DO NOT WANT  11:19 am November 18, 2008

Hell-Demon Obama Available For Personal Cleansing

by Sara K. Smith

IT BURNSWhat better way to celebrate your favorite President-elect than by taking a leering purple gnome-head and rubbing it joyously over your nethers? Buy sixteen million for your family and friends, for the holidays, and they will never ask you for a holiday gift again. [Etsy via Washington Post]


Hola wonkerados.

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NoWireHangers November 18, 2008 at 11:21 am

Hope on a Rope.

(It’s too easy)

FreshCliches November 18, 2008 at 11:21 am

Let me be the 47th person to say, “Hope On A Rope”.

NoWireHangers November 18, 2008 at 11:21 am

But it’s so damn ugly. I wouldn’t even use that shrunken head to ward off evil spirits.

widestanceromancer November 18, 2008 at 11:22 am

Hope on a Rope for everyone on my list!

NoWireHangers November 18, 2008 at 11:22 am

Besides, if I’m going to buy something with an Obama head on it, I’d spring for that Obama dildo. Makes a lovely gift for grandma.

choinski November 18, 2008 at 11:22 am

To Mr Gnome Head:

Some wise man, maybe it was black Jesus or the last son of Krypton, once handed me a tablet
from a mountaintop. Inscribed were three bits of very special, rarely given advice that will
make one’s life more full:

1. Look out for other people, even when it doesn’t directly benefit you
2. Strive to make a difference everywhere you go
3. Get back up every time you are knocked down.

NoWireHangers November 18, 2008 at 11:23 am

[re=179587]NoWireHangers[/re]: [re=179588]FreshCliches[/re]: [re=179591]widestanceromancer[/re]:


BarthexDeRosa November 18, 2008 at 11:24 am

My nethers shrank into my body cavity when I saw that.

jodyleek November 18, 2008 at 11:24 am

I’m not buying it unless it’s brown and white chocolate scented.

widestanceromancer November 18, 2008 at 11:24 am

[re=179587]NoWireHangers[/re]: And my computer is way too slow.

FreshCliches November 18, 2008 at 11:25 am


Two more, and we’ve got Yahtzee.

The Cold Sea November 18, 2008 at 11:26 am

[re=179593]choinski[/re]: Whoa there. That’s what Hopey wrote to my nephew! You mean, Hopey and Black Jesus from Krypton are the same?

TGY November 18, 2008 at 11:27 am

Doesn’t look much like Barry. However, two, used over time, would certainly approach the shape of a pair of purple TruckNutz.

CrunchyKnee November 18, 2008 at 11:27 am

It’ll scrub the bitter right out of anyone.

Homo Motors November 18, 2008 at 11:30 am

[re=179600]FreshCliches[/re]: Mmmm… let the fascism begin!

“Hope on a rope!”

SayItWithWookies November 18, 2008 at 11:32 am

[re=179604]TGY[/re]: It’ll look like him when he’s 68, bald, and hasn’t eaten in three months. And if his teeth grow. And he turns purple. It’s a striking resemblance, actually.

Mustang November 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

Obama soap for that articulate, bright, and clean feeling!

dano November 18, 2008 at 11:35 am

Alright fine, someone makes soap that looks like Obama. I can accept that, but why must it be purple?

JohnnyMeatworth November 18, 2008 at 11:36 am

When is the WALNUTS!-scented McCain head soap coming out?

monty November 18, 2008 at 11:40 am

Hope on a rope, is this from the same company that brought us pope on a rope?

obfuscator November 18, 2008 at 11:41 am

Don’t drop the hope? Wasn’t that a phrase Jesse Jackson used in his 1988 campaign?

monty November 18, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=179611]dano[/re]: red and blu, duh, foo

Anonymous Office Zombie November 18, 2008 at 11:42 am

More like some old, white hick who’s 68 and bald, hasn’t eaten in three months, who froze to death outside and then was decapitated. Masterful craftmanship.

misterarthur November 18, 2008 at 11:47 am

Looks more like Prince Charles to me. Dope on a Rope

misterarthur November 18, 2008 at 11:49 am

Looks more like Prince Charles to me. Dope on a rope?

Miller November 18, 2008 at 11:50 am

Yeah but does it smell like hope or does it smell like sandalwood, teaberry, or Christmas cookie, which aren’t hopeful scents? I’d also like to commend them for skirting thiiiiiiiiiiis close to the bad side of “Sambo soap” without going over. It’s still pretty gruesome though, should have made it pumpkin scented and used it to scare children on Halloween.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 18, 2008 at 11:53 am

[re=179612]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: Never. It smelled too bitter.

OpusOne November 18, 2008 at 11:54 am

I think the worst part of this is that this hideous thing is resting on a bed of roses for some reason.

Also! Why would I want a novelty item depicting an aged member of the “Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids” gang? I think that’s Old Weird Harold.

Servo November 18, 2008 at 11:54 am

Obama is in the Blue Man Group?

graceless November 18, 2008 at 11:55 am

I say we send it to Sarah Palin…

WadISay November 18, 2008 at 11:57 am

Will these same folks do a Sarah Palin on a rope, too? That would do my nethers-hygene program a world of good.

OffTheRecord November 18, 2008 at 11:58 am

Oh wow. There really is George Bush Dope on a Rope soap. Want.

Borat November 18, 2008 at 11:59 am

Is this some kind of perverted way that Hillz is using to pay off her campaign debts?

I’m pretty sure there’s been no one in the history of (wo)mankind that paid, what $11m to become a secretary. If you help reduce those debts, then she won’t be a history maker in those regards anymore.

grendel November 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm

If you can’t move sandalwood, you don’t belong in this league!

choinski November 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm

[re=179616]monty[/re]: Nope. ….dope.

TGY November 18, 2008 at 12:06 pm

[re=179636]Borat[/re]: Hm. I doubt it, else where’s the inflatable Chels doll?

Min November 18, 2008 at 12:08 pm

[re=179633]WadISay[/re]: Dope on a rope.

Hey. Someone had to say it.

Min November 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm

And apparently, several somebodies already did. Man, I’m slow.

bago November 18, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Actually, it reminds me of the guys from Cho Aniki. Quite possibly the gayest videogame series of all time.

Scaggsvillain November 18, 2008 at 12:25 pm


The genius management team at ACME Soap-an-a-rope came up with a wonderful cost savings idea.

Take all the leftover John Paul II soaps in the Secaucus, New Jersey warehouse (top half of head) and fuse them together with all the leftover Jimmy Carter soaps in the Ft Lauderdale warehouse (bottom half of head).

Et Viola!

Fresh, clean, nice-looking, and who knows, maybe even articulate soap for the masses!

bago November 18, 2008 at 12:29 pm

I was thinking of this image in particular.

Snookums November 18, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Not_So_Much November 18, 2008 at 12:31 pm

Meh — until they make it into a butt-plug, not interested…

bago November 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm

Simon Posford FTW!

skippy November 18, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=179621]misterarthur[/re]: Definitely Prince Charley. Must have had an overrun and decided to do some creative marketing.

answerbird November 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm

They have one for the governator – grope on a rope

sanantonerose November 18, 2008 at 1:20 pm

That’s one pointy chin! Does it come with a waterproof vibrating bullet insert?

Sassette November 18, 2008 at 2:51 pm

That’s all well and good, but Obama is not the President I want to force to kiss my ass every day.

bitchincamaro November 18, 2008 at 3:00 pm

I have a Cheney one made from rendered fetuses, scented with fetid wombats.

psychedelicSludge November 18, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Letterman way-back-when: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is a show you don’t want.”

(peers carefully forward at the que card)

” – to miss! A show you don’t want to miss.”

Also, on another distant occasion: “Tonight’s show is really g- … hmmm. I don’t wanna lie to them, Paul. Ladies and gentlemen … for your purposes … tonight’s show is- pretty good.”

dugshop November 18, 2008 at 11:49 pm

Okay, youse guys. First off, he’s purple because he’s uniting the red and the blue (= purple). He smells not like sandalwood, but like a breath of fresh air. Duh! But, I’m happy to take custom requests for scents and colors, as long as I run it past the Dugshop board of grand fromages, and of course for an additional fee.

We do indeed have a Dubya Dope on a Rope, and a McCain Old Man McSame. We even have a Hillary or two still kicking around. Sarah Palin doesn’t get a big soap, but we did have a little pitbull with lipstick that we sold for a bit, although we gave every penny of profit to a woman’s shelter in tribute to Joe Biden, who didn’t have a soap at all.

Sorry some of you don’t like the sculpture, we’re very attached to our sculptor and think he did a fab job. Perhaps it’s just my poor photography. I don’t understand the problem with the roses, though.

Anyway, thanks, Wonkette, for the backhanded mention. For the record, our soap is of the highest quality, and smells great, so chances are your gift-ees WILL be happy with their present, damn it.

JDHART November 19, 2008 at 10:20 am

It would sell better if it didn’t look like Barney Fife. Do you want to make $$ or not people?

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