Prepare For Gay Invasion, Redneck America!

  keep america tacky


Hmm, guess we’d have to buy the DVD (“Get a five-pack!”) to see exactly what The Homosexualists did to this town in Arkansas. We only see evidence of a sedate street fair or bake sale, and then there are butthurt reactions from local wingnuts. Anyway, let’s all stop the horror of gay people moving to your rural community. No real American should be subject to good restaurants, independent bookstores, landscape design or rising property values. [Arkansas Times]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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85 comments

  1. HedonismBot

    I’m going to apply the Peggy (Noonington) Principle to this much ballyhooed Homo-ocalypse: I won’t believe it until I see teh gayz having teh buttsecks in teh streetz.

  2. mattbolt

    More on Eureka Springs, from the elitist gay media called Wikipedia:

    “The city is dominated by a 7-story tall, 2 million pound, white concrete statue of Jesus known as the Christ of the Ozarks, erected privately in 1966 as part of a planned religious theme park. The statue sits across the valley from the downtown area and is visible from most parts of the lakes and rivers in the immediate area.”

    Shit, don’t let the GAYS take our Concrete Jesus Theme Park away!

    “The racial makeup of the city was 93.94% White, 0.04% Black or African American, 0.70% Native American, 0.79% Asian”

    Oh, now I get what’s going on here.

  3. Vanity Smurf

    [re=187256]mattbolt[/re]: OOOhh! a Jesusland theme park!

    You must be this tall to ride the Rapture Coaster. Enjoy fine dining at Cafe Leviticus (reservations, among other things, required). Manger Square Electrical Parade nightly — don’t miss the crucifixion in thousands of twinkle lights!

    Branson can suck it.

  4. Big Liver

    It used to be that the town industry was to reenact the ‘Passion and Death of Jeebus’ for religious pilgrims every summer. They bragged of a cast of hundreds of locals all dressed as 1st century Judean rabble, with a great outdoor set of the street in Jerusalem through which Jeebus had to drag his cross, etc. They must still have a website promoting it. Oh look, here it is. http://www.greatpassionplay.com/passionplay.htm

  5. facehead

    shortsshortsshorts hasn’t commented yet? Teh gays must have silenced him already.

    CRYSTAL BUTTPEPSI 4EVA!!!

  6. V572625694

    Eureka Springs has many old, picturesque Victorian-era ginger-bread-festooned houses which have been turned into — what else? — bed-and-breaksfasts. And now they’re surprised teh gayz have arrived? Maybe now they can open some decent restaurants, ’cause the ones there 15 years ago were all-deep-fried, all the time.

  7. Spackle Camshaft Palin

    I like you, Stewart. You’re not like the other people, here at the trailer park.

    They’re good, fine, people, Stewart.
    But they DON’T KNOW WHAT THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!

  8. WadISay

    In the first place, you’ve got to ask whether any place that calls itself Eureka Springs really wants to keep the gays out.

  9. bonghitsforjesus

    Do teh gayz make a video on how to get fundies out of your town? I’d buy a five-pack of those!

  10. Kinbote

    Considering that this erstwhile little oasis of ‘traditional values’ willingly embraced noted racist/antisemitic scumbag Gerald L.K. Smith, the American Family Association should look deep within themselves and consider the finer points of shutting the fuck up.

    The Sacred Projects helped revitalize the Eureka Springs area. Restaurants and hotels expanded, and other entrepreneurs came to the town, making the Eureka Springs the largest Arkansas tourist mecca by 1975. Despite some local criticism of Smith, he was hailed as an area hero and planned another major attraction: a $100 million, Disney-like replica of the Holy Land, including the Great Wall of Jerusalem, the Sea of Galilee, the River Jordan, in which people could be baptized, and scenes from Jesus’s life. Only the wall was finished before Smith died.

    The Sacred Projects gave Smith some respectability but could not obscure the anti-Semitism and hatred for which he was most known. He maintained that Jesus was a Gentile whom Jews crucified; that Presidents Roosevelt, Truman, and Eisenhower were Jews; that Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler was a Bolshevik and a Jewish foil; that Jews invented communism; and that Jews prodded African Americans to begin the civil rights movement to jolt a tranquil American society. Smith lamented that he was castigated only because he was emboldened to air such issues.

    Smith died of pneumonia on April 15, 1976, in California, his winter home. He is buried at the foot of the Christ of the Ozarks statue. [Encyclopedia of Arkansas]

    Feel free to stop by and piss on his grave.

  11. Aurelio

    Just wait. In the coming Depression, the citizens of Eureka Springs will be bending over backwards to entice gay tourism.

  12. DoctorCulturae

    [re=187297]WadISay[/re]: I thought Eureka Springs was a drag name, as in: is it true Eureka Springs? Why yes, she indeedy do! Eureka!

  13. otisfatboy

    Do you think that guy asked his (gay) hairdresser to trim his beard and stash to look exactly like his ass?

  14. azw88

    Well, this book is TOO FUCKIN LATE to save MY TOWN!!! Goddamitt!!

    If you can’t beat them, hire them to redecorate your livingroom!!!

    [re=187299]Kinbote[/re]:
    And Jesus was crucified by The Jews??? Fuck! I thought Jesus was an early casualty in WlMart’s war on Christmas!!

  15. crawdadslim

    I live in that damn town. The passion play is a fantasy land for palin fans, droolers and other assorted “special needs” people that is dying basicaly because they refuse to adopt a decent biz model. Unless you count the cash machines in all the gift shops, or the dinos walked the earth with dick clark musuem.
    I have personaly smoked a lot of weed with a lot of the actors at that play, but only because I had to do something social at those gay sex partys while they shot up, snorted, or analy introduced a slurry of drugs.
    The milk carton jesus is pretty much a joke. they had to build it shorter than they wanted, otherwise there would have been a light on his nose to steer Santa and other airborn objects away.

    Eureka, aside from the Romper Room Christian set, also abounds in hippys, republicans, wicans, catholics, Charter KKK members, rednecks, CPA’s and other assorted chunks of goofyness, such as, GAYS.
    there have been gays here for years and years. Its not a new thing that was planned just to make the baby jesus cry. If you live here you just have to understand that there are some dudes you shake hands with and some dudes you have to hug. And some women that you don’t look directly in the eye out of fear of painfull emasculation(verbal or literal). Fucking Xtians have been coming here for decades, staying in hotels, eating at resturaunts, and shopping in gallerys that are owned by fruitcakes and loving it. although most of the cheap fuckers never shopped for anything other than Precious Moments figurines or t shirts with smarmy biblical crap on it. UGGg.

    I hope that all go away and leave us alone.

  16. donner_froh

    “That sound you hear is the squealing tires on the church buses driving away from Eureka Springs”

    Either that or Ned Beatty bent over a log.

  17. IonaTrailer

    Why don’t all these good ‘Christians’ just Rapture the fuck out of here and leave us to the great restaurants, good literature, tastefully done decor and Internet porn?

  18. Neilist

    Personally, I think a law to ban those pink cowboy hats might not be an entirely bad thing.

    I mean, banning wearing of same by anyone other than hot C&W stars, e.g., Melissa Lambert, Lucinda Williams. . . hell, even Mary Chapin Carpenter.

    Although, as a gay Republican Brown University grad, she probably already has a closet full . . . .

  19. P.T.T.

    Dang! Them Gayz “use the system” (i.e., democracy) to pursue their aims. Mebbe we should get rid of that “system,” eh?

  20. serj!

    [re=187300]Aurelio[/re]: Um, from my experience, unless you’re really athletic, bending over backwards is not an integral part of the whole gai thing.

  21. donner_froh

    [re=187306]crawdadslim[/re]: “I live in that damn town.”

    The reach of the mighty Wonkette is amazing. Is there anywhere Wonkette isn’t?

  22. Monkey

    OMG! What if they, if they, rape our children and make us into their sodomy slaves! What would Jesus say?

  23. lostarkansan

    “The reach of the mighty Wonkette is amazing.”

    I’m a regular Wonkette reader, and I grew up in Eureka too.

  24. MFAWG

    Seriously:

    Does anybody have any idea what teH Gayz actually did to promote their agenda and marginalize the fundies in Eureka Springs was, perchance?

    I mean, if they made the ‘necks take all the vintage detroit iron out of the front yards, redo all the window treatments and recycle, that could be a problem.

  25. Chief Grinning Eagle

    Best stop taking communion and eating the Lord every week and then washing it down with cheap wine.

    If you’re going to oppose gay queer people, I say go after happy heterosexuals too, and anyone who is smiling too much. Go after people who masturbate. We know that’s mass murder. Set up video cameras with IFR night vision lenses in every child’s room. No child left behind dammit. Hairy palms will never be found Eureka. Hallelujah!

    Eureka! I have found Jesus and he has a grommet where you might have expected a penis. Mary Magdalen is a Barbie doll and she doesn’t even have a grommet; not in Eureka she don’t! There will be no music in Eureka and no dancing! There will be no fun. Everyone gets crucified in the end in Eureka, just like Jesus did for being so good. Just you wait and see! Gotta nail those queers afore they nail you. They’re gonna crucify all you sinners! Everybody but me that is. I’m the preacher here. You ain’t. No git out of the closet and go to hell y’all. Eternal damnation I say whatever your sin! And when I die, I’m gonna take this farm with me.

  26. P.T.T.

    From the Fambly Ass. website:

    “The Eureka Springs they knew is gone. It is now a national hub for homosexuals. Eureka Springs is becoming the San Francisco of Arkansas. The story of how this happened is told in the new AFA DVD ““They’’re Coming To Your Town.””

    Yup just like Frisco, except.

    In place of the Pacific Ocean, put the Ozark Mountains
    In place of the Golden Gate Bridge, put a giant effing Jaysus etc etc.
    In place of all the braniacs in Silicon Valley put (searches web for silly Arkansas College) Philander Smith College in Little Rock. . . .

    That’s real! And so is this, from the PSC homepage:

    “Hip hop artist, fashion icon, and former personal assistant to Sean “P. Diddy” Combs Fonzworth Bentley visited Philander Smith College on Wednesday, Oct. 29 as part of the college’s “Bless the Mic: Chopped and Screwed” lecture series and the Black Male Initiative program.”

    Holy Cow.

    I do notice a quite enticing blob on the map just NW of Eureka Springs: “Leatherwood Lake.” Heh heh.

  27. DustBowlBlues

    [re=187275]V572625694[/re]: My daughter demanded that I give her a redneck-free vaca a few years back when she was a snotty 8th grader in Real America. Tough to do, when you live here. But what’s this? Just 3 hours away–Eureka Springs! Lovely B and Bs, lovely food and scenery and an artsy community mixed with the ‘billies. Everyone seemed to get along.

    And the gays didn’t come for the B and Bs–hippies moved there, bought businesses and turned a nice, quiet little decaying Ozark tourist community in the lovely vaca spot. Lots of great shops and boutiques, as well. I’m bummed the assholes have declared war on what could be called a bucolic way station in Real America.

    Caution, Real America–Prosperity could happen to you!

  28. el_burrito

    The ‘No Right Turn’ sign at about 38 sec is definitely the work of the gays. I don’t want them taking away my constitutional right to turn right.

  29. S.Luggo

    They came to my town. They were 17th Century European history majors, speaking of the 30 Years War and the Treaty of Münster and the Peace of Westphalia. We could not resist Some much knowledge.

  30. KTHXBAI

    Right…because I really want to give up the Lakeview District of Chicago for backwater towns where Wal-Mart is considering high-end shopping. I like getting head from people with full sets of teeth, thank you very much.

  31. space stout

    why a “five-pack” of videos? why wouldn’t you want to purposefully – if not subliminally – market to Joe six-pack?

  32. azw88

    [re=187383]space stout[/re]: Because the number 6 is associated with the number of THE BEAST, which explains a shitload of stuff from this recent election: Sarah Palin, JOE 6-Pack, and JOE the Plumber(there are 6 letters in plumber!!!)


  33. Post author
    Ken Layne

    [re=187334]lostarkansan[/re]: Okay, that settles it. Wonkette is moving to Eureka Springs! We can make, like, the opposite of a commune: Everybody buys 100 acres and ignores each other. Except for the annual pissing-on-the-grave-of-that-guy, the one buried at the Christ of the Ozarks … this is a weekly event with string quartets, bbq, hayrides, art gallery “wine walks,” Old West shoot-outs in the street, beat poetry readings, puppet shows (for the kids!), and classy sex orgies at the various Victorian bed-and-breakfasts.

  34. Borat

    Gaydar alert. All those guys in the video are so in the closet frustrated that they had to go out and make a VHS quality video, go sit in the dark editing room and make excuses for why they forgot to put on underwear and slipping in the dark. This means you red-shirted preacher!

  35. Sarah

    [re=187256]mattbolt[/re]: And Eureka Springs’ most celebrated resident was Gerald LK Smith, white supremacist, Holocaust denier, founder of the America First/Christian Nationalist Party… and he’s buried next to the Jesus statue with hymns playing over his grave 24/7

  36. gurukalehuru

    Communism is over
    and terrorism’s passé
    one thing you can count on is,
    we’ll always have the gays

  37. shevralay

    The one memory I have of that town is going there when I was 10 while visiting grandparents. Even then, it freaked me out. I have never seen so many knick-knacks in one place. Please let the gays destroy the garden gnomes.

    But hey, at least it’s not Siloam Springs “where,” as the big-ass sign on the outskirts of town proclaims, “Jesus is lord.” My home state is awesome.

  38. napalmnacey

    We need more gays in our town. We don’t have nearly enough fruity street fairs. Just one a year. That’s not enough, damn it!

    God, I love seeing fundies get hysterical over nothing. Their panic is delicious.

  39. Mustang

    Eureka is a very beautiful town. But, does anyone know what the “gay agenda” is? I’ve always wondered. I mean, is it like the Bush Doctrine? You just recognize it when you see it? Or is it an actual agenda like in a meeting? 8:00 Croissants and lattes 9:00 A prayer to Satan 11:00 Report from the committee to make youngsters have sex with us 12:00 Lunch on your own. 1:00 Report from the committee on the Importance of Perversion … I mean really?

  40. Lazy Media

    Alas, rural homosexery tends to involve only chunky, overall-clad lesbians in pickup trucks. See Dahlonega, Georgia. No gourmet-Southern bistros, restored art-house theaters or industrial-design lofts for you, rural America!

  41. c-freak

    i’m confused. is the lispy nell in the blue oxford for or against the upcoming invasion of teh gays? because it seems like he’d be all for it.

  42. Chautauqua

    That five pack is one beer away from “experimenting”. My gaydar was pinging off the charts and sense a little “overcompensation” among the Crist-McConnell Mason-Dixon Line.

    As part of the gay agenda-in Lakeview, Chicago-I can certify that Eureka Springs is not on our to-do list. I mean does netflix even deliver there? Is there a SAAB dealership? Our to-do list consists of Rick, Mark and Steve. I prefer my shopping at Diesal, NY times, latkes, sushi, and secret hope to bump into Nate Berkus too much to leave my Orchid filled coach house for such a journey.

    That said, should I ever feel the need to road trip to the Ozarks-or anywhere in that 600 mile radius, I’ll stay in the Springs. I would never had known of this little hippie glen if thay had not done the PSA.

  43. crawdadslim

    [re=187470]Sarah[/re]: in fact, our most celebrated past resident was in fact Carrie Nation, who lived here for a short while. her home is open for tours. I want so badly to open an expensive all you can drink bed and breakfast slash vomitorium slash micro brewery there that I have actualy looked into it. But the homersexshuls in charge won’t hear of it.

    [re=187299]Kinbote[/re]: lots of people have pissed on that grave. One of my roadbike routes takes me down to the statue and I just shake my head when church busses full of black southern religio-tourists go there and walk by that grave to see the big stucco on chicken wire jesus.

    For the record, this is actualy kind of a neat town to visit, the beers to expensive at the resturaunts, but its a lot closer than orlando for many people and very seldom does any tourist get sexualy violated by somone of the same gender without thier full consent, be it drunk or sober.

  44. smellyal8r

    [re=187508]Mustang[/re]: If you don’t have your copy, then you don’t need to know. Anyplace named for a vacuum cleaner would NOT be at the top (unless it was Dyson, Arkansas, natch).

  45. Johnny Quest

    By golly, that sounds like Hank Hill doing the voice-over. I wonder if Mr. Strickland is aware of this hidden agenda? Could affect the propane business in devastating, irreversible ways!

    Ooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!

  46. freeradical

    Guess what, redneck mother fuckers! I’m not coming to your town, I’m FROM your town and I’ve slept with your wives and sisters.

  47. articulate moran

    OMFG! TEH GAYZ!!!11!!

    I have never been more horrified of gay people. I mean, do they really wear tye-dye to city council meetings?!? That is so, how you say “GRANOLA”. Who has fashion anymore?!? Where’s the style?

  48. jilly

    The Rainbow images in this piece were absolutely terrifying, it destroyed all enjoyment I have for anything colorful, but at least we now have something we can identify them with. Damn those gayz with their agenda. First they’re askin’ not to be beat up, next, it’s bend over, Bubba.

  49. RecoveringSouthernBoy

    I grew up in this traumatizing portion of our country. I can testify as to its breathtaking beauty just as I can speak to its jaw-dropping lack of modern thinking. Yup, I’m one of those hell-bound homersexuals who ran from the state as quickly as I could (but not before enduring 4 years of a “Christian” education). Some of my friends moved to Eureka Springs and took their hard earned dollars to a city that was in decline and invested their time and energy in helping to build what has become a thriving bed and breakfast industry in that part of the state. And, stereotypically, where the gays have gone, the property values have gone up. Northwest Arkansas has experienced a period of tremendous financial growth thanks in part to WalMart and Tyson Foods. As large as these two companies are, their legs aren’t long enough to reach all the way to Eureka Springs. The people of Eureka Springs are in a part of the state that is traditionally liberal thanks to the University of Arkansas. Instead of castigating homosexuals, they should be welcoming them as partners in growth. But, unfortunately, that would cost the AFA money because they would have to look elsewhere for more fearmongering. Why is it that these ‘people of God’ can’t seem to figure out that God Himself must surely be looking down at these shenanigans and with marked disdain? The people of Eureka Springs should run these people out on a rail and show the world that all Arkansans aren’t inbred idiots.

  50. AgentSparks

    So we spruced up the only decent town in Arkansas. Big deal. I should’ve known the Jesus Freaks would be pissed off about this.

  51. pk

    I went to grad school and taught in Fayetteville for four years–and I left New York to do so. I can confirm that Arkansas has the most baffling mix of intelligentsia and mouth-breathers I’ve ever encountered. And they all collide in Eureka Springs.

    Oh, and I blame my failed marriage in part on Eureka Springs. Anything overseen by that damn Jesus statue has to be slightly cursed.

  52. Randomhookup

    [re=187800]RecoveringSouthernBoy[/re]: While there are some liberal pockets in NW Arkansas, it has almost always been GOP territory (of course, conservative and Democrat weren’t contradictions when I lived there). Remember John Paul Hammerschmidt? He was the only Republican member of the Arkansas Congressional delegation for years. Then they went a elected a Repub Rockefeller to governor and it just confused everything.

  53. StephanieInCA

    As one of the 5 to 10 people with a full set of real teeth who has actually been to Eureka Springs (twice!) I’d just like to say that it’s pretty rich to hear a town built on public baths and massage parlors dumpin on the gays.

    At least they weren’t subjected to a horrific glitter siege

  54. pk

    [re=187945]StephanieInCA[/re]: Don’t forget the galleries, artist colonies, and crystal/spiritual healing businesses. I don’t think those are the attractions many conservative Christians are looking for…

  55. Anita Bryant's Lovechild

    As a resident of Eureka, THANK YOU Donald Wildmon for the wonderful publicity. E.S. tax revenues are up since you came out with the DVD about a year ago, while your towns of PLIFs (People Living In Fear)’s revenues are way down. By the way, how is it that the AFA has tax-exempt status (with Fed. employees able to designate matching govt. funds) to also go to the AFA when this organization constantly sends out political alerts to its sheep? And can any legal minds out there answer whether we can each offer them 1 penny for them to send us a copy of the DVD since it is for sale by suggested “donation”? They of course suggest a much higher price. Can you imagine a million truth seekers sending in one cent each and demanding that the AFA fulfill their legal obligation.

    And by the way, the life long residents I’ve talked to here have NEVER heard of Eureka referred to as a “Christian resort community” as the film says, along with the fact that some of the folks in the movie have never been here or lived here. So Donald, stop your sinning and jacking off to gay porn and shave those hairy palms. Sorry I wasn’t more clever; it’s my first post.

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