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It's Jim Newell!So we were over at the blog of our Emo-Goth boyfriend Andrew Sullivan and he linked to this nifty site analyzer deal that will stare deep into your blog’s soul and tell you exactly what kind of a human you are. The Typealizer’s take on Wonkette was quite surprising! And … horrifying.

It alleges that the authors of this blog are:

The responsible and hardworking type. They are especially attuned to the details of life and are careful about getting the facts right. Conservative by nature they are often reluctant to take any risks whatsoever. The Duty Fulfillers are happy to be let alone and to be able to work int heir own pace. They know what they have to do and how to do it.

And do not get all pissy about the typos in that quote, that is directly how the words came out of GOD’S MOUTH.

Typealyzer via Andrew Sullivan]

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98 COMMENTS

  1. About my blog, it says:

    The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

    The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

    Hmmm. That pretty much describes me. Except I don’t look like the hot woman with the champagne glass who represents this bloginality type.

  2. Fuck if I’d known Wonkette was a conservative blog I’d have skipped all pretense and just hopped on over to RedState.*

    *At first I was going to say “The Corner” but… come on’ I’ve got an inkling of self-respect still left.

  3. Hey there! youporn.com received the same rating. You are doing as well as youporn.com. You raunchy pornmongers.
    Keep up the good work, YOU CLOSET PERVS.

    Maybe that is why I am so addicted to this site. I am a secks addict. OH DEDUCTIVE REASONING WHAT HAVE MADE ME THINK?

  4. More interesting than the writers of Wonkette are the Commentariat. This is by far the funnest collection of pedophiles/rapists/exhibitionists/comedians/alcoholics I’ve ever been a part of.

  5. I plugged my blog in and it said I’m a lazy, sarcastic bastard whose boss would be disappointed if he knew how little actual work I did during the day. Damn, it’s good.

  6. This is what it said about my blog:

    The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

    The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

    It’s like getting your fortune told with sweeping generalities that fit most people. At least it didn’t say I was very boring and should kill myself. So I got that going for me.

  7. To Kwame’ (because your “Reply” button is not working or something), I agree. I rarely cuss in real life & I can’t be snarky to the other Girl Scout moms even when I want to tell them they are the stupidest, fakest person to ever live, I can just smile & agree with whatever drivel is coming out of their mouths. Wonkette=catharsis

  8. Hardworking, conservative, reluctant to take any risks- yeah, that about sums up Wonkette alright.

    I hope you don’t take all your fan mail that seriously as well.

  9. [re=182336]ellie[/re]:
    “sweeping generalities that fit most people”…
    even worse, that is word for word the same as the breed profile for my dog…
    except the talking part…
    and the licking part

  10. Hmmm. Seems the Free Republic peeps are ‘The Mechanics’:

    “The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generelly prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

    The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.”

    Yup. Yup yup, yup yup.

  11. It said I was a ‘Doer’. ‘A doer of what?’, one might ask.

    “Don’t let the Doer hit you on the ass on the way out…he’s bad about that.”

    That’s all I got.

  12. [re=182346]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Texan B–Though I hate everything about your sucky state that beat OU in the only football game that matters in the world, I can relate. It’s like sitting at United Methodist Women and not saying, WTF–Let’s just decide who brings the goddam donuts next month and get the fuck out of here.

    Except, I never do that. I work it out here but, you know, sometimes a person relaxes a bit and finishes the day with a bloody tongue from biting it so often it to keep wonkette-isms from creeping out.

    Think how the church ladies would react if I used an excuse like, “sorry, I’m scheduled for an abortion that day” to get out of helping patch together hideous printed polyster scraps to make lap blankets for the older-than-me people at the nursing home.

    Oh, holy fucking mother of god, that was a total crap day. By the time it was done, I wished I’d used the abortion excuse to they would have asked me to never return to the group. Carpe diem, and I didn’t.

  13. I checked Malkin. Turns out she is “A Guardian”

    “The organizing and efficient type. They are especially attuned to setting goals and managing available resources to get the job done. Once they´ve made up their mind on something, it can be quite difficult to convince otherwise. They listen to hard facts and can have a hard time accepting new or innovative ways of doing things.

    The Guardians are often happy working in highly structured work environments where everyone knows the rules of the job. They respect authority and are loyal team players.”

    odd…no mention of batshit crazy

  14. “Detected language Thai. The only supported languages are English and Swedish. But stay tuned, we are expanding.”

    I guess that explains why I am feeling so misunderstood.

  15. BTW-I got a blog now. Been at it for two days. I got a comment too. It was from my niece, but it is still a comment. My question is: When does the cash start rolling in? It’s been two days, and no one has paid me yet.

    -Losing my patience.

  16. [re=182390]metropolitan[/re]:
    Yep. Yep. Yep.
    Nothing drives traffic like ass-fucking…
    They’e thinking about adding it at Target for Chistmas.

  17. [re=182385]bearbait[/re]: If you most kindly will send to me banking informations and credit card numerical accounting informations, I will have great pleasure of sharing much wealth with you.

  18. [re=182390]metropolitan[/re]:

    Here’s the lament of the unknown blogger: you write a post on some small-town Republican politician who gets busted and hauled off after child porn is found on his computer, and then the next day check you stats page only to discover that three of the six guys who visited your blog that day got there though a Google search for “child + porn.” You know your mom checks it every day, and you’re pretty sure one of those hits was from you when you checked your blog for comments from a library computer. So there’s one potential hit from an actual human being you might possibly want to communicate with.

  19. Don’t feel bad, the thing obviously sucks. Based on the analysis of Urbzen.com, I’m “interested in outdoor physical activities.” Maybe watching them on Tivo. Losers.

  20. Here’s what it says about my own blog. I think I’ll go outdoors, play, and make a few jokes:

    The Doers

    The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and
    things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in
    physical out-door activities.

    The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full
    attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting
    something new than following it through. They might have a problem with
    sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

  21. The first paragraph pretty much nails me based on my blog, but the second is totally foreign, being that I hate math and driving:

    The Mechanics

    The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generelly [sic] prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

    The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.

  22. [re=182378]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I grew up in OK so I always root for the Sooners. (They need to quit choking for the big ones, esp. the Bowl games!)

    Anyhoo, yes, I absolutely relate. When I want to tell some mom how charming it is that her 6 year old still can’t read but knows all the latest Hannah Montana song lyrics & that she’ll probably be a slutty whore who ends up pregnant at 15, I bite my tongue. I do enjoy cussing & being mean, cynical & a bit bitchy at Wonkette.

  23. Nice to be back, I got so sick of reading about Barak effing O’bama I abandoned American blogs for a while :)

    As for software that looks into your soul, to avoid this just put your fiction writer’s / dramatist’s hat on and blog in character. Artificial Intelligence is a total non sequitur so no worries about the software seeing through your ruse.

    Some lunacy from Boggart Blog:
    http://greenteeth.blog.co.uk/2008/11/20/prime-minister-to-have-a-crap-christmas-as-a-caganer-5069936

  24. “The responsible and hardworking type. They are especially attuned to the details of life and are careful about getting the facts right. Conservative by nature they are often reluctant to take any risks whatsoever. The Duty Fulfillers are happy to be let alone and to be able to work int heir own pace. They know what they have to do and how to do it.”

    …..in bed!

  25. [re=182336]ellie[/re]: Cool, you and I must write the same blog. Although I got a bit confused at the end when they said I might have a problem sitting still or remaining inactive for any length of time. I sit on my ass in front of a computer for 10-12 hours a day for work, then haul it over to the Wii to play Mario Kart with the kids for another hour or so. The fact that my ass and my chair haven’t merged into a single entity fucking astounds every day.

    It was nice to know, though, that good fortune would soon come my way, and that my lucky lottery numbers are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42.

  26. Nate Silver is one of “The Mechanics.” Of course, so are the Freepers. Math pron and verbal vomit, all in one tasty package… Damn you, Typealyzer!!

  27. Okay, I call bull shit. Guess what blog the site says this about:

    “They generelly prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.”

    That’s right folks, hillaryis44.org.

  28. It analyzed my personal blog and said: ESFP – The Performers
    [ESFP]
    The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

    The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

    The best part is it is illustrated with a picture of what looks like a drunk hooker at a bar, with some kind of bubbling drink. It’s so accurate.

  29. [re=182357]magic titty[/re]: Goddammit, I am a mechanic, too! What do I have to fill my blog with to make it NOT Freepy?

    We are all such dumb nerds to have secret blogs and anxiously analyze them with a fake myspace program…

  30. … the Shirty Dames are happy to be let alone and to be able to work int heir- blurp GZAAAACH! gggggggg- to assist you with any- VVVVVRRRR Error! Error! – any number of filthy degenerates. wwwwwwWWWWW! -or any member of your I.M. team be caught or killed – Ladies and Gentlemen, you may now return to your homes. zzzzzzzzzzzz-

  31. 4chan.org: Detected language Not enough data to determine language.. The only supported languages are English and Swedish. But stay tuned, we are expanding.

    Seems fitting that it could not even figure out a language for 4chan…

  32. I plugged in McCainblogette.com and the results came back with a picture of Trig Palin and the summary just said “you’re an easy lay.”

    Wha?

  33. OK, as a hobbyist beekeeper (see avatar), I can assure you that “diligent drones” is an oxymoron. Drones are not diligent. Drones do nothing but waste space and gobble food until the rare opportunity for copulation arrives. As accurate as this behavioral description MAY be for the Wonkette editors (I couldn’t possibly comment), it has nothing to do with diligence.

  34. [re=182472]PerhapsSo[/re]: Me, too! We can play out all his latent first-responder fantasies while yelling out lines from “A Beautiful Mind.”

  35. [re=182342]dano[/re]: I had to contort my body into an unnatural position to read that, and now I can’t feel my testicles. You will be hearing from my lawyers.

  36. This is hilarious. I ran it on the thread where shorts went really off the rails the other night:http://wonkette.com/404466/404466#comments

    And the result was:
    ESFJ – The Socializers

    The social and opiniated type. They are especially attuned to the feelings of themselves and others. They tend to be very aware of the values of their peer-group and tend to see things as either right or wrong, good or bad. They tend to be traditional and value their friends and family the most.

    The Socializers are down-to-earth, practical people and very keen on making sure everyone is alright. This quality makes them enjoy social work places. Since they enjoy beeing and keeping things neat and tidy, they often also enjoy working in such environments

  37. [re=182533]Gopherit[/re]: words can not describe how profoundly hilarious that is.

    I’m giving it to shorts and goph gets the assist for the alley-oop 720 degree flaming bunghole crystal pepsirific slam dunk WIN.

  38. [re=182379]hockeymom[/re]: ” They listen to hard facts” about Malkin? Isn’t it more like, they pull bullshit facts out of their asses and scream it at the camera?

    I hate that woman and her “look at me, the first Asian to defend internment–ignore the fact I’m Korean–so I can get attention for my crap book.”

    Other than exposing that McCarthytard chick in Minn and explaining appeasement to the Walnuts-spokestard, the best thing C. Matthews ever did was tell Malkin she wasn’t going to say John Kerry shot himself in the foot on purpose to win and medal and turned the camera off her. I don’t think I’ve seen here anywhere since, bec. I don’t watch Faux News and don’t read that vile cretin’s whatever it is the she has on the internet tubes.

  39. [re=182429]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: ” a bit bitchy” . A bit? I think you underestimate yourself.

    And I mean that in only the kindest of ways. It’s a relief to know I’m not the only person in Real America who’s leading two lives.

  40. “Duty Fulfillers” kind of reads like “Dutiful Fluffers” if you read it quickly. So the whole thing makes sense if you’re a quick reader and a drunk.

  41. [re=182488]Kingbee[/re]: “OK, as a hobbyist beekeeper (see avatar),” Hey–I’m a hobbyist beekeeper! Except I lost two hives to wax moths and have to clean the goo off the frames.

    Between Kingbee and Texas B, this is my day to find soulmates on wonkette. It’s kismet! It doesn’t suck to be me anymore!

    Kumbaya moment has worn off. It’s sucking to be me again.

  42. Co, basically, the computer drinks.

    [re=182405]cal[/re]: Good question. It is hard to say. Mr. Peabody was a notorious drunk, but it was Sherman that had ties to the communist party.

  43. Color me shocked. I always thought my blog was one post short of batshit crazy. It turns out I’m just pissed off and arrogant.

    The logical and analytical type. They are especialy attuned to difficult creative and intellectual challenges and always look for something more complex to dig into. They are great at finding subtle connections between things and imagine far-reaching implications.

    They enjoy working with complex things using a lot of concepts and imaginative models of reality. Since they are not very good at seeing and understanding the needs of other people, they might come across as arrogant, impatient and insensitive to people that need some time to understand what they are talking about.

  44. Something Smells Real Stinky.

    So rebuildtheparty.com is called: “The logical and analytical type. They are especialy attuned to difficult creative and intellectual challenges and always look for something more complex to dig into. ”

    Yet the top wonkette choice about Youtube for Republicans (redtube) is: “The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells.”

    I don’t get it. How come none of my pent-up rage gets out on either site?

  45. About my blog it says:

    “The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

    The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.”

    Gah?

  46. Mine said:
    “The logical and analytical type. They are especialy attuned to difficult creative and intellectual challenges and always look for something more complex to dig into. They are great at finding subtle connections between things and imagine far-reaching implications.

    They enjoy working with complex things using a lot of concepts and imaginative models of reality. Since they are not very good at seeing and understanding the needs of other people, they might come across as arrogant, impatient and insensitive to people that need some time to understand what they are talking about.”

    To which I say:”Eff off, effbag. Like your concerns are of any interest to me.”

    /s/ Owner of a pair of low hangers

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