who entered the U.S. illegally.
    That means, just about anybody can fill that spot.

    Oh wait. Maybe Sarah Palin might consider…

  • rev_matt_y

    I second Flavor Flav.

  • articulate moran

    I would only take the seat if it still held his scent.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mrs. O’Leary’s cow.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Jesse Jackson:

  • obfuscator

    [re=189867]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oh god, please anyone but Emil Jones. That guy is a weiner.

  • jbd

    Jack Ryan! Because seriously, why the fuck not, and it would be funny anyhow.

    If not, I suppose Alan Keyes is still an Illinoisian?

  • S.Luggo

    Pick the gimp. It will provide endless amusment watching her try to negotiate the marble floors in the Capitol building. And couldn’t we all use a chuckle these days?
    Said with sincerity and respect.

  • metropolitan

    i know obama has given the US a distorted view of chicago. it’s all joe piscopo in cubs hats over there.

  • hedgehog

    Richard Marx is from Chicago. Would fit in with the current ideological bent (although he’d probably have to grow a beard).

    R. Kelly is also a Chicagoan. Big on children’s issues.

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=189891]jbd[/re]: Or, perhaps his ex, whatsherface, 7 of 9 of the Borg? RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!

  • Pop Socket

    [re=189875]TGY[/re]: Halle Berry?

  • Serolf Divad

    The next Barakc Obama will be Nicolas Sarkozy, of course.

  • Juice-IL

    We need someone who can be the voice of our generation. That is why Rod should appoint Kanye West. And then, once his first piece of legislation fails, he can go on national TV and proclaim that Harry Reid doesn’t care about black people.

  • Sussemilch

    [re=189864]ihasasad[/re]: Seconded. Oprah for Senate. God knows she’s rich enough to keep it.

  • Kwame&#39

    Duh, Louis Farrakhan.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    GEORGE RYAN. Plain and simple. RELEASE HIM, Mr. Bush.

    That corrupt dick-face would do just fine in Chicago’s political machine of death.

  • cal

    Can’t we resurrect Ghandi? He’s the only one who could fill Hopey’s sandals… er, shoes.

  • TGY

    [re=189905]Pop Socket[/re]: Wooo, damned fine.

  • Min

    I’m going to be the next Barack Obama! Granted, I’m not black or male, but I’m chock full of hope and stuff.

  • WhatTheHeck

    [re=189887]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh, I get it. You want the next Barack to burn down Chicago.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    What, no nominations for Bill Ayers? It’d be worth just to watch Hannity’s big fat empty head asplode.

  • obfuscator

    Bill Fucking Ayers.


    [re=189923]cal[/re]: I was going for Studs Terkel, but he’s still dead too.

  • gurukalehuru

    If we’re voting for the one with the potentially funniest name, I vote for the Duckworth lady because, well, duh…
    If we’re being serious, I’ve got nothing.

    p.s. if you editors wanted to use this as an excuse to run some pictures of Jeri Ryan, though, I’ve got no objection.

  • actor212

    Wasn’t Danny Davis a referee in the old WWF?


  • 4tehlulz

    [re=189891]jbd[/re]: Jeri Ryan would be better, just to twist that knife one more time.

  • Godot

    How could he have mastered the art of time travel and NOT have figured out how to be in two places at the same time?


    [re=189935]gurukalehuru[/re]: So we are down to a short list Halle Berry and Jeri Ryan?

  • mookworthjwilson

    Why can’t it be either of the pro wrestlers named Danny Davis??? Hengh?

  • shanemcgowan

    There is only one choice, Ozzie Guillen.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Duckworth looks good. Gotta like the melting pot symbolism of an Asian female version of Max Cleland, plus you don’t have to empty a safe dem Cong/Gov seat to put her in office. (Lookin’ at you, Napolitano, Richardson, Hillary … )


    [re=189942]Godot[/re]: Well look, if time travel is the only criteria then Masi Oka has it in the bag.

  • obfuscator

    I like Tammy Duckworth, but appointing someone who is already 0-1 as a candidate might be questionable, especially when compared to long-time office holders like Danny Davis.

    In related news, these photos are awesome:

  • Sarah Palin (



  • Doglessliberal

    [re=189867]NoWireHangers[/re]: I was hoping Tammy would get the VA spot in the Cabinet, though.

  • aleks

    [re=189867]NoWireHangers[/re]: Don’t we want to avoid accidental filibusters while we’ve got the majority? I’m almost certain that’s why Obama plucked Biden out of the Senate.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=189935]gurukalehuru[/re]: [re=189941]4tehlulz[/re]:

    Actually, that would be an excellent project for Wonkette editors and commenters. Try to raise the awareness level of good old 7 o’ 9 to the point where the MSM is reporting a “popular groundswell of support” for her to be the next Senator from Illinois.

    Plus she lots of relevant experience: her years with Jack Ryan (politics), hawt schoolteacher (education), hawt district attorney (law enforcement), hawt semi-robot space explorer (science). At least on teevee, anyway.

    With all that under her belt, she couldn’t possibly be any worse at the job Than Fred Thompson, or that guy from Love Boat.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=189939]actor212[/re]: Damn you!…beat me to that…

  • V572625694

    [re=189909]Serolf Divad[/re]: If Sarkozy is to be the new Obama, then über-cougar Carla Bruni would be the next Michelle….mmmm, sweet!

  • rambone

    Someone corrupt and evil please.

  • obfuscator

    [re=189987]rambone[/re]: Maybe the Gov. will appoint himself.

  • nestor

    Dr. Ron Paul

  • aleks

    [re=189942]Godot[/re]: Because being in the same time and place as your previous or future self causes you to sicken and die.

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=189989]obfuscator[/re]: So he can avoid being arrested while Congress is in session.

  • x111e7thst

    As a side note: the ability to be in two places simultaneously is the minimum prerequisite for godhood.

  • slithytoves

    Duckworth, easy. Watching her trip up the old, white, male gasbags with the peg legs she got issued in Iraq is worth watching C-Span. Srsly, she makes me cry with profound angst.

  • ladymacbeth

    you people are all political geeks. far too many of you know far too much about IL and i KNOW many of you don’t live here.

    wonkette reading should be a requirement for both citizenship and the right to vote.

  • actor212

    [re=189975]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Yea, but you got both, so half credit.

    We share. We’re liberals.

  • space stout

    HARRY CARAY! “Booze, broads, and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?” Sounds like a Senator to me. Oh, wait. He’s dead. sorry.

  • Monsieur Grumpe&#39

    Gary Coleman. It would kind of like a Mini Me with the catch phrase “What choo talkin bout Biden?”

  • Pizzuti

    They should hold a random lottery for Barack Obama’s senate seat. How democratic is that!

  • Borat

    I nominate Jeb Bush. Why should he have to wait around in Florida for this opportunity, he’s tested, he’s got experience, he’s got a brand name. Plus, I think we can turn his son into a gayz once he is in DC.

  • JadedDIssonance

    I signed a petition to Blago requesting that Jackson be appointed. Jesse Jr. isn’t so bad.

  • Pizzuti

    Question: Can Michelle Obama just have Barack Obama’s senate seat now, or do we have to wait till halfway through Barack’s second term when a random safe-seat opens in California?

  • rubyji

    Is Carol Mosely Braun busy?

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    Bozo the Clown? He’s a Chicago rezznit.

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=190138]messickc (ROLL TIDE!)[/re]: Crap– that picture gives me the schillywiggers…

  • Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    I say reach across the isle. Nominate Cut-nut, and pay her in ameros.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=189884]rev_matt_y[/re]: I also heartily endorse Flava Flav. We need more Gremlins in Congress.

  • HomoPolitico

    [re=190047]Borat[/re]: “Plus, I think we can turn his RAPIST son into a gayz once he is in DC.”

    I fixed that for you.

  • PJ

    The whole Tibet thing isn’t working out so well for His Holiness.

    Why not the Dalai Lama for the next Obama?

    They could just alter the letters on Obama’s old lawn signs!