Examine Disputed Minnesota Ballots For Laffs!

by Sara K. Smith

Lizard People win in a landslideOh here is a fun game! Check out these actual disputed voter ballots from Minnesota, and look at what laughable excuses the Coleman and Franken campaigns have for arguing “voter intent” in one direction or the other. Minnesota Public Radio, you have rendered a valuable time-wasting service unto the nation. [MPR via First Read]


Hola wonkerados.

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FreshCliches November 20, 2008 at 1:13 pm

When did David Icke move to Minnesota?

Blue Line November 20, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Wow…my opinion of the scary Diebold electronic voting machines just went up a lot.

trondant November 20, 2008 at 1:14 pm

One vote for Franken, two votes for Coleman. This voter also killed two cockroaches with his ballot. All in all, a full day.

4tehlulz November 20, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Lizard People will declared the winner of all elections in Minnesota, but then be disqualified because it turned out he moved to Wisconsin.

BarthexDeRosa November 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=182232]FreshCliches[/re]: My first thought, too

ManchuCandidate November 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm

Them fucking stupid Lizard People. Mole People know better than that. Hans Moleman for Senator!

jodyleek November 20, 2008 at 1:17 pm

i see lizrd peepel.

Doglessliberal November 20, 2008 at 1:17 pm

I can haz Lizard People instead of Michelle Bachmann, plz?

obfuscator November 20, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Didn’t Nate Silver say that the Lizard People vote wouldn’t have a significant effect on the outcome of the Minnesota senate race?

johnbpt November 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Lizard People? Jesse Ventura wasn’t even running.

BitterPolitico November 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm

If you are too retarded to understand the simple instructions on a ballot, you should be kicked out of America. Which means approximately 75% of the country must now leave. Sad day for democracy.

shortsshortsshorts November 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm

When Ed Jew was elected supervisor in SF, Lizard People was a close second. At least the Lizard People actually LIVED HERE.

Noodle Salad November 20, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Wait wait wait. Democratic Farmer Labor? What the hell is that? Some sort of Illegals Socialist?

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend November 20, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=182233]Blue Line[/re]: Ditto.

Serolf Divad November 20, 2008 at 1:21 pm

I gave this one to Al Franken. Everybody knows that Lizard People are called Sleestacks, so there’s no way this guy meant to vote for them.

Larry McAwful November 20, 2008 at 1:21 pm

The ballot was printed with Lizard People on it? That’s not right. You can only vote for one candidate at a time, and the People part clearly implies a plural. That ballot was illegal from the getgo.

See? You really can do lots of good as a grammar superhero. Or grammar thug. You’re all fucking welcome.

PerhapsSo November 20, 2008 at 1:21 pm

If Lizard People ruled Minnesota, Wonkette should hire a special Minnesota correspondent to tell us all about the fun that would ensue.

azw88 November 20, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Hmmm I guess the Lizard People need to elect new leaders, as the Lizard King died in some dive hotel in Paris a long figgin time ago!

SayItWithWookies November 20, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I read the MPR page and was thinking, “How confused do people have to be to screw up a ballot?” And then I accidentally voted for the wrong choice in one of them. I now recuse myself in shame. Okay, I’m back. What dumbasses.

Accordion-o-rama November 20, 2008 at 1:23 pm

Lizard people, people! You know, more than one. This is clearly the paper equivalent of pulling the straight Republican ticket lever in those old mechanical voting booths.

tender November 20, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Lizard People > Village People

Doglessliberal November 20, 2008 at 1:24 pm
randomsausage November 20, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Didn’t Minnesota’s vampire population eat all the lizard people?


Servo November 20, 2008 at 1:26 pm

Kinda reminds me of this:

Liverspots November 20, 2008 at 1:26 pm

What’s wrong with ensuring that you have the option to vote for Lizard People, but voting for Al Franken instead? That voter clearly just wanted to send a message that Lizard People was (were?) unqualified for that particular job.

Dave J. November 20, 2008 at 1:26 pm

Ralph Nader would like to tell you that the Lizard People are the same corrupt DC-centric party as all the rest. Also, please send him $5 for his mother’s hummus recipe. $25 gets you her baba ganouj recipe, but that shit is INTENSE.

Rush November 20, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Maybe someone from Geico whote that in.

El Bombastico November 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm

What % did Sekula-Gibbs get?

druranium November 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm

[re=182233]Blue Line[/re]: why? Because they are stored in pollworkers front yards/garages the night before election day, can be easily hacked, and leave no paper trail?

MathewBrooks November 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm

99.999999999999% of those ballots should be rejected.

Styrofoam Boots November 20, 2008 at 1:30 pm

This is about the part where I say I’m not originally from Minnesota.

freakishlystrong November 20, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Lizard People eh? Allright, which one of you did it? C’mon, fess up, it’s way too Wonketty.

monty November 20, 2008 at 1:32 pm

holy shit, how hard is it to fill in a little circle? i like the eraser ballot, how can you argue with craqckerjack logic like that?

choinski November 20, 2008 at 1:33 pm
jodyleek November 20, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=182254]PerhapsSo[/re]: I’m from Minnesota! Pick me! Pick me!

dannygutters November 20, 2008 at 1:37 pm

why does this state have the “intent” thing anyway.

jagorev November 20, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Could we please just take the franchise away from Minnesotans, once and for all? I appreciate their sense of humor, but voting has to be more than just an ironic joke, okay?

shanemcgowan November 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Is Jim Morrison King of the Lizard People?

Frampton Comes Alive November 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Lizard people? Somebody is a fan of the 1980s TeeVee series “V”…

Blue Line November 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm

[re=182267]druranium[/re]: That’s why my opinion of them was low in the first place. My opinion went up because these pictures made me think that maybe they help supress rampant stupidity of people who can’t manage to fill in a circle.

Iggy Plop November 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Al Franken is clearly of the Frog People race. Voter must have decided that an amphibian would be an acceptable substitute to the preferred reptilian overlords.

Cape Clod November 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Lizard People are not fit to hold office. Give me the Clay People any day of the week. They are the salt of the earth. Actually, not the salt of the earth, just the plain earth.

Joehoya November 20, 2008 at 1:45 pm

I, for one, shall welcome our lizard people overlords.

problemwithcaring November 20, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Lizard People—> Limp Lizard —-> Viagra —> Norm Coleman.

The voter’s intent was clear.

azw88 November 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=182287]shanemcgowan[/re]: he WAS… lizards people have been on a long SAD, as their king died 37 years ago. Just now coming out of their depression(THANKS, ZOLOFT), the Lizard people looking for new leadership.

benj-thewrathofgod November 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm

A vote for the Lizard People is just a vote for a continuation of same failed policies of the past eight years. Who are these people who keep voting Lizard? It boggles the mind.

WIDTAP November 20, 2008 at 1:58 pm

Somehow, someway I just knew Sleestacks would make their way back into politics. Lizard People indeed.

Advocatus_Diaboli November 20, 2008 at 2:01 pm

I, for one, welcome our Lizard People overlords.

Min November 20, 2008 at 2:03 pm

I happen to know Lizard Peoples. He’s a great guy. Has a terrible skin condition, but still. You won’t meet a nicer person on this planet.

WadISay November 20, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Lizard People is either one of Jessee Ventura’s wrestling nom de guerres or what Prince is calling himself nowadays.

Rodney Badger November 20, 2008 at 2:14 pm

That’s fucking rad. He wrote in Lizard People but didn’t vote for him. It’s like a vote for including Lizard People on all future ballots without an express endorsement of Lizard People for Minnesota Senate. It’s fucking genius. I’m in awe.

LittlePig November 20, 2008 at 2:25 pm

[re=182339]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: too late!

thursdaynext27 November 20, 2008 at 2:31 pm

Hook the Lizard People up with the Crab People from SP (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Park_Is_Gay!), and you have THE winning ticket for 2012. A truly bipartisan ticket that reaches out to both vertebrates and invertebrates alike.

whore4hope November 20, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Although democracy continues to hold the lizard people back, I was also interested in the egg for Coleman, sperm for Franken ballot.

Godot November 20, 2008 at 2:42 pm

It seems that Lizard People have aspirations for higher office.

But really, I can absolutely see rejecting things like the eraser ballot and the crossout ballot and the “NO” ballot, because who’s to say the voter was the one who made the correction and not some campaign operative? Though the poll workers should be able to shred these and make the voter fill one out right.

StupidGeek November 20, 2008 at 2:44 pm

My favorite is the one where someone drew a sperm over Al Franken’s name.

Atheist Nun November 20, 2008 at 2:44 pm

[re=182273]freakishlystrong[/re]: If that was someone from Wonkette, either Lizard People would be crossed out and Big $ale on TRUCK NUTZ! would be scrawled next to it, or the votes would be marked with tiny, crudely drawn Whore Diamonds.

zetetic November 20, 2008 at 2:45 pm

For years I’ve been telling people that optical scan ballots have the same voter intent problems as punchcard ballots, but no one ever listens. Of course I probably shouldn’t be telling them by screaming the news while dancing naked on a freeway overpass, but the point is still valid.

I worked elections once and had to review a bunch of these questionable marks. My favorite was the voter who, when given the choice to fill in a circle next to YES or NO, wrote the word “NO” in the circle next to YES. Such a voter isn’t even demonstrating consciousness, let alone intent.

Servo November 20, 2008 at 2:48 pm

[re=182288]Frampton Comes Alive[/re]:
They’re the Anti-Gerbils.

zetetic November 20, 2008 at 2:56 pm

[re=182418]Godot[/re]: There has to be a strong presumption that the voter made the marks on the ballot. Otherwise you open Pandora’s box and out fly ugly accusations of all kinds. Procedures at the polls should be such that no one other than the voter and the pollworker can handle the ballot — if that breaks down, all bets are off.

Carrie_Okie November 20, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=182238]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I for one welcome our new Reptilian Overlords.

Carrie_Okie November 20, 2008 at 3:07 pm

[re=182339]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: dammitohell!!!!!!!!
I actually did a CTRL+F for “I for one”….if I’d only had a grammar/punctuation overlord….

CivicHoliday November 20, 2008 at 3:10 pm

I love that on the Minnesota Public Radio website, they let people vote for how they think each ballot should be counted, and they actually allow voters to choose “lizard people” as a voting option! Over 2,400 people who visited the site said that’s who should be officially entered from that ballot!!! I heart you, MPR and MPR readers.

snufflesalphonse November 20, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Yet another reason to increase the minimum voting age to 50.

yellowbug November 20, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=182257]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I think “Lizard People” is, in fact, the proper name of one person. Sort of similar to “Tiger Woods.” She has probably gone by “Liz” since at least first grade.

sk1win November 20, 2008 at 3:25 pm

That’s it. I’m unilaterally moving Minnesota behind Alaska and ahead of West Virginia for states to be mocked and avoided. They elected: Jesse Ventura, Michelle Bachman (twice), Norm Coleman (1.5 times–thus far) and hosted the RNC. They are nice people who have been getting a pass for way to long just because they are nice. However, they are clearly inbred, half-tards.

Sassette November 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm

I had no idea it was so difficult to fill in a bubble. Way to go, America.

Advocatus_Diaboli November 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm

“Such a voter isn’t even demonstrating consciousness, let alone intent.”

I believe the same could be said for any WALNUTS!/Caribou Barbie voter, no?

PerhapsSo November 20, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=182281]jodyleek[/re]: Lizard Correspondent? Lizard Liaison? Lizard Whisperer? What is the title that goes with that job description?

Advocatus_Diaboli November 20, 2008 at 3:34 pm

[re=182448]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I, for one, like “Reptilian” better, though; so there’s that.

[/punctuation overkill]

jodyleek November 20, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=182479]PerhapsSo[/re]: Lizard Lips.

facehead November 20, 2008 at 4:23 pm

The news is funnier than me today. Keep it coming.

CthuNHu November 20, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=182454]snufflesalphonse[/re]: You spelt “maximum” wrong.

Tra November 20, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Lizard People don’t get voted in. Lizard People invade. Don’t they have the Sci-Fi channel in Minnesota?

Itsjustme November 20, 2008 at 5:23 pm

Where is the photo of Sarah “The Lizard Lady” Palin?

Lionel Hutz Esq. November 20, 2008 at 5:47 pm

I thought Hillary asked people not to fill in her name.

WalnutsThePlumber November 20, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=182264]Dave J.[/re]: one vote for every lemon in mama nader’s hummus

Keram2 November 20, 2008 at 6:43 pm

Did anyone vote for DraculaCunt? I have voted for DraculaCunt in various federal, state, local, PTA, and Editor-in-Chief elections, and generally yell the name off my roof at night — weather permitting, of course.

hansdog November 20, 2008 at 7:52 pm

You think you are typing into a blog, but the lizard people see this as a translator to their language. You fools!! They are getting the advantage while you blithely yammer away!

AnglRdr November 20, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Srsly, if you can’t figure out how to scribble in an oval, you’re too stupid to live. That your brain has figured out how to keep your heart beating is a miracle of science.

Morans, the lot of them.

heathenish November 20, 2008 at 10:26 pm

though he’s never run on that ticket i think dick cheney is actually one of the lizard people, any disagreement?

Rowdy Monster November 21, 2008 at 1:03 am

whoever submitted that ballot must be laughing his ass off right now

Rowdy Monster November 21, 2008 at 1:05 am

[re=182837]heathenish[/re]: hold on now, let’s not insult the lizard people

Packherd November 21, 2008 at 11:29 am

Obvious troll is obvious.

noodleman November 22, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=182249]Noodle Salad[/re]: The DFL is a coalition party put together in the 1930s. Republicans in Minnesota, for many years, called themselves Independent-Republicans to distance themselves from the crazies who had taken control of the national party … until MN crazies (e.g. Bachmann) also took control of the IR in the late 1990s and the party name reverted back to its national moniker.

The Lorax November 24, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Ohh Bummer that, Lizard People gut got his 15 minutes of fame and we’ll never know know who he is.

Leave Lizard People alone! *sniffle* SOB…right now…I mean it.

sowbelly December 18, 2008 at 3:41 pm

How can they determine the legitimate intent of the voter when they consistently refuse to use the Vulcan Mind Meld.

snappy pete January 5, 2009 at 7:06 pm


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