electoral triumph of the lizard people

Examine Disputed Minnesota Ballots For Laffs!

Lizard People win in a landslideOh here is a fun game! Check out these actual disputed voter ballots from Minnesota, and look at what laughable excuses the Coleman and Franken campaigns have for arguing “voter intent” in one direction or the other. Minnesota Public Radio, you have rendered a valuable time-wasting service unto the nation. [MPR via First Read]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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88 comments

  1. trondant

    One vote for Franken, two votes for Coleman. This voter also killed two cockroaches with his ballot. All in all, a full day.

  2. 4tehlulz

    Lizard People will declared the winner of all elections in Minnesota, but then be disqualified because it turned out he moved to Wisconsin.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    Them fucking stupid Lizard People. Mole People know better than that. Hans Moleman for Senator!

  4. obfuscator

    Didn’t Nate Silver say that the Lizard People vote wouldn’t have a significant effect on the outcome of the Minnesota senate race?

  5. BitterPolitico

    If you are too retarded to understand the simple instructions on a ballot, you should be kicked out of America. Which means approximately 75% of the country must now leave. Sad day for democracy.

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    When Ed Jew was elected supervisor in SF, Lizard People was a close second. At least the Lizard People actually LIVED HERE.

  7. Serolf Divad

    I gave this one to Al Franken. Everybody knows that Lizard People are called Sleestacks, so there’s no way this guy meant to vote for them.

  8. Larry McAwful

    The ballot was printed with Lizard People on it? That’s not right. You can only vote for one candidate at a time, and the People part clearly implies a plural. That ballot was illegal from the getgo.

    See? You really can do lots of good as a grammar superhero. Or grammar thug. You’re all fucking welcome.

  9. PerhapsSo

    If Lizard People ruled Minnesota, Wonkette should hire a special Minnesota correspondent to tell us all about the fun that would ensue.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    I read the MPR page and was thinking, “How confused do people have to be to screw up a ballot?” And then I accidentally voted for the wrong choice in one of them. I now recuse myself in shame. Okay, I’m back. What dumbasses.

  11. Accordion-o-rama

    Lizard people, people! You know, more than one. This is clearly the paper equivalent of pulling the straight Republican ticket lever in those old mechanical voting booths.

  12. Liverspots

    What’s wrong with ensuring that you have the option to vote for Lizard People, but voting for Al Franken instead? That voter clearly just wanted to send a message that Lizard People was (were?) unqualified for that particular job.

  13. Dave J.

    Ralph Nader would like to tell you that the Lizard People are the same corrupt DC-centric party as all the rest. Also, please send him $5 for his mother’s hummus recipe. $25 gets you her baba ganouj recipe, but that shit is INTENSE.

  14. druranium

    [re=182233]Blue Line[/re]: why? Because they are stored in pollworkers front yards/garages the night before election day, can be easily hacked, and leave no paper trail?

  15. freakishlystrong

    Lizard People eh? Allright, which one of you did it? C’mon, fess up, it’s way too Wonketty.

  16. monty

    holy shit, how hard is it to fill in a little circle? i like the eraser ballot, how can you argue with craqckerjack logic like that?

  17. jagorev

    Could we please just take the franchise away from Minnesotans, once and for all? I appreciate their sense of humor, but voting has to be more than just an ironic joke, okay?

  18. Blue Line

    [re=182267]druranium[/re]: That’s why my opinion of them was low in the first place. My opinion went up because these pictures made me think that maybe they help supress rampant stupidity of people who can’t manage to fill in a circle.

  19. Iggy Plop

    Al Franken is clearly of the Frog People race. Voter must have decided that an amphibian would be an acceptable substitute to the preferred reptilian overlords.

  20. Cape Clod

    Lizard People are not fit to hold office. Give me the Clay People any day of the week. They are the salt of the earth. Actually, not the salt of the earth, just the plain earth.

  21. problemwithcaring

    Lizard People—> Limp Lizard —-> Viagra —> Norm Coleman.

    The voter’s intent was clear.

  22. azw88

    [re=182287]shanemcgowan[/re]: he WAS… lizards people have been on a long SAD, as their king died 37 years ago. Just now coming out of their depression(THANKS, ZOLOFT), the Lizard people looking for new leadership.

  23. benj-thewrathofgod

    A vote for the Lizard People is just a vote for a continuation of same failed policies of the past eight years. Who are these people who keep voting Lizard? It boggles the mind.

  24. Min

    I happen to know Lizard Peoples. He’s a great guy. Has a terrible skin condition, but still. You won’t meet a nicer person on this planet.

  25. WadISay

    Lizard People is either one of Jessee Ventura’s wrestling nom de guerres or what Prince is calling himself nowadays.

  26. Rodney Badger

    That’s fucking rad. He wrote in Lizard People but didn’t vote for him. It’s like a vote for including Lizard People on all future ballots without an express endorsement of Lizard People for Minnesota Senate. It’s fucking genius. I’m in awe.

  27. whore4hope

    Although democracy continues to hold the lizard people back, I was also interested in the egg for Coleman, sperm for Franken ballot.

  28. Godot

    It seems that Lizard People have aspirations for higher office.

    But really, I can absolutely see rejecting things like the eraser ballot and the crossout ballot and the “NO” ballot, because who’s to say the voter was the one who made the correction and not some campaign operative? Though the poll workers should be able to shred these and make the voter fill one out right.

  29. Atheist Nun

    [re=182273]freakishlystrong[/re]: If that was someone from Wonkette, either Lizard People would be crossed out and Big $ale on TRUCK NUTZ! would be scrawled next to it, or the votes would be marked with tiny, crudely drawn Whore Diamonds.

  30. zetetic

    For years I’ve been telling people that optical scan ballots have the same voter intent problems as punchcard ballots, but no one ever listens. Of course I probably shouldn’t be telling them by screaming the news while dancing naked on a freeway overpass, but the point is still valid.

    I worked elections once and had to review a bunch of these questionable marks. My favorite was the voter who, when given the choice to fill in a circle next to YES or NO, wrote the word “NO” in the circle next to YES. Such a voter isn’t even demonstrating consciousness, let alone intent.

  31. zetetic

    [re=182418]Godot[/re]: There has to be a strong presumption that the voter made the marks on the ballot. Otherwise you open Pandora’s box and out fly ugly accusations of all kinds. Procedures at the polls should be such that no one other than the voter and the pollworker can handle the ballot — if that breaks down, all bets are off.

  32. Carrie_Okie

    [re=182339]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: dammitohell!!!!!!!!
    I actually did a CTRL+F for “I for one”….if I’d only had a grammar/punctuation overlord….

  33. CivicHoliday

    I love that on the Minnesota Public Radio website, they let people vote for how they think each ballot should be counted, and they actually allow voters to choose “lizard people” as a voting option! Over 2,400 people who visited the site said that’s who should be officially entered from that ballot!!! I heart you, MPR and MPR readers.

  34. yellowbug

    [re=182257]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I think “Lizard People” is, in fact, the proper name of one person. Sort of similar to “Tiger Woods.” She has probably gone by “Liz” since at least first grade.

  35. sk1win

    That’s it. I’m unilaterally moving Minnesota behind Alaska and ahead of West Virginia for states to be mocked and avoided. They elected: Jesse Ventura, Michelle Bachman (twice), Norm Coleman (1.5 times–thus far) and hosted the RNC. They are nice people who have been getting a pass for way to long just because they are nice. However, they are clearly inbred, half-tards.

  36. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=182423]zetetic[/re]:
    “Such a voter isn’t even demonstrating consciousness, let alone intent.”

    I believe the same could be said for any WALNUTS!/Caribou Barbie voter, no?

  37. PerhapsSo

    [re=182281]jodyleek[/re]: Lizard Correspondent? Lizard Liaison? Lizard Whisperer? What is the title that goes with that job description?

  38. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=182448]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I, for one, like “Reptilian” better, though; so there’s that.

    [/punctuation overkill]

  39. Tra

    Lizard People don’t get voted in. Lizard People invade. Don’t they have the Sci-Fi channel in Minnesota?

  40. Keram2

    Did anyone vote for DraculaCunt? I have voted for DraculaCunt in various federal, state, local, PTA, and Editor-in-Chief elections, and generally yell the name off my roof at night — weather permitting, of course.

  41. hansdog

    You think you are typing into a blog, but the lizard people see this as a translator to their language. You fools!! They are getting the advantage while you blithely yammer away!

  42. AnglRdr

    Srsly, if you can’t figure out how to scribble in an oval, you’re too stupid to live. That your brain has figured out how to keep your heart beating is a miracle of science.

    Morans, the lot of them.

  43. heathenish

    though he’s never run on that ticket i think dick cheney is actually one of the lizard people, any disagreement?

  44. noodleman

    [re=182249]Noodle Salad[/re]: The DFL is a coalition party put together in the 1930s. Republicans in Minnesota, for many years, called themselves Independent-Republicans to distance themselves from the crazies who had taken control of the national party … until MN crazies (e.g. Bachmann) also took control of the IR in the late 1990s and the party name reverted back to its national moniker.

  45. The Lorax

    Ohh Bummer that, Lizard People gut got his 15 minutes of fame and we’ll never know know who he is.

    Leave Lizard People alone! *sniffle* SOB…right now…I mean it.

  46. sowbelly

    How can they determine the legitimate intent of the voter when they consistently refuse to use the Vulcan Mind Meld.

  47. snappy pete

    CONGRATS SENATOR FRANKEN! YOU’VE DONE GOOD! THE US SENATE NEEDS MEN LIKE YOU! COLEMAN IS A SORE LOSER! LOOK AT HIM WHINING LIKE A LITTLE GIIIIRRRRRRL! FRANKEN FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Comments are closed.