COAL FOR EVERYONE  1:02 pm November 25, 2008

Joint Chiefs Chairman Cancels His Sexy Naked XXXmas Party

by Jim Newell

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, and his lovely wife, “Mrs. Mike,” are canceling their annual Christmas soiree for various local warlords and celebrities such as Kid Rock — Because Of The Recession. Curses! We had just purchased our Barry Goldwater costumes, too. Instead, “the Mullens will host a small gathering for wounded service members, their families, and the families of the fallen.” Oh that is so Washington of them, hiding behind the pwecious SOLDIERS. Will Kid Rock be there, though? [Washington Whispers]

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shortsshortsshorts November 25, 2008 at 1:09 pm

We should all just show up anyway.

jagorev November 25, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Well, obviously, now that Nobama Hussein Jr. is in power, all of Washington will have to start celebrating Ramadan instead.

AngryBlakGuy November 25, 2008 at 1:12 pm

…those are some of the most unattractive pair of women underwear I have seen in a very longtime.

AngryBlakGuy November 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm

[re=185617]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …if you bring the weed, I’ll bring the booze!

Lorax November 25, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Nothing says Christmas like wounded soldiers and bereaved family members. Sheesh.

Can I just go ahead and kill myself now?

mattbolt November 25, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Oh Jim, anything to post that picture again

freakishlystrong November 25, 2008 at 1:15 pm

[re=185622]Lorax[/re]: Sure, go ahead, you’re not invited. Oh, and Kd Rock is a dick.

TGY November 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm

[re=185623]mattbolt[/re]: Yeah, Juli in a bikini never grows old.

freakishlystrong November 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm

[re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Unattractive pair of underwear? Or unattractive pair of women? Both?

johnbpt November 25, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Woo-hoo! You’re a real rebel, Kid Rock, hanging with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. You one of da PEOPLE!

Christ, to think that my ex considered that dick some kind of musical genius.

dano November 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Best. Gif. Ever.

TeddyS November 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm

Howzabout a quiet Christmas with your own family, Chief, instead of dragging in these bereaved relatives from across the country for a way saaaad party. And the joyeaux noel photo op will be paid for by the taxpayers.

trophy(forparticipation)wife November 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm

When are they going to rub their pre-gunts together and make out?

AngryBlakGuy November 25, 2008 at 1:28 pm

[re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: …ehhhhh. They are totally “Last call for alcohol” material.

Translation: Its the end of the night and you are the only one in your group that hasn’t found someone to hook-up with.

Monkey November 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Why is this news?

p-Sludge ofTheElves November 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Ahh bored bikini women dancing.
Such a classic scene.
Right before “Ben” shows up and sings.

Larry McAwful November 25, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Speak for yourself. That’s my new PC wallpaper.

p-Sludge ofTheElves November 25, 2008 at 1:37 pm
problemwithcaring November 25, 2008 at 1:38 pm

So the Pentagon soiree has went on every year over the past 5 years during two wars, without a hitch in the giddy up, but now because of the recession, it’s canceled? C’mon America! We can do better. Let’s take up a collection – the terrorist can’t win.

I mean, the Pentagon could only afford to install 6 new “comfort capsules” with measly amount of the counter-terrorism money they got from Congress. OUR TROOPS’ BETTERS DESERVE BETTER!!!!

Larry McAwful November 25, 2008 at 1:38 pm

[re=185641]Monkey[/re]: What other occasion would he have to post that picture?

SayItWithWookies November 25, 2008 at 1:42 pm

[re=185637]TeddyS[/re]: They’re not all sad. Some of them are pissed because the military classified their wounds as non-combat related (i.e. you broke your pelvis diving into a ditch during a mortar attack? Not combat). And others got sent back into combat while still recovering from things like traumatic brain injury. So there’ll be a diversity of wounded military folks there.,0,3682816.story

Mustang November 25, 2008 at 1:45 pm

That’s the nicest “You are so not invited, loser” invitation I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t it beg an “I didn’t want to come to your stupid party anyway” response?

finallyhappy November 25, 2008 at 1:57 pm

What, they never heard of Costco and Total Beverages?

WadISay November 25, 2008 at 2:05 pm

So do I have to invite him to my vicars and sluts party or not?

[re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: Party like it’s 1999…B.C.

Gorillionaire November 25, 2008 at 2:08 pm

I used to feel kind of out of it that I did’nt “get” Kid Rock, but then my 16 year old guitar genius Beatles/Hendrix worshipping nephew explained to me that it was ok because Kid Rock “fucking sucks”.

gurukalehuru November 25, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Nice work on the illustration. Very nice work.

loganmo November 25, 2008 at 2:18 pm

Is that video from one of those creep ads about “Fed Lowers Interest Rates-Mortgages for only $800/month” with bizarre jiggling quasi-animated ladies?

sati demise November 25, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=185716]Gorillionaire[/re]: Your nephew is a genius! Rock does suck in every way except tattoo coverage. And that is gross.

bitchincamaro November 25, 2008 at 2:34 pm

I’m guessing Anne Coulter won’t be there, too.

RabidHamster November 25, 2008 at 2:53 pm

[re=185620]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: It’s what’s on the inside that counts. Didn’t your mother teach you anything?

hobospacejungle November 25, 2008 at 3:13 pm

[re=185626]freakishlystrong[/re]: I object. Those women look nice & sexy. They ain’t skinny little eat-nothin’s nor are they obese cows like most of today’s Americans. If most American women looked like these two fine young ladies our country would be in much better shape, and in a better mood, too.

bitchincamaro November 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Are they doing the Bristol Stomp?

JuiceMe November 25, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Does Ann Coulter dances like that when she’s alone? Ken, please tell us you know this too be true.

hansdog November 25, 2008 at 7:03 pm

Something mesmerizing about that photo-loop, like watching a crackling fire and getting lost in your thoughts.
Do it again.
Ok, now do it again.
Now again.

j6n November 25, 2008 at 8:17 pm

At least one of these girls has no rhythm.

kudzu November 25, 2008 at 10:35 pm

I’d do the one to the right.

Something Sensual January 23, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Forget whats on the inside, go for looks and a great body :)

Something Sensual January 23, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=186146]kudzu[/re]: Me next lol

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