Wonkette
Barack Obama stands one-hundred feet tall and is made of golden chocolate. So his magical transition podium is a sky-high phallic monument to his greatness and tallness, so all the short ladies he keeps appointing to his Cabinet, for laughs, all look like that terrible Martian from the Flintstones (?!) cartoons with the bug antennae coming out of his fat head. [Gawker]
YOU MUST BE AT LEAST THIS TALL TO RIDE THE PRESIDENT-ELECT.
…the way Hillz is grasping those mics you would think she has had a little practice.
He did say he was going to be the one in charge. This is one way to assert dominance, I guess.
As Cartman would say, “Respect my authority!” And South Park remains to be culturally relevant.
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
the Great Gazoo…dumdum
Looks like Hillz has been in this predicament before. Masterful handling.
The Great Gazoo would actually make a great Secretary of Transportation.
AngryBlakGuy: Sheesh, you’re fast.
Will they also address the nation as “dumb-dumbs”?
AngryBlakGuy: That hurt to read.
The Pumpernickel: So I finally clicked on the blog link you post 300 times a day with your comments. After clicking on it, I just want to formally and explicitly state that your blog “sucks” in pretty much every way possible.
The main reason for such harsh Judgment? You say “I” or “I’m” about 500 times. Literally. 5.Hundred. Times.
It is such a self-promoting “blog spot,” whatever that is, that I hope that you are banned, forever, without penance.
That is all.
The fact that you drove me to say “I” or “me” or “I’m” in this comment attest to the damnation your blog deserves.
As my sexist old dad used to say, short ladies’ heads provide a nice place to put your beer while they’re, uh, performing secretarial duties.
I don’t know why nobody has thought of the Great Gazoo as the Secretary of Transportation before. It’s a home run.
poor mini-rice
Okay ladies, all aboard the Bang Bus!
Hopey will fuck all them senseless in exchange for greater leverage to fulfill any future political aspirations they may have, only to be thrown off the bus at the end. Naked, disheveled and shamed after enduring marathon triple ass fuckings.
Part of his rivalry with Bill. Oh, i guess that’s chubby wimminz - not short necessarily.
Rebecca Lobo for Secretary of Sound Fundamental Basketball!
It’s obviously a “dick in the face” euphemism. Go Hopey!
shortsshortsshorts: Continue your jihad against blog-flogging, and know that it shall not be in vain, Shortsx3. Maybe that Miller guy will show up again, and you can wail on him too. “Sucks” in quotes is very “nice.”
Oh ok. It’s part of his rivalry with Tom Cruise. If he takes all of the short gals for his cabinet, Cruise won’t be able to find any co-stars. He’ll have to resort to cameo appearances on Psych.
shortsshortsshorts: at least find out if she gives a decent hummer before you have her cast out!
Alan Cumming.
http://www.squidge.org/~subrosa/ca/pics/flinstones01.jpg
No, I did not see it.
Nor did I see it cumming.
I’m just afraid that there will be world diplomats convinced that another female black foreign relations director from the USA named “Rice” means that she must be Condi’s sister or something.
shortsshortsshorts: C’mon that’s harsh. At least add the her pic to your spank bank.
shortsshortsshorts: I’m here to tell you that I think you’re a big jerk. I’m certain you’ll come around and see that I’m right when I say I think you’re being overly critical of statements I’m making about myself. I’m going to go cry in the employee bathroom now while I’m contemplating the reason I’m getting fat even though I’m exercising regularly and I’m only eating organic food. Wait, why am I pissed off again?
shortsshortsshorts: Plus, his recipe for vegan eggnog is stupid. I hissed and I booed it.
36-24-36? ha, only if she’s 5′3″ …
Allow me my one political siting story. I actually saw Napolitano walking around a local supermarket here in Phoenix once. She is SHORT. Not a tall woman at all. Kind of freaked me out considering she either didn’t have any kind of security or her security were very effective ninjas.
A team of rivals? A team of OOMPA LOOMPAS is more like it! HEGNNH?
This is just foreshadowing of Hopey’s nominating Randy Newman for Secretary of Allegorical Discrimination.
If they have flat heads so he can rest his beer, do you really have to ask why?
shortsshortsshorts: I guess that you didn’t sign up for the “Pump Alerts.”
Why have these ladies not taken a page out of Barbara “5-ft Nuthin” Boxer’s playbook and insist that their aides carry around a tall-making device? Babs’ step stool is known as the “Boxer Box.”
I know. I said ‘box.’
The Pumpernickel: I’ll let the others have at you.
Kindly, I know that you are on some kind of journey/ search for enlightenment. This kind of exploration may be better done in private, like a journal. It is painful to read for many reasons.
You will look back and cringe. Guaranteed.
4tehlulz: WIN!
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live
They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin’ great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little fett
Well, I don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
Round here
Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It’s A Wonderful World)
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love
They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick ‘em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin’ peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They’re gonna get you every time
Well, I don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
Don’t want no Short People
‘Round here
Randy Newman
Part of Robert Reich’s deal for campaign advice to Hopey was that he gets put out to stud.
Good morning little fluffy bunnies!
Janet is Lebanese so she does not know to show the Prez-Elect proper ‘gratitude’ so Hillz is using the mikes to show her proper ball-cupping technique.
shortsshortsshorts: Somebody needs to take a lesson from one Tal Ben-Shahar and Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. See, I just read this great review of his new book, Happier…
At least these women are vertically challenged and not mentally challenged, like some other party women …in Alaska.
There is no “I” in shorts.
Did you have to mention golden chocolate? Now I have to pee, and I’m fresh out of Hershey’s Kisses.
Totowa: The Alaskan does seem the least horizontally challenged.
For what it’s worth.
Doesn’t blogspot exist so people can have free blogs they plaster with cheezy adsense ads that none of us with firefox ever see?
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Nice aim!
Deepthroat: Damnit Deepthroat.
WIN.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: i just realized what your name says. well played
monty: Thank you very much.
what will he be nominating Babs Mikulski and Donna Shalala for? And maybe that scary lady from Poltergeist?
SayItWithWookies: WIN. Although I’d love to see him craft a 9 1/2 minute ditty intricately detailing the way in which he will (hopefully) go fuck himself followed by a moving ballad which chronicles the minutiae of how he will then (hopefully) go eat a bag of dicks.
Note the way Hils yanked those damned things down. “Get these cocksucking mics out of my face,” she thought. And reached out and …yanked them down. So smooth. Masterful.
azw88: Please, dear god, no. With a voice like that the last thing Janet needs is exposure to more testosterone.
El Bombastico: WTF? Egg nog is made all the more sweeter knowing that there are aborted chickens in it! Without that, it would just be “nog!”
Actually, no eggs, no cream, just straight bourbon… maybe going vegan ain’t so bad after all…
shortsshortsshorts: All I’ve got to say– anger issues. Pop a xanax and chill.
Deepthroat: I know. http://www.trilulilu.ro/Ana/71ffc3d82aa30f
The Pumpernickel: He’s right.
shortsshortsshorts: THANK YOU! I was wondering when someone would finally say something about that fucking blog’s inane, self indulgent ramblings.
shortsshortsshorts: I just realized that this could be a Josh Evans moment.
BitterPolitico: I give you a harumph!
The Pumpernickel: From your blog, as I had to see what shortsx3 was talking about (and with which I now fully agree) “4) Write out your feelings (I guess this blog qualifies. It’s been pretty therapeutic. Let me know when the emotional vomit gets to be too much.)” Yes, it is called a journal. Use it. Don’t spam us with your blog. I expect links to add to the snark, not to your personal therapy sessions with the greater internet world.
I think she’s great and I love her blog! F all y’all!
*mouth* self. help. books. *glare*
randomsausage: awww, that hurts. I guess I need to go cry about how someone was mean to me on my blog now.
Why has Hopey invited all of these horrible midgets into his cabal, I mean cabinet? Doesn’t he know that many Americans are deathly afraid of midgets because they remind us, I mean them of ventriloquist dummies?
BitterPolitico: oh man, know your Blazing Saddles references! A harumph is good!!!!
randomsausage: Yeah, if you’re all going to beat up on someone, know who’s on your side at least!
Fail.
Seriously though, if I had known leaving a simple link would have caused such a ruckus I would have forgone it altogether. I bid you adieu. Hope y’alls feel like the big kids on the playground.
The Pumpernickel: Man this is like casting pearls in front of swine. By the way Pumpernickel, if you’d like something pearl related…..
randomsausage: Oh is that how the kids are using it now?
The Pumpernickel: Rule #1 of Wonkette fight club: Never leave a personal link that can be reviewed by Wonkette fight club.
You big jerks.
http://www.mysocalledlife.kevotron.com
Easily defeated, no? Stand up for yourself sister!
I have to say, I am really jazzed that most wonketeers ignored the suggested sexism of this microphone/podium/stagecraft thing and instead decided to turn this into a referendum on pumpkernickel, who I’m guessing has a shitty recipe for hummus.
Bring the real issues!
it’s not sexist, he hates super short bob gates too! he just hates short people, that’s why he married a fellow giant, so they could raise their wonderful giant family and live happily ever after while laughing at short people. reminding hillary who’s boss, was just an added bonus.
The Pumpernickel’s kick-ass Tomato Basil Hummus
Ingredients:
* 2 cups chickpeas, drained and rinsed, or soaked if using dried
* 1 can (15 ounce) whole, peeled tomatoes
* 2 tablespoons of tahini
* 2 ½ tablespoon fresh lemon juice
* 2 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
* 1/4 teaspoon cumin
* 1 clove of garlic, crushed
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 2 ½ tablespoon basil, chopped
Preparation:
In a blender or food processor, blend the chickpeas. Add tomatoes, olive oil, tahini, lemon juice, garlic, cumin, basil, and salt until the ingredients form a creamy, paste-like consistency. Pour the mixture into a large serving bowl. Cover and refrigerate for one hour.
Enjoy!
The Pumpernickel: I think you may be missing the point. No one really wants your “kick-ass” hummus recipe. The only part of your post that is Wonkettable is “creamy, paste-like consistency”.
Can we pump yer nickel?
Inquiring minds . . .
Please tell us it’s a dime. Please let it be a dime with low self-esteem.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: That’s not really snark…it’s hinging on gibberish. The latter part of your comment doesn’t really make sense. You probably shouldn’t consider a career in journalism. Or blog commenting, for that matter.
Speaking of boxes to stand on, the next people after modern Republicans that need boots to the head are those persons who refer to magical lecterns as podia.
I waited and waited for some one to make the point and was finally driven to make a first posting to any blog ever. Well, I did long ago post a couple of comments to a Babylon 5 discussion group.
tricks4kicks: You’re right. I fell apart.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: Fuck. Tough crowd today. I thought you were making an oblique reference to anal sex (pumping a nickel) which usually gets two thumbs up from Wonketteers.
randomsausage: Well, you are my very small audience, apparently. It was a mess. I should’ve been terse.
My apologies, wiser Wonketteers.
randomsausage: Assfucking: Win.
The Pumpernickel:
Pumpernickel: Fail
Sorry Pump, but you have brought this wrath. It is not anger for which I breathe, but rather a disdain for self-promotion.
EVERYONE ELSE THOUGH: CHECK OUT shortsshortsshorts COMMEMEMEMROTIVE PLATES, COMING TO RETAIN SOMETIMES SOONZ.
you are all idiots. good use of an afternoon champs.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: Someone needs to bring back the Paultards — it’s ugly when the Wonks start eating their own. That said, it’s time to threaten banning anyone who posts his/her blog link again, no matter how cute their “about me” pic is (I’m looking at you, Pumpernickel!!!). And since I missed the snark, TRUCKNUTZ!1!!!
tricks4kicks: Your point being…?
tricks4kicks: I wish I wuz moor liek u.
RabidHamster: It’s rough. The economy has got people on edge and it’s cold season and over-overdrinking season. What can we do? Hell, I’m gonna make some hummus and have a glass of wine.
I
I think Pumpernickel left us to re-arrange the enormous collection of furry toys on her bed
The Pumpernickel: Maybe I don’t exactly get it, but that looks far too much like Nader’s hommous recipie. Since I know real politicals don’t really cook, and Nader is a proven wanker, you MUST prove he stole it from you. Now, that’s the news america must know!
Someone should have put a cigar box or something behind the podium for the shorties to use.
RabidHamster: Yes, there is some fun gone without the Paultards. Too bad the Palin/Plumbertards can’t find a way to navigate their AOL browser here (its probably outside the comfort zone of their walled garden anyway.
Let’s go beat up some people on Joe the Blog or Rebuildtheparty, they deserve it more although those sites are run like commie police states.
shortsshortsshorts:
May I propose follow exceptions to the Law of Shortsx3 about what linkes ARE acceptable:
(1) Facts/articles/Youtube to support your snark
(2) Websites/blogs you want to terrorise and bring to their knees (rebuild the party, joe the forum)
(3) Blingee!
(4) Blog Pixxx of cuties, especially trannies with an impressive gift. Bonus for webcam!
(5) Bible verses. Only to be quoted by page number
there might be other exceptions, but I would
Must have been a riveting press conference when the most interesting discussion revolves around phallic martian-like microphones.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Hillz def. looked like she knew how to handle two at a time.
wickedlittledoll: Oh dear god, you did that on purpose, right?