George Bush Junior has somehow been president for eight years, and it’s no great surprise that much of the experience has been lost on him. All the ceaseless, pointless wars? The destruction of a major U.S. city? The collapse of our financial system? The cold fact that Americans are significantly dumber, fatter, sicker and poorer than they were when this clod took — literally, ha! — office? No real impact on our simple fellow.
According to some weird interview Bush Junior did with, uhh, his sister or somebody like that, our greatest president will miss two things about being president: flying in the presidential airplane, and the food at the White House.
The food, always the food with this one! Our hungriest president has eaten his way across most of the world.
He and first lady Laura Bush both agreed in the talk that they would miss the chefs at the Executive Mansion but disagreed about who would be in charge of meals when they move back to Texas in January.
“I’m sure I’m going to lose a lot of weight because Laura’s going to be the cook,” Bush deadpanned. The first lady responded, “You’re going to be the person grilling, though, I think.”
Deadpanned …. Is that how you describe “saying something pointlessly cruel and stupid, about your wife, who is sitting right there”?
Poor Laura was in such a Zoloft haze that she’s not even sure what she’s talking about. “I think.”
Anyway, fuck these people.
Bush says he’ll miss White House cooking, flying on Air Force One [Baltimore Sun]
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Hey, George! You still President? We all thought you moved back to Texas weeks ago. Do you think you’ll have a lot of brush to cut at your new house in Dallas? Ever going back to that “ranch” you used as a prop for the last 8 years? Just askin.
In Ron Suskind’s ‘The Price of Loyalty’ former Treasury Secretary O’Neill quotes Bush as saying that his mother Barbara had “frost on her fingers” whenever she cooked, meaning she used frozern dinners. Even a simple home meal is used as a weapon to embarrass or hurt others. And during the days following 9/11 the same book notes how Bush gushed at the ‘comfort food’ being served during the Camp David meetings. This president will provide thesis and dissertations for generations of scholars.
Junior likes to call down to the White House kitchen and try and stump them. “Shark sandwich?”
No, wait. That was a real president — Jeff Bridges in “The Contender.”
For this reason alone I hope he flies back to Crawford on Northwest Airlines and pays $7.50 for a shitty sandwich and chips. and flies coach. with no headphones.
I was recently walking around the Yale campus and couldn’t help but think about how this idiot swaggered around those very same sidewalks in a drunken stupor in his cheerleader’s uniform so many years before–just another callow sprout of a famous father learning about the Peter principle while still in school. Ww have been punished. But for what?
[re=187148]KevoTron[/re]: No, he gets to fly on Air Force One, but they make him vacuum out the plane and take out the trash when he leaves.
Laura-bot to English translation: “Eat shit, George. You’ll be so goddamn drunk off your ass that you won’t know or care what’s on the plate in front of you. That house in Dallas is MINE, motherfucker, do you hear me? MINE! And you are not taking my personal chef (gigolo) to your Hell Ranch. I think.”
Next for Bush–the Polident endorsement!
In a few months, W and Laura will wake up in Dallas and play out that classic scene from Dallas’s 1986-87 season:
“Honey, it’s over. None of that happened. We’re together, and I love you. And I’m getting you all wet.”
I listened to that interview and…neither of them really have a clue about anything.
Our American Parsifal. A witless fool miraculously finds himself holding the levers of power. But while witnessing one disaster after another he piously resists the temptation to do anything bold, historical or even constructive with said power. As a reward he is given the Holy Toothpick and allowed to return to his home, the Shire, also known as the Texas Empire. There he will eat pit smoked barbecue for the rest of his days and, thanks to the powers of that magical pick, never suffer from gristle getting stuck between his teeth.
I hope the Executive Mansion chefs are loadin’ up on sooooul food
A remembrance on soul food: “MF-er, I want more iced tea!”
- B. O’Reilly, circa 2008
Dear oh dear Mr. Ken, please oh please let the Peggyday festivities begin. Today’s a beaut, replete with reference to Madame Twatwaffle’s itching fondness for teh alcheeehol, and the way things “look the same” (of course to her in her circumscribed aloofiosity). It’s so fun making words do funny things!
[re=187160]drrty martini[/re]: Junior doesn’t really compare to Bobby Ewing, who was really a nice guy. He’s a lot more like Gary, who was run out of town by his big brother and wound up in Knots Landing. Remember, Gary had a slutty daughter too.
Yeah, Fuck these people. I can get behind that. Better angle and all.
All-time hungriest presidents
1. Taft
Snack of choice: Entire chicken fried in lard
2. Clinton
Snack of choice: Big Macs; frumpy Jewish interns
3. GW Bush
Snack of choice: Platters of deep-fried shit; “fixin’s”
[re=187171]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Newell put dibs on Peggy in the wee hours of this morning. And of course he’s sleeping off whatever ritalin-stuffing binge, so if I don’t hear from him within the hour, I will conquer Mistress Noonan — who also has quaint ideas about aero-planes.
I would have thought he would have missed playing Guitar Hero on the big flat screen in the Situation Room
Actually, if you read more about the interview, that’s the least crazy thing he said. The rest would not only make little Baby Jesus cry, but have to be put on anti-depressants and go into therapy.
The conversations with various chefs must have went a lot like this:
W: Heh heh heh. What is this foreign food called?
Chef: Those are Free Range Veal Meatballs stuffed with spinach and ricotta cheese covered in a sauce of sun dried tomatoes and dairy cream served on a bed of spinach, whole wheat and buck wheat noodles, sir.
W: Heh heh heh. Balls. Nutz. Trucknutz Heh heh heh.
[re=187178]Hooray For Anything[/re]: “I’ve been in the Bible every day since I’ve been the president, and I have been affected by peoples’ prayers a lot. I have found that faith is comforting, faith is strengthening, faith has been important,” Bush said.
“I would advise politicians, however, to be careful about faith in the public arena,” he said.
WORD!
Don’t you want to talk about the pig?
Cornhole in the ALT makes me happy…
“Bush says he’ll miss White House cooking, flying on Air Force One” these things, as well as the counrty however, will not miss him.
If a pretzel had done its job years ago, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Maybe Caribou Barbie will send him some moose chili.mmmmmmmmmmm
[re=187181]chascates[/re]: Using faith to inform sex education classes or third world AIDS programs is another matter. Not to mention hiring people in the Justice Department.
He’s also proud that he was the first president since Nixon not to do the nasty in the White House.
I prefer The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Maybe Laura meant “grilling” as in “the meat-based entity being cooked on the grill.” I’m pretty sure that, despite the permanent Ronald McDonald smile, she very quietly snapped at some point in early 2006.
Rather, I mean “BEING the meat-based entity being cooked on the grill.”
[re=187197]Hagar77[/re]: I read it more like a reference to waterboarding. A pun, in other words, an inside, Bush family joke. HAHAHAHAHA!
“I think” is the new “Also.”
So yeah… Fly Virgin Air. You will have so many mute buttons you won’t know what to do with them all.
“Been a fabulous experience to be president,” Bush told his sister.
In other words (a) this bein’ prenit thing has been about him all along, and (b) yet another experience/person/job performance finds itself in the “fabulous” range. What a dick.
You know who else misses the food?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
How does one “fail up” after fucking up the most important job in the country? Shit, I think this means he’s going to be the first Methodist pope.
A true leader, right up to the very end. He’s going to miss the food. We don’t give a damn. Just be gone.
[re=187196]hockeymom[/re]: Mad props for the stuffing recipie, which I made, albeit about 50% with near-miss substitutions. Call it “hockeymom-inspired.” Still good, thanks! GWB can’t have any.
Flashes of Fried Green Tomatoes comes to mind. I hope Laura kills him and BBQs him and feeds him to his mother, that cunt.
[re=187175]Ken Layne[/re]: Thanks Ken. Jim did do a bang up job with our Sweet-sweet-let-them-eat-Spam Peggy! I don’t know how anyone ever notices her when she walks down the street where she lives:
http://www.victoriana.com/Victorian-Fashion/images/victorianclothing-1.jpg
The final Republican menu served in the Bush White House:
Amuse bouche-
A canard of California condor served with a coulis of sea otter tongues (al dente)
Primo -
Grilled Garibaldi fish with a au jus of Blue Whale
Secondo-
Giant Panda haunch with Hawaiian Crow in puff pastry
Dessert-
Spotted Owl sorbet with a sabayon of Spotted Leopard tears
And afterwards, a good shit, whereupon W wipes his ass with the Endangered Species Act
Ken, you totally missed the joke. He “deadpanned” because Barbra’s frying pan is dead or something.
I like the part where he says:
“I would like to remembered as a person who, first and foremost, did not sell his soul in order to accommodate the political process.”
HA. HA. HA.
That looks just like silver queen corn.
Maybe his teeth will fall out.
[re=187330]IonaTrailer[/re]: You have to have a soul first, I think…
[re=187145]chascates[/re]: In the Bush household, comfort food is vodka.
On a lighter note:
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=6353033&page=1
Bush legacy: I liberatirized some towel heads who still hates us.
Yom, yom, yom.
[re=187178]Hooray For Anything[/re]: He really outdoes himself in the insufferability department. He thinks his greatest achievement is NCLB, which has been singularly rejected by a majority of states. And then there’s this:
“I surrounded myself with good people,” Bush said. “I carefully considered the advice of smart, capable people and made tough decisions.”
Alberto Gonzales, John Yoo, Donald Rumsfeld, Scott McClellan, Susan Ralston, Dana Perino, Mike Brown, Skeletor, Doug Feith, Paul Wolfowitz, Jerry Bremer — Dubya, the list of incompetent boobs incapapble of holding a candle to the 7.5 pound perch you caught in your stocked lake (speaking of greatest achievements of your eight years) is practically endless. You deserve to be beaten with a wet noodle. One made out of 90 feet of barbwire attached to the blades of a fan set on high.
It’s almost over,it is really almost over. Wow what a terrible 8 years!!!
PRESIDENT BARRACK “HOPEY” OBAMA. That sounds so good. Oooohhhhh it’s like that soothing feel of ointment on a nasty wound.
Air Farce One will certainly not miss him. I hope his exit also means that the flight restrictions will be lifted from the Crawford area to keep the pucker factor high for the rest of his life.
[re=187163]Paterlanger[/re]:
A great insult to Parsifal, my friend.
What is it about presidental wives and drugz? As much as I didn’t really like her at the time, I’m pretty sure Hillz never took any drugz. Shame on her.
[re=187181]chascates[/re]: Well, I guess we understand the root cause of the problem. Reading the bible causes someone to be stupid. Reading it while being president the total collapse of a country.
Can anyone look into Bible use in Zimbabwe please?
I hope he has started drinking again. I would like to hear someday how the Texas Rangers busted up his secret moonshine still
[re=187136]Terry[/re]: Hey, don’t remind him! He’s still got a month to spark the Rapture, start Armegeddon, etc.
Zhu Bajie
[re=187151]P.T.T.[/re]: Pride!
[re=187330]IonaTrailer[/re]: Probably he sold his soul to graduate in high school and the rest of all this is Satan’s idea of shits and giggles.
Zhu Bajie
[re=187395]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Careful with the abbreviations. The context did, eventually, make clear that you meant No Child Left Behind, but I read it as Not Catching Bin Laden. Whatever.
[re=187446]Borat[/re]: He’s destined to fall off his bike, drunk, in front of a semi!
Zhu Bajie
And this is to a FRIENDLY interviewer. (haven’t actually read the interview, but W doesn’t speak to any other kind) The one thing I most hope Obama does (although I am expecting to be disappointed) is to hold serious investigations of the Bush administration. By serious, I mean subpoenas that are actually enforced, questioning that is actually hostile, follow up questions, the kind of questioning we have seen in every lawyer movie ever, I want to see some hot shot first term congressman make that son of a bitch cry, admit through his choking sobs that he never had a clue what he was doing, blame it all on Cheney, HE’S the one who knocked those buildings down, that’s what I want to see.
Maybe they could write a cookbook
and include all the new recipes
they’re going to be cooking.
One of the great summing-ups of all time. See, they teach you in high school writerly class how you should pin something at the end you used at the beginning. Like if you opened with 48 clowns in a golf cart, as I usually did, then I should end with a packed metaphor referring back to that image. That’s how you write good. However, I like new school.
“Anyway, fuck these people.”
So tired of the hatin
They photo shopped out the kitten he was eating and inserted the harmless sweet corn image. Revising the Bush presidency has already begun.
The plane. They always miss the plane. They never miss the helicopter.
NCLB? Total joke. I bet he thinks fast-tracking Star Wars was a triumph, too. He’s like our Special Needs President: he hits the finish line and we all applaud, give him a gold mickey mouse and get him the fuck out of here.
He’s going to miss the plane and the food.
She’s going to miss the Afghanistan women.
He’s happy he liberated Iraq.
Isn’t something missing?
[re=187626]artbot2000[/re]: I think they really do miss the helicopter.
They just like to say the plane.
“Been a fabulous experience to be president,” Bush told his sister.
I have never known any dude, straight or gay, to use the word “fabulous,” because it sounds so gay. Chimpy is gonna be mighty embarrassed when someone finally tells him, or he would, if he weren’t such a moran….
He should say “First of all, I misliberated Iraq.”
Oh, about food: George, please eat a bag of dicks.
We heard this on NPR and both noted how incredibly hostile and passive aggressive the dick was being to Laura. She was trying so hard to be nice and give nice answers, and he was just stabby at her. He is so shallow it is pathetic. (not a triumph of Story Corps interviews except to show how crappy their relationship is).
“Fuck these people?” Are you serious? I wouldn’t fuck either of them for all the money in the world — evn though that’s pretty much what they did to me.
Oh, you, too? What a coincidence.
Not that I want to defend Bush, but he may be stating that his wife likes to cook healthy meals and that’s why he’ll be losing weight as opposed to her being a crappy cook. However, my money is on her being a real lousy chef.
[re=187943]Citizen Kang[/re]: You had to hear the tape on Story Corps. He was being a dick.
[quote]Anyway, fuck these people.[/quote]
I hyucked out loud so hard my boss came over. Since he’s an NPR-listening Leftist like me, he laughed the more proper ‘sheesh, kids these days’ snicker…
Ladies, if you marry a spoiled brat, this is pretty much what you can expect. And it NEVER gets better.
[re=187148]KevoTron[/re]: KevoTron stole my avatar. The shame.
We will RIOT if I am picked eating a DAM Watermellon !
Comon W its not the Presidential food you’ll be missing its the “power” you’ll really be missing, you’ll be a civilian again, almost a civilian -minus the SS crew around you 24- 7 forever but yes sadly stripped of anymore of your foolisness “Thanks God.”
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