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America's greatest mayor's greatest chief of staffChristine Beatty, former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s former chief of staff and the woman on receiving end of Kilpatrick’s repeated inducements to meet him for some sexytime at the Benz Chili Bowl, got all suited up in a DEMURE RED SWEATER VEST and delivered a heartfelt apology to the people of Detroit after pleading guilty to two felonies. She betrayed the public trust by lying about her affair with this terrible doofus, who himself lied about a whole bunch of things (some of them actually consequential), and they both got caught, the end. The moral of the story is this: never sleep with anyone who thinks LOL is an actual word. [Detroit Free Press]

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47 COMMENTS

  1. I still can’t understand what she was doing sleeping with Kwame. Beatty is an intelligent and educated woman and Kwame with a wide load with a massive sense of entitlement.

  2. This seems like a sad affair and a really mean-ass punishment. What happened to all those guys who wrecked the world financial system, eh? Nada.

    I take this as a lesson. If I ever commit a crime, it’s going to be a big one. MOO HA HA!

  3. I’ve never slept with anyone who thought LOL is a word, and consequently avoided a lot of bad sex. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with a woman who thought that anyone who uses the phrase “I’m gonna rock your world” is a tragic, mouthbreathing moron.

    Hell, I should write a book on the correlation of the quality of sex partners and the quality of their vocabularies. If any ladies out there are interested in helping me with my research, drop me a line and I’ll make sure I invite you to my Nobel Prize party.

  4. Blah, Detroiters, you should have thought about it before the whole decades of white flight. So settle down and just throw your $100 at some poor inner city kids organization like you do every christmas, get your harumphs in about the ex-mayor, moan about why washington doesn’t love detroit and continue to give just enough of a damn to not live within the city limits but feel entitled to an opinion.

  5. I feel a mysterious urge to make a joke about the Red Wings, but I can’t seem to come up with one.

    Next time, try a Finn?

    Yeah, doesn’t really work.

    Ooh, maybe there’s something in Octopussy.

    Or maybe I should actually do my job for awhile.

  6. “I ask that you please continue to pray for me,” she said.

    I pray for people who have serious illnesses through no fault of their own, not for people who willingly and knowingly commit crimes. Sorry you got caught, sweetheart. Now suck it up and take your punishment.

  7. This is another “bush violation” on the governments. Or was she shaven?
    All these foul practices originated like the lame duck hisself at the Phillips Academies.

    It’s a Madonna song isn’t it? Enter and Exeter over Andover.

  8. What a sad society we live in when two people with power can’t indulge their sexual attraction for each other without someone like a wife interfering.

  9. [re=188865]TGY[/re]: Bullshit. Her actions destroyed the careers of several police officers and cost Detroit taxpayers $8,400,000 we don’t have. Beatty is a miserable cunt who is getting exactly what she deserved.

  10. [re=188911]actor212[/re]: Elmer Fudd sings Sinatra: “That’s Wife. . .That’s wife, that’s what all the people say. You’re widing high in Apwil, Shot down in May.”

  11. [re=188915]Woodwards Friend[/re]: She deserves some jail time just for the incident in which she was pulled over by a Detroit cop–late at night, driving erratically, probably drunk–and she gave him the “Do you know who the fuck I am” line. Although when reported it was “f***”.

  12. [re=188864]Terry[/re]: If you lined up all the intelligent and educated woman who slept with wide loads, the parade would stretch from NYC to LA, would be led by Hillary Clinton, and would have a special float for the wives and girlfriends of Rudolph Giuliani.

  13. Since when has been betraying the public’s trust been a crime?

    I actually like this as we can send any politician or government official to the klink for ever, good bye.

  14. Spent a week at mom’s (west side) last month. The first day I was there, Kwame got sentenced to the joint for a whole 6 months, I think. The last day of my stay, Obama got elected President. All kinds of joviality in between, helped make it a most memorable and pleasant visit, for once.

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