It seems like just yesterday our little recession spent all its time wailing for food and pooping its pants, but it’s already pretty big! Soon it will be all growns up and cooking meth in the back yard shed while it asks us for “rent money.” The National Bureau of Economic Research says our recession is one year old, in the sense that the employment situation was at its very awesomest one year ago. Since then we have all lost our jobs and begun eating melamine-tainted cat food for sustenance. [MarketWatch]
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (799)
Jim Newell (5429)
Wonkette Jr. (626)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Kaia Mursi (44)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6695)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 62 comments }
One-year olds? No wonder Republicans don’t want to get involved. That’d be fucked up. Republicans don’t touch ‘em until they’re 12 or 13 years old at least.
You can afford to cut your melanine with cat food? Well, lah-di-dah Ms. Moneybags.
ha, you think this is bad? brace yourself for the terrible two’s.
that’s when the recession says “NO!” to everything no matter how appealing or reasonable and tries to grab everything within its reach –resulting in plenty of broken dreams.
What the hell is that… thing? A Hitler-youth, Aryan mouse?
And it only took the people in National Bureau of Economic Research a flippin’ YEAR to figure this out, only a few weeks after the prexy lxn. Their mothers must be so proud, standing in the soup line and just abraggin’ up their little money brainiacs. Medals of Freedom for them all!!
I’d get it a birthday cake, but thanks to it, the only cake I can afford is a piece of Wonderbread slathered in corn syrup with this lit cigarette butt stuck in it as its one-year-old candle.
The recession’s first word was “buttsecks”. We’ve taught him well.
Awww. I remember when the recession first learned to walk. All over the middle class.
sweet lord. what is that thing?
How cute! Our recession has Obama’s ears.
And now WE’RE all wailing for food and pooping our pants.
Awww, L’il Baby Recession is so gosh darn cute!
The recession already acts more mature than our pres’nit.
So cute, when the recession said its first words (“you’re fired”).
[re=187980]mattbolt[/re]: There was something about Republicans that always reminded me of Humbert Humbert.
[re=187993]Delicious[/re]: But the baby momma was obvs a white chick, right? Where’s Drudge with his sirens?
Hey, that means according to the people who’ve predicted it should be over by the end of 2009, that it’s only going to last another month, right? We should send Jeeves around in the Bentley with a case of Dom Perignon, then.
Is it technically a year old? I think more properly it was conceived a year ago, after a drunken hook-up between the government and financial institutions, and about 9 months later (September?) the thing was actually born, and I think we all remember all of the screaming and pain and feeling of having something huge lodged in an orifice that we all felt during the miracle of childbirth that was September. Now it’s a 3 month old recession, and is all red and gross and screaming at all hours of the night.
I think we were “officially” in a recession when people started wearing clothes made from their pets’ fur.
Poverty FAIL.
Looks like he’s been drinking too much milk with BGH. Hairy.
I am not worried –I am putting all my money on Hopey commemorative plates.
This is clearly all Nancy Pelosi & Barney Frank’s fault. They were sworn in in January of 2007, so obviously this is all the Democraps’ fault.
[re=188005]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m more inclined to go with a ‘send Joads around in the furniture-laden Model T with a case of half-starved Okies’ scenario, but then I tend to be more of a glass-half-empty sort.
What economists lack in an ability to predict the future, they more than make up for in an ability to predict the past.
[re=187983]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: thats baby new year, what are you communist?
[re=188010]Dreamer[/re]: I ordered those commemorative plates McCain was hawking on QVC, that commemorated their town hall debates, OH WAIT, that never happened, eh-heh-heh, see look they’re blank, HEENNGHHH?
God, I miss election-era humour, it was a refined time.
[re=187991]magic titty[/re]:
That’s the Baby New Year from “Rudolph’s Shiny New Year”. Unfortunately, the baby was trampled to death in front of a Wal-Mart at age 32.
[re=188011]EnBuenOra[/re]: Are you saying baby recession is as a result of drug addled nigh of depraved sex between Nancy Pelosi and Barney Frank? Is Drudge aware of this?
World AIDS Day and the birfday of the recession:
Further proof that Capitalism is a terrible virus.
Should find a picture of Dickens’ Ignorance and Want doing a jig like Jonathan Papelbon after a save.
…Trig?!
So now you see why we’ll be sorry that McCain lost. Obama is going to try to deal with the recession compassionately like a good parent, which means that in 19 years li’ll recession will still be sleeping on your couch and telling you to fuck off right to your face like you haven’t already given it everything you had and sacrificed your own youth for it, the golden-haired, big-eared bastard. But John McCain would have known how to handle this problem child: feed it to a giant vulture.
Goddamit. I trampled that fucking guy at Wal Mart last week to boost the economy and this is the thanks I get? Well, it was still fun trampling.
[re=188022]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Good one!
The economy reached a peak in December and has been declining since, according to the business cycle dating committee of the NBER.
If I were Richard Wagner I’d write an Opera and call it “The committee of the NBER.”
It would feature a fat lady with a Viking hat and a guy who sing-laughs while hammering a glowing red-hot sword.
What’s everyone going to get the baby recession? I’m going for hobo-grade beans and a torch with which to scare chuds and mutants away from said beans. It’s all I can afford since the frigging thing killed the economy.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Awww! What a cute widdle weecession! With proper care and feeding this one will grow to be a fine young Depression.
http://blog.peta.org/archives/scary%20circus%20clown.jpg
[re=188022]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Naah. The Baby New Year from Rudolph’s Shiny New Year show. The reason you’ve never seen it before is because it was when Rudolph jumped the shark; kind of akin to when Oliver was brought into save the Brady Bunch.
Melamine is just like vanilla, only it has a tan!
This means that the last time the T. Rowe Price stooge was at my workplace, and claimed there would no recession, the recession was already two months old.
BTW, I walked out after she said that. I understand that there is always some sort of lying involved with investments, but I couldn’t be in the same room with something so blatant from the fear that my morality would get infected.
I would feel sorry for the troll that TRP sends to face the angry hoards of 401K bagholders this time, but I would bet money that I no longer have that they will try the same shit, so they’ll deserve the trampling they will get.
That one year old recession is already doing bank failures at a Depression level.
I’m beyond melamine. I’m supercharging my garlic-vodka shots with bug spray, a la mode Russe.
Is that a baby picture of Newell?
The baby elf creature reminds me of sugar bowl. Call me sentimental, but it’s so cute and I just want shake it to def.
Hmm… a blonde haired, blue eyed rodent-like creature. Obviously the unholy spawn produced by decades of GOP ratfucking.
[re=188028]Scaggsvillain[/re]: Timothy Geithner will lock baby recession in a room without water and food and Goolsbee will torture it with metaphors until he expires..
[re=188047]Dreamer[/re]: And then get Medals of Freedom
Cultural illiteracy is so sad. That’s Baby New Year from the Rankin-Bass classic “Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073640/plotsummary). just because we are now hobos doesn’t mean we have to be uncivilized.
[re=188050]4tehlulz[/re]: Bush ruined Medals of Freedom. Hopey should come up with something else – Medal for Valour – wait that scientology.
Hobobeancake.
[re=188054]fishcanoeski[/re]: Study: Watching Fewer Than Four Hours Of TV A Day Impairs Ability To Ridicule Pop Culture – http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30863
[re=188064]Dreamer[/re]: Yes, but only if people really earn it. Something like ”
edal of puppy that’s coming with us to the White House.”
Crud. Ahem.
Yes, but only if people really earn it. Something like
”Medal of puppy that’s coming with us to the White House.”
[re=188036]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That picture was taken last week.
Recession Daddy Predisent is recoiling from Lil’ Baby Recession!
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-9/1071763/recessluv.jpg
He’s a Deadbeat Dad! Put his face up on a billboard, people!!
…didn’t someone accuse Barry of “post-birth abortion”?
I had an infestation of those creepy little things. They only came out after I’d been drinking tequila for a couple of hours. I finally got rid of them by smearing Vaseline around the edge of the toilet so they fell in when trying to get a drink.
A year old?! That means Barry Hussein couldn’t possibly have started it all on his own, because he was still a slave a year ago
Here is a recent snapshot of Iceland’s bouncing baby Depression.
http://images.chron.com/blogs/mamadrama/archives/scary.JPG
Can I get an AWWWwwwwww!?
Okay, well, my 401k’s 20% hemorrhage isn’t so bad with such a cute face to go with it.
Recession is already a year old and the Republicans who birthed it are still denying it exists. Clearly a case for Child Welfare, an entity that couldn’t possibly have been created by anyone but Democrats.
[re=188109]trondant[/re]:
Ha!
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