PAINFUL TO WATCH  1:16 am November 21, 2008

Awful Video of AG Michael Mukasey Collapsing

by Ken Layne

Ugh. Why do we even post such things? Breaking News, etc., that’s why! So do us a favor, commenters, and try to control yourselves, show some class, &c., unless Mukasey has specifically done something personally horrible to you. We have no useful update, to this old dude just falling over and people shouting OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST CALL SOMEBODY. He is in the hospital somewhere in/around Washington.

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Hola wonkerados.

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The Dude November 21, 2008 at 1:20 am

That’s terrible. Hopefully he gets out of the hospital quick and healthy.

Bjorn November 21, 2008 at 1:25 am

Poor guy.

Amy Alkon' November 21, 2008 at 1:26 am

Certainly I don’t wish ill on the man; he hasn’t committed nearly as many crimes as his predecessors. But speaking to the knuckle-draggers at the Federalist Society isn’t earning him any cred with his maker.

Neilist November 21, 2008 at 1:27 am

If it’s a stroke, and he’s brain dead and on life support, will he be heading the GOP ticket in ’12?

I mean, there’s historical precedent.

Consider the last eight years.

(Why are we supposed to get all “caring” when some unethical, self-serving asshat finally keels over?

What’s next?: “Oh, that poor Mr. Hitler. Died in that terrible Walther PPK gun mishandling incident . . . .”)

J November 21, 2008 at 1:30 am

Has Limbaugh blamed Obama for this yet?

ladymacbeth November 21, 2008 at 1:34 am

good god, is there ANYTHING good about the tee vee?

no i didn’t think so.

v sorry for the man and his family.

enoughstuff November 21, 2008 at 1:39 am

It took 22 minutes to watch 22 seconds. Buffering is kinda like judgement day. Hope the ole guy is ok.

dontquitnow November 21, 2008 at 1:41 am

Well it’s a good think Richard Wolffe and Joetheplumber were there to ease him to the floor. Wait, what was Richard Wolffe doing there? And so close to the podium?

shortsshortsshorts November 21, 2008 at 1:43 am

What the fuck?

dontquitnow November 21, 2008 at 1:44 am


It’s a good thing.

DoktorZoom November 21, 2008 at 1:44 am

My god…no snark here. That’s just scary to see.

AxmxZ November 21, 2008 at 1:45 am

Poor dude.

populucious November 21, 2008 at 1:54 am

Just heard on the radio that he appears to be fine, awake and in good spirits.

ghardcastle November 21, 2008 at 1:58 am

Poor guy. Hope he’s ok.

facehead November 21, 2008 at 1:59 am

[re=182969]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Ha! Ha! shorts is so stoned right now.

Idk anything about this old dude, so I do feel some sympathy. But strictly speaking the Palin/Couric interview was way more painful to watch.

wolfcatcher November 21, 2008 at 2:00 am

keep wokin’ out there buddy, you’re lookin’ better every day!

qaf November 21, 2008 at 2:06 am

I can honestly say that it’s probably best for the country if he’s incapacitated. But I can also honestly say that I wish him a full recovery and gain no joy from his suffering. Just not that receptive to schadenfreude, I guess. Joy from others’ suffering is so right-wingnut.

Simony November 21, 2008 at 2:14 am

The ALPHA packs contain: 300 mg Meclofenoxate; 15 mg instant and 40 mg delayed release mixed amphetamine salts; assorted vitamins.

The AG is IIRC medically cleared to receive catecholamine blockade stimulants (by eg. photostim EEG) before confirmation.

He is, however, 67.

Then there is that godamned speech, tonight.

Then that godamned vasospasm. Let’s hope so, because he’ll likely be intact…if he were a rock star, call in two weeks for “nervous exhaustion”.

Lord Foppington of Dandyshire November 21, 2008 at 2:30 am

eh, shit happens.

OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin November 21, 2008 at 2:31 am

I couldn’t watch it. I despise conservatism to an extreme degree, but I don’t want to watch them suffering. That’s awful.

druranium November 21, 2008 at 2:31 am

[re=182985]Simony[/re]: Please clarify. Are you a doctor or a Prescott Pharmaceuticals rep?

Simony November 21, 2008 at 2:41 am

[re=182990]druranium[/re]: Ahahah! Thank you: I had not seen “Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.”

qaf November 21, 2008 at 2:55 am

So did they hunt down the heckler and rend him (or her) limb from limb?

qaf November 21, 2008 at 3:01 am

[re=182989]OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin[/re]: Me neither.

Maus November 21, 2008 at 3:14 am

I don’t wish ill on the man, though I do wish the rest of the federalist society meet the same fate.

abirato November 21, 2008 at 3:16 am

Is that Joe the Plumber coming to the rescue?

Lionel Hutz Esq. November 21, 2008 at 3:21 am

No snark. From what I’ve heard, Mukasey is a pretty good guy, and has started to repair the shambles that were the Department of Justice under Gonzalez.

I guess that the best we can hope for is that because he was speaking to the Federalist, he had half his brain removed to keep at their level.

Mojopo November 21, 2008 at 3:25 am

Oh my God! What were they serving?

No, of course that came out wrong. How sad. How grim. I’m sorry for the man. No really. A stroke, for sure. That’s so sad.

Mojopo November 21, 2008 at 3:26 am

[re=182985]Simony[/re]: That sounds like Kieth Richard’s blood test.

JBH November 21, 2008 at 4:05 am

Isn’t this the conclusion of the plot of mediocre but mildly enjoyable Kevin Kline/Sigourney Weaver comedy Dave. He’s just finding a way out so he can return to his normal life and let the real Mukasey (who’s been comatose all along) die in peace.

tallulah November 21, 2008 at 4:08 am

i dont understand what the big deal is. looks like he got a case of the stage sleepies. happens to me all the time.

gurukalehuru November 21, 2008 at 4:27 am

No sympathy for any member of this administration. They can all die.

tropaean November 21, 2008 at 4:37 am

Man, talk about a tough room.

I thought the Federalist Society folks only stole the life-essence from small children. I guess it goes to show just bad the recession is getting.

Borat November 21, 2008 at 4:49 am

My bleeding heart bleeds for him and his family.

Them November 21, 2008 at 4:51 am

Hey, I was meeting my boss to attend a hockey game tonight and some guy made a left turn right in front of me (slamming on my brakes and clutch — yeah, I drive (or drove) a stick — I snapped the clutch in half) and there was a hellacious smash. (Did you know that when your airbag deploys, the inside of your car smells like the sulfur that certain South American a-holes attribute to our Presidents? It’s true, and W was nowhere near my car).

So my drive is likely totaled, and this, after throwing $5K at sundry repairs just a week ago.

All this to say: Hey, someone had a worse day than I did. But mine, I’d say, was plenty awful for my tastes. If only I was an evil Republican who could absorb such financial disaster.

llyn November 21, 2008 at 4:58 am

[re=183011]gurukalehuru[/re]: sooner would be better

chowkster November 21, 2008 at 5:07 am

I wish it were Scalia or Thomas.

Bearbloke November 21, 2008 at 5:13 am

Hey, isn’t this the same act Iran-Contragater Bill Casey pulled back in 1987, just before he was supposed testify… just sayin’…..

FindFuckandFlee November 21, 2008 at 5:22 am

Eh. The bile in my throat from the outlandish freeper responses to Obama’s grandma’s death lingers. In the way that this makes me feel sad and human. He just looked small and helpless. Speedy recovery to this, so far, pretty unremarkable AG. The federalist society is representative of, uh, pretty much everything I hate as far as disingenuous Constitution humping goes, but this was seriously a bummer.. Especially compared to the raging hardon I could have achieved watching Cheney at a handpicked gathering of yokels at the local Golden Corral getting soul raped by an ancient beast composed mainly of motionless wind and lost souls? Thanks.

palmerdawg November 21, 2008 at 5:22 am

[re=183003]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: What are you nuts? Karl Rove is still on the lose.

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2008 at 6:59 am

…the last 3 or so seconds before he passes out, he reminds me of the Teddy Ruxpin I had when I was kid after the batteries were running dead. I’m gonna have nightmares tonight!

PandoraSpocks November 21, 2008 at 7:03 am

Am I the only one who has paid so little attention to the administration that I had idea who the AG was anymore?

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2008 at 7:18 am

…maybe they forgot to wind him up, like all the other Bush-bots?!

IntergalacticSlut November 21, 2008 at 7:20 am

[re=183034]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Please don’t remind me of toys that talk and move. They ‘amind me of Chucky.

And no, PandoraSpocks, you aren’t alone there.

Servo November 21, 2008 at 7:34 am

Wrong type of batteries. He requires lithium, but they put NiMH in him.

rambone November 21, 2008 at 7:48 am

We put the ass in class.

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2008 at 7:51 am

[re=183037]IntergalacticSlut[/re]:…for your viewing PLEASURE!!! Muhahahahahahaha!!!

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2008 at 7:53 am

[re=183045]rambone[/re]: …we also put the cock in caucus!

gurukalehuru November 21, 2008 at 8:05 am

Don’t leave us with this for the weekend. Seriously, that would suck.

donner_froh November 21, 2008 at 8:15 am

Anyone who is a member of the Federalist Society or who agrees with it enough to address it deserves a stroke–at least.

Weeping Jesus November 21, 2008 at 8:26 am

The way to relieve the near-tragic element of this video would be if they superimposed Palin prattling happily away in the foreground, oblivious to the sad scene behind her.

Weeping Jesus November 21, 2008 at 8:29 am

[re=183046]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Not nearly as creepy as those Furby creatures they were selling in the late 90′s. We locked one in a closet and it kept awakening and literally shrieking to be let out. We finally had to take a hammer to it. And still the eyes wouldn’t close.


sheldy13 November 21, 2008 at 8:36 am

that wasn’t so difficult to watch man I do that all the time and I’m not even half the age of that guy and nobody puts me on tee vee and everybody all acting surprised.

I popped that on and I was thinking dang that guy is old he could go any second now and whoops! There he goes…(of course there was also a small chance it was the guy from the six flags ad and he about to start dancing…)

ForTheTurnstiles November 21, 2008 at 8:38 am

That’s an unfortunate brand placement.

I’m never staying at a Marriott again.

Cape Clod November 21, 2008 at 8:41 am

AG has not been a lucky assignment in the Bush administration. Two out of three have landed in the hospital and the third was so criminally retarded that not even a disease would touch him.

Deepthroat November 21, 2008 at 8:47 am

Have we tried putting “Yakety Sax” over it? That song always makes things hil-LAR-i-ous! (HA! HA! sax.)

dannygutters November 21, 2008 at 8:48 am

Worst roast performance ever.

4tehlulz November 21, 2008 at 8:49 am

Word is he’s recovering nicely. Understandable; he probably wants to avoid the unpleasant visit that Ashcroft got from Gonzo after his surgery.

frailamerica November 21, 2008 at 8:54 am

[re=183057]sheldy13[/re]: Seriously. Only if watching someone fall asleep is difficult to watch.

Weeping Jesus November 21, 2008 at 9:08 am

[re=183062]Deepthroat[/re]: If you haven’t seen the Yakkity Sax version of the Passion of the Christ, get ready to go to hell.

The best.

The Hitler one is okay, too.

Vewol Mevemont November 21, 2008 at 9:21 am

Mukasey is a fairly decent guy and certainly vastly superior to Gonzales or Ashcroft. I’d guess that being in this administration is somewhat stressful, particularly if you’re not vacuous and/or a misanthropist.

elZaphod November 21, 2008 at 9:24 am

“and we must remain true to our uh our our….Two weeks. Two weeeeeks!!”

PandoraSpocks November 21, 2008 at 9:30 am

[re=183035]PandoraSpocks[/re]: I meant NO idea. Christ.

BigDupa November 21, 2008 at 9:30 am

Lesson learned, when dining at the Marriot Wyndam Park, avoid the fish at all costs.

p-Sludge ofTheElves November 21, 2008 at 9:38 am

He knows too much. Like Ken Lay.

pedestrian rage November 21, 2008 at 9:42 am

If I was a freeper, I’d say this was all a clever ploy to avoid answering subpoenas.

Fortunately, my cortex is still attached to my brain; thus, not a freeper.

ALIVE! November 21, 2008 at 9:45 am

[re=182980]facehead[/re]: This is the post of the day. Both parts. Thank you.

the cold war makes me hot November 21, 2008 at 9:54 am

This is very sad for him. Liquified turkey, cranberries, stuffing, and mashed potatoes make for a horrible Thanksgiving dinner.

Polly Sigh-Entist November 21, 2008 at 10:07 am

[re=183034]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: you know they are selling the Ruxpin again at Costco…


TGY November 21, 2008 at 10:13 am

Cleaning up after Fredo would be hard on anybody.

sanantonerose November 21, 2008 at 10:19 am

I only wish it was Bush.

Reefpilot November 21, 2008 at 10:27 am

So, what’d he drop?

Miller November 21, 2008 at 10:52 am

Do you think it was a Lohan-esque exhaustion or if the crushing reality of his inept, unethical tenure at the DOJ just came crashing in on him in a crescendo of failure, guilt, regret, flop sweat, and lightheadedness?

angryhippopotamus November 21, 2008 at 10:52 am

For anybody who is interested, the best way to get your well wishes to the Mukasey family is actually to call your friends abroad and express your sympathies to them.

ph7 November 21, 2008 at 10:57 am

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I’m young
You might say I’m unlearned
But there’s one thing I know
Though I’m younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do

And I hope that you die
And your death’ll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I’ll watch while you’re lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I’ll stand o’er your grave
‘Til I’m sure that you’re dead

Datsun510 November 21, 2008 at 11:16 am

[re=183181]angryhippopotamus[/re]: WIN!

ellie November 21, 2008 at 11:26 am

I saw this on my local news with the sound down and no chyron to tell me what the hell was going on, right before I went to bed. It was very confusing.

Dave J. November 21, 2008 at 12:32 pm

The Wall Street Journal editorial page is already claiming that he wouldn’t have collapsed had he just wished someone MERRY CHRISTMAS earlier in the day.

Snarkfest November 21, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Thank God he didn’t pull a Bush Sr. I was eating breakfast while forcing myself to watch this.

IntergalacticSlut November 21, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=183046]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Dude. I just ATE. Damn.

Keram2 November 21, 2008 at 9:11 pm

[re=183076]Weeping Jesus[/re]: It has been a long time since I have laughed out loud at something on YouTube. Thank You. Thank you very much.

As far as Mukasey collapsing goes, I hope he and his family are okay.

qaf November 22, 2008 at 2:32 am

[re=183181]angryhippopotamus[/re]: Fucking brilliant.

bonsai pajamas November 22, 2008 at 6:32 am

Egad! you’re a bunch of pussies! All except for this guy:

Neilist: “Why are we supposed to get all “caring” when some unethical, self-serving asshat finally keels over?”

Christ! I can see there’ll be no decent rape and plunder with you nicey-nice people in charge. And I waited sooo long! Screw this democratic bullshit! I’m go back to being an anarchist.

bonsai pajamas November 22, 2008 at 6:49 am

Oops. That was a typo. Isaid “I’m go back to being an anarchist.” I meant to say: ME go back to being an anarchist.

The gods fuck up too, ya know. The karmic dart that struck Mukasey was actually intended for the former AG, but he was down in Texas with Cheney smirking at an indictment at the time. The gods send their apologies.

bonsai pajamas November 22, 2008 at 7:14 am

All snark aside, there are rivers of the blood of innocents left in the wake of this administration. While Mukasey may not have been onboard for most of it, it’s safe to say that were he a decent man he would not have been selected by this administration. The fruit does not fall far from the tree.

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