Your Dow Jones Falls Many Points After Investors Discover Some ‘Recession’ Thing

  our flourishing economy

The Dow Jones fell 679 points today, since it’s been a full six days since Paulson last introduced a new multi-hundred billion dollar loan or loan guarantee program, and everyone on Wall Street is a child: “The day’s news reminded investors, who last week were buying on a burst of optimism, that the economy is still in serious trouble. And at midday, Wall Street had confirmation of what everyone has suspected for months, that the nation is indeed in a recession.” They just wanted to be sure, for the 80th time, that the economy was indeed contracting, and then it was SELL SELL SELL.

Also, Hank Paulson “says the administration is looking at other ways to utilize the rescue package, including alternatives for providing capital to financial institutions.” Jesus, this guy. JUST REFINANCE CRAPPY MORTGAGES ALREADY. Next week he will use his TARP authority to rethink capitalism in general, and the following week, the concept that humans should organize into societies. Finally.

Stocks fall sharply on consumer spending worries [AP]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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