15-MINUTE POLITICAL CELEBRITIES  1:44 pm November 24, 2008

‘Lizard People’ Voter Revealed!

by Sara K. Smith

Lizard People will fight for YOU!So some 25-year-old doofus has come forward as the guy who wrote in Lizard People as the most palatable alternative to Al Franken or Norm Coleman representing the great state of Minnesota in the United States Senate. Lucas Davenport is America’s new Joe the Plumber! How long before he gets his own country music album?

“The handwriting is mine, hands down. Even my dad saw it, and he’s like that is your handwriting, there is no doubt about it. I think it would be pretty easy to, with my handwriting sample, to prove it was mine,” said Davenport.

He says people who are hoping to blame the loss of their candidate on his thrown out ballot are missing the point. He says it’s his right to exercise free choice, as well.

Ha ha, this is how bad this awful race/recount has gotten: people are hoping their candidates will lose. Quick, somebody bury Franken and Coleman in a pile of hot trash and appoint Lizard People the Senator Pro Tem.

Why would someone vote for the Lizard People? [Minnesota Public Radio]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 63 comments }

Jobbotch November 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm

“If you Google Lucas Davenport you’ll turn up someone of the same name who’s already famous, but fictional. Lucas Davenport is the protagonist cop in a series of novels by Minnesota writer John Camp. Camp published the books under the pen name John Sandford.”

Jesus Christ! The whole of Minnesota is some bizarre hall of mirrors. No wonder the Coen brothers are from there.

johnbpt November 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I say give the Lizard People a chance. I mean, they couldn’t fuck up Congress any worse than it already is, could they?

saralovesyou November 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm

He was on the radio this morning and said he’d wanted to write in “revolution,” but settled on “lizard people.”

I love that this illustrates how Ron Paul people are well-versed in conspiracy theory craziness.

WheresMyJetpack? November 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I’ll buy his book.

We’re all Lucas Davenports!

4tehlulz November 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm

>>”Because you don’t have to vote. It’s not mandatory. And I think that I have the right to vote for anybody I wish, even if it’s a made up candidate or even myself, if I wanted to write that in,” said Davenport.

Wouldn’t “I did it because I’m an pompous ass” be a more concise and accurate explanation?

Hooray For Anything November 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm

Lizard People is the new Ralph Nader

Godot November 24, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Lizard People promises a warm rock to bask on for every American.

MARCdMan November 24, 2008 at 1:54 pm

I’m all for putting Lizard People in congress, maybe they’ll eat Ron Paul.

coolcatdaddy November 24, 2008 at 1:54 pm

Hmph. I thought McCain/Palin _were_ the Lizard People…

Schadenfried November 24, 2008 at 1:55 pm

[re=184544]4tehlulz[/re]: “I did it because I’m an attention whore.” is even more accruate.

Noodle Salad November 24, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Facial hair? Check. Pony tail? Check. Green t-shirt? Check. Douchy necklace? Check.

All he’s missing is a backwards B.

FreshCliches November 24, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Alex Jones calling this dude in 4…3…2…

[re=184547]Godot[/re]: …and a cricket in every pot.

Theodorick Of York November 24, 2008 at 1:56 pm

[re=184547]Godot[/re]:
Plus, live crickets and warm muddy water for all!

Terry November 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Sleestaks! Those are the Sleestaks from Land of the Lost. Boy, did I love that show growing up.

MathewBrooks November 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm

SLEESTAKS (hissing noise)!!!!!!

Neon Trotsky November 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Look, he’d just had it with the liberal, warm-blooded, Washington, and voted for True Change.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm

[re=184542]saralovesyou[/re]:
I love how people try to dignify their stupid behavior by claiming it was some kind of important lesson about “the right to exercise free choice.”

Gorillionaire November 24, 2008 at 1:58 pm

If I had a pet lizard, I would name him Eddie. Get it? Eddie Lizard!

Serolf Divad November 24, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I wrote in the Lizard People and so did my wife!

Woodwards Friend November 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm

So by “right to exercise free choice” he means ignore the basic and simple rules for voting to make an infantile joke? Jeremiah Wright was right. God damn America.

Midwest_Product November 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm

[re=184554]Schadenfried[/re]: “I did it because I’m an attention whore.” is even more accruate.

So, your theory is this guy wrote in “Lizard Man” because he knew in advance that there would be a hand recount in which his particular ballot became an issue?

WadISay November 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Haha, Nate Silver, you and your fancy regression analysis didn’t figure on Teh Lizard Peoples, did you?

choinski November 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm

So, if he declares publicly what is intent was that day, and a judge rules the voter intent was something else, who prevails?

pepe November 24, 2008 at 2:02 pm

I am Lucas the Davenport.

Neon Trotsky November 24, 2008 at 2:02 pm

According to the authoritative source that is the Old Farmer’s Wikipedia:

According to an interview with David Icke, Christine Fitzgerald claims that she was a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, and that Diana told her that the British Royal Family were reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift.

See, Lucas Davenport is a Patriot, like the Sons of Liberty or the Continental Congress, by pointing out the power and evil influence of the Lizard British Monarchical Conspiracy…

sarahconnor November 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Bemidji is close to Brainerd… I say feed him to the wood chipper.

Deepthroat November 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm

I read on Joe’s Secure our Dreams site that he was in cahoots with the Lizard People. Shorts, did you see that?

unprotoize November 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm

At least he’s better looking than Joe the Plumber.

obfuscator November 24, 2008 at 2:05 pm

What a jerkoff. Jub-Jub does NOT approve.

psychedelicSludge November 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

seems egalitarian enough – rule by lizard people. But you know sooner or later some guy is going to stand up there and declare – wait for it – I AM THE LIZARD KING!

benj-thewrathofgod November 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

“If you Google Lucas Davenport you’ll turn up someone of the same name who’s already famous, but fictional. Lucas Davenport is the protagonist cop in a series of novels by Minnesota writer John Camp. Camp published the books under the pen name John Sandford.”

And John Sandford looks a lot like John McCain! There’s your conspiracy:

http://media.npr.org/programs/watc/features/2004/may/sandford/sandford140.jpg

trondant November 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Fucker belongs at the North Pole in an Elf costume.

springfield_meltdown November 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Well, he is from Bemidji. Maybe he was sick of the attention the US National curling teams were receiving. My point is I don’t think there is very much to do in Bemidji.

infowars November 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Meh… Another reptile in congress.

psychedelicSludge November 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm

or queen, if there are children involved. http://static.flickr.com/1/128738238_80b03c80b7_m.jpg

FreshCliches November 24, 2008 at 2:11 pm

[re=184578]trondant[/re]: Are you sure you didn’t intend to put this in the Alan Colmes thread?

Rev. Juan MessyCan November 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Oh, sweet Jeebus, what is it coming to?

I usually hate blingee, but … come on, is this begging for it, or do I need to smoke more so I just hallucinate it?

And IMHO, that’s what he’d done before going to vote – smoked something. Wouldn’t that explain it?

Rev. Juan MessyCan November 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm

And I f’in love that name, Sleekstaks.

I shall name my polka band The Brown Sleekstaks.

Sussemilch November 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm

You mean you’ve never been so pissed off at both candidates that you wrote some batsh*t insane stuff on your ballot to make a point?

Well then I’ll consider myself lucky that the local County Clerk’s race was never so close that the election board needed to decide which candidate was “SUCK MY DICK YOU @&#$%@!”

El Topo November 24, 2008 at 2:15 pm

It was only a matter of time: first, that this gooberball would seek his 15 minutes of infamy, and second, that someone would finally stand up for the rights of the Proud Lizard People.

trondant November 24, 2008 at 2:18 pm

[re=184588]FreshCliches[/re]: I missed an Alan Colmes thread again? Goddamnit!

psychedelicSludge November 24, 2008 at 2:19 pm

There are 3 basic types of rulers: Greys, Lizard People, and Nordics.

Word: “The Greys are 4th density probes of the Reptoid beings. They mimic the nourishment functions and exist by interaction with the souls of the Reptoids. This is done through technology far in advance of anything Humans currently understand. The Grays are not only built and designed artificially, but also function as a projection, mentally and psychically, of the Reptoids. They have many of the same capabilities of the Reptoids except their physical appearance is entirely different. These beings have no soul, are only extensions of the Reptoids, and as such are manipulated at will at whatever distance by the Reptoids. The “blood” these created beings have is not real red blood as Humans have but something that is easily maintained and not foster disease or inefficiency and is green in color.” – http://www.karinya.com/lizards.htm

sevenrepeat November 24, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Joe the Lizard Person.

Schadenfried November 24, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=184565]Midwest_Product[/re]: He wrote Lizard People. Try to be more accurate when making a counterpoint.

If this is what a Midwest Product is, I’ll take lead-filled Chinese products, thank you.

Thegreatbacon November 24, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Ladies and Gentleman, I am surprised that nobody has hit the fraud button on this, even after it was pointed out that his name happens to also be the name of a famous fictional character. Let me be the first to do it — this is a prank! Read what he said again. He is going to have his dad vouch for his handwriting? That has got to be a joke. If he voted at that precinct and wrote in “Lizard People,” then chances are it was his ballot. You don’t need a handwriting expert for that. He’s messing with us, Wonkette. Be on guard.

metropolitan November 24, 2008 at 2:31 pm

god, if had to make up my mind between al franken and norm coleman, i would have voted for lizard people myself.

qwerty42 November 24, 2008 at 2:35 pm

“Lucas Davenport” ??? … jeeze, he’s the detective in all those grim murder mysteries that are based in the twin Cities. Are things kinda crazy up there? Now it’s Lizard People. cripes. _don’t_ rebuild the Mississippi River bridge; in fact, take down the other span.

c-freak November 24, 2008 at 2:36 pm

oh please…everyone knows that chaka would be a better write in.

Tra November 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm

[re=184565]Midwest_Product[/re]:

How about the part where he runs around waving his arms and yelling, “I did it! I did it! My daddy will tell you so, I did it!”

freeatlast November 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm

I know someone from the Minni Apple. He talks like he has marbles in his mouth. They’re all canadians anyway. They should only get 1.5 Senators and be done with it all.

Larry McAwful November 24, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=184558]Terry[/re]: Yeah, me too. I hated the remake of it in the 1990s. All they had was dinosaurs in it, but no pilons at all. The pilons were the best part of that show, that and the Lost City. The dinosaurs were a nice component, but man, even an old episode of that show without a trip to the Lost City or a pilon was a major disappointment. That’s why the new Land of the Lost blew. It also blew because they had some kind of truck to drive around, but there weren’t any gas stations.

Kingbee November 24, 2008 at 2:54 pm

Please, everyone, relax — this Senate seat has been Jewish since Rudy Boschwitz won it in 1978. Then Paul Wellstone; then the nefarious Norm Coleman; now contested by Al Franken — all Jews. As Lezard is a perfectly respectable Jewish name, the Lizard People are clearly Jewish, merely with a more Americanized spelling. Although, funny, they don’t LOOK Jewish on the photo above.

JeffGoldblum November 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Too bad all the SHEEPLE don’t even realize that all of our world leaders are ALREADY THE LIZARD PEOPLE.

dannygutters November 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm

But how do the reverse vampires fit into this fendish plot to eliminate dinner?

sanantonerose November 24, 2008 at 2:59 pm

WORST RECOUNT EVAR.

mn_sleuth November 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm

qwerty42

“Lucas Davenport” ??? … jeeze, he’s the detective in all those grim murder mysteries that are based in the twin Cities. Are things kinda crazy up there? Now it’s Lizard People. cripes. _don’t_ rebuild the Mississippi River bridge; in fact, take down the other span.

Don’t forget the moron’s in the MN 6th district are sending bat$hit crazy Michelle Bachmann back to congress for two more years.

Naked Bunny with a Whip November 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm

I hope there are anatomically correct Sleestak in the LotL movie.

mpslim November 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Laugh if you must, but the Lizard people have actually run one of their “candidates” in Northern California’s CD4. His name……Theodore Terbolizard. Ted Lizard says he is “The next generation of the GOP.” He also says “It is time to end the economic slavery of the United States people!”
He leaves out the part where he says that instead of economic slavery, it will just be the regular kind, and mostly lizard people will rule us as we jump down, turn round, and pick a bale of insects.

See: http://terbocongress.org/

Carrie_Okie November 24, 2008 at 4:49 pm

Sleestak/Chaka 2012!

CumaeanSibyl November 24, 2008 at 6:55 pm

It says something when your bullshit philosophical explanation makes you look stupider than you would have if you’d admitted you did it for the lulz.

DeLand DeLakes November 24, 2008 at 9:50 pm

Well, here in Minneapolis we have a long tradition of taking in refugees- Vietnamese, Hmong, and Somali- and when the Reptile’s Democratic Republic of the Hot Rock crumbled, well, gosh darn it, we just had to let ‘em in.

But I don’t know who let the fuckers VOTE.

cal November 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm

More Sleestaks, please!

threeb November 24, 2008 at 10:26 pm

Sleestaks???? Gah!

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