Unlicensed artisan Sam Wurzelbacher, known to most Americans as “Joe the Plumber,” has gone from interviews on CNN/MSNBC/Fox News everyday and being the only talking point of a major party’s presidential campaign to much higher vistas: an interview with the Tufts college newspaper and the single most important journalist since Mencken, Michael Bendetson, “a freshman who has not yet declared a major.” Joe explains that he will never have any success doing anything popular again, except for that weird blog and book.

Ha ha, this Bendetson fellow needs no lousy major ever, because he is awesome already:

Every presidential election has distinct images and words that come to people’s minds when they reminisce. In 1960, it was the New Frontier. In 1980, it was Morning Again in America. In 2008, it was Joe the Plumber.

With “Change” coming in at a distant second, of course.


Q: Various reports have also leaked the idea of you becoming a country musician. Is there any substance to this speculation?

A: No. I will dispel all the rumors I have heard. First, I will not be the new bachelor on ABC’s show. Second, I will not be a country music star. Most people pay me to stop singing — and not to sing. I will not be on a reality show; reality is what happens every day and not what happens when someone sticks a camera in your face.

Does he really expect anyone to believe that he won’t end up on a reality show, making the $2/gig night club appearance rounds in South Ossetia?

[Tufts Daily]

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  • Hedley Lamar

    Boy George doesn’t look well in that photo.

  • azw88

    Tufts, doesn’t that have something to do with a Brazilian wax??

  • PJ

    He could do Britney Spears imitations.

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=180311]Hedley Lamar[/re]: I thought that was Bruce Willis.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    I think I’m approaching dangerous levels schadenfreude overload.

  • Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=180313]PJ[/re]: Yeah, but who’d pay for that?

  • Snookums

    I’m going with Sigourney Weaver in the Aliens trilogy.

  • MadMangosteen

    “Most people pay me to stop singing — and not to sing.”

    hey, here’s an idea Sam – I’ll take up a collection for you to shut the fuck up entirely.

  • Aurelio

    Joe the Plumber could also appear at PARTIES with WRESTLING and PROSTITUTES!!

  • azw88

    [re=180324]MadMangosteen[/re]: oh shit, he’d be a rich MoFo!! We could create http://WWW.SHUTTHEFUCKUP.JOETHEPLUMBER.COM site tied to a paypal account take up a collection to pay him some hush money. And based on the financial reports, it wouldn’t take as much as you might think!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Being interviewed by a freshman is bad enough as being skipped over by Sean Insanity and his Irrelevance Tour 09.

    Can’t wait for the Joe the Plumber Sex Tape.

  • MadMangosteen

    [re=180330]azw88[/re]: and in true Joe the Plumber fashion, we’d be sure to skim a little off the top.

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=180319]Rev. Juan MessyCan[/re]: [re=180330]azw88[/re]: Now THAT I would pay for!

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    “Most people pay me to stop singing — and not to sing. ”

    I will pay you to die.

  • WalnutsThePlumber

    “reality is … not what happens when someone sticks a camera in your face.”

    truer words have never been spoken, samuel. does anyone have a mirror i can lend my friend joe?

  • psychedelicSludge

    this one’s more flattering – fit for the cover of the first country LP

  • SayItWithWookies

    In the interview, he says he doesn’t think it’s fair that people with less money pay a lower rate of taxes than people with more. But he doesn’t have a problem with rich people paying less in taxes than he does? This is the kind of bright young mind the Republicans need to harness if they want to win elections ever again.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    “I will not be the new bachelor on ABC?s show.” Whew, ABC dodged a bullet there. How many women would line up to date/marry a man who owes back taxes, is not licensed to ply his professed trade & displays his utter lack of knowledge about anything every time he opens his [drain] trap? (Ha!)

    Watching Gretchen Wilson, Sara Palin & Harriet Christian (who would have found out JTP is an inadequate white male) fighting over Joe would have been a ratings bonanza.

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=180361]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Half the eligible (and not) toothless trailer whores in Alabama would!

  • Them

    Michael also writes: “I shared a very nice phone conversation with Joe…”

    What he means is, “Someone wasn’t rude to me and didn’t treat me like a shit loser who gets tons of dick jokes about my last name! And he’s famous, sort of! Look out, world, I’m going places!”

  • frumious_bandersnatch

    Interviewed by an undergrad?

    For the first time ever I’m tempted to shriek “WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???”

  • wheelie

    Tonite in South Ossetia’s hottest club, we present:

    Vlad the Ethnic Cleanser!

    Oleg the Angry Militant!

    Djoto the Former Traitor, now Djoto the Corpse!

    Clive the Earnest British Feature Writer!

    And your star turn . . .

    Joe the Plumber!!

    But first – please welcome, singing ‘Blue Moon’ for you tonight, Thurpa the Turncoat Informer!

    (Try the baklava buffet, it’s delicious . . .)

  • grevillea

    [re=180361]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Apparently he also has quite the domestic violence record against a whole string of ex-wives/girlfs. Just to add the cherry to the top of the shit sundae that is JTP.

  • skroocap

    “In 1980, it was Morning Again in America.”

    1980? So why did we boot Carter?

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=180398]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: that ever happened*. I swear there’s some kind of conspiracy behind my grammar today.

  • Borat

    whoa, he is already saying he won’t be a “star”. what have they been promising you Joe? OUT with IT!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=180388]grevillea[/re]: Hadn’t heard that but I don’t doubt it for a second. Whoo hooo where can I sign up to date this magnificent specimen of male loserness?

  • Noisette

    “Well, I am fairly well read and have read Karl Marx’s work, and spread the wealth around is something that he mentions quite often.”

    Wingnut celeb has-beens of the World, Unite. You have nothing to lose but your… last remaining brain cell!

  • Constitutional Riots

    So is Joe going to rejoin the “Gay and Secular Fascism in this Country” again? That’s what Newt said.

  • peachgirl

    I’m surprised that Sinead O’Connor and Boy George hooked up but not surprised they kept quiet about it. Their spawn sounds like a real catch.

  • Maus

    [re=180388]grevillea[/re]: He probably told them he was going to purchase a 300k-worth business and punched their eyes in when they laughed.

  • facehead

    Where did you get that photo of Jeff Gannon?

  • Maus

    [re=180373]Them[/re]: Young Republicans hate talking to one that isn’t of their “kind”.

  • bfstevie

    “…never have any success doing anything popular again, except for that weird blog and book”?

    That weird blog and book AND taking over Bill Kristol’s column in the New York Times!

  • heroinmule

    Joe the Plumber and Jonny Fairplay should cut a Christmas album together.

  • Jukesgrrl

    When did Joe the Plumber start to wear eye liner? (That’s why facehead thought it was Jeff Gannon.)

  • 2druk2phluq

    [re=180429]facehead[/re]: I thought Jim got a picture of the meth whore who lives in the trailer park down there by PCH. Now I that I look more closely at it I realize it’s just another Louisiana slut. Them’s good eatin’.


  • Crab1

    [re=180445]2druk2phluq[/re]: Louisiana: 47th in education, 1st in sluts!

  • Canuckledragger

    Thanks for nuttin’ Wonkette. I just went back to JTP’s webshite for the first time since he first splashed into the bowl, and here’s what you get for your 15 bucks yearly subscription:

    Joe The Forum – nuttin’.

    Joe The Blogger – nuttin’.

    Joe In The Media – nuttin’.

    Joe The Shopper – nuttin’. [But you can pre-order the book. BTW, who publishes a book that would only ever appeal to people who demonstrably do not read? A question Sarah Plain’s publisher might wish to consider before parting with 7 mil, methinks.]

    Joe’s webshite is as vacuum-empty as his head. But it does say that v 2.0 of the shite is coming soon, meaning that it’ll be splendid when nobody cares any longer. Which for most of us was about a month back.

  • tonehedge

    [re=180324]MadMangosteen[/re]: Amen Brother, Amen.

  • grevillea

    My bizness plan by !1!!Joe#1!
    1. Gurlfrend gits real frendly with payday loans guy Raoul.
    2. Git $300k lone to buy biznes. Suck it, boss!!!
    3. Hire 10 Messicans that noe plumming.
    4. $250K profit!!
    5. Gurlfrend suiside boms IRS.

  • Come here a minute

    You have earned the new puppy that is coming with us to the White House.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Does he really expect anyone to believe that he won’t end up on a reality show, making the $2/gig night club appearance rounds in South Ossetia?

    He is a Republican, so I assumed he would take the normal path of offering black men $20 to blow them in park restrooms.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=180321]Snookums[/re]: I had forgotten that Joe had such a good rack.

  • loganmo

    Is that picture of Elizabeth Edwards post-chemo for her lady cancer??

  • bluetom00

    Awesome if he weren’t wrong: the “Morning Again in America” campaign was 1984. Ohh, burned you, freshman twat! Hah!

  • tsunami


    your hideous, disgusting comment regarding elizabeth edwards
    is exactly what i like about wonkette.

  • CumaeanSibyl

    [re=180440]heroinmule[/re]: Can we get Danny Bonaduce to bust a couple of Joe’s teeth, then?

  • Beef Supreme

    I thought that was Mr. Clean, who is pissed off, because you didn’t mop the goddamn kitchen floor like you were supposed to do.

  • Worlds End
  • CooterMarie

    I expect he will end up on Celebrity Boxing and Tanya Harding will come out, hit in the leg with a toilet plunger, then beat the tar out of him.

  • rocktonsammy

    Doesn’t this loser have plumbing to do, a book to write and a c d to make?


  • Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=180508]rocktonsammy[/re]: And take Ted Stevens by the hand. On your way to cry in Palin’s cleavage.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=180504]Worlds End[/re]: I like to think it was the $25 I sent to Mark Begich. (And 7 felony convictions).

  • Borat

    [re=180460]Canuckledragger[/re]: Now, now, be nice. Sarah and her kin read, everything if you recall. The question is can she write? I think Huckleberry Finn would make a good ghost writer for Sarah.

  • ioksotot23

    Joe…Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe…..crappy website, 15min=over, you are sucking chest wound in the ribs of America, and you will be FORGOTTEN. Time to start selling shampoo and conditioner, half-wit.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Hmmm… I noticed there aren’t any curse words for Joe the Plumber, I will go to the cellar and come out with a few after a bottle of Hope Gin.

  • OzoneTom

    OT: Does anyone else think that the picture of Lil’ Bushie on the Kakistocracy advert on the left might be a good choice for the new -$20 bill?

  • bitchincamaro

    Haha. Stevens loses on his birthday. Blow out ALL your candles; contemplate your obit.

  • ioksotot23

    [re=180521]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: tit-headed half-wit moran? literal penis-head? beady-eyed hog in the media slaughter house? stupid fucking RNC plant?

  • ParallelComics

    I would just like to day that today, for the first time, I am truly proud of my university.

    Seriously, I just asked someone and the thing ran some time last week…!? How did I miss this solid gold turd?

  • OffTheRecord

    [re=180525]bitchincamaro[/re]: The schadenfreude just will not stop. I love this election.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=180526]ioksotot23[/re]: That’s the spirit!

    Bold-faced tittyheaded scum-cumming succubus.
    Hypocritical tax violating shit sack.
    Small brained throat-fucking tard-reserve.
    Used Whore.
    Wife-beating closet gay assfucking homophobe.
    Small-dicked fatheaded shit-eating welfare loving tax hating creep-a-fuck.

    And I’m spent.

  • ioksotot23

    [re=180530]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Used Whore. That about sums it up. He’s got his 20$ and is rinsing his mouth with a nipper of brandy. Hopefully to never be heard from again.

  • bitchincamaro

    Anybody besides me thinking that 44 reprieved Bagface Lieberman so that he could kill 2 shitbirds with one stone when he pulls the plug on HSA?

  • ioksotot23

    [re=180536]bitchincamaro[/re]: that is an eminently sweet thought. Bye Bye Homeland Security Pie.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=180530]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That was the hy-test basement gin, right?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=180540]bitchincamaro[/re]: Anything Hopey is the hy-test gin.

  • ioksotot23

    [re=180540]bitchincamaro[/re]: or cheap tall-boys

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Joe the Plumber- exciting new member for The Village People and Friends Reunion Tour.

  • trai_dep

    Does Jim’s choice of illustrating picture mean that he’s hoarding paparazzo pix of Joe’s shaved nether regions, tiny bits a-danglin’?
    (Did you see what I did with that missing “g” there, didjya, huh? Didjya?)

  • Serolf Divad

    I will not be a country music star. Most people pay me to stop singing — and not to sing

    Yeah, but Country Music is what happens when you put a guy who would normally be paid not to sing in an auditorium filled with the sorts of people who would never pay a guy not to sing. And then he sings.

  • rmontcal

    Doesn’t he know that reality is what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real?

  • TurdBlossom

    Jumbos represent!

  • Woodwards Friend

    In classic Reggie Dunlop fashion, I’m putting a bounty on this toilet plungers head. $100 to anyone who puts enough Visine is his Tony Packos hot dog to give him the shits something fierce.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Joe quickly became a hero among conservatives for his courage and his honesty. In the third presidential debate, Joe the Plumber was mentioned 26 times, while the economy was mentioned 16 times and Iraq just 6 times.

    This is pretty much exhibit A of why conservatives are stuck in a feedback loop of fucktardery.

  • thebeatgoeson

    TurdBlossom, ParallelComics: I’m a former Jumbo, too (back during the Ford/Carter era)! I’m pretty sure none of my friends would use the words “courage and honesty” in the same sentence as “Joe the Plumber”. Although there were a lot of rich prep school assholes there back then, and I’m sure a fair share of Republicans as well, so who knows…

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