Wonkette
Barack Obama will have so many advisors telling him how to spend the nation’s billions! Let’s see, we’ve got this Geithner guy who financial types seem to like, and also the communist Larry Summers … who else? To answer these pressing questions, Obama will hold another press conference and respond to complicated financial inquiries with “I will buy you all a new puppy.” Stick with us! His magical press conference is due to commence at the top of the hour.
11:54 AM — Some goofy kid was just at the podium. Then he left. Various people standing around. Yes, these are exciting times.
12:00 PM — It’s Andrea Mitchell, the wife of a terrible old man who ruined the American economy forever. Shot of Obama’s podium: “THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT ELECT.” Presumptuous!
12:01 PM — Mitchell interviews a kindly red-shirted gent borrowed from the cover of an L.L. Bean catalog. He says Citigroup needed to be “bolstered.”
12:05 PM — Christina Romer is some Berkeley economist, named to chair the Council of Economic Advisors. If you follow economic “things,” which we do not, apparently you have heard of her and think she’s pretty rad. Huzzah, all these people have filed in and now Obama is speaking! WHERE IS VOLCKER??? (He was fired, for being too tall.)
12:07 PM — Big challenges, big capacity to overcome them. He has assembled a fantastically diverse team of intellectual superheroes who will save America from permanent hobohood.
12:09 PM — Come on, CNN cameraman, show us this Geithner so we can see if he is actually dishy or not.
12:10 PM — Geithner: clearly also a communist, as he speaks Chinese and lived overseas growing up. He is basically the white Barack Obama.
12:10 PM — Summers: Engineered many things during the Clinton years, blah blah blah … Lots of stuff about the middle class. “Larry, you may also have heard, is somewhat of a belligerent asshole, but I sort of like those types.”
12:12 PM — Romer, Chairman of Council of Economic Advisors: Ooh, she is AN HISTORIAN. “The Business Cycle Dating Committee.” Sounds sexy! Yay Berkeley.
12:13 PM — Melody Barnes: Director of the Domestic Policy Council. She appears to be in charge of the non-economic things that affect the economy, or something. Oh she is adorable. She looks like she’s actually happy to be there.
12:15 PM — One thing Obama has been very consistent about, rhetoric- and policy-wise, from the presidential race through the post-election: saying “middle class” and “Main Street,” constantly.
12:17 PM — Well, it sounds like Obama has kind of jettisoned the whole “There’s only one president at a time” line.
12:18 PM — He’s talking about his massive package! But he won’t name numbers. Just, it is HUGE, and liberals and conservatives agree that it must be large and swift.
12:20 PM — Dang, somebody get these questioners a microphone. Ah, it is about taxes. Lower taxes means more heat and groceries and computers for the MIDDLE CLASS. Poor Barack Obama, he is already aging rapidly. Look at those weird dents under the insides of his eyes.
12:23 PM — Bloomberg gal asks, OK no numbers, but could you give us a range? Obama: Nope. We will have a huge fucking deficit, and you all need to chill out about that because deficits are really the least of our worries right now, if you can believe that.
12:26 PM — He seems to suggest that Paulson and Bush have not done a great job explaining what the hell is going on, economy-wise, or what our goals are. Obama intends to change that — “clarity, transparency,” etc. So, basically, more fireside YouTube chats where he delivers more dire economic news in a soothing baritone.
12:28 PM — Ha ha, a question on the auto industry. Obama says, “Remember how I won Michigan? Yes, I support the auto industry.” We can’t allow it to just vanish, but we can’t write these douchebags a blank check. Very diplomatically said he was kind of astonished they didn’t have any frigging plan about what to do with all the money they want from Congress.
12:31 PM — How and when to spend the second half of the bailout dollars? “I will make further assessments as the administration provide me with more real-time information.” Well, that was a boring answer.
12:33 PM — So, to recap: Barack Obama is now running our economy; George W. Bush, our president for the next 57 days, walks around wearing a poncho.
The heads of management of CitiGroup needs to be “bolstered” onto some steel pikes so they can be paraded up and down every fucking MBA class as a lesson in consequences.
I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and I’m pretty fucking grouchy.
Are there any wimmins on Sexist Barry’s economic team?
he just introduced the new currency:
http://www.alan.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/17313116.jpg
I was picturing more like turning them into attractive decorator pillows for improved back support.
Thank You Sarah Palin for making this moment possible.
Volcker wasn’t fired for being too tall. He was fired because he couldn’t play the low post.
Sproutz: Ah, I sense a muslin theme — straight from the ottoman empire! No bolsters there.
melody barnes: nice. http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/shopping/5424.html
What a fantastic group of people (except Larry).
Beer4Prez: Are those available only in DC? Pity.
Beer4Prez: Would that all economic advisors were as hawtt as this one!
Hopey’s still sexy. I hadn’t seen him in a few days and I’d forgotten. The Caucus has the MSNBC feed, btw: http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/24/live-blog-presenting-the-economic-team/?hp
Beer4Prez:
Holy crap, and Huff Post has got this gal getting a job in the Obama Administration.
It’s going to be the administration of smokin’ hot African American ladies.
I like, I like.
magic titty: Well, my understanding from an esteemed Harvard-type is that the ladies aren’t too good with the numbers.
Perhaps there’s a department of baking cookies wherein he can place some accomplished individuals of the fairer sex.
So Christina Roper will be head of the Business Cycle Dating Committee … is that like a speed-dating group for executives?
MMMMMMMMMMMM…..Massive package!
hedgehog: Yes, on Chinese bikes.
His package: now, is the hammer-and-sickle tattooed onto it? or somehow shaved into it?
“Well, it sounds like Obama has kind of jettisoned the whole “There’s only one president at a time” line”
He had to, as there is only one president and Barak is it! GWB abdicated and went into voluntary exile in Peru. He was last seen hiding in disguise as a gaucho
I hope Obama makes my landlord fix our goddamn heater. FU OIL.
Serolf Divad: hold on there. Look at those cheekbones in that photo. I’m pretty sure that’s a dude …
Serolf Divad:
desiree rogers is SMOKING HOT!
2nd from left
http://www.panachemag.com/Web/BeSeen/RaviniaFestival07/G8.jpg
far left
http://www.panachemag.com/Web/BeSeen/Ravinia2/ra4.jpg
Ted Perino: maybe they’ll get enough muslins together to make a quilt big enough for all of america!
p-Sludge ofTheElves: nah, she’s female. WaPo had a story about her today. her Ex is on the Inaugural Commitee, too
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/23/AR2008112302555.html
His plan is to soothe us into complacency by filling his administration with hot women.
This is definitely change I can believe in.
Ted Perino: You are so wrong! http://www.kilim-warehouse.com/cushions/ottoman%20bolsters.jpg What’s more, you are fabricating evidence.
p-Sludge ofTheElves: If that’s true, then I, for one, look forward to our new hot tranny overlords.
You’re right it is presumptuous for him to think he’s going to be president - I suggest its about time Hillz ask Barry if he will be her VP
“clarity, transparency,”
Damn, I thought he said “Claritin”. *sniffs*
p-Sludge ofTheElves: If you shave it into your package (or nearby) it’s called a Venezuelan.
Sproutz: Perfect for lolling in the White House seraglio.
WTF–I’m so congested I totally forgot I could avoid doing anything meaningful by tuning in to what would obviously be a wonkette live-blogging event.
So, catching up with what I missed: One–Did Hopey take any questions from the wonkette editors?
Two–That Christine is from Berklely? Far out! Far down! Far around! Economic stimulus: Weed to be legalized and I put my 90 acres of God’s country to good use, not to mention taking care of my arthritis pain. I thought it was too much to hope that O’Bama would usher in the final stage of the age of Aquarius!
WIN!
Did he mention anything about when he was going to issue those food stamps with his picture on it that lets you buy watermelon and fried chicken?
http://wonkette.com/403583/gop-gals-make-hilarious-obama-welfare-coupons
I should be safe; I took all my money out of the stock market and put it into Barack Obama commemorative plates. My favorite is the one of him introducing his economic team, although the plate decorator made Geithner look like Peter MacNicol.
So, uh, is anyone else worried about the “meaningful cuts and sacrifices” we’re going to need to make to save the sucking vortex that is the world economy?
The commemorative plates were actually left-over Cosby Show commemorative plates that have been touched up.
What was Austan Goolsbee fired for? Today is Jews and women day, I guess…
We will have transparency and clarity, but NO FUCKING NUMBERS, O.K.?
Barack Obama is now running our economy; George W. Bush, our president for the next 57 days, walks around wearing a poncho.
There’s going to be a rush by foreign leaders to invite Dubya to events where he can be photographed wearing silly clothes in the next 56 days, 23 hours and 6 minutes.
Serolf Divad: Wow. She’s easy on the eyes. As if there weren’t going to be enough attractive black folks as it is.
norbizness: OMG, the Commemorative Plates. The hawker’s description of one of them sounded like some bad slash porn, going on and on about his firm jaw and kind eyes and Huge Package to save us and all.
rambone: So he picked two of them peoples who can’t count? Was the Department of Darning My Socks all filled up?
The Audacity of this man is just…
Ted Knight’s picture above reminds me of something… if they wanted to reassure the 0.02% of America that is watching this event, they should have reanimated Mr. Knight and gotten him to narrate the roll-out, like he used to do on the Superfriends show.
eatsshootsleaves: I know of a couple of wars I’d be willing to sacrifice.
Beer4Prez: how long before shit flies around that Obama and this Barnes chick are re-creating the Bill-Monica bit? I mean, he is bringing in Clinton’s entire administration, why not get a little action on the side to boot!
Serolf Divad: 4tehlulz: SuperRounder: When you think back on the Bush “administration,” what hotties come to mind? Okay, Dana Perino, maybe, but she’s so stooopid. Elaine Chao? Gimme a break. No wonder the market’s going up like hot rocket today.
V572625694: Monica Goodling I guess, but then she turned around and married Mike Krepesky from Red State, so she obviously has major (not administration-related) judgment issues.
azw88:
Somehow, I can’t help but to think that Peruvians are enjoying some Steely Dan right now…
Can’t you see they’re laughing at me
Get rid off him
I don’t care what you do at home
Would you care to explain
Who is the gaucho amigo
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather poncho
And your elevator shoes
Bodacious cowboys
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the Custerdome
Who did Barry put on the Prom Committee?
Serolf Divad: She’s a mime and will be performing behind Robert Gibbs at WH press briefings.
“his massive package” are we allowed to talk about our president’s package in this cavalier manner Sara?
V572625694: Mustn’t forget Meghan O’Sullivan:
http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2007/04/02/PH2007040201746.jpg
Serolf Divad: “This appointment sends a strong message that the Obamas want to use the White House strategically, to maximize its use in a way that is consistent with their philosophy — [to] open it to a broader range of people, ” said Valerie Jarrett, an Obama intimate
An Obama intimate??? Sexy three-ways in the White House???
George W. Bush: poncho bag.
Well, we’ll hope that Barry’s swift package comes to our rescue and erects the main poles in our economic tent, making them longer and stronger than ever.
eatsshootsleaves: If it means that all the compulsive shoppers with 20 credit cards have to go into therapy, thats a sacrifice. Or if China has to stop putting poisons into food and durable goods for export, they must sacrifice. If it means no more Liar Loans, too bad, the liars must sacrifice.
It might mean we actually have to start ‘making’ things the world wants to buy again-to sell to people around the world to even out our trade deficit.
azw88:
The oldest trick in the Repub playbook.
Serolf Divad: From the Tribune article on Desiree Rogers:
“Her first highly visible post was in state government. She managed the lottery for then-Gov. Jim Edgar in the ’90s, appearing on TV giving away pots of money.”
She should be undersecretary of the treasury for spreading the wealthy–especially to me.
magic titty: hopey?
poncho’s should not be worn by tall white guys unless they have clint eastwood’s balls.
GAWD, that poncho thing is just depressing.
re: the economic team, what i want to know is… where is VOLDEMORT.
Am I the only one who thinks Geithner looks like a Klingon, esp., when he furrows his brow, which is, like, all the time?
V572625694: I don’t think we need to list all the ways that the 8 years of W we’ve had has already been eclipsed by a few weeks of President Elect Hopey and his troupe of Hottie Hot Hot’s. As a DC dweller, it’s uplifting (heh) to know that the city is about to be flooded with more attractive black women.
but…where is the special exemption for PLU8MBING TOOLS?
Beer4Prez: Oh, SHIT! Who knew economy wonks could be have such fungible assets?
Anyone know if FOX got to ask a question this time?