Our favorite New Jersey hooker who accidentally destroyed Eliot Spitzer’s political career is just a dumb kid trying to make sense of a crazy world, right? And the only interesting thing in her entire life already happened. And she didn’t even know it! She had no idea who Spitzer even was, because who would know those things, being an adult, living in New York, and working for an expensive escort service serving Wall Street men, right? So she finally pops her head out of the media hole, finds Diane Sawyer (who happens to be spending months doing some teevee segment on prostitutes, who are mostly — and tragically — ugly old junkies), and declares that she wants a “singing career.”
Dude, you already had a singing career, and it was more than most would-be pop vocalists achieve. You sold a few thousand mp3s of your shitty song, back in March, BECAUSE YOU WERE A FAMOUS NOVELTY FOR LIKE A WEEK, which is seriously the only reason anybody is ever going to pay you money to hear your voice, and that is long over, see?
Gawker pimp Hamilton Nolan offers six additional career options for The Gal Who Was Kristen, and then concedes that only one of them — porn, obvs. — has the potential to actually make some real cash. “This would also get you out of Jersey,” writes Nolan. “Think about it.”
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