Wonkette
Anyone who’s managed to score higher than “zero” on this thing is a golden god and should run the global economy. UPDATE: DAVE J. HAS THE SECRET. [EcoDriving USA]
THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE THING EVER
Where Did The Last Hour Go?
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6:31 PM
on Tue December 2 2008
By
Jim Newell
14137 Views
I think I got a 44 once I figured out to inflate my tires and take all the TruckNutz out of the trunk.
SERIOUSLY.
I got 6900. That makes me a demi god, right? Or just a loser who can’t drive…
I played as Lindsay Lohan. I got a perfect zero!
I got a zero. But I have salvaged part of my pride by reminding myself, in real life, I can still get 30mpg out of my superannuated Camry and have never come close to wrecking it.
My 8-year-old pWns me at Marble Blast, however
Dave J.: OMG, I can’t believe it took me so long to figure that out.
WTF, I rammed into my neighbors house five times trying to steer. I’m off to inflate my tires, thanks Dave!
Impossible.
Oh yeah, drive like your pants are hitched up to your nipples and demand all those young whipper snapper maniacs to slow down to a safe speed of 9mph. Seriously.
I just got a 24,070. I took the highway.
So Wonkette is causing my eTrust anti-virus meds to freak out:
The Actns/Swif.T was detected in C:\USERS\BARRETT808\APPDATA\LOCAL\MICROSOFT\WINDOWS\TEMPORARY INTERNET FILES\LOW\CONTENT.IE5\A5WAY9DE\L[1].SWF.
Machine: BARRETT808, User: REDMOND\barrett808.
File Status: File was cured; system cure performed.
Every time I refresh the page with Wonkette in IE7.
What’s up with that?
I was doing ok until the last left home. Then some shit happened. Zero is the highest oyu can get, right?
I don’t even get it. I couldn’t find anyone to run over.
Maybe a couple drinks woulda helped.
This game can suck it.
12,104, but three letters is insufficient for me to type anything snarky in the high scores list. So I went with WKT in honor of wonkette.
Seriously, is there some voter fraud here. Wonkette says we are Number 1, but their internal rankings is missing 1. Damn it, if I’m going to waste my time on something, I want recognition. Or at least recognition for some website I can’t tear myself away from.
Are Truck Nutz eco-friendly?
College Humor posted a funner game today called Incredibots. Well, not by much.
I bet this game was designed by one of the Big Three.
It’s fucked up. Like, I’m going to be driving the car of the future with my keyboard arrows.
And like, I can’t drive without my Barack hula doll on my dash.
JFC, i mean, I should have been arrested. and getting into the driveway was the worst. i do see how you can get hit by a train tho as i never looked (are the tracks even used?).
Eco-driving porn movie rip-off in 3..2…
I got like a 39,000.
Here’s some addictive shit…
http://www.kongregate.com/games/WeirdBeardGames/99-bricks
It’s like Tetris and Jenga had kinky bathroom sex.
I shot a hooker, stole a cadillac and escaped from the cops and still got a zero. Oh wait…
I just floor it and go straight ahead until I wrap myself around a tree. I keep my tires at max inflation, though, because I love the planet.
Also: don’t know if there’s a cause/effect relationship, but after five collisions where I rear-ended other cars at high speed, my engine would only operate at 3750 RPM or higher, which i thought was pretty cool.
I don’t drive anyway. Is there a bus version or a bike and ride thingie? I think, according to this game, I should be dead by now. And by the way, that car is a piece of shit. I am going to try it again with a hand over one eye - when I do drive that’s what I do when I’m drunk cause this game is what that feels like.
So I don’t own a car (I juss’ jack’em when i needs ‘em). What’s my ecodriving score?
39,778.
You can make that car go 75mph IN REVERSE! Screw the environment!
Well, mister Barrett808, you’re on the Redmond Domain and you’re deleting a cache file for a shockwave flash application.
4373, bitches! And I was weaving all over the freeway, just like in real life!!!
I cant even make the thing move with the arrow keys.
ManchuCandidate: Exactly. Except you can score more points if you get her up to 27mph on the freeway.
Barrett808:
Yeah, same here. I get infected with an Actns/Swif.T virus every time I load or refresh.
Being eco-conscious is lame in virtual reality as well.
32,175!!! I removed everything from my trunk, kept the tire pressure 1 bar below the max, and maintained a speed of 45 mph. I also took the longer route
42,901 by keeping it at a steady 18mph on the highway. I’m sure I’d be dead in less than a minute in real life but my corpse would fertilize the ditch weed so it’s all good for mother earth, right?
FUCK THAT GAME!
This is not CRUISIN’ USA. I hate it.
the guy in the orange car got really pissed off at me for hitting his car, got out and grabbed a tire iron from his trunk and beat the shit out of my car…I’m pissed and the insurance company won’t take my calls; I’m walking…just scored a gazillion points for walking and taking public transportation.
It began when I took that first wrong turn. Realizing I was no longer on the interstate and seeing no traffic or peace officers, I took it out to Mariposa tapped the up arrow while the alt and ! keys were down. I tried to to see how much over a hundred I could get of out it - and flipped it just like Jimmy Dean.
Good thing it had a roll bar and I was wearing a seat belt.
You gotta know the cheats and then it’s more fun than Grand Theft Auto.
27k. Not too hard.
Not difficult. http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s76/bravertuna/ecodriving.jpg
fuck this game
All I got for each of the ten games I played is zero, so YAWN, whats the big deal.
I kept it straight and slow. Then I was killed in a hail of gunfire due to road rage from the other drivers.
I spent 40 minutes trying to master this game instead of doing anything restore the investment banking industry to profitability (which is, in a way, my job). I can haz bailout?
DOODS your versions of flash must be far superior to mine because I STILL cannot make the stupid car move. I think I’ll get out of it and walk.
Whose more sustainable now, bitches?
Why does the left arrow make the car go right?
eco-drive my ass…if you’re really concerned, get a bicycle
that said, the real bitch is when you get 47 levels down into the dungeon of ordeals…and there are THREE of the heavily armored guys waiting….time to drink some blue juice, and try to remember how to do the backslash move…
bombs do not work!
Dear Diorama: Because Eco-Driving makes no sense. HIPPIES DON’T DRIVE!
But what about the left arrow not making the car go left?
Perhaps the contest is to see who drunk drives best. That would be tailor made for Wonketeers.
Oh, old people, your adorable confusion with technology is endearing
It’s GTA for the Flanders family.
green truck nutz irony alert:
imagine all the coal that was burned just so people could play that fucking game online
When you pick up the hooker make sure you use a lambskin condom before you kill her. 10,000 green points!
I got off the map and could not get back on… before that I could not drive under the overpass… Is that a DOT fuck up or what… The only green feature was I was not actually driving a car while I played that game.
24,561 Woohoo! Oh, and the Wonkette Readers team is kicking everyone else’s ass on the EcoDriving Leaderboard. 3,609,963 pts. Next closest is “Group of the Greatest Drivers on Earth” at 166,895 pts.
150 players are with “Wonkette Readers” ???? WTF
Inflated the tires, took all the crap outta the trunk, except the nine-iron (self defense, ya know) and still got a zero, probs because I still drive like an Alzheimer’s patient on quaaludes.
For some reason I found myself kissing a lamp post before I touched the pedals.
16,482 Bitches! Beat that!
36,969 in 39.47 seconds
Of course, in real life I could never get all my shit out of the trunk, inflate my trucknutz to max and then drive on a freeway below the speed limit without getting shot/run into/run off of the road/arrested for being a dick…
You get more points if you whack a few cops and jack a Prius.
I couldn’t even drive before it locked up Firefox and forced me to restart. SCREW THE ENVIRONMENT.
Yeah, after pumping up my tires and carrying nothing ever, I got a 17,000. But I was going like 30mph on the highway, which would have gotten me killed in Chicago. So… toss up.
I wanted to get to the end of the route, but found all the street walkers very distracting. And while I appreciated the offers of recycled condoms, I found the concept to be more than a little off-putting.
This game did provide me with one useful tip - if you squeeze between the other cars, you can blow right through the red lights. And this maneuver saves you gas, since you’re not sitting around idling. I’ll have to try this out on my commute tomorrow.
InsidiousTuna: What part of “avoid idling” do you not fucking understand?
ha! i got Al Gore to fill up my gas at one point and then offer to drive me to the moon. wowzers!
http://www.charlietueats.com
I got a DWI, did a drive-by and commited vehicular homicide with this. I’m ready for the next challenge.
That thing was hard, y’all! I liked how it kept telling me I was driving too fast.
To do my part to help the environment, tomorrow I’ll play Pac-Man on the expressway at 15 MPH.
http://s4.tinypic.com/30mr50i.jpg
I LIVE DANGEROUSLY!
I still cannot figure out how to fire my machine gun or release an oil slick. What kind of game is this?
Well dayum. It wouldn’t let me take the Blue Highways route without flipping me back towards the interstate. William Least Heat-Moon would not be amused and neither am I.
35k, now give me my free Hummer.
I got 14,000. The people at ecodrivingusa.com seem to believe that mindlessly crashing into things is bad for the environment. I demand to see their research!
I’ve got to say that game has successfully pissed me off enough to make me want to burn a pile of tires in the back yard stacked with endangered species and styrofoam.
InsidiousTuna:
Nobody likes a smarty-pants
Dear Diorama:
driving your car in reverse again?
YEAH!!! 19,867 FINALLY…dumb game I can’t stop playing
facehead: At this point, GM would be happy to give you the whole Hummer division.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Thanks. I will now be fired for spending all day playing that.
Dear Diorama: You don’t know anything about the environment.
shortsshortsshorts: I’m with you shortsx3 — I couldn’t even get started. [hangs head in shame]
I picked up 3 hookers, a drug dealer, and Apu! Best game evar.
Mahousu: The curse of the smiley strikes again!
If I can do it, nobody else can. You need strategery!
Oh, come on! I just eliminated like 800 horrible carbon emitters (humans). And I’m the one who’s bad for environment?!
ManchuCandidate: “Oh yeah, drive like your pants are hitched up to your nipples” I laughed for 5 minutes straight at that. Bounced the cat right off my lap.