Career Advice For Kristen Ashley Dupre

  employment tips from bloggers

Hello Kristen.Our favorite New Jersey hooker who accidentally destroyed Eliot Spitzer’s political career is just a dumb kid trying to make sense of a crazy world, right? And the only interesting thing in her entire life already happened. And she didn’t even know it! She had no idea who Spitzer even was, because who would know those things, being an adult, living in New York, and working for an expensive escort service serving Wall Street men, right? So she finally pops her head out of the media hole, finds Diane Sawyer (who happens to be spending months doing some teevee segment on prostitutes, who are mostly — and tragically — ugly old junkies), and declares that she wants a “singing career.”

Dude, you already had a singing career, and it was more than most would-be pop vocalists achieve. You sold a few thousand mp3s of your shitty song, back in March, BECAUSE YOU WERE A FAMOUS NOVELTY FOR LIKE A WEEK, which is seriously the only reason anybody is ever going to pay you money to hear your voice, and that is long over, see?

Gawker pimp Hamilton Nolan offers six additional career options for The Gal Who Was Kristen, and then concedes that only one of them — porn, obvs. — has the potential to actually make some real cash. “This would also get you out of Jersey,” writes Nolan. “Think about it.”

Seven Careers for Ashley Dupre [Gawker]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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51 comments

  1. slavojzizek

    Which is more pathetic–Ashley Dupree trying to milk one last minute of fame out of this, Diane Sawyer trying to boost her ratings by interviewing Dupree, or Wonkette up to two-posts-and-counting about this has been who never was?

  2. Mo MoDo

    Could we get her to work for whatever escort service Karl Rove uses? Because that sex scandal would be a genuine public service. Go on Ashley, take one for the team.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    [re=181452]Mo MoDo[/re]: I doubt Ashley is the sort of person that HotMilitaryStuds.com is looking for.

  4. Special Agent Jack Mehoff

    What about being a trophy wife? There must be tons of rich men looking for an outed prostitute with intimacy issues to take out into public and be seen with!

  5. Dave J.

    [re=181452]Mo MoDo[/re]: Er…how to break the news…I don’t think SHE’D be the RIGHT TYPE for the escort service Karl Rove uses, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

  6. metropolitan

    well i can say elliot spitzer has gone to hell.
    that’s because hell for him is not being in a position of power just when wall street needs the good ass kicking only he could provide.
    thank god for puritanism to get rid of public officials who are great are their jobs, but lousy in their private lives. the USA is so much better for it.

  7. magic titty

    [re=181450]slavojzizek[/re]: There are like eleventeen thousand posts on Sarah Palin, another has been who never was, and they were all met with glee. What’s the problem?

    Anyway, I think she should spend the rest of her life dating and banging rich guys for money. It’s worked so far.

  8. Texan Bulldoggette

    Maybe her & Joe the Plumber could go on tour & be the next Peaches & Herb, Captain & Tennille, Janet & Justin. They could be sponsored by Trojan, KY & Massengill (because JTP takes douchiness to a whole new level). Andrew Dice Clay could be their opening act & they could end with a live sex show featuring a Palin look-alike. Because really, what else have they got going for them? Those 15 minutes ain’t got 9 lives.

  9. Platypus

    I hear they got a hot Governor in Alaska. How bout heading out West for some serious girl-on-girl of the lipstick (on a pig) lesbian variety? That will boost the old singing career!

  10. jagorev

    Strangely, this exact same career advice also applies to Sarah Palin and Kathryn Jean-Lopez.

    Okay, now I feel bad for saying that.

  11. Them

    Why wasn’t she doing interviews back when someone gave a shit? Could it be she needed more prepping as to the contours and exigencies of the English language than did Sarah Palin? (Or maybe that Palin just didn’t ever care – just give her a microphone and let her bust a cap in the ass of the very concept of grammar?)

  12. Mo MoDo

    [re=181457]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=181465]Dave J.[/re]: She could pretend to be a trannie she-male. That wouldn’t be much of a stretch.

  13. Toomush Infermashun

    slavojzizek : What’s more pathetic? Well, excuuse me – the day that politics, pr0n and funny prostitutes aren’t the snark in trade of Wonkette, well, we’re just down to little boys and fat Republicans – you can hardly make a whole meal out of that spongy dessert…..

  14. Borat

    Dude, she hasn’t been hiding in a black hole. This is a workin’ girl. All those other careers blow if you can get $4k a night or more and have a great time and meet lots of interesting people.

  15. Miller

    If she really wanted a career in something, she wouldn’t pop her head back up to remind everyone what she looks like and that she fucks for money. I guess there’s money to be made for someone like her on the reality TV circuit. Though that’s waaay more degrading, looked down upon, and poorly paid then prostitution.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  16. EnBuenOra

    Look, I understand that a lot of Americans responded to her as a Republican VP candidate representing “change”, but she lost, and needs to go back to Alaska now.

    Wait…

  17. Kev-O-Tron

    So I was cruising the hooker ads in the local alt weekly (looking for my soul-mate) and I discovered that Seattle has gay bath houses. The whole concept sounds completely disgusting to me but one bullet point in the ad was particularly perplexing.

    -Glory Hole Maze

    What the fuck is that? Can somebody with more homo experience than I please expound upon this phrase? A gay gentleman at the bar pointed out that maze was what the Native Americans called corn. meh?

  18. Mel_David

    WTF? How is she not already doing porn?

    She has already outed herself as someone who will have sex for money – wouldn’t having sex with SOMEBODY ELSE who is ALSO only having sex for money be an upgrade?

    She has outed herself as someone who is willing to make men ejaculate, for money.

    And if she has issues about having millions see her naughty bits, well… that is weird. She’s totally hot, in that kind of don’t-talk-with-your-mouth-full kind of way.

    She really needs to get on the porn train NOW, because as more time goes by she will get less hot and less famous, and getting in now vs. a year from now could be the difference between being in classy Vivid DVD releases for tens of thousands a shot and getting creamfaced on Big-n-Black.com for a hundred bucks.

  19. Mel_David

    Oh, and if she is really married to the idea of making music, I’m sure the porn producers would be happy to show her how to use Apple Loops in GarageBand for XXX soundtracks.

  20. Toomush Infermashun

    Mel_David: So, what you’re saying is, she could be a great new face in PornyWood? I think you’re right. America is so ready for more musicals…..such a little slice between this and Merle Streep in Mamma Mia…

  21. oldguy

    Timing! She could have been doing political commentary during the campaign. What DOES she think of BSpice?

  22. Jukesgrrl

    Ms. Dupre, meet Congressman Tim Mahoney. He’ll be a has-been in a couple of weeks, but he lives in West Palm and if he has any money left following his up-coming divorce, he might be just the guy for you. At least he won’t be able to complain about your reputation.

  23. psychedelicSludge

    What about that guy Robert Novak crashed into. Does he get a book deal now? I guess he’ll really need to have some work done first.

  24. monty

    [re=181502]jagorev[/re]: not K-Lo shed have to be givin bjs behind a 7-11 and even those would only be like 3-4 bux tops

  25. TheMac

    [re=181446]BillyClubb[/re]: When Paris Hilton is a whore, it sells because (someone) cares about Paris Hilton; When Ashley Dupre is a whore, it sells because the other person matters.

    How sad is it that someone is trying to market some girl who’s a high-priced call girl who doesn’t even know how much of a big deal her clientele are as “the girl next door?” Like, how stupid and slutty are these ‘next door girls’ supposed to be?

  26. Panderfinder

    she has so much in common with mooselini, but she comes from a rich
    family in NJ and can speak in full sentences. in mooselini world,
    those are handicaps.

  27. thefrontpage

    NEWS FLASH:

    Kirsten Ashley Dupre has been chosen as the Deputy Secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services by Obama transition officials.

    “Her extensive experience in the public heatlh field, her many high-level connections to politicians in many parties, and her experience with the government and the criminal justice system make her uniquely qualified to hold a position at Health and Human Services,” said a top-level transition official. “She also has deep experience in human services in general. This should give her a leg up over other candidates.”

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