Wonkette
Here’s Fred Thompson, the laziest presidential candidate ever whose entire platform was to chase Mexicans in his red truck and then kick ‘em in the butt, offering for some reason his take on economics, for eight minutes. He raises a number of good points about our economy being founded on bad credit and overconsumption. He does this from his rich mahogany office with a fancy cigar in his mouth. That is all. [RedState]
I would like to kick Fred right in his old, saggy, wrinkly, nutz.
Fred Thompson so unmotivated, he has the neighbors yell at the kids on his lawn.
Are you sure that’s Fred Thompson? It looks kinda like Rosie O’Donnell in that horrid video blog.
Maybe Hollywood Fred can save the economy by cashing in the gold hidden in his droopy facial labia.
“I’m Fred Thompson, bringing you some holiday cheer. No, I’m not talking about that kind of cheer.”
Er, what is “that kind of cheer”? Handjobs? Thank god, then, that he’s not talking about THAT.
Gross, over at RedState they’re masturbating in the comments about a Thompson/911 ticket.
Why hasn’t someone parodied there horrible, embarrassing videos?
oh geez, i can’t believe we passed this guy up for president.
i’ll be kicking myself in the ass for the next four years.
Dave J.:
Yeah, that’s the first thing that went through my mind, too. Though maybe he was referring to a fifth of “Old Granddad” whiskey. Or maybe he was referring to a handjob after polishing off a fifth of “Old Granddad.”
Lordy, the Red Staters need a reality re-alignment..
Eight minutes?! Fred Thompson wants me to spend more time watching him drool than he spent campaigning?
Wow, down home folksyism and big city sarcasm do NOT work well together…
Couldn’t Dipshit McGoo have his wife read this while displaying her udders? ‘Cause then it might be worth watching. This way….meh.
NoWireHangers: Aaron Gardner December 2nd, 2008 at 10:48 a.m. CST (link)
“Fred on top and Rudy on bottom would have been better than McCain/Fred.”
HHHMMMMMMMM…..
He’s too lazy to even say the word economy. He calls it “the ‘conmy”
Can’t wait for him and Sarah Palin to co-chair the GOP.
Unwatchable.
Bwhahahahhaaa! Fred Thompson’s been to Washington, so he understands the complexities and intricacies that might be over the head of the average, non-Thompsonian genius.
The GOP is staking their future on cornering the down-home folksiness market.
So what LazyBoy is saying is that if gubmint didn’t spend America would be as prosperous as rural Tennessee.
Send that man a Super Tuber with a colorful bow. Might cheer him up.
Would have been a much better video if they were killing something in the background, and like, draining the blood out of it into a big bathtub.
Didn’t this asshat retire from politics? Can someone please make him STFU already?
I was going to watch the video but thankfully it was said in the write up that it was 8 minutes long. Whew!
Doesn’t it look like he’s selling soap?
Serolf Divad: I think the polishing off of Old Granddad happens after the guest-worker handjob.
WWFTD?
6:00am Wake up, damn kid. Sheeit, she called me Gramps again.
6:30am Go back to bed.
7:10am Watch CNN. Damn economy going to shit. Go back to sleep
8:30am Wake up. Scream at Jeri about where’s my oatmeal and Metamucil?
9:01am Watch CNN again. Didn’t realize that Whoopie Joined CNN.
9:45am Suddenly realized Jeri had changed the channel. Now watching CNN.
10:11am Call from Press secretary complaining about calls from media asking what I’m gonna do as next Preznit. Decided to take a shit.
11:55am Finished dump. Note to self, get Jeri to get me some prunes.
12:40pm Damn kid calls me Grandpappa. How many fucking times? I’m her dad!
1:11pm W calls up. Says he’s going to loaf the next two months during transition. I tells him, same here.
1:40pm CIA guy come to tell me about shit going on. Mumbai? WTF is that?
1:41pm Told CIA guy that I played an Admiral in Hunt For Red October so I don’t need a briefing.
2:44pm Napped
4:31pm Blue Plate Special at Hassenbacks Family Restaurant
5:04pm Time for my Blue Pill “Special”
7:01pm Started sexy Fun Time with Jeri.
7:05pm Finished Sexy Fun Time with Jeri. Not so fun because she kept calling me “Daddy.”
8:04pm Press called again. Wanted to know what we’re going to do about Citi Bank failing. Don’t care. I have my money in WaMu and Lehman.
8:12pm Advisers ask who am I going to select for Cabinet. Decided to put off till Jan 19, 2009.
9:14pm Boner finally over. Can finally get some sleep. Kissed brat good night. This time didn’t call me gramps, but wonders why no one else’s dad is so old. I miss being single.
Buttermilk does his read for Judge Whitey. (Part went to Vinegar Joe.)
When is a cigar, not a cigar?
When it’s a fat cock in Fred Thompson’s sound hole.
You sure that’s not Wilford Brimley?
NoWireHangers: geeze. i checked. some real love there.
We got in this mess by y’all sitting on yer fat asses and watching Law-N-Order and eatin’ pork rinds and such.
Hypocrisy. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Damn…he’s actually a crap-lousy actor. Who the hell knew?
facehead: Guy’at beat his? I don’t think he exists…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eApR0PFP50
So…
He spends what? Five minutes grossly distorting Obama’s position and then offers no other solutions? The problem is I agree with the whole living beyond our means got us into this point but he’s just such a shitbag.
Yeah, dipshit, the WPA was just giving half the people shovels to dig holes while the other half filled them in. Did you enjoy that electricity you had growing up in Tennessee? It must have magically sprung from one of those holes, Fuckbrain. We need public works projects not phallus sucking shitbag actors making fun of them.
He’s like a sleeping pill in human form.
Did he have a bowel movement at the start of this internets video?
You mean the sophistication of the new economy doesn’t involved feeding ‘fat guys’ doughnuts?
Oh my gods, I made that comment like hours ago and he’s still there stone cold yammering away! He’s like that narrator in the Rocky Horror Picture show who everyone shouts “you have no neck” at.
I’m not sure why he’s attributing the economic policies of the Republican Party to Barack Obama and then attacking them. I thought HE was the Republican, not Obama?
ManchuCandidate: Beautiful.
sezme: Himself?
nurple: The reason Fred’s a bad actor is - like Tom Cruz - he always plays himself in each role he takes. That bothered me less before the Scientology thing got out about the latter. A good enough actor will have you wondering for at least a few seconds who it is in that role? That’s how it was when I saw Mia Farrow in Broadway Danny Rose. Once I knew who it was (Allen’s then wife no less) then I had a sort of warm self-congratulatory feeling at the same moment I was thinking - wow, she’s a better actress than I thought!
That was not Rosemary with the thick Jersey accent.
Woody always plays himself more or less, but at least he’s funny.
Fred Thompson isn’t even known or liked for movies he made if he made a few appearances. Wilfred Brimley defended Jack Lemmon for shutting down the nuclear plant. Wilfred Brimley forever! Fred Thompson isn’t Wilfred Brimley. Wilfred Brimley is a a good actor. He makes Ronald Reagan look nothing but an old Fart. Come to think of it why isn’t Fred Thompson selling borax? I want to hear him selling Lava or something. “Only one thing gets these hands clean Mr.” “Neo-conservatism.”
If I’m channel surfing and there is a re-run of “Lord and Daughter” with Sam Waterston in it, I might actually watch it for three or four minutes. Show me Fred’s ugly mug, I’m off to watch Charlie Rose or Colbert someone else who is a better actor.
Doesn’t he have some power napping to do?
ManchuCandidate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgtLrQijdxo
Uh,… a backlighting a little much? Someone learn to draw a blind? This is so aesthetically annoying/inept I can’t hear whatever nonsense he’s saying to Jack McCoy, who needs more camera time.
He has managed to out-snark every one of us in just 8 short minutes…
…and today I have learned, from the bald and beautiful Arthur Branch himself, that we must snark ourselves back to economic excellence. Snark away, Snarkies!
Ad astra!
ManchuCandidate: WIN!
…bringing you a little holiday cheer; no, not that kind of holiday cheer.
For a second I thought he was going to discuss Jeri’s tits.
But what about the millionaires in New York that work in SMALL buildings? HEEENNNGH, Fred? What about them?
Enough, already.
Stack ‘em, rack ‘em, and pack ‘em Fred. Man, it’s been a long fall since he appeared with WALNUTS! in Die Hard 2 (Die Harder!)
NoWireHangers: A workmate told me last year when I shaved my goatee off that if I tilt my head to the side that my mouth looked like it has labia.
Having pussylips on your face isn’t that bad.
Keram2: This propaganda is addressing the Woman’s Auxiliary, sir. Booster’s millions of volunteer finks, CofA.
“He’s too lazy to even say the word economy. He calls it “the ‘conmy”
Can’t wait for him and Sarah Palin to co-chair the GOP.”
A rambling mumble fest of inchoate, vague ideas voice with conviction.
“He’s too lazy to even say the word economy. He calls it “the ‘conmy”
Can’t wait for him and Sarah Palin to co-chair the GOP.”
I can see the campaign now - a rambling mumble fest of inchoate vague ideas voiced with “geez-whiz” conviction.
ok, so i understand fred understands more about the economy than my lady bits could ever understand (besides shopping). however i also understand from pretty much every ecomonist out there who understands the economy and who has studied the economy and understands how to deal with The Economy Tanking that this is EXACTLY when we should be deficit spending our way out of woe.
mumbles to self: ladybrain cannot square circle.
this is an old man ironic *wink, wink* rant…something which is allowed those who need help with their diapers…
the best way to stop one of these rants is to offer the old man a fudgescicle…believe me, it works..
Next role: Rupert Murdoch in Oliver Stone’s “World’s Biggest A**hole.”
“I’ve been with the government, in Washington.” lols.
Gross, Fred Thompson. Just gross.
Jeri, can you change his Grampers please?
Its better than the first Dukes of Hazard movie, but where’s Jeri-May?
Chief Grinning Eagle: I agree: Wilform is The Works.