Ever since LBJ came to Washington, political elites and indeed all of America have been subjected to the endless dunderheaded clowning of Texans. We have been told that Shiner Bock, a homegrown version of generic piss-beer, is “awesome,” and that it looks cool to wear a tuxedo with cowboy boots and a massive belt buckle that draws attention to the wearer’s comparatively puny genitals. Finally the tyranny of Texas will come to an end because George W. Bush will soon fuck off back to Dallas or wherever he can find that won’t extradite him for War Crimes, and the rest of America will fondly look back on Texas as that place they have to fly over to get to California. [Politico]
GO BACK TO MEXICO
November 18, 2008
State Of Texas To Finally Fade Into Obscurity
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{ 149 comments }
Hmmmm what happened to Crawford? He just upped and moved to Crawford before the 2000 election and then upped and moved out after he’s out of office? Pandering much?
Fun to be had:
http://www.2012draftsarahcommittee.com/
Dallas? What ever happened to Paraguay?
There is something I like about Shiner, and that is that if you drink it, you get drunk. Austin’s cool. Fuck the rest of ‘em.
Yeah, can’t see another Texan being much in DC for the foreseeable future. Not a bad thing. Most of them are all hat and no cattle.
From now on, can we require Texans to show ID before they enter America?
[re=179933]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It was his hobby ranch-and from what I hear it’s all “Don’t let the Barn door hitcha on tha ass on tha way out now hear?”
[re=179936]Serolf Divad[/re]: My thoughts exactly. I mean, in Dallas, he’d be competing for attention with Mark Cuban, which nobody wants to happen. At least in Paraguay he’d be allowed to fade away into utter irrelevancy, or goes before a firing squad during the next junta.
[re=179939]Hound[/re]: Austin’s cool.
I’m not sure they know, for I have never in my life heard anyone from Austin puff their chest and crow about Austin for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours about how much better it is than San Francisco or Portland or New York or Barcelona or the lost city of Atlantis.
[re=179940]AfghanVet[/re]:
To be fair, there are only two things that come from Texas…
I saw some pork rinds yesterday at the market. It made me think of Poppy, whose main claim to redneckness was his alleged fondness for these items, which really are higher on the redneck scale than W’s favorites, pretzels, which, to the dismay of some, he failed to choke on.
[re=179936]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Shhhhhhhhh!!!! No one is supposed to know about the United States of Bush.
Thank you, Sara, for telling the inconvenient truth that Shiner Bock sucks.
I mean, damn. I’m from Portland, OR, and our WORST beer is 10x better than Shiner, so I nearly go crazy with rage when some jagoff tries to tell me how amazing Shiner is.
Huzzah! Any state that demands men wear hats with crushed budgerigars stapled to the front, deserves to be ignored.
Oh, and Shiner Bock? Meh. Gimme Lone Star any time.
Though it’s been said many times, many ways, alt-text FTW!
Ya know kids, your grand father had the pleasure of hating several Texas Presidents over their propenity to start or continue senseless wars. Yes, Texas! It used to be a state, now we let Mexico use it as a land fill.
Texas ain’t no state, its a republic. That’s why republicans like it. But the SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN
Every part of Texas that I have ever visited has been a horrible, dusty swine pit. Texans are under the delusion that by talking proudly about Texas they will somehow convince the rest of us to disbelieve our eyes and ears and believe that Texas is somehow a good place, despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary. This is the moral equivalent of lipstick on a pig.
Note to Texans: I don’t mean this in a bad way.
Jesus Christ on a cow patty I hate Texas, except Austin, but I once had the typical goddammed Texan say one of the funniest things to me. It was sweltering, (yeah, so?), and he hitched himself on his Godawful, ginormous belt buckle and said, “You know, little lady, it’s hottern’ than two fat rats fuckin’ in a wool sock”. It was the wool sock that put it over the top.
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]: Hey! Where’s Seattle in your list of fake americas?
“Texas losing status, clout” Nice headline there Politico. Maybe if I follow every substantive noun with its synonym I’ll sound impressive too. Good day, afternoon. How was your lunch, meal?
Hold off there, yankee, not all people who live in the (somewhat) redneckedy state of Texas fit your stereotype.
If stupid hipster nutsacks don’t come to Austin and pretend that Shiner is the greatest, like they were a couple of fat middle aged parents standing outside the Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyworld, how would I be able to tell them apart from the local hipster nutsacks?
Shiner is a tourist beer for idiots and if you drink it unless you have no other option, you are retarded.
PS can this also mean that nobody gives a fuck about Marfa anymore? Those stupid rednecks think they’re so great.
[re=179960]freakishlystrong[/re]: Texas Dan Rather has a million of these Texanisms, some of which he invents for his own amusement.
I am a student at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. As far as I’m concerned, the day I leave here, the entire landmass is more than welcome to fuck off and fall into the Gulf. And Shiner isn’t horrible, but I agree that it’s not masturbatingly good.
Hate Texas if you must, but leave Shiner Bock out of it. Shiner Bock never did anything to you.
Read my lips: No New Texans.
[re=179935]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Oh, the Draft Sarah Website is great.
First interesting thing to note: their Yahoo Group appears to be based in Canada.
[re=179967]Aurelio[/re]: Yep, it was always it’s somthin’er than a somthin’.
[re=179959]Aurelio[/re]: Go to Austin, or come to Houston — our Art Car Parade is spectacular, and the Gay Pride Parade is a blast.
I would date Texas’ coming of age to Billie Sol Estes, who established the state’s post-war standard of morality: it didn’t matter what you did, so long as you did it in a big way. By which standard the Somali pirates who stole the supertanker would make good Texans.
Texas after oil = a Wal-Mart parking lot.
Ha ha. Shiner Bock does suck balls. Do people think its good?
[re=179962]Iggy Plop[/re]: Nice catch, observation.
The Butthole Surfers are from Texas.
[re=179969]grendel[/re]: Which is my main complaint about it.
[re=179972]Borat[/re]: Ha. only 1 user in the Canadian Draft Sara Yahoo Group (let me guess its Snowbilly herself).
The website actually has an amazing offer to let me “Gain friends, surprize liberals around the office coffee pot”
Tuck Fexas.
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]: I heard an analogy here once that seems fitting. People from Austin are like cat owners who insist that THEIR cat is nice and THEIR cat doesn’t claw up the furniture when in actuality their cat fucking sucks at life.
[re=179939]Hound[/re]: Shiner Bock is just plain shitty beer. Life’s too short to be a hipster and drink junk like that.
[re=179993]flapjackjackson[/re]: so are the Butthole Presidents.
I do have to give a big F-you on the Shiner comment.
we don’t want him back! send him somewhere else!
also, Shiner is AWESOME. you yanky bitters can’t handle the awesomeness.
[re=179991]El Bombastico[/re]: Shiner Bock does suck, but not as bad as Lone Star Beer.
satyricrash: Fair enough.
But the real question is, who is that freaky little Asian lady next to Satan in the picture?
Yes, but George Bush is a *pretend* Texan.
That’s it. I’m moving to Hawaii so I can enter politics. It’s the new Texas. Or maybe it’s..yuck..Illinois, which is too close to my childhood. But no, RULE BY THE ALOHA STATE!
What about Marfa? Can we keep Marfa?
[re=179962]Iggy Plop[/re]: Plagiarized from today’s NYT “Automakers lose clout”. Did any place lose clout before Detroit and Dallas did?
[re=180015]dano[/re]: But Lone Star costs like, a nickel!
Anyone who is bragging about Austin anymore probably moved here like, 5 years ago.
Dick Armey, Tom Delay, Phil Gramm, Alberto Gonzales, George Bush. I think it’s high time that Texas grabbed some pine.
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]: Hey, I was born and raised in Portland, lived in New York, and now I live in Austin, and Austin is the coolest place EVER!!1! Except for New York. New York always wins.
BTW, how the hell many Austin people are on here?
Haha, Shiner. Try Blithering Idiot! 11.1% ABV.
Smackdown: fuck it! at least its better than Baton Rouge!
But I read “Finally, the Texas Tranny will come to an end,” and immediately feared for the life of known vulva owner T. Boone Pickens.
[re=180030]MedianHater[/re]: Whaa? I lived in Portland, and it’s way cooler than Austin. Of course, I lived in Portland in 1986 — it may have changed a bit since then.
I lived in Austin, and have family there, but now must make do with Houston.
[re=180030]MedianHater[/re]: I’m an Austinite. I tend to lay low when the TX bashing starts. Most of it is accurate, except for in Austin: we always vote Dem, have several Whole Foods, are proud to have teeth & college degrees & like teh gays (even Prince).
[re=180035]The Brothman Prophecy[/re]: Trannys, oh yeah, we got that. Visit the Montrose area in Houston. I think LadyBunny was just here.
Grew up in TX, live in Communist Country Virginia now. Shiner Bock was great when I was 22, but either my palate has changed or it wasn’t that great to begin with. Saint Arnold’s in Houston makes some good beer. If I’m drinking swill (there’s a time and a place for it) give me Lone Star any day of the week over Natty Boh or Yuengling.
Yeah, but Texas does have the Alamo which, i hear, has a really nice basement.
Now, this article indicates that there are Texans who are democrats, but I would like to see them prove such an outrageous assertion.
All y’all have done gone forgot “Big Bad” John Cornyn. Ain’t no one goin’ to be ignorin’ that bad boy! Yee haw.
Texas is an epic hell hole. I have suffered through most parts of it. The worst was a traffic accident caused by some yahoos pulling a lit BBQ smoker thing full of hunks of flesh that overturned all over the main road with partially roasted flesh and coals everywhere. It stopped traffic in both directions for 45 mins and the general consensus from the gathered crowd was that it was a shame to lose the food. WTF!!!
I’m from fabulous Austin and Shiner is my beer of choice. So, sue me!
If you yanks and Californians would quit moving here, life would be grand.
Hate the people, not the beer. Shiner Bock is good-not-great. It’s the people who go on and on about it (and Austin) that suck. I had to move to Fort Worth to get away from them. Cowtown rocks, by the way.
[re=180043]SystemError[/re]: Lock your lips around a long neck.
Yeah, this is why I chose HeyHey as my Wonkette handle. Hey, hey, hey, don’t flush all Texans down the toilet. Texas Dems have been so long suffering it’s ridiculous.
In reality, no group except gays has been as politically persecuted in all these recent decades as Texas Dems, in which there are a lot of gays. Houston is one of the biggest gay cities in the whole country.
We are a BIG state, yet Obama got 44% of Texas votes in the election. That is a hell of a lot of people who don’t deserve to be NUKED, as suggested by comments on Politico today: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1108/15713.html
There are some pretty damn fantastic liberals from Texas, past and future, and they should be applauded. Chet Edwards is a personal favorite of Pelosi for heaven’s sake.
By the way, a big part of Texas, including my neighborhood, has already been nuked this year. A hurricane packs the same amount of damage as a bomb. People from my area are still “missing” and probably will be for a long time. In addition, many people devastated by Ike have lost their jobs because of the same economic crisis that the “real” parts of the US have been devastated by. We have been hit with an economic death blow by the hurricane: http://www.galvnews.com/story.lasso?ewcd=7211c13398d504b4
I think Sarah is a good blogger overall. She has made me laugh about many things through this mostly shitty year, but bloggers in general, and Wonkette bloggers in particular, need to stop the shit against people who have suffered natural disasters this year. You are fostering hate against people who have already been kicked in the face.
The Asian woman in the picture appears to be the late Congresswoman Patsy Mink from Hawaii.
Ahh, Shiner Bock is AMAZING. As for anywhere in Texas… not mo much. Cowboy hats look ridiculous and the large belt buckles are simply ridicule targets. Having said that, this is coming from a country livin’ ass-clown who lives in the middle of fucking Indiana. Screw off Texas and your god awful HEAT.
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]:
I live in Austin and, yeah, it’s a little too pleased with itself. Considering there’s nowhere to go within 1000 miles that doesn’t suck horribly, especially with New Orleans gone, a little insularity is to be expected.
Now tell me– why does every person who’s ever been to Seattle have to start telling me how much better Seattle was, like, the second they get off the plane? And it’s a good airport! I’ve been to Seattle. A more humorless lot of folk I have never met.
And Shiner Bock is swill. I don’t know why we drink it.
God Bless Texas!
Mais ou sont les neiges d’antan?
Austin a quarter of a century ago. A place to be.
This “yanky bitter” would like to punch bragadocious Texans in the throat.
this state sucks. that is all.
as in Hey Hey stop whining all the goddamn time.
Psst. Politico. I’m pretty sure you could get Dr. Pepper around here before any Texan ascension, blah blah blah.
Wow the vitriol on this site is fucking fierce today. I would just like to state in no uncertain terms that discriminating against people from any given region is wrong. For instance: Shorts is from San Francisco but that is entirely unrelated to him being a godless, Marxist sodomite.
OT- I’m patiently waiting for the sexy Wonkette post about Diane Sawyer’s interview with Ashley Alexander Dupre.
[re=180054]HeyHey[/re]: I like Lyndon Johnson.
[re=180059]lada_sue[/re]: “I’ve been to Seattle. A more humorless lot of folk I have never met.” That’s because it rains there like 300 days out of the year. As opposed to in Austin, the sun shines about 300 days out of the year. And, yeah, it’s hot & it’s not even a DRY hot–it’s just freaking hot, and that’s okay.
[re=179951]Dave J.[/re]: I must come visit Portland. Shiner Bock is OK, but it’s no Rogue anything.
Are there actually people living in DC that are bitching about Austin?
[re=180054]HeyHey[/re]: I am not a Texan (though I have
relatives there) and I agree with this post. Sara, separate
the faux texans like shrub from the great people who live
there. shiner bock is fun to drink.
BTW, still lots of tix to the black tie and boots shindig
on the 19th.
I wish that Molly Ivins, Ann Richards, and Barbara
Jordan were here to see what Hopey hath wrought.
TX is one of the most fun places on earth. It will be less
so when the faux-tex crew moves back there. In the meantime,
kick back with the Blue State Cowboys, who remind shrub to
Crawl Back to Crawford:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I9-BJtvQzE
[re=180065]DemmeFatale[/re]: They’re a lot harder to find than you might think, ever since that Enron thing, and Dubya, and Tom DeLay. You get the picture.
[re=180101]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Yeah, the crack is way better in D.C.
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]: Maybe not Austin, but the douchebags that follow UT will drive you crazy!
Native Texan / Austinite here and I love pretty much everything about Austin. That said, it’s gotta be high on the Insufferable Liberal Civic-Pride Cities list – somewhere above Seattle and below those fuckers who won’t shut up about Portland. What’s up with libtards and civic pride, anyway? I never hear right wingers bragging about how Branson, Missouri is off the muthafuckin chain. ‘cept my Gramma, of course. But then she’s a Ray Stevens fan.
Shiner is pretty good, by the way. I hadn’t realized it was a hipster beer everywhere else.
Emigrated from Russia to Austin in 1995.
Ah, Texas. Makes me not feel so bad about living here in Idaho.
Native Texas / Austinite here as well and we don’t care to see the return of Bush, Rove, Delay, et al. Most will stay in DC to whore as lobbyists and Bush will hang here because he’s not welcome any place else.
I, for one, am planning a move to Portland/Seattle just for the cooler temps!
Just a reminder:
- George W. Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut.
- George H.W. was born in Massachusetts.
- Karl Rove was born in Colorado.
- Jeff Gannon was born in Pennsylvania.
So they are not real Texans.
[re=180087]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I have to disagree Kevo. We are all gawdless marxist sodomites here, every one. No exceptions.
I live in Austin, but I moved here from California. Five years ago. Not only that, but I’m from Los Angeles. So basically everyone hates me.
That being said, I try not to brag, and I try not to have been only 3 years old 25 years ago, when it would have been cool to move here. Everyone who’s visited me here has come back because they like it so much, and all my friends who have moved away do say they miss it. Also, I kind of like living in a city that’s in “the middle of nowhere.”
Good things about Texas are pecans, bluebonnets, and former 5-term Los Angeles mayor Tom Bradley. Shiner, brisket, Rather-isms, Lance Armstrong I definitely give only a meh and a half.
All of us Austin wonkers should have a meeting at Opal Divine’s or the Gingerman Pub to decide the fate of the returning Repugs.
I agree, let us fight this out over drink.
[re=180054]HeyHey[/re]: Love me some Chedwards. Worked my ass off on his campaign this year.
[re=180054]HeyHey[/re]: “There are some pretty damn fantastic liberals from Texas, past and future, and they should be applauded. Chet Edwards is a personal favorite of Pelosi for heaven’s sake.”
Oooh, the much-cherished Pelosi Seal of Approval! If Pelosi likes you, you must be OK!
[re=180171]chascates[/re]: That’s what I’m thinkin… I just moved to Austin in June and I need to meet some Wonkette people. Yes to Gingerman! What day?
Hey is that Patsy Mink in that photo? I knew Patsy Mink, and you, LBJ, were no Patsy Mink.
[re=180166]seachel[/re]: No offense, but it’s people like you whom Austinites H-A-A-T-T-E. You (not you by yourself, but the collective ‘you’) drive up home prices, clog our only two North/South arteries & shop at hoity-toity places like the Domain. It’s like old Austin vs. new Austin; I suspect there’s room for both, but old Austinites are proud folk who like to keep Austin weird, shop on Congress Ave & buy breakfast tacos from Mexicans out of old derelict-looking panel vans.
[re=180089]Mustang[/re]: I like(d) Lady Byrd. She was a very wonderful woman!
[re=180171]chascates[/re]: Alright, by my count there are at least 10 of us on here. That’s a party. If you’re from Austin and you want to do a little Wonkette happy hour sometime, email me: couvmel@gmail.com.
[re=180197]MedianHater[/re]: Pint Nights are Monday nights at Gingerman, “Pint Nights are every Monday starting at 6 pm. Buy the beer of the day and keep the logo glass.”=Sierra Nevada Celebration glasses this next Monday. Also just south of Ben White is Sunday is 512Brewing Company’s release of Pecan Porter. The grand opening was 2 small glasses of their 3 brews for free or one pint of each with glass for $5. It should be something similar to that.
Other Austinite’s have suggestions, comments?
And we’d like Liz to show up in Austin to take pics.
[re=180054]HeyHey[/re]: Thank you so much for saying this. I live in Houston and Hurrican Ike was probably the most terrifying experiences of my life. My husband and I used to go to Galveston frequently, and it’s just devestated. The addage of “you shouldn’t judge a person till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes” has never been truer in this case.
Saying Shiner is shitty, piss beer is one thing, but saying an entire state should be nuked just because some idiots are from here, is fucking ridiculous, and hurtful. You’d have to bomb the entire world based on that theory.
[re=180112]Panderfinder[/re]: Right on!
Swarm of Bees: I’m for it. Let’s nuke the whole fucking thing and start over glowing.
Why is it that everyone forgets the fact that without LBJ, blacks would still be second class citizens. Also, why is it that people conveniently forget the fact that the Bush family is from Connecticut… NOT Texas. Bush Jr didn’t even own that ranch in Crawford until right before the 2000 election to help him look more folksy. Also, its nice to see that a writer for Wonkette is so short sighted that they didn’t know that Texas was a Democratic state a short time ago before Tom Delay re-drew all the district lines and stole the vote. Try reading up on politics sometime.
Its easy to forget about all the good LBJ did because of all the evil he did. EVIL.
[re=180240]swarm of bees[/re]: I’ve lived near New Orleans, the city that the guy your state voted for four times in a row fucked over. Cry me a river.
Oh know you don’t. You Yankees are sticking us Texans with the carpetbagging Bush clan. They are Rhode Islanders–small minded fuckwads, from a small punk-ass state. I’m pretty sure I could fit RI into my large and in charge Texas backyard. And for those of you who don’t know–Austin is amazing, Shiner is okay and LBJ helped elect Hopey–so get off our backs.
Texas killed that good lookin’ horny president long time ago, dinnit?
[re=179946]satyricrash[/re]: You should get out more. People in and from Austin, love Austin. Although, it’s funny because if people from Austin went on and on about Austin, you would be posting about how people from Austin are ethnocentric blowhards.
FUCK YOU IM FROM TEXAS
Texago delenda est
ANN RICHARDS!!! A bottle of Crown a day keeps the Repubs away!
[re=180202]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: “Austinites are proud folk who like to keep Austin weird”
i’m so goddamn sick of hearing that. austin isn’t weird. IT’S A CITY.
Texas is pretty much as good or bad as any other red state.
I’m really disappointed in this post. I’m a native Houstonian who has grown up all over the South and the Northeast. I learned early on that there are bigots, homophobes, and uneducated rubes everywhere- no one place has a monopoly on them. Yeah, we have our challenges, including hurricanes, but instead of kicking fellow Dems while we are down, why not work with us to turn Texas blue? It can and WILL happen- we are just as red as Virginia and North Carolina were only a few cycles ago. Here in Houston we already have an openly gay City Controller and an openly gay City Council Member. Our Mayor and City Council include 14 progressive Democrats. Austin and Travis County provide domestic partnership registries.
I’m sick and tired of being a punching bag for lazy thinkers, both as a Texan and as a gay man. Come on, people, we’re not the GOP- we are BETTER than this bitter, regional hatred. I stand with President-elect Barack Obama, as a gay friend in a red state- there is only the UNITED States of America.
BTW, GWB is from frickin’ Connecticut.
Bushies live in Texas only because there is no income tax.
*sigh*
Oh Sara…I thought we were so close.
Why the hate on Texas?
*tuning up to cry*
I’m a native Houstonian but have lived in Austin for 25 years. Shiner was good until it was sold in 1989 & they increased production x10. Yes, compared to a lot of places Austin is nice but I’m pretty sure there is a secret green police with a hotline you call whenever you see a green patch in town. Then ASAP they send someone out to pour concrete over it. There is very little left of what once made Austin such a nice place — unpolluted creeks, lots of green spaces, Liberty Lunch, the slower pace of life.
We do have Lloyd Doggett as our House rep, though, and he voted against the bailout — twice!
The idiots who run the city have done their best to turn it into a mini-Los Angeles, with crammed suburbs, horrendous traffic, air pollution and tall buildings downtown blocking the view of the capitol, something that was once sacrosanct around here until money got in the way. While it is hot as hell here much of the time, Houston is worse. And if you are not a UT football fan god help you in the fall (I’m a Purdue man, myself.)
[re=180379]tallulah[/re]: Chill out; it’s just a local slogan/bumper sticker. Like “Coke is it”. Coke is really a carbonated beverage, not ‘it’ but no one gets too worked up over it.
Jesus people! everywhere sucks for some reason or other. Get over it. I live in Pennsylvania and I will gladly be the one to begin dumping on it. (as i sit here clutching my Bible and gun) People’s opinions will not change reality. If you like where you live, that’s all that should matter.
Texas is a blight. We should burn it all, but we’ll fly out the wonkateers first…..as long as you never say “yay texas” again.
Texas was a small and swampy region populated mostly by star-nosed moles and folk who wished that they were somewhere else. The village enjoyed a brief popularity when, through a surveyor’s fortuitous hiccup, the four-lane Intershire Turnpath was mistakenlybuilt right through the center of the pathetic little twarf. Then, for a time,the populace lived high on the hog off the proceeds from illegal speed traps, parking violations, and occasional bald-faced hijackings.
[re=180422]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: exactly, thats why it isnt weird. because it has a bumper sticker claiming its weird. its like being cool – when you say you are then you so are not.
[re=180463]tallulah[/re]: Yes, I agree about that. But it’s a better bumper sticker than “Keep Waco Wacko”, right? (which actually exists)
I can’t wait till the Wonkette uses “San Franscisco values” in their pithy, satirical way again. Now I’ll get twice as much irony as before!
[re=180379]tallulah[/re]: Quite a sensitive spot you have there. Where do you stand on Oklahoma’s OK-ness?
[re=180476]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Fuck you, I like my “Keep Waco Wacko” shirt.
The instant that New Mexico gains independence from this so called “union” we will declare all out war on Texas!
Our fleet of adobe warships will sail down the trickle of water called the “Rio Grande” and have at them good ole boys!
There will never again be anything as awful as Texas Chile (or worse, Texas “Chili”) eaten by anything on two legs with opposable thumbs.
Jesus Christ, people! First, if you have to drink beer, Shiner is as good as any, because the only reason you should ever drink beer is because it’s too early for whiskey (9:45 am). It’s not fucking hipster beer, it’s just goddamn normal beer.
And don’t blame Texas for all life’s troubles. You think Pennsylvania is such a great place? Long Island? The fucking Inland Empire? We’ve all got our faults. There were lots of blue spots on that Texas map, mostly in places where we keep our Mexicans, blacks and elites, just like the rest of you, Texas just has more inbetween than a lot of places, so we couldn’t turn that other 6% around.
So, take comfort in the fact that George and Laura are moving to a city that just re-elected a Hispanic lesbian as it’s sheriff, a city which was less than ten thousand votes short of completing the liberal mayor trifecta of electing, in succession, a black man, a white woman, and a gay man.
[re=180498]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Sorry, Tuna, no offense. I love Waco–keep it as wacky as you can because you’re probably the coolest person in that whole area code. Seriously, other than Baylor (& you guys need to get rid of the live bear mascot–totally uncool, esp. when the drunks go provoke it) & the VA hospital, whatcha got going in Waco?
OK, people. I’m a New Yorker and I’ve lived in Austin for the last 8 years. I can confirm there’s no other place in Texas I would live and I can also confirm that Austin is as cool as San Francisco, or New York, or Chicago, but it’s smaller… a whole lot smaller and, therefore, not as intense. But, just so you know, Austinites are pioneers. I mean, shit, do you think it’s easy to keep Travis County blue despite Tom DeLay’s shenanigans? Do you think it’s easy to thrive as a progressive community when you’re surrounded by fucking troglodytes marauding the suburbs of Williamson and Hayes counties? Give us some credit, will ya?
Stuck here in the Liberal Oasis known as Austin, Texas trying to swallow my tongue and ignore my neighbor’s car on his lawn.
[re=180537]kudzu[/re]:
Kudzu, You do not live in Tom DeLay’s former district. I do, and I was able to vote against him. Have you ever done that? If not, you’re still a New Yorker, which is fine. Some of my best friends are New Yorkers.
I’m a third generation Dallasite, and everyone in my family is a proud Democrat. Dallas County has gone bright royal blue the last two election cycles, after being very close to it the several cycles before that. Tarrant County (Ft. Worth) is tipping over that direction. FT. WORTH. Seriously. And Harris County (Houston) has been blue for a while, as is the entire valley and El Paso, etc.
In 2006, Dallas County replaced 99 Republican judges with Democrats. Only ONE incumbent Republican judge stayed on the bench. ONE, y’all. And that was the year we elected our openly gay Latina SHERIFF. Oh and she got re-elected this year. Oh and we elected more Democrats this year in Dallas County than we even did in 2006. My state representative got so scared that he changed over from being a Republican to being a Democrat because he could read the writing on the wall and his district is IN THE SUBURBS. Those in the know call all the blue counties in the southern part of the state the “blue tide” and predict it will wash all over the state.
We’re working hard to turn Texas blue (and it’s working), and the jokes about dropping nuclear bombs on us or forcing us to no longer be a part of the US are soooooo 1998. And I know this is a funny site, but it’s really hurtful.
I was an Aggie, too. And a Democrat then, as well. In fact, you might want to give this group of poor souls a little love: http://aggiedems.tamu.edu/ They’re out of the closet nowdays, but back when I was there, we met in secret. For real.
So take heart–the Bushes are moving to a solidly blue county and SMU BARELY won the fight to get his stupid library there. His own church, the United Methodist Church, fought it long and hard, as did many members of the SMU faculty. He is not well-liked around here.
Shiner beer is hipster? I never got that memo. Shiner beer is what you drink when you’re NOT trying to look cool. They make a good Hefeweizen.
[re=180553]badmuthagoose[/re]:
I agree with most of what you said, but I’d prefer that you leave the local beer companies out of it. As everyone knows, the current market is tough — folks need all the help they can get. Just don’t drink it if you don’t like it. Lots of people do like it. It’s Shiner. Maybe it’s a UT/Aggie thing?
Have you signed the UMC petition against the library?
HeyHey, I was saying Shiner IS good. I never thought of it as hipster. I’ve had buckets of the stuff. It’s what you dunk your ring in when you get it. And as a Methodist, I sure did sign the petition! So did my husband.
[re=180202]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:
None taken, since I’m going to school, ride my bike there every day, have never been to the Domain, clean trash out of Waller Creek twice a year, registered more than 100 Austinites to vote this cycle and can barely afford my $365 rent. Congress is pricey, I usually stick to the junk shops on Burnet. Sorry to “brag” but this is the same rhetoric xenophobes give to immigrants, really.
Also I’m Mexican and I make my own freaking tacos. Good god.
The one good thing about Californians is we know our state is awesome in many ways but we never belittle people for moving to it.
[re=180580]badmuthagoose[/re]: Yay! Glad to know you, badmuthagoose. I signed it too.
Love to you and yours.
(I confess that I don’t know what you mean by dunking your ring. I went to a small college…maybe that’s why. Did you dunk your school ring in it?)
[re=180041]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Prince isn’t so big on on proper “gays.” You’re proud in the wrong way as far as I can tell.
[re=180553]badmuthagoose[/re]:
i used to go see a great band called badmuthagoose in san marcos — that you?
as a texan living in the relative normalcy of the outskirts of austin, i am glad to give up the scrutiny that comes with the crappiest governor ever becoming the crappiest president ever. let’s just go back to texas being famous for willie and stevie and lone star, and ann richards, and noone gets hurt, okay?
also, my two cents: i used to drink shiner bock beer. i have done the brewery tour a few times. in the old days, you could get free samples at the shiner brewery bar as long as you could stand (no seats in the bar). the old folks in the downtown shiner bar would dance polkas with you all night and then bring in delicious fresh kolaches. it has been a long time since i have hung out in shiner, tx, but these days, the beer is so full of additives, your headache starts before the buzz.
okay! you are tired of me now, but texas has some good microbrews and local wineries and great local music. we are (mostly) deeply ashamed of gwb. i have never voted for the ass, yet i still apologize.
http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/music/34601199.html
(I didn’t mean on on — just on.)
[re=180609]evolutionista[/re]: You are not alone in your shame, guiltless as we may be.
Texas is a vast and diverse area, yet we are colored RED every four years. And every year we are derided and virtually spat upon as if we were a cartoon character of a state that had ruined the nation.
Texas is not the birthplace of either Bush, and Texas did not put either in power.
Burn Connecticut and Florida! Just Kidding.
The george bushes suck. But don’t blame Texas for that. Please. There are lots of good people here who are working hard to survive.
HeyHey, yeah when you get your Aggie ring, you are supposed to “christen” it and most people choose to dunk it in a pitcher of Shiner. I chose Shiner dark, which was sort of a mistake (burp, excuse me). But it’s still good stuff! Some people christen theirs more than once. That’s cheating.
There’s NOTHING like a cold Shiner with some good Tex-Mex on a hot summer night. Damn.
evolutionista, not me but my handle is in their honor, I know exactly what band you are talking about! And amen to everything you said.
[re=180484]Baseproduct[/re]: One of the only jokes I know is –
Why doesn’t Texas fall into the Gulf of Mexico?
Because Oklahoma SUCKS.
So now you know.
I grew up in Oklahoma, slightly worse than Texas. But at least Texas got this right:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2008/11/18/cheney-gonale-indicted/
sorry for the fox news link. they are the only fuckers running with this right now. go figure.
[re=180515]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I hear Waco finally got a Bed Bath and Beyond. HENGGGHHH? The only place we had to hang out when I was there was Hastings.
[re=180553]badmuthagoose[/re]: LOVE the Hefeweizen!
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