Getch’r Tickets To Sean Hannity’s Concert Series! FOR AMERICA.

  america f%$ yeah

Hmm. It appears as though this is happening next summer. Should we see Sean Hannity’s Bill Ray Cyrus brood over an extended version of “Achy Breaky Heart,” or shall we instead go with Sean Hannity’s Oliver North, who will… sell weapons to us? In musical form? What? [Freedom Concerts '09]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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165 comments

  1. Dave J.

    Sean has a permanent case of DoucheFace. I mean, seriously, I see that guy, and I just want to kick him in the throat. What a tool.

  2. m_supercomputer

    Oliver North will thrill the audience of people who showed up to hear his sexy, sexy voice talk about crushing all enemies, everywhere. So it’ll be an all-male crowd.

    Seriously, this is the worst event I’ve ever heard of, and I didn’t think anything could beat the National Review Cruise for that title.

  3. magic titty

    In Sean Hannity’s America no one will give a fuck, and Michael Steele will lament the dearth of the word ‘coon’ in present-day jargon.

  4. Texan Bulldoggette

    I personally would rather watch a cat get shaved than this stellar line up of blehhh. I bet Billy Ray won’t make it; Miley/Hannah Montana will be knocked up by then or her nude pictures will have been discovered by TMZ.

  5. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    This reminds me of the posters I’ve seen in Mexico City’s Zona Rosa for touring porn-stars doing live shows in the plexi-glassed shower rooms some of the more affluent gay clubs have there.

  6. Dr. Spaceman

    I went to a Oliver North / Propaghandi double-headliner last year and my mind is still blown!!!!!

  7. lenorecutie

    [re=180232]Dave J.[/re]: Billy Ray Cyrus looks like a pretty big douche bag in that picture too. It looks like he’s on his way to play Ramon, the swarthy Latin cabana boy on All My Children. Or pornography. He could be on his way to do pornography.

  8. Gopherit

    Hahaha. The Phoenix show is on Aug 9th, the middle of Arizona’s monsoon season. If there is any justice, one lighning strike will take out 50K of freepers. Is it really so bad to pray for rain?

  9. Styrofoam Boots

    America, we won! Hannity is realizing he has to make his money elsewhere! We did it! Go Freedom Concer— what? Wait. What the fuck is this?!?! America… we… won?

  10. sike101

    Wow, is that the same Lee Greenwood that sits on the National Council for the Arts. What a “get”. He usually only graces folks with his presence at state fairs, sawp meets and tractor pulls. That Hannity has some real stroke.

  11. shortsshortsshorts

    What the hell! There are no concerts scheduled for San Francisco? WE ARE FUCKING CONSERVATIVE HERE, I SWEAR. I PROMISE WE WONT PROTEST SEAN. pwwease?

  12. Dave J.

    The Freedom Alliance thing is pretty fascinating–apparently, the entire point of the organization is to provide scholarships to the kids of members of the armed forces who are killed overseas. That’s a noble goal, absolutely. If you get into the guts of the organization–its IRS 990 form–however, you see some interesting stuff. Most notably, that they’ve paid (or so they claim) about $1 million in scholarships since the foundation was created several years ago, but just this past year spent $1.6 million on postage and printing, and tons more on consultants, travel, etc. These are things that we in the non-profit sector informally refer to as “red flags” when we’re looking at a 990 form.

  13. Anonymous Office Zombie

    [re=180232]Dave J.[/re]:
    My favorite thing about Hannity is how the whole raison de etre for his TV show lies in casting him opposite Colmes. Hannity’s whole argument consists in looking like a beefy, ex-jock, all-American, asshole, who could beat the crap out of a scrawny wimp.

  14. V572625694

    “As a result of many who have purchased tickets, we have been able to send over 8000 copies of American Heroes by Oliver North to members of the US military world wide.” As if it didn’t suck enough to breaking down doors in Iraq, or getting ambushed by Talibanis in Afghan9stan, you get some time off, go to mail call, find you have package, and….oh, fuck: it’s American Heroes by Ollie North.

    It’s a wonder they don’t all commit war crimes.

  15. Cape Clod

    The only way Billy Ray Cyrus has any relevance these days is because of his trollop daughter. And the last time anyone gave a shit about Charlie Daniels was when Oliver North was wiping his ass with the constitution in an official capacity.

  16. ScribblinPossum

    The Perfect Christmas Gift?

    Oh, my ass!! Getting tickets to this Fiesta de los Shit Extravaganza is like a thousand times worse than when my best ‘mo got me two tickets to see “Footloose – The Musical” at the Pantages in Hollywood for my birthday a few years back. I wasn’t sure whose eyeballs I wanted to pluck out and stomp on first – his or my own. And it really was the most sucky show ever.

    But I bet you anything this one beats it. The lameness of it all crushes my spirit.

  17. sarcasticusername

    wow that shit sounds like the worst concert EVER! you couldn’t pay me to go near that thing.

  18. azw88

    North is finally gonna sing? Who’s he ratting out this time?

    [re=180269]Dave J.[/re]: Let’s see, spent 1.6 Mil on raising the money and actually spent $1 mill on their charity… Yup, sounds like they ain’t making a profit!

  19. V572625694

    From the Freedom Concert FAQ:

    “When will venue information for Freedom Concerts be announced?

    “All venue information will be announced by November 15th. At that time, you will receive an email confirming all relevant information. The venue will be within the general metropolitan area for which the event has been announced.”

    Ha ha ha, if they sell more than 300 tickets they’ll have to rent a hall. Otherwise: Balboa Park!

  20. Dave J.

    [re=180285]azw88[/re]: Yes, and note that the $1.6m was in ONE YEAR, whereas the $1m paid out was over a four year period.

    The other horribly hilarious thing about the 990 form (which I really do encourage you all to read, as it is quite enlightening) is that it lists the soldiers who received cash grants, along with how much they were given.

    Here’s a direct quote, no joke: “Face was blown off and lost sight in one eye. $1,000.”

  21. Kwame'

    [re=180269]Dave J.[/re]: Can’t we sick Charity Navigator or one of those other “watch” organizations on Hannity? He’s brainwashing our troops and has hijacked the concept of patriotism.
    Summer’s Eve needs to sponsor this horror show.

  22. null

    Ollie will cover some classic tracks from Johnny Cash’s “Everybody Loves a Nut,” including “The One on the Right is on the Left,” “The Bug That Tried to Crawl Around the World,” and “Dirty Old Egg Sucking Dog.”

  23. joezoo

    The “perfect” Christmas gift, Sean? Really? Oh that’s funny because I thought we already GOT the perfect Christmas gift about 2000 years ago!! Baby Jesus died on the cross for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, Sean. Why do you and your cadre of secular musicians and war criminals hate Him so? How disrespectful.

  24. WesternCorrespondent

    I threw away a CD of music by Hank Williams Jr. after I saw he was the opening act for The Sarah Palin “Hate Message” Campaign Rally and Hoe-Down.

  25. Atheist Nun

    Republicans:

    • Incapable of producing good music
    • Incapable of producing good comedy
    • Incapable of producing good graphic design
    • Incapable of producing an intelligent, coherent political strategy

    Can we wrap this thing up in a discarded Dennison’s Chili box found behind the supermarket and stow it away next to the Halloween decorations in the garage?

  26. azw88

    [re=180293]Dave J.[/re]: Bastards. I hate “charities” that pimp themselves as caring organizations, yadda yadda yadda, only to find out that they truly spend a vast majority of the cash on their pimping for board of directors. Trips, luxury items, etc etc. That’s why I rarely give to the United Way. Too much of the money goes to overhead. I prefer to give directly to local groups that have a direct contact with those in need.

    And ones that pimp themselves as ‘patriotic’ piss me off the most. But I guess it really is the American way to get as much money as you can from suckers. That is why PT Barnum is an all american hero

  27. Sazerac

    All ya gotta do to see Ollie is hang around Taqueria Nacionale in the bottom of the Hall of States ( Fox News has to write a rent check to the Teamsters every month!). It’s much cheaper than buying a ticket and it’s fun to watch him bitch about how much stuff they put on his fish tacos.

  28. Crab1

    Anybody who would buy tickets to this musical apocalypse has great taste in EVERYTHING and I welcome their advice in how I can change my life.

  29. ManchuCandidate

    Ollie brings down the house with rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Major General.”

    I am the very model of a marine bird colonel,
    I’m made of all vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I knew the Ronald of Reagan, and I trafficed in weapons technical
    From Beirut to Managua, in order categorical;
    I’m very well acquainted, too, with fucking up astronomical,
    My answers to questions, team with the bullshit and theatrical,
    About right wing venom I’m peddling just the same old views,
    With many cheerful facts about the selling of the cocaine.

  30. SayItWithWookies

    Coincidentally, their tour dates match up exactly with the Asshat Museum’s Traveling Has-Been Show.

  31. joezoo

    The blank contentment on Sean’s face, the repressed shame on Billy Ray’s face…

    Hey Billy Ray, what’re you doing with your right hand?

  32. Canuckledragger

    OK, if these douches REALLY want to do something for the troops, why don’t they hive off to Iraq to perform FOR the troops?

    Oh! It’s because it’s so much easier to sit Stateside and PRETEND to give a shit, rather than do a USO tour the way, say, Al Franken has done a mere SEVEN FUCKIN’ TIMES in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    Once a chickenhawk, ALWAYS a hypocritical arsehole.

    [For the record, Lee Greenwood HAS done five USO tours, in places as inhospitable as Iceland, Greenland, Newfoundland, Panama, Scotland and England. Daniels has performed in the Caribbean. Fuck, even Ted Nugent and Toby Keith have made it to a war zone at least once each, but not Hannity's Heroes.]

  33. hillarys_left_nut

    if you’re old enough you can remember when Charlie Daniels wasn’t a complete and total asshole.

    You got to be pretty fucking old though. Me, for example, I just exited that allegedly hot-shit 25-54 demographic last week, and I can barely remember it, it was so long ago. Or anything else, actually, including whatever I thought my point was.

    Oh yeah, Charlie Daniels is a tool, that’s it. And in that picture he looks so self-SATISFIED about being an unmitigated & indisputable butt-noggin…that’s actually a Hannity trait too come to think about it. At least this Greenwood character, whoever the fuck HE is, LOOKS a little embarassed.

  34. Kev-O-Tron

    I shall go forth to my favorite Seattle tavern and mock this mercilessly! I bet the last dates on the bill wind up looking like the end of Spinal Tap.

    “Coming soon to a state fair near you!”

  35. Texan Bulldoggette

    Where’s Joe the Plumber? Everyone knows the no-talent in the band plays the tambourine, maracas or, in this hackfest, scrubs the washboard.

  36. Aquannissiwamissoo

    Is Billy Ray Cyrus gonna have that little dab of dog waste under his lip when he “sings” ?

  37. psychedelicSludge

    [re=180237]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Why not do both. First, watch a cat get shaved. Then you’ll REALLY be in the mood for this extraveganza.

  38. Palin-Plumber2012

    I saw on some left-wing site that of all charities, the Freedom Concert gives the smallest % of revenue to the actual cause. Does anyone want to verify this, or can we all assume it’s true?

  39. Hooray For Anything

    There are many reasons not to be a Republican but none as much as the fact that Republicans consider this show as something that would be appealing.

  40. Palin-Plumber2012

    [re=180246]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: Propagandhi! Ohh yes, thanks for the reminder to play Hallee Sallasse, Up Your Ass! Did they drag Oliver North on stage when they sang Resisting Tyrannical Government?

  41. psychedelicSludge

    First, you pay to show up. Ooh so patriotic and excited you are! But when the doors close, you begin to turn into a donkey. Before you know it, you’re part of the slave donkey crew which works at FoxNews in the basement.

    “Located in the fictional land of Murdock, FoxNews Island serves as a haven for wayward boys, allowing them to act as they please without recrimination. However, the truer and more sinister purpose of FoxNews Island is eventually revealed as it begins to physically transform the boys into donkeys.” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleasure_Island_(Pinocchio)

  42. Oh hell to the no

    [re=180300]kwame’[/re]: What’s really weird is that gays and lesbians can join that site. Why they would, I don’t know but they can.

  43. sanantonerose

    I have always had a crush on Michael W. Smith. Had a boyfriend in HS that loved listening to that shit.

  44. ivenson

    That picture looks like a promotional shot for a tour of American Idol losers….like first couple of weeks losers, not the ones that normally get to go on tour. Imagine an obese African American lady dressed up like tweety bird right between country Santa and the gay one.

  45. Scandalabra

    For the finale, Sarah Palin is slowly lowered from the rafters to the stage in a spangly, gyrating minidress a la Tina Turner 1971. The crowd erupts in a volcano of starbursts as a bluegrass version of “Proud Mary” segues into “I’m Proud to be an American”.

  46. OffTheRecord

    Ew. There is something called a Gold Leather Gift Set. Naughty. And all of these naughty sounding gift sets are already sold out…typical republicans.

  47. Dave J.

    [re=180360]Palin-Plumber2012[/re]: Yes, scroll up a bit to see some of my earlier comments about this very thing.

  48. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Good god, are freepers that incapable of self-examination? Identifying with a whole host of washed-up, worthless musicians for a dumb-ass, pseudo-patriotic “cause”, that apparently does nothing more than pay itself for it’s masturbation? Wait, I think I answered my own question.

  49. glamourdammerung

    Why in the world would troops fighting overseas want Ollie North’s book? The prick should have been shot for treason, and that is me putting it kindly and with no malice.

  50. FalconerHK

    What in gay hell? That crew looks a drunken excuse away from reenacting the orgy scene from Caligula, albeit with a lot more hog howls, flatulence, various soiled support garments, suspicious goo and sticky inflatable twin-headed Chuck Norris/Ted Nugent fuck dolls.

    All that’s missing is a cameo appearance from Larry the Fucking Cable Guy covered in baby oil on all fours with his yawning asshole in the air, squealing “Git ‘er done!” in that creepy high voice while Hank and Hannity improvise a Christmas porno, complete with lots of crying after Hannity sits on “Santa’s” lap.

    BTW this is the first post I’m copy-pasting into my Obama employment application. The way his cabinet picks are shaping up I’ll be fast-tracked to head up the FCC.

  51. StephanieInCA

    Would it be possible to move this up to Jan. 20 and relocate it to, oh, Washington DC?

    EPIC throwdown.

  52. Ted Perino

    August 22 in Atlanta. May we pray that it is outdoors and begins at noon. Gonna be some sun-burned folks in the trailer park that night!

  53. Snozberries

    Can’t wait to get the shirt! Anyone want me to get ‘em some? Maybe for the kids?

    Ok, back to the salvia.

  54. PioBaroja

    I will take out a fifth mortgage on my house to pay to rent a booth there, in order to put up a banner explaining my new venture…BIG $ALE ON TRUCKNUTZ! If anyone wants to go in with me, we would probably sell, like, a thousand pair the first day. I don’t know what the markup on those things is, but we’d make a tremendous amount of money. Also, sell truck nutz.

  55. Jukesgrrl

    [re=180250]lenorecutie[/re]: Cyrus already did pornography. In Vanity Fair with his jail-bait daughter.

  56. Constitutional Riots

    [re=180347]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: The Puyallup Fair would be perfect. Did they ever get that e-coli thing corrected?

  57. Constitutional Riots

    [re=180363]Keram2[/re]: There’s always the self aggrandizing, Kelsey Grammer tool, comedy leper, Dennis Miller.

  58. Toomush Infermashun

    Okay, I must not be drunk enough yet…What does Sean do on this? ‘Cause emcee only cuts it if he wears the Liberace coat….

  59. kimbongil

    The closet fascist in me says that this is target rich environment for picking up the low life scum who clamor for smaller government, while taking back a $1.25 for every buck they kick to DC. Yeah you KY, TN, MS, AL, LA, I am talking to you.

    if you rounded up this crowd and the Palinberg Rallies, we could actually raise our national IQ by order of magnitude.

    they actually round themselves up…GENIUS!!

  60. Lord Foppington of Dandyshire

    I believe Michael W. Smith is the closeted homosexual xtian singer whose son ran over their adopted asian kid in their driveway.

  61. lazyb

    I don’t think he’s that one. I think he’s the closeted homosexual christian singer who got busted with a bunch of pills a while back. I only know that because I was working in court when he came in for his sentencing. How anyone can go through addiction and criminal prosecution and STILL be a judgmental conservative fuckwad is beyond me.

  62. Schmannity

    Charlie Daniels’ “Leave this Country Boy Alone” lyrics from the ’70s: “People say I’m no good, crazy as a loon, cause I get stoned in the morning, I get drunk in the afternoon….” Don’t tell the Hannitizer.

  63. rocktonsammy

    I ‘m guessing all the groupies will be at the ‘I’d fuck anybody but these assholes concert’.

  64. springfield_meltdown

    [re=180259]sike101[/re]: I thought Lee Greenwood had been reduced to Indian casino gigs and Branson if he is lucky. That said back in the day one of Charlie Daniels’s songs was “Uneasy Rider”. The hero was a long-haired guy with a peace sign on his ride who has a run in with rednecks who follow John Birch. So sad what he has become.

  65. G. Friday

    [re=180377]sanantonerose[/re]: I had a holy roller girlfriend in high school who went to see him, too. This was when, 1986? How did I always get stuck with the protestants?

  66. Ohio Wonkette Fan

    Why does the promo look like some creepy klan reunion? Maybe Palin will join them for the big finale…

  67. LuckyJim

    Ahhh! It’s that time of the year again – and so soon! – when Charlie Daniels emerges from his hat and predicts if it will snow this Christmas.

    *sigh*

    This and the Grinch cartoon are longstanding traditions in the LuckyJim household.

    Merry Xmas everyone!

  68. hobospacejungle

    Hey Michael W. Smith — ever heard of a stage name? You know, like Englebert Humperdinck? Jesus christ, might as well call yourself Blandy van Blandingham, Boring J. Snoozefest, Freedom W. Fartface. Something, anything other than Michael W. Smith.

    Putz.

  69. TexasCowGirl

    Oh my gay stars! This is just pathetic and who are these people? Will they disinvite BRC if the Obama Princesses visit Miley on the set of Hannah Montana? Surely they won’t stand for pallin’ around with terrorists.

    Oh and they all look gay, gay, gay. Including Hannity.

  70. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=180470]RobPetrified[/re]: I went to H.S. with a guy named Rob Petri in Michigan. Is it you?

  71. Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat

    Oliver North? Geez I totally woulda gone if they could have gotten a more recent Republican criminal like Scooter Libby. Ollie North is like so 1980′s…..

  72. Mull_Man

    Christ, their ’06 990 is hilarious. In a stroke, it invalidates the right wing notion that the private sector is better at providing aid. Other gems w/in:
    • has some nice mysteries (+100k/yr for “caging services”???)
    • Headline finances (in 000′s): Total Rev=10,890; Total Grants=398; Total Investments=10,899; Total Net Assets=14,761; grants as percent of net assets=2.7%.
    • The bulk of their money seems to be spent on convincing fellow citizens that the UN is intent on turning our nations youth into international sodomites – a spendy activity that apparently involves much licking of stamps.
    • It’s CEO is one Thomas P. Kilgannon. Send him a note at
    5704 WOOD CREEK LA, CENTREVILLE, VA 20120
    or look at his fabulous abode, betwix (look it up) some gov vips. Btw, I believe this is w/in Fake Virginia. Mr. Kilgannon donated $250 to the “Jim Gilmore for President” campaign in 5/2007, so he really can spot talent.
    • Freedom Alliance also runs a program where parents pay ~ $1200 to send little hitlers to mock boot camp. Here they learn to embrace their inner skinhead.
    • Their “Director of Programs” is a DEAD PRESIDENT, one Calvin Coolidge. Really.

  73. azw88

    [re=180346]hillarys_left_nut[/re]: I won’t even listen to “the Devil went down in Georgia” anymore. When it comes on the radio, I change the station…. Song is sooo overplayed.

    Besides, what over song has Daniels done beside Devil and that Patriotic crap???

  74. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    No kidding. Wasn’t Ollie sorta cute in that dangerous, pull your hair, slap your ass kinda way?

  75. JSDC007

    Think I’ll attend the “opposite of freedom” concert by Madonna or the anti-american concert given by the little Peruvian guys playing the pan flute at street corners.

  76. johnbpt

    WTF?!!! I thought Billy Ray Virus was executed for crimes against humanity back at the end of the last century. Or was I just dreaming that?

  77. SayItWithWookies

    [re=180655]Mull_Man[/re]: [re=180405]Dave J.[/re]: You guys rock. I’ve been wondering about this and a few of those other charities Rush, Assity and the other guy push all the time. As unsurprised as I am, I’m glad you did a little forensic accounting and checked out the specifics.

  78. JDHART

    Would someone tell Shawn Han-ninny that it isn’t 2000 anymore! They should change the name to the Washed Up Has-Beens Against Free Thought Tour. Oliver North, my ass! Didn’t he just try to cover up a bunch of war deaths, right up until people pulled out their camera phones for the video?

  79. Aloysius

    Way long ago, like a hunderd years or so, back when Carter was in office, Kenner came up with what I then believed to be the worst Christmas gift ever: a box with an IOU note inside. The note promised to send me some Star Wars action figures as soon as they could get the Chinamen back to work in the plastic mines. In Kenner’s defense, at least their IOU promised toys.

    Flash-forward a few parsecs to December 25, 2008. If I get a promissory note for tickets to Hannipalooza, I’m going to go out to the garage and bull’s-eye some wamp rats in my T-16. And by “wamp rats” I mean any and all passing cars with McCain-Palin bumper stickers, and by “T-16″ I mean my underwear.

  80. Min

    Why is Michael W. Smith appearing at an event with a hateful, mean-spirited bastard like Hannity? Mike, you’re breaking my heart!

  81. IslandGirlFL

    Can some tell me when Billy Ray Cyrus stopping being a Democrat? He performed at the ’96 DNC, in his mulleted glory. Maybe the democratic part was in the hair???

  82. messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=180883]IslandGirlFL[/re]: That was the hippy “party in the back” portion. He has since cut that off.

  83. JadedDIssonance

    Aha, here we go. They are related (as per section 80a on their 2006 990 filing) through common memnbership, governing bodies, trustees, officers, etc to: Team America (an exempt organization). Team America is Tom Tancredo’s Anti-Immigrant PAC. I have been unable to find a list of the board of directors for the TA PAC, but its FEC sheets are quite interesting. Apparently the two “non-profits” use the same mailing list company: Robertson Mailing List Company (RMLC) and the FEC has been asking TAPAC about its relationship to the same company as per this Request For Additional Information filed on 6/20/2008.

    FEC’s Disclosure for TAPAC: http://images.nictusa.com/cgi-bin/fecimg/?C00396291
    Freedom Alliance’s 990 form: http://www.guidestar.org/FinDocuments/2006/541/411/2006-541411430-038152cd-9A.pdf

    Freedom Alliance made $279,266 from renting its mailing list in 2006.
    They paid The Richard Norman Company $91, 842 for “educational outreach adv.” Richard Norman also helped start RMLC, and his wife, Vicky, is now the VP and CEO of RMLC. Richard is a highly successful direct-mail fundraiser.

    Tell me what you think. sketchy?

  84. DP

    Awww Crap!!! I waited too long!!! All the Gold Leather Commemorative Gift Sets are sold out!!!
    Wait…”Gold Leather?” Sounds gay….

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