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Joint Chiefs Chairman Cancels His Sexy Naked XXXmas Party

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The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, and his lovely wife, “Mrs. Mike,” are canceling their annual Christmas soiree for various local warlords and celebrities such as Kid Rock — Because Of The Recession. Curses! We had just purchased our Barry Goldwater costumes, too. Instead, “the Mullens will host a small gathering for wounded service members, their families, and the families of the fallen.” Oh that is so Washington of them, hiding behind the pwecious SOLDIERS. Will Kid Rock be there, though? [Washington Whispers]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • shortsshortsshorts

    We should all just show up anyway.

  • jagorev

    Well, obviously, now that Nobama Hussein Jr. is in power, all of Washington will have to start celebrating Ramadan instead.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …those are some of the most unattractive pair of women underwear I have seen in a very longtime.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=185617]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …if you bring the weed, I’ll bring the booze!

  • Lorax

    Nothing says Christmas like wounded soldiers and bereaved family members. Sheesh.

    Can I just go ahead and kill myself now?

  • mattbolt

    Oh Jim, anything to post that picture again

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=185622]Lorax[/re]: Sure, go ahead, you’re not invited. Oh, and Kd Rock is a dick.

  • TGY

    [re=185623]mattbolt[/re]: Yeah, Juli in a bikini never grows old.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Unattractive pair of underwear? Or unattractive pair of women? Both?

  • johnbpt

    Woo-hoo! You’re a real rebel, Kid Rock, hanging with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. You one of da PEOPLE!

    Christ, to think that my ex considered that dick some kind of musical genius.

  • dano

    Best. Gif. Ever.

  • TeddyS

    Howzabout a quiet Christmas with your own family, Chief, instead of dragging in these bereaved relatives from across the country for a way saaaad party. And the joyeaux noel photo op will be paid for by the taxpayers.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    When are they going to rub their pre-gunts together and make out?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: …ehhhhh. They are totally “Last call for alcohol” material.

    Translation: Its the end of the night and you are the only one in your group that hasn’t found someone to hook-up with.

  • Monkey

    Why is this news?

  • p-Sludge ofTheElves

    Ahh bored bikini women dancing.
    Such a classic scene.
    Right before “Ben” shows up and sings.

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Speak for yourself. That’s my new PC wallpaper.

  • p-Sludge ofTheElves
  • problemwithcaring

    So the Pentagon soiree has went on every year over the past 5 years during two wars, without a hitch in the giddy up, but now because of the recession, it’s canceled? C’mon America! We can do better. Let’s take up a collection – the terrorist can’t win.

    I mean, the Pentagon could only afford to install 6 new “comfort capsules” with measly amount of the counter-terrorism money they got from Congress. OUR TROOPS’ BETTERS DESERVE BETTER!!!!

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=185641]Monkey[/re]: What other occasion would he have to post that picture?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=185637]TeddyS[/re]: They’re not all sad. Some of them are pissed because the military classified their wounds as non-combat related (i.e. you broke your pelvis diving into a ditch during a mortar attack? Not combat). And others got sent back into combat while still recovering from things like traumatic brain injury. So there’ll be a diversity of wounded military folks there.,0,3682816.story

  • Mustang

    That’s the nicest “You are so not invited, loser” invitation I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t it beg an “I didn’t want to come to your stupid party anyway” response?

  • finallyhappy

    What, they never heard of Costco and Total Beverages?

  • WadISay

    So do I have to invite him to my vicars and sluts party or not?

    [re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: Party like it’s 1999…B.C.

  • Gorillionaire

    I used to feel kind of out of it that I did’nt “get” Kid Rock, but then my 16 year old guitar genius Beatles/Hendrix worshipping nephew explained to me that it was ok because Kid Rock “fucking sucks”.

  • gurukalehuru

    Nice work on the illustration. Very nice work.

  • loganmo

    Is that video from one of those creep ads about “Fed Lowers Interest Rates-Mortgages for only $800/month” with bizarre jiggling quasi-animated ladies?

  • sati demise

    [re=185716]Gorillionaire[/re]: Your nephew is a genius! Rock does suck in every way except tattoo coverage. And that is gross.

  • bitchincamaro

    I’m guessing Anne Coulter won’t be there, too.

  • RabidHamster

    [re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s what’s on the inside that counts. Didn’t your mother teach you anything?

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: I object. Those women look nice & sexy. They ain’t skinny little eat-nothin’s nor are they obese cows like most of today’s Americans. If most American women looked like these two fine young ladies our country would be in much better shape, and in a better mood, too.

  • bitchincamaro

    Are they doing the Bristol Stomp?

  • JuiceMe

    Does Ann Coulter dances like that when she’s alone? Ken, please tell us you know this too be true.

  • hansdog

    Something mesmerizing about that photo-loop, like watching a crackling fire and getting lost in your thoughts.
    Do it again.
    Ok, now do it again.
    Now again.

  • j6n

    At least one of these girls has no rhythm.

  • kudzu

    I’d do the one to the right.

  • Something Sensual

    Forget whats on the inside, go for looks and a great body :)

  • Something Sensual

    [re=186146]kudzu[/re]: Me next lol