Wonkette
After FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN Colmes has decided to leave Fox News’ top-rated muppet slappy hour Hannity & Colmes, after twelve years. Alan’s character on this long television series was that of a hapless, lanky liberal — probably a heathen Unitarian! — who was always gettin’ bullied around by his wacky Irish Catholic “co-host,” known oil goblin Sean Hannity. It was like The Odd Couple, except about politics and the Culture Wars. We would like to praise Alan for his selfless portrayal of Fox News’ gay commie foil day in and day out, for which he was paid nothing, except maybe a few millions dollars every year. After the jump, we remember Alan’s shining moment, when he “went rogue” (fought back).
Hannity: “Let’s see how YOU act after YOU get beaten for five and a half years.”
Alan Colmes To Depart Top Rated Hannity & Colmes [Business Wire]
I heard he’s moving to Minnesota where voters actually value his fellow Lizard People.
Alan Colmes: Lizard Person I couldn’t believe in.
Good riddance to the spineless.
Good riddance. Those Geico cavemen would do a better job than Colmes. If Fox paid him to suppress his opinion, not have any lucid rebuttals to Hannity/Dick Morris et. al. & leave his spine at the door, then Alan did a superb job. However, since he’s leaving, I would like to see him tell Hannity to go fuck himself for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!
it only took FIVE AND A HALF YEARS for alan to work up the nerve to quit??
As if Fox wasn’t Fair and Balanced before, the lack of bias will surely be FRIGHTENING now.
Come on, Jim. Couldn’t you find a photo that made Colmes look a little more creepy? Jesus, he looks like he’s either thinking about the kid he just molested, or the kid he’s going to molest right after the photo shoot. Gawd almighty.
obfuscator: Or both.
Why is Lurch’s albino cousin pictured?
OK, I’ve been away, what’s with the lizard people?
In the future, Hannity will debate with a plate of warn spinach as his co-host. Under these circumstance, Hannity will lose the arguement 40% of the time.
John McCain wasn’t the same man he is today when he came back from war.
oh damn, i wonder who they will hire to be the token stammering timid liberal type to play the sucker?
it was hard enough to find one that fit the bill AND was uglier than hannity.
We should all pitch in and buy Colmes some TruckNutz.
Finally, Dick Morris can take his rightful place as the leading progressive voice of Fox News.
I hear they’re replacing him with famous liberal Michelle Malkin.
oh, so that’s who that sidekick guy was! always wondered
Early days of Air America, TV’s Frank wrote these little skits called “Being Alan Colmes”. He would meekly argue with people during the course of his day as they totally screwed him over.
I hope he makes Fox pay for his PTSD treatment.
“In announcing his decision, Colmes said,…’Although it’s bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, I’m proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years.’”
Christ, what a bitch. Unless “marriage” line was as a sarcastic parting shot at Sean “I-am-a-giant-homophobe” Hannity, in which case that was pretty funny.
They’ll probably just get Juan Williams in there. With his pigmentation and Messican name, he won’t even have to say anything. He can just sit there, bein’ a librul.
Alan Colmes is laughing all the way to the bank. I would love to get paid handsomely to riposte a right-wing-closet-case and lose. He probably got Sean to shut up by playing footsie with him under the anchor desk.
When are his memoirs due out?
And with that photo, we have Heath Ledger’s replacement for the next Batman movie.
Anonymous Office Zombie: It’s true to type that even now he would use such imagery. I mean, it’s not hard to guess whose role it was to “take the dick” every night.
Perhaps someone at FOX will pitch the idea of an American Idol type reality show to find Hannitys new pseudo liberal punching bag.
I nominate Tucker Carlson.
He’s certainly wimpy enough, and probably desperate to get back on prime time TV and out of the customer service desk at that B&B in the Catskills.
He could be persuaded to become a pretend liberal for the right money.
I am happy for him. We live in the same building. Dude barely has a pulse and looks totally miserable. I look forward to seeing the physical changes after he’s had some away time from the creator of Freedom’s Doucheapalooza.
I used to feel sorry for Alan Colmes until I realized that he was happily cashing paychecks signed by Roger Ailes.
I haz an idea. Let’s beat the fucking shit out of Hannity for FIVE AND A HALF GODDAMNED YEARS with rusty rebar and see how he acts after that. Maybe he’d cheat on Alan by doing a show with Amy Goodman. Which I would pay money to listen to.
metropolitan: James Carville?
And what did Colmes savor the day he quit Faux? FIVE AND A HALF BEERS, ALAN!
I love how he’s going to stick around “…to develop new and challenging ways to contribute to the growth of the network.” After 12 years of McFly laughing at Biff’s stupid jokes does he actually think he’s respected. They find another entertaining way to belittle him.
I feel bad for a man that is as unattractive as him. I almost don’t want to make fun of him.
trondant: Goodman in five by TKO.
Colmes was the Washington Generals to Hannity’s Harlem Globetrotters. Specifically, he was the goofy white guy with the big hair and 70s mustache who would run around like a retarded squirrel chasing the ball that Meadowlark Lemon held just beyond his reach.
Colmes gets extra bonuses from Roger Ailes for things like:
* looking icky
* cringing and remaining quiet
* using words like “marriage” in ways which are perfectly innocuous but nevertheless make repugs cringe.
What the hell happened to Kermit the Frog?
trondant: Juan Williams….won’t even have to say anything. He can just sit there, bein’ a librul.
Until they ask him about Prop 8.
So. OK.
I guess Fox isn’t even pretending anymore.
But how will Sean Hannity know when to shout over someone if Alan isn’t there to open his mouth? Still, I’m sure the inanimate carbon rod will do as good of job of defending liberalism as Alan.
FMA: You know, I think at the end of the year, Wonkette should give out awards, The Golden Truk Nutz to many of the deserving out there. I for one would pay the postage to send a pair to Sarah Palin for “Best News Conference in front of Turkey Carnage.”
You know that Hannity is pissed. If Colmes had left before the election and Hannity had been able to rant about Bill Ayers for 58 minutes instead of 55 minutes, this country would never have elected a coke head Muslim terrorist.
It will be sort of fun to watch Rachel kick Sean’s ass now, and he won’t be able to blame Alan for any of it.
And in the end
The love
you take
Is equal to
the love
you make.
problemwithcaring:
Oh yeah, Alan was the bottom, no question.
We now take you to the Sean-Newt Hour of pissing and moaning, already in progress.
V572625694: OK, I meant a Fox librul.
please tell me this isnt the lizard person i wrote in.
Must’ve gotten tired of the daily nuggies from Hannity and O’Reilly.
As for his replacement, I’ve assumed for YEARS Fox’s next faux-debate show would be Hannity with a Down Syndrome person with a shirt that says “Me Vote Demacrat” saying “I’m a liberal, DURRRRR.”
The Hannity/Palin Show.
From here on out, Hannity’s sparring partner will be a kitten that he’ll throw in a wood chipper at the end of every episode.
Them: In a fight between Alan Colmes and a ground up kitten, my money’s on the kitten.
Sorry guys. He’s married. Like for real:
http://www.foxnews.com/video/index.html?playerId=videolandingpage&streamingFormat=FLASH&referralObject=3191878&referralPlaylistId=playlist
If Marcel Marceau were still alive to replace Colmes, he would point to Hannity with one hand; and, the other would be a closed fist doin’ the J.O. sign.