Wonkette
Boys and girls, it’s a Thanksgiving miracle — six days early! Our beloved Fred Thompson, the languid, pedicured Southern dandy who made a very sleepy run at the Presidency for about two weeks before returning to his cognacs and backgammon games and expensive Italian colognes, has surfaced again! Even better, he has surfaced to announce his retirement from awful dull vulgar politics.
Instead of running the Republican National Committee, which he sort of halfheartedly said he might want to do, he has suggested a return to his much more lucrative first love — playing himself on television. His former finance chairman, a man named Scooter Clippard, says Thompson told him he was going to return to making a living off the teevee. Fred Thompson will be the new white Oprah! Maybe he will get a loser talk show on Fox, like Mike Huckabee. Too bad Fred Thompson is the laziest man alive.
Former Sen. Fred Thompson plans return to acting [AP]
Watch your back Jack McCoy…Here comes Hollywood Fred back for his seat.
What is the deal with Republican sidekicks named “Scooter?”
SK-Let us know ASAP what the program will be, so I can be sure and not watch it, thanks.
If you paired him up with a beagle he’d make a good “small-town Southern sheriff” type character. I’d like to see him smashing the taillights of some hippie’s Prius and then writing him an equipment ticket. “You fellers best go scout some other town for a future location for your fancy ‘independent film festival.’ Falks here in Jacksonborough live quiet lives and like it that way. Now git going before I find something else wrong with your rice burner.”
He’s going to take all the good roles from Joe Don Baker!
That guy really is lazy.
He was afraid of what Sarah Palin would do to his wattle.
Darn, I was hoping he would be head of the RNC. We’ve had this doctor guy gunning up all fifty states, and I figure it’d be great if they had a guy who needs 17 naps a day as their party chief.
That was gonna be great.
Serolf Divad: Why did I picture Carroll O’Connor when I read your post? Little known fact–he was in an episode of the original Outer Limits. Heeeeeyyy, there’s another idea for Fred!
I’ve heard his interpretation of “Hamlet” is, well… small town.
C’mon Fred “cough ahem cough ahem cough ahem” Thompson is in no way like Archie Bunker. Well except they are both racists bigots aannnnd they are both arrogant pricks who think they are entitled because they are old white dudes and both are out of touch. But Archie Bunker is deader than disco so that proves they are nothing alike.
After his first failed presidential campaign (in 1956), he was heard to say “Fortunately, I always keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency.” - full interview here: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1cyji_foghorn-leghorn-1956-weasel-stop_fun
He is the live-action version of Droopy Dog.
Fred Heads haz a sad.
I smell a remake of “Dukes of Hazzard” in the works.
Did he ever really leave?
Bypartizoa: No, that’s Joe Lieberman
90% of Repug douchebags are named Tucker or Scooter. We should start rounding up all children named or nicknamed Tucker or Scooter and put them in work camps, along with their parents.
HEY! Picture of hot wife? Donde esta? Don’t let post-election depression ruin your game. It’s the children who suffer.
Woodwards Friend: He’ll never take Mitchell!
Airborne Toxic Event: If they ever do a multi-drug cocktail of Viagra and No-Doz, Fred and Jeri would make a heck of a spokes-couple.
I see him in a remake of “Dallas”, sucking.
“Hi I’m Fred Thompson and you might remember from such movies as Die Hard 2: Die Harder and the Hunt for Red October, my miserable Preznit Campaign attempt and my big hootered wife, Jeri. I’m here to tell you about the dangers of licking metal fence posts in the winter…”
The whole Troy McClure transformation would be complete if it was discovered that Fred can only have sex with Jeri while wearing a Fish suit.
ManchuCandidate: Eleventy Billion whore diamonds for you sir!
KilgoreTrout_XL: I see him in a revival of ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof’, sucking.
hey, leave the old man alone, i’m sure all his investments have tanked and that busty trophy wife ain’t cheap.
Maybe those mean Hollywood liberals he hates so much when he’s running for office will be nice enough to let him play a character that’s actually a good Presidential candidate, maybe even one that wins something. It’ll probably have to be a movie as I don’t think anyone in TV can write well enough to make a character played by Thompson to seem engaged or electable.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
i hear he’s going to play Mr. Freeze in the next Batman movie!
http://www.charlietueats.com
Fred loves playing the bon vivant, and he’s still very popular in Tennessee, despite the fact that he didn’t do one damn thing for the state while in the Senate.
I am not so young and I live in Europe, so I am out of touch with contemporary American cultural references.
What would be the current punchline equivalent of Hollywood Squares or The Love Boat? That’s where he’ll be.
http://thedroopyfund.com/images/droopy.jpg
That is all.
Miller:
Look for Fred in the new Larry the Cable guy vehicle. It’s a political spoof entitled Federal Erection Commission.
shortsshortsshorts:
[img]http://www.oldcartoonsshows.com/images/longhorn.jpg[/img]
gurukalehuru: Celebrity Bukkake
shanemcgowan:
You shouldn’t use the name “Scooter” unless you’re a fat guy.
gurukalehuru: So You Think You’re A Smarter Dancer Than A Fifth Greater, or some such.
Weren’t “pedicured Southern Dandies” out-lawed in three states this election cycle?
shanemcgowan: I wonder if it’s some kind of secret gay thing.
CSI is always in need of a corpse or two. Go for it, Fred. All that you need to do is act natural.
See, he IS a normal American just like us! He tried something,failed miserably, and just gave up!!
I really can’t believe that guy is only 66. He looks and behaves like he’s 92. Complete with old-enough-to-be-his-granddaughter-aged wife.
I heard HGTV is hiring him to host their new show on clean-design landscaping, tentatively titled “Lawn Order.”
Hooray! Law & Order ’s Ambien effect will now work better than ever.
i heard he was going to play mr. burns in the live-action version of the simpsons.
gurukalehuru: Ha,ha. I can dig it. I want to see Hollywood Fred on Match Game ‘09. Right next to the dog-faced boy!
What about Fred and Jeri in “The Anna Nicole Smith Story”?
I’ll bet they cast him in that piece of shit “Kings” series on NBC about the “friendly” corporate Monarch and all the “liberty loving” hoards who want to upset the balance of god’s chosen people. And that’s not even an ironic synopsis.
Obviously, Sleep Train has their new spokesperson. Them or one of those Medicare meds-by-mail outfits.
This warms my heart in the same way my worn and decrepit leather luggage does when it floats up from the basement during a flood.
I was under the impression that Fred Thompson died some time last year. He didn’t?