Wonkette
Times are tough, and nothing is funny, but sometimes the “real” God (the Economy) plays an amusing prank on various fools who bet on the fake god: “Oral Roberts University will lay off about 100 employees, days after it agreed to a near-$450,000 separation agreement with its former president who resigned amid a spending scandal. The layoffs represent roughly 10 percent of the university’s work force.” PS: You don’t really need to go to “university” to be a religious nut, so don’t worry! [Associated Press/NewsOK]
Jeebus is so out now that Hopey is in.
But how are the students going to get an education? Hahahahaha. Ouch. I hurt myself.
Oh, and Jesus must be off today. Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales got indicted — by a Texas grand jury, no less:
http://www.krgv.com/2008/11/18/1001457/Guerra-Indicts
jesus was a sailor.
what’s a 10% less of 900 foot Jesus? 810 foot Jesus? doesn’t quite have the same ring, now, does it?
this is just getting better and better. The moderate right wing freepers jumped ship just around election day. Now the Xtian fundies are blowing chunks and trying to save their asses from ch 11.
Heh, Oral.
SayItWithWookies: See, Texas ain’t so bad. I’m going to have a celebratory Shiner Bock at my favorite hipster bar now.
I wonder if Mrs. Roberts’s janitor friend will be among the 100.
Of course, “Oral Roberts” and “university” was always a contradiction in terms.
The fall of capitalism is a small price to pay to see holy roller hypocrites kicked to the curb.
Where’s your pussyboy messiah now?
They best distract themselves by banning gay marriages or teaching creationism before they end up having to face reality.
Did they transfer them to their affiliated campus, Anal Roberts?
I hear Anal’s known for being a smaller school, with a more narrow opening for acceptance. Some people love going there, others just think it’s full of shit.
Wait, wait –now how will this affect my toothbrush?
pepe: You should get a new one. And don’t look at your vacation pictures if you know what’s good for you.
SayItWithWookies: Dammit. Forgot the close quotes in the tag.
http://www.snopes.com/racial/crime/toothbrush.asp
“Science department? Bah! Who needs that! This is an evangelical college.”
Aw, Come On! Why all the gloom and frowny faces? Surely the Lord will provide for you! Let’s have a sing-along:
Cut Tha Jobs, O Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
Cut Tha Jobs, O Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
Cut Tha Jobs, O Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
O Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
He’s resignin’, Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
He’s resignin’, Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
He’s resignin’, Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
O Lord, Cut Tha Jobs
(Sing until hunger weakens you)
If Oral Roberts refuses to swallow these bad economic tidings, then who knows what BJU will spit out next!
Any of you who don’t respond to “the economy” as the real gawd will suffer under the hand of recession. You will die once and for all, forever.
mattbolt: I knew a guy who hated going there. But he was a total douche anyway.
As my good friend Sarah Palin might note, God has been opening a lot of unexpected doors for the faithful today.
SayItWithWookies: Hahaha
Nobody’s being “laid off.” They’re just being CALLED HOME.
God’s punishing them for lacking the faith to spend 90x their current deficit and really put their faith in Babs Jeez. So c’mon, Oral, step to the (offering) plate, ya pussy!
Who the shit names their kid Oral? ORAL. Erlack. Crazy Christians are bogus vomit inducing stupidheads. Stupidheads can all go eat a bag of dicks, is what I say.
I’m loving the religious crumble one by one. Seriously, they are jumping the shark every second now in their insanity.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/focus-family-eliminating-200-positions
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/marriage-protests-caused-god-send-ca-wildfires
They’re not being laid off, it’s just that everyone else is being left behind.
Who is the real Econ o monity? I hear PERSONALLY that it is in fact a slave of big time-cotton producer Bill Ayers.
Mull_Man: That Left Behind book was a tangible pile of dung leftover from our Catholic Priest overlords, right? My understanding is that Left Behind was kinda fucked in the ass and left to die somewhere between First and Mission St., er maybe Venice Blvd., er maybe the outskirts of Cicero Ave., er maybe even down on 8th Street between 8th and 9th Ave. where the trolls steal the souls of real human beings through brute force and cancerous gunfire.
I haven’t bummed this bad since 9/11….*sniff*….
Meh. Just keep in mind, when Jeebus doesn’t care, nobody cared. I hope to fake-Gawd that becomes a reality today.
Where’s your 900-foot messiah now, huh?
karma is a bitch; watch your back, kemosabi.
Well, I guess they’re right- the end is coming now that we elected the Anti-Christ. And about fucking time! I’m sick of those who call themselves Xtians and have no idea what X embodied or espoused, even in the little fairy book they like to thump, let alone what he must’ve REALLY said. In Aramaic. Also.
Rev. Juan MessyCan: Well at least we can all agree that there was no Christ.
Carry on.
Update on my relentless pursuit to rebuild the republican party:
My suggestion “YOUTUBE For Republicans” is currently on the front page with 70 votes.
THANKYOU VOTERS!!!
“Why is this funny?” You ask … Read it carefully, then click on the link within the suggestion (NOT SAFE FOR WORK (Let’s just say … it involves a woman shooting flames out of her asshole)). Many of the comments are worth many giggles as well.
PLEASE VOTE!!!!
I am facehead and I approve this douchebaggery.
facehead: OOPS!! THE LINK IS:
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/72887
Oral in Flames? Try Mucinex!
Cheny indicted? wtf,
http://www.newschannel5.tv/2008/11/18/1001429/Willacy-County-Grand-Jury-Indicts-Vice-President
Not to worry. They’ll all get new jobs at the soon-to-be-opened Bush Library and School of Brush-Cutting.
Just today I heard Dr. Laura griping about how Godless Heathens are destroying America with their Godlessness. I guess this is just another example. Maybe it’s just that God hates Dr. Laura and Oral Roberts, and I’m pretty sure Mormons are on his poop list too now. http://www.drlaurablog.com - pretty entertaining, I love those crazy fucktards that think a person can’t be moral without religion- like before Jesus was in the picture people just ran around willy-nilly stabbing each other in the eyes with crude utensils.
Heh heh, Jesus has wood…en towers.
rambone:
The fall of capitalism is a small price to pay to see holy roller hypocrites kicked to the curb.
A small price to pay? Dude, it’s part of the plan.
Part 1: Demolish international Capitalism
Part 2: Elect black Premier
Part 3: Abolish religion
Soon we’ll be renaming ourselves the Union of Socialist States of America.
USSA!,USSA!, USSA! Huah!
Fuck. If Oral Roberts university goes under where am I gonna work on my P.H.D. in Dipshitery? I guess it’s off to my safety school: Liberty university.
I guess it’s true that time wounds all healers.
BTW, anyone else notice that Tulsa OK is “KO-a-slut” spelled backwards. Oh and BTW #2, I met Oral Roberts once and he is WAY creepier in person, [if you can even imagine such a thing].
Oral Roberts had a spending scandal? What, did the college president’s wife go shopping with Sarah Palin?
Oral Roberts is just following the downsizing that took place over at Hogwarths. Conventional wisdom says that in times of economic recession, witchcraft schools take a beating.
no news here
…ironically they are going to have to rely on their oral skills to get buy until Hopey can resurrect the economy! ME FIRST!
facehead: That was really funny, although I didn’t click the link.
RedTube. Hehe. RedTube.
Jesus has left the building…..
CooterMarie: well according to Prince we were sticking each other or being stuck willy nilly with penises. then God. which to me sounds like the perfect argument for atheism. why should the fun have to stop just cuz a deity checks in?
Maybe the can join up with all those Focus on the Family losers who got a pink slip this week too.
It’s off topic but you have got to see this throwdown between a wingnut and Nate Silver.
http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2008/11/interview-with-john-ziegler-on-zogby.html
I’m betting on an Oral Roberts education. (by the way is Anita Hill still teaching there?)
maybe the president of Oral Roberts should declare that unless the Lord gives him enough money to keep those employees on, he will throw himself off the top of the — oh, never mind.
This was obviously caused by a severe cutback in alumni contributions from Kathie Lee Gifford.
ForTheTurnstiles: Thanks for that! Made my day, and it’s early yet…!
CooterMarie: I wish a godless heathen would stab Dr. Laura in the eye with a crude utensil.
pepe: I am not sure how this will affect your toothbrush. You may need to consult Oral Hygiene - faith healer for teeth! Ba-dum-dum. Thank you ladies and gentleman, I will be here all week.
Layoff all staff, go to online Oral Roberts ‘degrees’ because why not? Use teh intarwebs to advance the cause of Ceiling Cat.
Aside: your laughing Jesus pic reminds me of another of my beefs against Christianity, namely Christ (yes ‘that One’) said, after the Beatitudes:
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
Christ was such a killjoy.
I wish I could full-on lulz about this one, but with this economy, it’s pretty fucked up to lose any job, even for them.
”The Economy Is the Secret Police of Your Desires.”
Sometimes, god gives people a rainbow as a sign, and sometimes he makes a black man president and lays off your hypocritical, white-trash ass.
Schadenfried: Just Karma checking in after the Xtian college graduates got all the juicy government jobs during Bush 2.
Obama has to smoke ‘em out next year. Anyone who was hired by Monica Goodling is the best place to start.
facehead: Three votes and comment. And I even get to meet girls in my neighborhood who want to have sex with me RIGHT NOW.
facehead you are a marketing genius.
They don’t even let the students dance. Criminal!
They don’t even let the students DANCE, which is criminal.
Don’t call it a layoff of 10% of the workforce, call it a faith-tithe for Jesus.
That 10% will be returned abundantly - real soon now.
Gopherit: It almost makes a godless heathen like me a believer. Amen.
2 gay guys named Bob=Oral Roberts