YAY  5:52 pm November 19, 2008

John McCain Is President Of Missouri

by Jim Newell

Ha, the AP has finally called Missouri, the famous bellwether (or dare we say, FAIR-WEATHER?) state that has voted with the winning presidential election candidate since 1956, for John “Walnuts” McCain, whom some of you may remember. This means Meghan McCain will have to get a “Show Me” tattoo on her forehead, as promised! [AP]

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CrunchyKnee November 19, 2008 at 5:54 pm

HAHA, Missouri; it makes Georgia look progressive.

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 5:55 pm


metropolitan November 19, 2008 at 5:56 pm

yes!! john mccain wins the election!!
it’s such a glorious day in the USA! for the first time we have a white male as president!
the world has changed.

Toomush Infermashun November 19, 2008 at 5:56 pm

So, if I understand this correctly, EVERYBODY has moved from St. Louis to Independence….?

The Pumpernickel November 19, 2008 at 5:57 pm

Oh, Missouri. Missouri, Missouri, Missouri. You disappoint me.

As a Wash U grad, I overcame my own east coast preconceptions and fell in love with you. And now you gone done broked my heart. Dang.


shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 5:58 pm

[re=181604]metropolitan[/re]: Jinx, but you more funny than I’s.

ManchuCandidate November 19, 2008 at 6:00 pm

This is proof that Real US Amerikah wasn’t in the tank for “That One.”

SayItWithWookies November 19, 2008 at 6:01 pm

This is just further proof that Obama stole the election. The children of the Missouri soil wouldn’t lie to us.

EnBuenOra November 19, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Now Missouri will be rewarded by a flood of Republican tourist dollars as they line up to view the final, death refuge of the Republican Party.

Smackdown November 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm

I blame Branson.

metropolitan November 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm

you think that’s bad? i think i saw oprah crying on a black man’s shoulder during his acceptance speech!

DailyComicsReview November 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm

wait so…. Obama lost? How else a I supposed to take this?

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm

This is definitely OT, but Bill O’Reilly is a cunt-faced douche hack.

If my city were actually like this in total, why the fuck would anyone live here?

What a bastard.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff November 19, 2008 at 6:12 pm

Well, Missouri may no longer be the bellweather state, but at least they still have, um…

Crow T. Robot November 19, 2008 at 6:14 pm

My grandparents are from Missouri.

You can’t really tell from me, except if I have to clean something with water I say I have to warsh it.

WhatTheHeck November 19, 2008 at 6:15 pm

This means Sarah Palin will resume campaigning ’cause she can see the Maverick is turning the corner.
It’s only a matter of a few more votes now, for hard-working Americans.

snufflesalphonse November 19, 2008 at 6:17 pm

i’m happy for mccain and all (the man needed some good news), but the fact that the victory was decided by 3,632 votes out of 2.9 MM — that’s 0.12 percent — freaks me out. Probably 100 times more than that were thrown out for being invalid (hanging chads, or whatever the Show Me state equivalent is), and probably another 10,000 are stuffed into some election volunteer’s Pontiac Fiero. Just cause this election seemed alright, doesnt mean we should stop cleaning up the electoral process.

hungry? http://www.charlietueats.com

AngryBlakGuy November 19, 2008 at 6:18 pm

…quickly, someone tell me why I would ever give a flying shit about a state whose one claim to fame is having a river named after it?

Toomush Infermashun November 19, 2008 at 6:18 pm

San Fran is not THAT tolerant – for instance, Bill O’ Really didn’t go there himself….and probably shouldn’t….

loquaciousmusic November 19, 2008 at 6:22 pm

That’s a nice picture of those two Republican senators playing in the mud with that little boy.

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) November 19, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Ehh… who needs Missouri? Nowadays we have Nate the Silver!!

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 6:28 pm

No. Alt. Text.

nyhfrog November 19, 2008 at 6:29 pm

So, have any of you heard any rumors about McCain saying something like “Let’s double down on Missouri.” During that meeting with Obama on Monday?

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) November 19, 2008 at 6:30 pm

[re=181647]NoWireHangers[/re]: Looks like that biggun in the background done gone and splashed all the mud outta the hole.

Crow T. Robot November 19, 2008 at 6:36 pm

[re=181647]NoWireHangers[/re]: Newell don’t do alt text. You want alt text, read a Layne. Always one. extra. joke.

wheelie November 19, 2008 at 6:37 pm

Missouri is the famous bedwetter state, you say? That’s not nice.

superfecta November 19, 2008 at 6:39 pm

I’m from Missouri, with ‘from’ being the operative word. Did we really expect the state that offers a home to A-B not to vote for Cindy’s husband? Crappy beer=lack of presidential voting skillz.

Has someone done an overlay map comparing parts of the country that brew good beer to where the blue folks live?

Kev-O-Tron November 19, 2008 at 6:43 pm

[re=181657]superfecta[/re]: which brings us back to that discussion of Shiner Bock from yesterday…

Mustang November 19, 2008 at 6:56 pm

I am a proud Missourian raised up in a fambly of yeller dawg demacrats, and you come any closer and I’ll blow yer dang haids off your scrawny necks. Now I know how Here Here Here felt yesterday. I haz a sad.

tunamelt November 19, 2008 at 7:02 pm

I like Stone Brewery but I can’t say much for San Diego politics.

tunamelt November 19, 2008 at 7:02 pm


One Yield Regular November 19, 2008 at 7:03 pm

[re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Continuing the OT, but please please please Wonkette post this thing from O’Reilly, even though everyone’s already seen it, because if you know San Francisco at all you know this segment is pricelessly, hilariously wrong about everything.

And besides, comments about it on other sites lack Wonkettelism.

S.Luggo November 19, 2008 at 7:15 pm

As a reward, Missouri should get a GM plant.

AnglRdr November 19, 2008 at 7:22 pm

Missouri did vote for a dead guy over John Ashcroft, so they aren’t always wrong.

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 7:25 pm

Missouri is the “Show-me” state, as in “Show-me” another state.

[re=181676]One Yield Regular[/re]: It does appear to be post-worthy.

hansdog November 19, 2008 at 7:37 pm

[re=181649]messickc (ROLL TIDE!)[/re]: Is that guy noodling for somes cat fish? Gonna have ta warsh it up for somes supper, yah. That alts-texts would help some here, ya know?

j6n November 19, 2008 at 7:38 pm

I think it’s nice that they gave him Missouri. He’s been feeling kinda down lately, you know?

Monkey November 19, 2008 at 7:47 pm

And a ship.

blinky_twinkie November 19, 2008 at 7:59 pm

[re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: HEY, O’REILLY!!! My family on my mother’s side has lived and died in San Francisco since the 1860s, and frankly, Sir, I’m thrilled to have disappointed you. Asshole.

Keep your sad, sorry, ignorant, redneck ass out of my town.

KristaJulieva November 19, 2008 at 8:00 pm

Yes, Missouri went for McCain by .02 percent. Have your laughs. But we voted for Adlai Stevenson in 1956…so I think of this result as being some sort of cosmic balance for that. In some convoluted way, Missouri is therefore more of a bell-weather than ever.

whiteasasheet November 19, 2008 at 8:01 pm

[re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Look on the bright side. O’Reilly’s piece will help keep the wrong sort of people from visiting your fairest of cities.

bluetom00 November 19, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Haha. Meghan McCain. She is hilarious. Because she is devoid of shape.

wheelie November 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm


Ball-wither state?

Bull-wedder state?

Scandalabra November 19, 2008 at 8:31 pm

Meet me in St. Louis…

Keram2 November 19, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Thanks St. Charles county. Now go fuck yourself.

S. Cullen Bonz November 19, 2008 at 8:50 pm

Is that a picture of the red state evolutionary chart? Slither out of primordial slop, turn into little boy, evolve into Cletis. Takes no longer than 6,000 years..

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 8:57 pm

random blingee:

[URL=http://blingee.com]Myspace Glitter Graphics[/URL]

sati demise November 19, 2008 at 8:58 pm

[re=181629]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]: Chiggers and ticks?

sati demise November 19, 2008 at 9:02 pm

[re=181637]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: At least they had enough sense to run the Mormons out of there.

bitchincamaro November 19, 2008 at 9:03 pm

Peckerwoods. And welcome to ‘em.

Kwame' November 19, 2008 at 9:06 pm

My parents grew up in Missouri, so I am not surprised. The joke I remember growing up was: “We were going to have a race riot, but our n*gger got sick.”
Guess he was resting up to be President.

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Tawmn November 19, 2008 at 9:21 pm

[re=181673]tunamelt[/re]: As a San Diegan, I concur.

kimberly2524 November 19, 2008 at 9:23 pm

ah, from the land of senator’s dogs being registered to vote, to voting for the dead guy for gov, to voting for the convicted thief and felon for state auditor in the GOP primaries. Missouri, you never, ever let me down.

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 9:25 pm

Remember the Missouri compromise? It was mediated by the almighty Gorilla.

[re=181698]whiteasasheet[/re]: But I want them to visit here! I can PLAY WITH THEM (a.k.a. fuck with their minds in horrible and disgusting ways).

rocktonsammy November 19, 2008 at 9:38 pm


Maybe Missouri will move to Alaska and take Albert and them Cardinals with them.

tsunami November 19, 2008 at 9:52 pm

i saw the arch up close a couple times, but it was just an arch.

kept driving.

JollyRoger November 19, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Shall we arrange for his “Deliverance?”

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 10:11 pm

[re=181739]tsunami[/re]: Missouri is an excellent place to stop and sleep for the night, but leave at 6 a.m. and keep driving because you still have a bunch of other shitty places to go through.

ladymacbeth November 19, 2008 at 10:24 pm

this mocking of cities is going to be a very helpful tool in ensuring dems inherit the gerrymandering possibilities of the 2010 census.

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=181718]sati demise[/re]: I lived in Missouri when I was young. There were chiggers and ticks. That was spot on.

monty November 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm

im from missouri and im tellin you JSM didnt win much

S.Luggo November 19, 2008 at 10:54 pm
bluebrazos November 19, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[re=181612]EnBuenOra[/re]: As a Texan, I must challenge your claim that Missouri is the last refuge of the republitards.

But the only day I’ve ever spent in Missouri I flew in on an Enron corporate jet, played golf with some obsequious* investment bankers who were trying to win some fucking bond underwriting business or something and then flew back to Houston. I suppose it doesn’t get much more republican than that, unless all the viagra-popping suits I met that day harbored a secret desire for a more progressive tax code.

*I was not an ‘important’ person at this gig, so I was only an indirect recipient of the virtual fellatio applied to the two VIPs I was with. (I only merited a quick hand job on the 14th tee.) But having learned the word “obsequious” (which I’m not even sure if I’m spelling correctly) at some point in 11th grade, this was the first time I had really seen what that word truly meant.

CivicHoliday November 19, 2008 at 11:32 pm

He took St. Louis County by a ton, which is where i worked my ass off, so i’m happy.

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 11:36 pm

Ken should post a new “thing” that engages over 2,500 views over a 15 hour period of time so that we can all live again.

[re=181765]CivicHoliday[/re]: At least St. Louis will not succumb to the terrorists.

TeddyS November 19, 2008 at 11:37 pm

The Great State of Missouri casts its electoral votes for .. wait, where’d everybody go?? The convention is over? Anyway, we cast all of our votes for Joe the Plumber.

Prof. Junk November 19, 2008 at 11:37 pm

Yeah, every 52 years, we get it wrong.

So what? That’s a better prediction record than the rest of you 49 douchebag states.

Ted Perino November 19, 2008 at 11:42 pm

Mama always said: “Missouri loves company.”

kimberly2524 November 20, 2008 at 12:39 am

[re=181768]Prof. Junk[/re]: My douchebag state doesn’t give a sarah palin about predicting who wins…it just tries to stand in the way of evil (except for the Regan years….ughhhhh)

give us a bob November 20, 2008 at 3:25 am

Suffice to say, St. Louis was not the fondest supporter of McCain (and I live there). A figure a few billion sandbags and some well-timed floods would do well to forcibly gerrymander St. Louis into what it’s always wanted to be, a Micronation called Blackland! We’ll print our own stamps, cruise around on hoverboards, and sip organic Mate grown organically on the Arch grounds all day long.

hobospacejungle November 20, 2008 at 3:33 am

I lived in Fenton, MO in the summer of 1985. There was a Chrysler (?) plant in Fenton. Is it still there?

Incidentally, I met many wonderful Missouri people during my stay, including some fine folks from Kirkwood, where that kidnapping freak guy lived with one of the kids he kidnapped.

Also enjoyed time over the river in Edwardsville & Belleville. And I still love John Tudor.

superfecta November 20, 2008 at 7:14 am

[re=181835]hobospacejungle[/re]: My uncle has worked at that Chrysler plant since time immemorial. At least a few times a year they would get laid off temporarily because their union was pretty wimpy, but everyone agreed the whole time that their product basically sucked.

TGY November 20, 2008 at 7:16 am

Missouri, Gateway to the West (St. Louis), BirthPlace of Mark Twain (Hannibal), Home of the Community of Christ AKA Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Independence), Birthplace of Harry S Truman (Independence, again), maker of OK cheeses (Emma) and really crappy wines (St. James), I salute you.

lazyb November 20, 2008 at 8:23 am

Obama needs to demand a recount, just to be a dick.

ALIVE! November 20, 2008 at 9:13 am

[re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I thought the Newsom-snowflake story was more interesting.

Did they play Styx at the ceremony?

Light up, everybody
Join us in this celebration
Light up, and be happy
Sweet, sweet sounds will fill the air….

sarahconnor November 20, 2008 at 10:09 am

[re=181629]Special Agent Jack Mehoff[/re]: Beatle Bob?

superfecta November 20, 2008 at 10:45 am

[re=181942]sarahconnor[/re]: Is he still stealing records from Vintage Vinyl and West End Wax? Obviously, I presume that’s when he’s not dancing…

natteringnaybob November 20, 2008 at 10:58 am

Missouri. Iowa’s ass hat.

Bearbloke November 21, 2008 at 5:32 am

[re=181657]superfecta[/re]: There’s great beer (and mari-ja-wanna so’s I hear) coming out of those hippy-drippy hinterlands of Northern California, and Southern California has some pretty good breweries also (except reich-wing Orange County)….

Bearbloke November 21, 2008 at 5:53 am

I’m thrilled that MO failed, failed to “select the next President” since I was sick to death of the battleground-state mythology they blow up our collective asses every 4 years.

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