We think Charlie Crist is an overall good guy, savin’ the Everglades and what not, so we’re a little worried for him now that it looks like he’s actually going through with this heterosexual marriage of his. It’s being reported in Florida that the governor’s pink wedding invitations are arriving in mailboxes only a few weeks before the big show on December 12. The dispatching of invitations is a big step, Charlie! Are you sure this is what you want?? We think you have reservations. BIG ones. Included in the invitation is a note that reads, “No gifts please, due to Florida law.” Ha ha, “law.” Is it really because you don’t want them all asking for their gifts back in six months? Anyway, Florida’s Fat Cats are all gossiping about who’s invited and who’s not (i.e. who’s a loser). Apparently Crist’s barber is so cool that he could’ve had an invitation but told Charlie, nah, don’t bother with me. Hmmph!

It’s like seventh grade — who will get invited to the popular kids’ bar mitzvahs, and who will have to settle for Acne Ari’s?

Who will be among the roughly 200 guests?

“We’re invited,” said Debbie Sembler, whose husband, Brent, is a St. Petersburg real estate developer who was finance chairman during Crist’s gubernatorial campaign. In keeping with a St. Petersburg tradition, the invitation they received was hand-canceled through the downtown Open Air Post Office. Brent Sembler and Crist were members of Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity at Florida State University.

[St. Petersburg Mayor Rick] Baker, a Republican who attended FSU with the governor, last week had not been asked.

“I don’t know that I haven’t, but I haven’t seen anything,” he said Thursday.

Or maybe, Mayor Baker, you’ve seen far too much of Charlie Crist back in the frat days, yes? Get a few cocktails in ya at the reception, then ya might casually tell some of those… “stories”? We can’t have that now, can we?

Guest-list for Crist wedding is hush-hush [St. Petersburg Times]

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. John McCain has already sent his reply to the invitation:

    Gov. Crist, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on your wedding day. And may your wife be a masculine wife.

  2. Are we really sure that’s a woman? I’ve gone after some trannies before and then later found out they were real women. yuk. I hope Charlie’s checked out the undercarriage to make sure there’s a healthy package there

  3. The rescue promised by the defeat of anti-gay marriage initiatives not materializing, Charlie resigns himself to the only kind of marriage available now. Girlfriend is going to have his day, even if he has to marry a chick to do it.

  4. [re=184938]populucious[/re]: But you could view Charlie’s wedding as a kind of civil disobedience of the malicious compliance variety. Except that the evangelicals are happy with compliance in any form so the meaning of Charlie’s brave protest will be lost on them. Oh well, maybe the newlyweds will find a form of porn they can enjoy together.

  5. Poor Charlie Crist. WALNUTS! that cocktease, dangles the Vice Presidency before Charlie Crist like a pair of well-oiled Chippendales buns. Crist, in a fit to prove he’s schedules a shotgun wedding to some random lady he kidnapped in the Everglades. Then WALNUTS! picked Caribou Barbie and Charlie was left with a tangerine tan and beard. The icing on wedding cake is that he can’t call the whole thing off because that would really be gay. This is all WALNUTS! fault.

  6. Look if being married to a closeted gay guy doesn’t bother the wives of Larry Craig, Ted Haggard & Tom Cruise, why should it bother Mrs. Crist-to-be? All those 1st lady perks probably wash out the shame & secret humiliation that she doesn’t do it for him.

  7. In keeping with a St. Petersburg tradition, the invitation they received was hand-canceled through the downtown Open Air Post Office.

    What a…hearwarming?…tradition.

  8. Charlie, hello? The election is over, and WALNUTS! chose MILFY McMooseburger over you, remember? Don’t let the Repubs strongarm you into this (at least not until you’ve chosen your safe word).

    P.S., invites are just arriving now?? I thought the gays had better manners.

  9. This sort of Republican can be seen daily sashaying through the lobby of the Naples Ritz-Carleton daily, en route to their apres-golf “massages” that include “happy endings”. The establishment knows to just include it on the bill, but the whacker gets a nice cash tip.

  10. An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Australian Character:

    An Australian fellow asks his girl friend to fight, but she says she doesn’t want to because she isn’t feeling well.

    “Whatta ya mean, not feeling well?” he says.
    “You know,” she says, “I’ve got my time of the month.”

    “Whatta ya mean, time of the month?” he says.
    “You know,” she says, “I’ve got my period.”

    “Whatta ya mean, period?” he says.
    “You know,” she says, “I’m bleeding down here.” And she opens up her pants to show him.

    “Jesus,” he says, “no wonder you’re bleeding! They’ve gone and cut your cock off!”

  11. No self-respecting gay man would ever send out that hideous invitation, miss the chance to have a wedding at Vizcaya, or fail to declare political detente just to get Piper Palin as a flower girl. So something is definitely wrong here.

  12. [re=184958]NoWireHangers[/re]: “also wore Wang” in a subtle bouquet.

    “200 guests”, each to receive an iced appletini.

    [re=184958]NoWireHangers[/re]: Charlie is an okay guy. Too bad he never accepted the squashed dimensions of the Republican “Big Tent”.

  13. Lazy Medina…what the helll do the Tulane Pikes have to do with Charlie?
    The FSU Pikes have our own legacy, ck into the truth. It’s far more entertaining then something unrelated about Tulane Pikes.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleIf The $700 Billion-But-Somehow-Still-Tawdry Shoe Fits
Next article