John McCain Is President Of Missouri

  yay

Ha, the AP has finally called Missouri, the famous bellwether (or dare we say, FAIR-WEATHER?) state that has voted with the winning presidential election candidate since 1956, for John “Walnuts” McCain, whom some of you may remember. This means Meghan McCain will have to get a “Show Me” tattoo on her forehead, as promised! [AP]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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81 comments

  1. shortsshortsshorts

    YAY JOHN MCCAIN WINS THE ELECTION!!! JOHN MCCAIN WINS THE ELECTION!!!!
    YOU LIBERALS THOUGHT IT WAS IN THE BAG, DIDN’T YOU?

  2. metropolitan

    yes!! john mccain wins the election!!
    it’s such a glorious day in the USA! for the first time we have a white male as president!
    the world has changed.

  3. Toomush Infermashun

    So, if I understand this correctly, EVERYBODY has moved from St. Louis to Independence….?

  4. SayItWithWookies

    This is just further proof that Obama stole the election. The children of the Missouri soil wouldn’t lie to us.

  5. EnBuenOra

    Now Missouri will be rewarded by a flood of Republican tourist dollars as they line up to view the final, death refuge of the Republican Party.

  6. metropolitan

    [re=181608]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
    you think that’s bad? i think i saw oprah crying on a black man’s shoulder during his acceptance speech!

  7. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    Well, Missouri may no longer be the bellweather state, but at least they still have, um…

  8. Crow T. Robot

    My grandparents are from Missouri.

    You can’t really tell from me, except if I have to clean something with water I say I have to warsh it.

  9. WhatTheHeck

    This means Sarah Palin will resume campaigning ’cause she can see the Maverick is turning the corner.
    It’s only a matter of a few more votes now, for hard-working Americans.

  10. snufflesalphonse

    i’m happy for mccain and all (the man needed some good news), but the fact that the victory was decided by 3,632 votes out of 2.9 MM — that’s 0.12 percent — freaks me out. Probably 100 times more than that were thrown out for being invalid (hanging chads, or whatever the Show Me state equivalent is), and probably another 10,000 are stuffed into some election volunteer’s Pontiac Fiero. Just cause this election seemed alright, doesnt mean we should stop cleaning up the electoral process.

    hungry? http://www.charlietueats.com

  11. AngryBlakGuy

    …quickly, someone tell me why I would ever give a flying shit about a state whose one claim to fame is having a river named after it?

  12. Toomush Infermashun

    San Fran is not THAT tolerant – for instance, Bill O’ Really didn’t go there himself….and probably shouldn’t….

  13. loquaciousmusic

    That’s a nice picture of those two Republican senators playing in the mud with that little boy.

  14. nyhfrog

    So, have any of you heard any rumors about McCain saying something like “Let’s double down on Missouri.” During that meeting with Obama on Monday?

  15. messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=181647]NoWireHangers[/re]: Looks like that biggun in the background done gone and splashed all the mud outta the hole.

  16. Crow T. Robot

    [re=181647]NoWireHangers[/re]: Newell don’t do alt text. You want alt text, read a Layne. Always one. extra. joke.

  17. superfecta

    I’m from Missouri, with ‘from’ being the operative word. Did we really expect the state that offers a home to A-B not to vote for Cindy’s husband? Crappy beer=lack of presidential voting skillz.

    Has someone done an overlay map comparing parts of the country that brew good beer to where the blue folks live?

  18. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=181657]superfecta[/re]: which brings us back to that discussion of Shiner Bock from yesterday…

  19. Mustang

    I am a proud Missourian raised up in a fambly of yeller dawg demacrats, and you come any closer and I’ll blow yer dang haids off your scrawny necks. Now I know how Here Here Here felt yesterday. I haz a sad.

  20. One Yield Regular

    [re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Continuing the OT, but please please please Wonkette post this thing from O’Reilly, even though everyone’s already seen it, because if you know San Francisco at all you know this segment is pricelessly, hilariously wrong about everything.

    And besides, comments about it on other sites lack Wonkettelism.

  21. shortsshortsshorts

    Missouri is the “Show-me” state, as in “Show-me” another state.

    [re=181676]One Yield Regular[/re]: It does appear to be post-worthy.

  22. hansdog

    [re=181649]messickc (ROLL TIDE!)[/re]: Is that guy noodling for somes cat fish? Gonna have ta warsh it up for somes supper, yah. That alts-texts would help some here, ya know?

  23. blinky_twinkie

    [re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: HEY, O’REILLY!!! My family on my mother’s side has lived and died in San Francisco since the 1860s, and frankly, Sir, I’m thrilled to have disappointed you. Asshole.

    Keep your sad, sorry, ignorant, redneck ass out of my town.

  24. KristaJulieva

    Yes, Missouri went for McCain by .02 percent. Have your laughs. But we voted for Adlai Stevenson in 1956…so I think of this result as being some sort of cosmic balance for that. In some convoluted way, Missouri is therefore more of a bell-weather than ever.

  25. whiteasasheet

    [re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Look on the bright side. O’Reilly’s piece will help keep the wrong sort of people from visiting your fairest of cities.

  26. S. Cullen Bonz

    Is that a picture of the red state evolutionary chart? Slither out of primordial slop, turn into little boy, evolve into Cletis. Takes no longer than 6,000 years..

  27. Deepthroat

    random blingee:

    [URL=http://blingee.com/blingee/view/76448587-hope][IMG]http://image.blingee.com/images15/content/output/000/000/000/48e/310347197_609585.gif[/IMG][/URL]
    [URL=http://blingee.com]Myspace Glitter Graphics[/URL]

  28. Kwame'

    My parents grew up in Missouri, so I am not surprised. The joke I remember growing up was: “We were going to have a race riot, but our n*gger got sick.”
    Guess he was resting up to be President.

  29. kimberly2524

    ah, from the land of senator’s dogs being registered to vote, to voting for the dead guy for gov, to voting for the convicted thief and felon for state auditor in the GOP primaries. Missouri, you never, ever let me down.

  30. shortsshortsshorts

    Remember the Missouri compromise? It was mediated by the almighty Gorilla.

    [re=181698]whiteasasheet[/re]: But I want them to visit here! I can PLAY WITH THEM (a.k.a. fuck with their minds in horrible and disgusting ways).

  31. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=181739]tsunami[/re]: Missouri is an excellent place to stop and sleep for the night, but leave at 6 a.m. and keep driving because you still have a bunch of other shitty places to go through.

  32. ladymacbeth

    this mocking of cities is going to be a very helpful tool in ensuring dems inherit the gerrymandering possibilities of the 2010 census.

  33. NoWireHangers

    [re=181718]sati demise[/re]: I lived in Missouri when I was young. There were chiggers and ticks. That was spot on.

  34. bluebrazos

    [re=181612]EnBuenOra[/re]: As a Texan, I must challenge your claim that Missouri is the last refuge of the republitards.

    But the only day I’ve ever spent in Missouri I flew in on an Enron corporate jet, played golf with some obsequious* investment bankers who were trying to win some fucking bond underwriting business or something and then flew back to Houston. I suppose it doesn’t get much more republican than that, unless all the viagra-popping suits I met that day harbored a secret desire for a more progressive tax code.

    *I was not an ‘important’ person at this gig, so I was only an indirect recipient of the virtual fellatio applied to the two VIPs I was with. (I only merited a quick hand job on the 14th tee.) But having learned the word “obsequious” (which I’m not even sure if I’m spelling correctly) at some point in 11th grade, this was the first time I had really seen what that word truly meant.

  35. shortsshortsshorts

    Ken should post a new “thing” that engages over 2,500 views over a 15 hour period of time so that we can all live again.

    [re=181765]CivicHoliday[/re]: At least St. Louis will not succumb to the terrorists.

  36. TeddyS

    The Great State of Missouri casts its electoral votes for .. wait, where’d everybody go?? The convention is over? Anyway, we cast all of our votes for Joe the Plumber.

  37. Prof. Junk

    Yeah, every 52 years, we get it wrong.

    So what? That’s a better prediction record than the rest of you 49 douchebag states.

  38. kimberly2524

    [re=181768]Prof. Junk[/re]: My douchebag state doesn’t give a sarah palin about predicting who wins…it just tries to stand in the way of evil (except for the Regan years….ughhhhh)

  39. hobospacejungle

    I lived in Fenton, MO in the summer of 1985. There was a Chrysler (?) plant in Fenton. Is it still there?

    Incidentally, I met many wonderful Missouri people during my stay, including some fine folks from Kirkwood, where that kidnapping freak guy lived with one of the kids he kidnapped.

    Also enjoyed time over the river in Edwardsville & Belleville. And I still love John Tudor.

  40. superfecta

    [re=181835]hobospacejungle[/re]: My uncle has worked at that Chrysler plant since time immemorial. At least a few times a year they would get laid off temporarily because their union was pretty wimpy, but everyone agreed the whole time that their product basically sucked.

  41. TGY

    Missouri, Gateway to the West (St. Louis), BirthPlace of Mark Twain (Hannibal), Home of the Community of Christ AKA Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Independence), Birthplace of Harry S Truman (Independence, again), maker of OK cheeses (Emma) and really crappy wines (St. James), I salute you.

  42. ALIVE!

    [re=181628]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I thought the Newsom-snowflake story was more interesting.

    Did they play Styx at the ceremony?

    Light up, everybody
    Join us in this celebration
    Light up, and be happy
    Sweet, sweet sounds will fill the air….

  43. superfecta

    [re=181942]sarahconnor[/re]: Is he still stealing records from Vintage Vinyl and West End Wax? Obviously, I presume that’s when he’s not dancing…

  44. Bearbloke

    [re=181657]superfecta[/re]: There’s great beer (and mari-ja-wanna so’s I hear) coming out of those hippy-drippy hinterlands of Northern California, and Southern California has some pretty good breweries also (except reich-wing Orange County)….

  45. Bearbloke

    I’m thrilled that MO failed, failed to “select the next President” since I was sick to death of the battleground-state mythology they blow up our collective asses every 4 years.

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