SQUATTERS  4:09 pm November 19, 2008

A Children’s Treasury Of Corner Posts In Which K-Lo Begs For Money

by Jim Newell

It's... Piper!Today is an exciting day on the Corner, the best National Review blog on the Internet, period. Not only is the fat Mexican secretary Jonah Goldberg yelling at slummy Kathleen Parker for trying to sneak into the Sexy Obama Dance Parties with her Gorilla God-hating cigarette dildo columns, but Parker’s ex-BFF, Kathryn Jean Lopez — who No Longer Reads Wonkette — has been begging National Review‘s readers for money in at least 20 million posts for the last two days. Donate, people!


  • Do You Have a Few Minutes? [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    NRO needs your help. Would you kindly consider the request? Read here.


    11/18 12:09 PM

  • Oh dear [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Our first donation to the 2008 fundraising drive included a request for a “BSG day.” We’ve been too close to here before. Remember Star Trek Weekend?

  • Re: Oh Dear [Jonah Goldberg]

    Kathryn, Just for the record, I snuck a Trek reference into a recent post. I figured with at dawn of pledge drive you wouldn’t risk chastising me.

  • Cruising [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    I’m getting a number of e-mails from people who complain that we have some nerve asking for money after spending on a cruise last week. I totally understand how that looks bad. But here’s what you need to know: The reason we do these cruises is they bring in money. It’s another fundraiser. And rather than tanning in the Bahamas, we do work — panels, interviews, dinner, lunch, and other discussions. I tell you that not to whine — its a nice thing to work with a little sun in the cabin window vs. the usual Lexington Avenue noise. But we don’t do these as staff vacation perks. The time spent is an investment in the conservative future — because it supports NR and because real conversations happen, with policymakers, with young people, with supporters.

    And like I said in my pitch today, National Review in all its forms has always and I suspect will always, rely on readers. Thank you again.

  • If You Are Happy with Jonah’s Shatnerfest [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Donate now.

    Or, if you’re not, donate NOW.

    Basically, I will sleep if you donate now.

  • Please [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Read this and consider.

    Thank you.

  • Don’tLlet the Morning Pass You By [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Without considering an investment in NRO’s future.

    Please read this.

    Thank you.

    11/19 10:09 AM

  • Investing in the future of NRO — why [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    From a $100 donor:

    “Thank you, and keep up the good work!

    Your writers and articles are excellent – and necessary in order to counteract the liberal agenda of the Obama administration and most of the media. So many of my family and friends are worried – we look to you for support”

    Please consider supporting nro. More here.

    11/19 10:40 AM

  • Invest in NRO for Lunch [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    Just an idea . . . Because ideas have consequences and all . . .

    Details here.

    11/19 01:59 PM

  • Investing in NRO, Investing in the Future [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    From a donor:

    Keep up the good work.

    What stings about this election is that we did it to ourselves. We sent a knife (McCain campaign) to a gunfight (Obama campaign).

    Do the powers that be in the GOP really think that diluting the conservative message of Ronald Reagan is a good strategy?

    Anyway, NRO is a light in the darkness.

    Give here. Thank you!

    11/19 02:16 PM

  • Supporting NRO [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    An e-mail:

    Hello Kathryn,

    I do wish you would have announced the fund raiser sooner. The day after the election, I knew that NRO would be out front leading the charge and I wanted to help out where I could so I subscribed to the magazine after letting my sub expire several years ago. I have been reading NRO daily and have been feeling guilty about the free riding. Now I’m tapped out, having hidden all my extra money from the pending tax increases!

    Anyway, I truly do appreciate the work that the entire team does and look forward to reading the magazine again – although I barely have time to keep up with NRO.

    Me: thank you! But subscribing is helpful! You get NRODT and NRODT supports NRO! So subscribe to the print magazine! Subscribe to the digital version of the print magazine! Give U.S. Dollars straight to NRO’s budget!

    Thank you!

    11/19 03:05 PM

FINE we will donate lady wtf?

[The Corner]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Neilist November 19, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Lopez looks like she’s been hitting the refritos a bit too much.

Better join Caribeau Barbie on the Starmaster — PRONTO!

(I know that’s sexist. I don’t care.)

Gopherit November 19, 2008 at 4:13 pm

Uh-oh. K-Lo iz a hobo!

Gopherit November 19, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=181377]Neilist[/re]: Fuck that, I want on the starmaster. That sounds like it kicks ass, because you can master stars, man!

Gopherit November 19, 2008 at 4:14 pm

K-Lo: Plz! Will Blog 4 food!

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 4:15 pm

I bet she has fat thighs too

metropolitan November 19, 2008 at 4:15 pm

now the national review needs a bailout too?
damn, can’t you people just let the free market work?

TGY November 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Well, I might have some unused suppositories they can have. At practically cost. Uh..wait..how about used?

My nose bleeds for them.

Jim Newell November 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm

There was great risk in posting this photo. Please take it easy.

SayItWithWookies November 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Ha ha — who sounds like NPR now, beeyatches?!

Vewol Mevemont November 19, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Basically, I will sleep if you donate now.

Jesus Christ — have mercy! Oh wait, I think I misread this. But still, wtf does this mean?

Brokeback_Romney November 19, 2008 at 4:17 pm

These email back and forths are fucking boring.

nurple November 19, 2008 at 4:18 pm

They’re buying expensive airtime to plead for subscribers too, using all that whimsical 70′s style big-head cartoon art that works so well for New York Review of Books.

Whose idea was it to alienate that Buckley dude?

metropolitan November 19, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=181389]Jim Newell[/re]:
i’m sorry, i’ve been away from wonkette for a long time. i forgot that the pictures of the ladies require “hot or not” comments.

Jim Newell November 19, 2008 at 4:19 pm

[re=181397]metropolitan[/re]: You! Welcome back.

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Not only is the fat Mexican secretary Jonah Goldberg yelling at slummy Kathleen Parker for trying to sneak into the Sexy Obama Dance Parties with her Gorilla God-hating cigarette dildo columns…

Shorts? Are you off your meds, Shorts? Ken? KEN!

(I’m scared. Somebody hold me.)

Theta November 19, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Maybe Bill Kristol can hold his nose, renew his column, and prop up the National Review.

I’m thinking Buckley jumped ship because he knew his checks were going to bounce.

MarSF November 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

I hope NRO shrinks down enough so that it can be drowned in a bathtub.

K-Lo, however. will never fit into one

magic titty November 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=181389]Jim Newell[/re]: Why? What is that thing? Three-dimensional farts?

bitchincamaro November 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

Maybe K-Lo and her motley NR crew should ply the high-seas with the other pirates.

ManchuCandidate November 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

Awwwwwwwww. That’s all the NRO gets from me. Like I’ve said before, the economic downturn is going to hit places like the NRO hardest because the spare change the riches used to pay for it is needed to keep them in the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to.

I am more bugged by the fact that Jonah likes Star Trek. Strange that a show about aliens attempting to work together in some sort of intergalactic UN with hugs and kisses plus the odd phaser blast would appeal to a RW chickenhawk who fears a Muslim Preznit. I figured that he was more a Orson Scott Card fan or Starship Troopers fan.

Maybe not a Starship Troopers fan because in Starship Troopers they actually have to fight to get the vote.

Special Agent Jack Mehoff November 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm

They best be offering a coffee mug or a DVD of some played out artist at Red Rocks or whatever if they want MY hard earned socialist dollars.

sossajes November 19, 2008 at 4:24 pm

This, Oral Roberts University & the Focus on the Family money troubles are like candy just for me.

Gopherit November 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm

[re=181399]NoWireHangers[/re]: It’s okay, hangers. That’s not shorts…..see, it’s Jim. He just took some of short’s brown acid. He’ll be fine.

Capitol Hillbilly November 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm

oh my, someone left the cake out in the rain – and she ate the whole damn thing.

eatsshootsleaves November 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I love how conservatives have all decided that the problem with John McCain is that he was JUST TOO MODERATE.

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 4:25 pm

JimNewell: I believe we are snarking the “LEAVE PALIN ALOOOONE” crazies, not Ms. Lopez’s thighs. (which are, in reality, quite large.)

Serolf Divad November 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm

This is awesome. I wonder what’s next.

Lionel Hutz Esq. November 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Oh my God. You do not draw the wrath of Jonah Goldberg and survive. Just look what happen to the Democrats after Jonah pointed out that they were all Nazis.

Dave J. November 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm

And rather than tanning in the Bahamas, we do work — panels, interviews, dinner, lunch, and other discussions.

Who the hell considers dinner and lunch to be work?

[looks at K-Lo]


Lionel Hutz Esq. November 19, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Seriously, though, I am glad that I have reached the day where one cannot tell the difference between the Corner and any comment thread on Wonkette…, except that the comment threads on Wonkette tend to be funnier.

sezme November 19, 2008 at 4:30 pm

“Now I’m tapped out, having hidden all my extra money from the pending tax increases!”

Sammy Wurzelbelcher, is that you?

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 4:32 pm

This picture is more frightening anyway. It has ZOOM


Dave J. November 19, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Now I’m tapped out, having hidden all my extra money from the pending tax increases!

Ha ha, this is awesome. News flash, conservatards: conservatives love low taxes because they are cheap bastards, not because they have some political principles. And now your reader is flat out telling you TO YOUR FACE that he won’t help you because he has stashed it away so that he doesn’t have to give it up in the event that Obama raises his taxes. Hilarious to be you, K-Lo.

CuntryFirst November 19, 2008 at 4:33 pm

We have to stop enabling her eating habit.

Monkey November 19, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=181405]magic titty[/re]: What is a two-dimensional fart?

Monkey November 19, 2008 at 4:35 pm

Well, I was going to donate a penny, but they don’t let you donate less than $1.

randomsausage November 19, 2008 at 4:36 pm

All this hatin’ on the k-Lo’s looks, wonketteers. Not cool.

I think it’s refreshing for a Republican operative to model herself after an angry dyke.

metropolitan November 19, 2008 at 4:36 pm

mitt romney thinks the national review needs to go broke as it would give management a chance to rewrite those unfair salary contracts, to quit paying pension funds for those who dedicated their life to the magazine and to stop giving their employers health care benefits.
or i could be wrong, maybe his solutions only apply to unionized companies.

MarSF November 19, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Hey, didn’t the 2007 NR Cruise result in Rich Lowry getting a boner when he met Gov. Mooseburger? That is money well spent!

Monkey November 19, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=181433]randomsausage[/re]: Ha ha ha! That is too funny.

Cape Clod November 19, 2008 at 4:39 pm

I’m starting to think the ‘Cut Nut’ is somehow related to Katherine Jean.

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=181424]Deepthroat[/re]: AH! You can count the pores!

Dr. Spaceman November 19, 2008 at 4:41 pm

K-Lo, the free market has spoken, your magazine cannot compete. Please stop begging and accept the invisible hand’s wedgie.

TGY November 19, 2008 at 4:41 pm

[re=181428]Monkey[/re]: That’s easy. It’s a normal fart constrained in one dimension. Next question.

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm

[re=181411]Gopherit[/re]: I needed some talking down. This thread was so very scary. Cold. So Cold…

Woodwards Friend November 19, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Ha! Ha! Ha! K-Lo and company booted all of those snooty rich elitist people (ie the Buckleys) out of the conservative movement and now National Review is like some shitty “real America” trailer park scrouging for quarters to buy Track and Bristol more meth.

NoWireHangers November 19, 2008 at 4:46 pm

She looks like she has a touch of special. It’s the combination of:

- doughy, pale skin
- wide-set eyes
- brows that know no tweezer
- rosy, cherubic cheeks
- child-like make-up skills
- batshit columns at wingnut junction

Mo MoDo November 19, 2008 at 4:47 pm

There is this system called Capitalism where you provide a good or service and people pay the fair value price for it. Look into it. Clearly the market is not valuing your petty right wing rants. Save the begging for socialists and automakers.

jagorev November 19, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Now I’m tapped out, having hidden all my extra money from the pending tax increases!

You might think that this is coming from a rich Republican hedge fund type who’s sent everything to an offshore Swiss bank account in the Bahamas, but you would be wrong. This is Joe the Plumber, and he has hidden all his “extra money” from “pending tax increases” by purchasing Wal-Mart gift cards, collectible NASCAR memorabilia, and some liberty dollars that will be buried in his back yard.

magic titty November 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Mustang November 19, 2008 at 4:54 pm

I hear you girlfriend. My boss is making me go work in the Bahamas next week, and I am SO SICK of it. I am so frickin’ stressed out about the liberal agenda and these cruises are just making it worse.

nurple November 19, 2008 at 4:57 pm

NRO Cruises and Weekly Standard Cruises routinely strafe each other. Kinda like Whale Wars.

Texan Bulldoggette November 19, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Well, I won’t comment about her weight; she may have a thyroid problem (eye roll). Anyhoo, I do feel at ease commenting about the two caterpillars shading all things liberal & therefore, sensible, from her view. Hey, K-Lo, it’s called tweezers. You can buy a pair at any CVS or Walgreens for about $2. Take 10 minutes from sexual interludes with Lowry to do a quick plucking.

ManchuCandidate November 19, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Get a real job, K-Lo!

S.Luggo November 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=181389]Jim Newell[/re]: Wonkette fearing suit from Rosie O’Donnell for misappropriation of her image?

randomsausage November 19, 2008 at 5:03 pm

oh for the time when wingnut women were blond, slim and vaguely hot.

jagorev November 19, 2008 at 5:04 pm

Why couldn’t the pirates have hijacked the NR cruise ship instead of that nice harmless Saudi tanker?

I’d just love to see K-Lo and Jonah Goldberg kept in a holding pen for several weeks, kept on a restricted diet, and surrounded by sinister black people who are probably friends with Bill Ayers.

gjdodger November 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

You guys need to approach this like the NPR fundraisers, K-Lo. You should have your loyal readers bid to win a hot date with Sarah Palin! Yes, there’ll be mooseburgers by candlelight, followed by a wild night of snowmobiling, shooting varmints for sport, and competing to see which one of you sees Putin’s head on the horizon first! And finally, some intimate winking as you pal around. Shoot, I’ll put down $20 right now.

randomsausage November 19, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=181515]jagorev[/re]: Doesn’t sound like much of a punishment: I believe it is Fred Barnes’ dearest wish to be tied up by dusky sailors.

S.Luggo November 19, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Ya know, Lopezita, it takes sumptin called sacrifice. If the folks in the Bush administration would sell their Big Oil, Big Banking, Big Mining, NeoCon, Jesus-Freak, AIPAC, etc. Whore Diamonds, then the NR could be funded for a million, quadrillion years.
But, noooooooooooooh. Is that going to happen? Selfish vajingas. Maybe you could ask for a “loan” from Paulson?

Banzai77 November 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Yes. Get back to the core Reagan principles. I’m that will resonate well amongst the electorate.

jagorev November 19, 2008 at 5:20 pm

[re=181522]randomsausage[/re]: Yes, but they might lose some weight in the process. An attack on Jonah and K-Lo’s all-you-can-eat cruise ship buffet privileges is an attack on all Americans.

jagorev November 19, 2008 at 5:22 pm

What’s the over-under on how long it will take for a right-wing blog to prove that Obama is closely related to these East African pirates?

Gopherit November 19, 2008 at 5:24 pm

[re=181451]NoWireHangers[/re]: HAHAHAHA! Shorts is occasionally a force of nature. It’s like having a batshit insane little brother that you occasionally let out of the basement for giggles.

Tra November 19, 2008 at 5:27 pm

I’m sorry. I gave all my extra money to the people who were not calling me a whiner for not having any money.

I appreciate your work! You should too, while you have it!

The Lucky Republican November 19, 2008 at 5:30 pm

What are you guys talking about? Aren’t we supposed to fetish-ize latin women?

Toomush Infermashun November 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Deepthroat: Thanks, thanks for reinforcing my diet so close to supper time. I doubt I’ll be able to eat supper tomorrow OR EVER AGAIN…..! This picture downloaded across my whole screen in oozing detail. It permanently altered the pixel colors forever…. Instead of the NRO, can’t we take up a collection to send K-Lo to Easter Island?

randomsausage November 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm

[re=181538]jagorev[/re]: The whole pirate thing is quite fantastic. Do you think they have a skull ‘n crossbones aloft their Buckaneer? Pretty crappy pirates though, if all it takes is a couple of pot-shots from the Indian navy to send you down to Davy Jones’ locker.

robanybody November 19, 2008 at 5:35 pm

Weird that Rosie O’Donnell is Rosanne Barr and both are Republicans. The world is all topsy turvy. Or maybe akimbo, like my five limbs.

druranium November 19, 2008 at 5:39 pm

[re=181462]NoWireHangers[/re]: She is a real American from the pro-America part of America.

jagorev November 19, 2008 at 5:41 pm

[re=181554]randomsausage[/re]: Agreed, the pirate thing is pretty much the interesting story in the World right now. Has all kinds of implications for balance of power and the treatment of failed states.

India actually has a pretty serious navy with carriers and subs and all that, and they’re obviously more effective at self-defence than the USS Cole (too soon?)

longjohnson November 19, 2008 at 5:46 pm

[re=181424]Deepthroat[/re]: Dude, I almost ralphed all over my monitor!

longjohnson November 19, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=181428]Monkey[/re]: a fart that occurs on TV, movies … think, all the pleasure, or satisfaction, without the stink or quaking ass vibrato

randomsausage November 19, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=181582]longjohnson[/re]: Indeed. I’m now sorry I clicked on that. I’m sure I saw her pic on bbwdating.com. She likes long walks on the beach at sunset and unprotected anal sex.

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=181591]randomsausage[/re]: nice sausage

Deepthroat November 19, 2008 at 6:05 pm

[re=181462]NoWireHangers[/re]: you know what else makes her suck? I hate the whole collar over the jacket thing and the flag pin is just the extra turd on top of the shit sundae.

PS- I never told you when it was still relevant, but i worship David the Bowie too!

Jamie Sommers November 19, 2008 at 6:06 pm

Geez, Rosie O’Donnell has really let herself go.

tonehedge November 19, 2008 at 6:20 pm

I’m willing to bet she has stretch marks on her tongue.

OffTheRecord November 19, 2008 at 7:00 pm

[re=181515]jagorev[/re]: That is the best idea I have heard in like forever. Next time Bill Kristol hits the high seas someone needs to inform them of his location.

Birdcrash November 19, 2008 at 7:00 pm

It was Kristol that got the boner. Let’s keep our boners straight.

shortsshortsshorts November 19, 2008 at 7:08 pm

[re=181399]NoWireHangers[/re]: Hahaha that was a drunken pair of shorts last night. What is wrong with that guy? JEEBUS.

hobospacejungle November 19, 2008 at 7:17 pm

[re=181424]Deepthroat[/re]: That wasn’t strictly necessary now, was it?

Scandalabra November 19, 2008 at 7:17 pm

If a Republican wandered in the forest, would anyone give a shit?

slinkimalinki November 19, 2008 at 8:42 pm

sweet mother of god, what is going on under the table in that photograph?

J November 19, 2008 at 9:10 pm

Seriously, how drunk would you have to be to have sex with that…that thing? Oh, and for the last time, K Lopez is the fat Mexican secretary. Jonah Golberg is the fat half-Jewish pile of shit stinking in the corner watching The Simposns and Star Trek and being billed as the “funny one” on the Corner.

psychedelicSludge November 19, 2008 at 9:51 pm

If you donate a flag pin, they’ll send you a flag pin.

Need a flag pin? talke a flag pin.
Gotta flag pin? leave a flag pin.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 19, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Some of the wingnuttiest people I know dig Star Trek. It’s weird. Sci-fi appeals mainly to dudes, so I guess it’s only natural that some of them gravitate to it, regardless of the fact that it’s so totally Lefty in philosophy.

Here’s a fun fact that will blow your mind – according to Wikipedia, Timothy McVeigh was a huge Star Trek the Next Generation fan. WTF?

schvitzatura November 19, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=181399]NoWireHangers[/re]: Forget it, he’s rolling.

DustBowlBlues November 19, 2008 at 10:23 pm

I’m not sure who this woman is, but if her picture is accurate, she is making my feel so happy because I’m not as fat as she is–or as ugly. And I’m old! Thank you, conservative-whoever lady.

Having established her as my new BFF, I am so embarrassed that she might have read my multitudinous number of post calling Baby Trigger the Look, I didn’t abort this retard prop baby wearing Dumbo ears and named after a horse.

I didn’t mean it. Trigger only had to wear the Dumbo ears for a week or so, and I should never claimed he had to wear them all the time.

Forgive me, fat, ugly conservative lady who makes me feel better about myself? I couldn’t help it–it was just my abortions guilt speaking.

DustBowlBlues November 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm

[re=181574]jagorev[/re]: About the Indian navy. Sorry to go all Katie-Couric on the Wonkeratti (or CSMonitor-ish, in my case) Remember the Russian nuclear (nukular for the Bushtards) sub that went down a year or so ago? It was on its way to the India Navy. The second Russian sub they had bought. They are very into the nuclear sub thing. How they’re going to sail them to Pakistan is confusing to me, as I always thought Kashmir was in the mountains but WTF–geography was never my best course.

There you go–reading wonkette is like reading the CSMonitor. Now we are all sound smart.

Takeaway? Don’t fuck with the Indian Navy. Except that’s not the way the Monitor put i.

TeddyS November 19, 2008 at 11:31 pm

Like Phil Gramm said: A nation of whiners. Including whoever this gimme money alien life form is.

sailingthestyx November 20, 2008 at 12:21 am

[re=181424]Deepthroat[/re]: radical…zoomed and screamed at the thing that leapt out at me….

sailingthestyx November 20, 2008 at 12:23 am

[re=181428]Monkey[/re]: when one is laying against their partners leg, in bed, and then farts…

prettyboywally November 20, 2008 at 10:16 am

Wow. If Republicans stop donating money to their favorite screed-generating charity causes because they think their taxes are going to double, how cool is that? It’s right up there with everyone buying guns because they think Obama is going to come to their houses and ask for them. We’ll be a well-armed, National Review-free nation! Yippee!

randomsausage November 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm

This was the most awesomest of awesome threads in a long, long time. Thank you Jonah and The Whale!

MrsNateSilver November 20, 2008 at 7:15 pm

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY: K-Lo, please have a look, kay hun?


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