Wonkette
Here’s a delicious chunk of schadenfreude for all of our uniformed men and women in the Gay Militia fighting the fundies out West: “[Colorado Springs-based ministry] Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide, bringing the total number of employees to around 950. …The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.” To the suddenly unemployed Culture Warriors in Colorado: don’t be upset! And please don’t complain? No complaining!! If you complain, Jesus will kill you.
Sure, you have no income now because James Dobson burnt all of your company’s money on a state ballot proposition. But imagine the alternative! Would you want to be employed knowing that several hundred miles away, in another state, pairs of consenting adults that already have been living together, people whom you’ve never met and will never meet, were applying for state licenses (pieces of paper, really) that offered them some new tax and medical options??
Put another way: Would you want to be employed knowing that your children would all get AIDS immediately? You probably couldn’t live with that, huh? Kind of a dick move, right? Selfish? Uh huh.
More layoffs at Focus on the Family [Colorado Independent]
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” — Leviticus 18:22
Just sayin’.
Can one of the jobs please be James Dobson’s? Please. I will sin no more if this happens.
I find your lack of alt-text disturbing.
‘Its entrails, however, and its legs he shall wash with water. And the priest shall offer up in smoke all of it on the altar for a burnt offering, an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the LORD. — Leviticus 1:9.
Don’t forget your burnt offerings, even if it pisses off the neighbors.
Sounds like Jimmy Dobson has more problems than Gayz Nuptials in Kaliphonia as he’s discovered that god can’t miracle his way into fiscal solvency.
Great. Now we’re going to have all these ronin Culture Warrior mercenaries roving the land offering their services to the highest bidder. The War on Christmas will be intense this year.
New Jobs Opening in the Obama Administration: Focus on the Fucked Over seeking culture warriors to just live in dorm rooms and think about things for awhile….
OT, but, in case you missed it, the Daily Show bloggers showed Wonkette some love:
http://blog.indecision2008.com/2008/11/12/the-gop-is-open-to-suggestions/
Aurelio: You mean a Bar-B-Que?
Why, why, why? Why can’t non-breeders love each other the same as the fucking “I need my SUV to transport all my younguns to Bible Camp” religionists? This country has too god-damned many people as it is, and is it just me or are they getting more religious and strident the more inbred they get?
Rachel Maddow told the cutest story once - a true story, that really oughtta be turned into a movie I think. In her small bay-area town they were menaced by bad skinheads. They had to reach out across the bay to get some good skinheads to come and straighten things out over there.
Yeah, it’s like when the CEO of your start up says they bought a 30-second Superbowl commercial so, too bad, we can’t afford to pay you anymore. But, hey, won’t you feel good when you see our halftime commercial, but dammit, Janet Jackson bared her boobie & no one paid attention to our ad!!! Oh, sorry if I sound bitter.
I don’t want to start anything but Mittens would’ve found a way to insult human decency AND keep a bunch of bigoted fundies on the payroll AND still make time to make a douche of himself in public..
Is Huckabee sure he wants to mess with that?
I hope those hate filled Christianists learn to mind their own damn business and stop trying to impose their mythology on others.
Itsjustme: Yup. The Lord likes Him a good Bar-B-Que. Especially if it includes the flesh of them…you know…abominations.
We should all offer our sincere condolences and HAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, fuck ‘em.
Aurelio: If you’re telling me that you don’t like the idea of two women together, then you should turn in your penis.
I guess they’re all wringing their hands now trying to figure out why God is displeased with them. Hahahahaha, of course they don’t actually believe any of that tripe.
psychedelicSludge: I don’t know how to react to Rachel Maddow. My normal reaction to women is to see them as sex objects. But just when I start to look at Rachel that way, I remember. And then my penis shrivels. This is due to my politically incorrect sexual arousal system.
Toomush Infermashun: I dunno, I sinned way more when I lived in the dorms. Oh wait, that’s your point, right?
hedgehog: You should turn in your penis. I’ve tried. But it is too ugly. No one will take it. Not even for a trade-in.
“Sew the wind. Reap the whirlwind.” I’m just sayin’.
According to Newty, those little homo dolls should be wearing SS uniforms.
Well, okay, in fairness, Tom of Finland feels the same way.
As does about 75% of the population of the Castro District and West Hollywood.
(This just in: Prince announces disco version of Horst Wessel Lieder.)
Don’t forget my fave Leviticus of all time - 19:19 “neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee.”
That’s a burnin’!
Look, it would have been easy to outsource those jobs; Bangladeshis could hate homosexuals for a fraction of the cost.
But James Dobson has principles.
Maybe this moment is like when the USSR lost the cold war because they couldn’t keep up with our ginormous spending.
Of course, if you follow that analogy, later we get Newt Gingrich resurgent as a streamlined, but still evil leader of….waitaminit……..
Aurelio: I dunno. I just get a rager over Rachel…she’s my special lesborgazmatron! Y’know - politics SUCKS!
Smart women make you soft?
Hahahaha. They’re going to have to put that shit on their resume. After searching for months they’ll get an interview halfway across the country at some pathetic, mid-level shipping company — in Arkansas, let’s say. They’ll throw the last of their savings at a Southwest flight to Little Rock. Once they’re safely on the ground at Adams Field Airport, they’ll put a cab ride to pathetic exurb where the shipping company is located on their already maxed-out credit card. Before going into the interview, they’ll stop at a gas station, only to realize that they’ve got no money and no legal means of getting a simple bite to eat before the interview. Remembering the Eighth Commandment, they’ll grab a bag of Funions and put them under their shirt. No one saw. All in, they’ll show up at the interview a tad sweaty and five minutes late. The management guy conducting the interview is wearing a pink tie and kind of talks with an effeminate lisp. He reads the resume and stares pointedly at them. “Focus on the Family, eh?” he says, chuckling a bit at the end.
“Fuck,” they’ll say.
Oh I’m sorry. I was daydreaming there for a sec.
cal: Did they say anything about polyester?
Aurelio: “I will strike down upon thee with great wrath and furious anger”. Samuel
I confess I have a bit of a man-crush on Rachel. Or, you know, whatever it should be called.
CollegeStudent: that’s sinnned, right?
Is it rose on the right lapel or left lapel that means your gay?
….and the Lord shall smite Focus on the Family as they have smitten those of brotherly love.
Keram2: Oh, that’s sad. That is sad. I’m weeping, just fucking weeping….Bwahhhhhahahaha…! Brilliant!
James Dobson heard God and God spoketh thusly: Thou shall spend all thine liquidated cash, weighing in on a far-away state ballot proposition. I will feed the hungry by turning your hatred of the happiness strangers into bread for the multitude.
You know, I really wish they’d all try sodomy before they knock it. Of course, that’s probably a greater threat to marriage than letting teh gaiz get hitched . . .
Aurelio: So doing it standing up is ok?
bago: It’s not exactly her smartness that turns me off. It’s that I know I can’t possibly fantasize about having sex with her, because she would reject me on the ridiculous grounds that I have a penis.
So I can’t think of her in the way I normally think about women–as sex objects. I would have to follow hedgehog’s advice to think about Rachel having sex with her girlfriend, Susan Mikula”. But that’s too complicated for me.
Susan Mikula & Rachel: http://www.eric-goldscheider.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/Rachel_Maddow.jpg
qwerty42: L. Jackson?
Last chance for fundie ministries to ask for a bailout!!!
Offer expires January 21 at noon.
Thanks to James Dobson, gays don’t have full civil rights AND 202 of his own employees will have to tell their kids that Santa ain’t coming around this Christmas–hope it was worth it to them. I can’t help feeling some schadenfreude about this.
Ever since the preacher of the local megaBaptist church was found dead in scuba gear with a magic wand in his inner sanctum, I’ve begun to lose respect for those people. It was teh pernicious influence of Teh Village Peoples.
Is it wrong to hope that after six months on the unemployment line they end up blowing state legislators in the Wal-mart bathroom for 20 bucks?
LaFevaPDX: So this is the War on Christmas…?
Aurelio: around here, we usually like our machismo with a good dosing of wit. That way it feels like 2008, not sixth grade.
Beer4Prez: Well, excuuuuuse me!
LaFevaPDX: Srsly. As much as I wanna dance, I can’t though, because I live in Cali, where employment is so precarious right now, that anyone with a full time job feels like a member of the Landied Gentry. My new karma-approved activity is just lurk here and let Wonkette do the dirty schadenfreud-ing for me, while I regard all these shameful goings-on with a genteel tsk, tsk .
Itsjustme: yea and verily.
The full(er) quote is, of course:
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he truly is his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children. And I shall strike down with great wrath and furious anger, those who attempt to destroy and poison my brothers. And you will know, I am the LORD when I lay my vengeance upon thee!
– particularly winning if you have the .357
Beer4Prez: Ahh… but we are also a bunch of homosexual perverts who are (obviously) pedophiles by default so the sixth grade element is appropriate no?
Wow, I wondered if bad things ever happened to bad people. Freeze in the dark, fuckers. All your Christmas are belong to Dobson.
God is so gay.
Kev-O-Tron: Sorry, have to diversify - raging Hetero by default and pricklination….but carry on…!
So 202 Christians just took it in the ass.
I hope the Mormons bought them a wholesome meal first.
Texan Bulldoggette: It would be even better if the 3-second Super Bowl ad was one of those corporate conscience spots pimping the company’s commitment to family values.
Aurelio: No, that’s not why. They couldn’t see it all, but said it was ugly so as not to hurt your fragile ego. I work at a penis trade-in. It happens all the time.
Toomush Infermashun: Diversity is really what my avatar is all about. Hopey the Magic Unicorn farting a rainbow with magical, hope-healing powers.
Min: sew the wind…
What kind of needle does Hosea say to use to get a nice straight seam in that there wind?
cal: linsey-woolsey
Look it up. Must have been what was really behind the Salem witch hunt. Got them holy folk to scratchin’ all their devil parts.
Neilist: (This just in: Prince announces disco version of Horst Wessel Lieder.)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
snort…WIN…sniffle
I’m reading Vol. 1 of a 3-volume history of the 3rd Reich right now, so it’s all about the Horst Wessel Lieder.
pray for jobs muddafukhurz
Aurelio: “I’m a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker.” - Samuel L. Jackson. Just saying.
Jobless Christian homophobes… instant karma. May they all prostitute teh buttsecks to pay for the one can of beans they’ll be able to eat every day in the fucking tents where they live. May the god of transvestite allure pretty up the men for their exciting work in the LA rough trade. May the women just continue living the painfully ignorant existence they already had. Reap the whirlwind, fucking bigots.
Boycott Milk
I am sure that the god-botherers were against Palin’s nomination as it was clearly a violation of scripture. I would hate to think they were cherry-picking hypocrites.
the lovely fucking irony is that jesus had two dads
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bar-art/3036370499/
Aurelio: So, um, men just make sure they’re treating their partners as men, and not as women, when they have sex with them. Problem solved.
Okay, that’s it…. I’m drunk now, and love all you guys/gals/guygals/galguys…fuck it with the slashmarks farting rainbow ponies…fly on…
Numbat Dundee: The problem with having sex standing up is that it might look like dancing from the God’s eye view, and dancing is streng verboten among the truely rightous.
Why didn’t Dobson con some little old ladies out of their cash to refill his coffers. Its what these guys usually do when the need some cash and god ain’t blessin’ them enough.
Do you think the laid off workers thought they were doing God’s work and now God hates them- because if God loved them they would have jobs, right? I wish I could feel bad about these people losing their jobs in this economy - but nah.
Aurelio: You’ve got the whole Internet at your fingertips and that’s the lesbian couple pic you link to for us?
This is the first piece of “evidence” that will be dutifully trotted out by the wingnut lunatics when they finally (failingly) begin to make the case that other peoples’ innocuous private lives are the reason why banks and auto manufacturers are tanking.
Gay fascists are ruining our free-market free-for-all, gosh-diddly-dang-it!
Since I live in Colorado Springs, I will get a lot of pointing and laughing done when the out-of-work Focus jerks are in line with me at the food stamp office.
hedgehog: Actually, if I recall my bible learning correctly, the author of Leviticus was pretty much o.k. with girl-on-girl stuff, that was only a “sacrifice a dove or two” offense (the men who owned the women paid of course). He apparently had it in for the dude/dude action though.
I’m not at all defending the group (I guarantee that I hate evangelicals/fundamentalists more than Dobson hates homos or himself) but I’m pretty that for a good chunk of those laid off, this was just “a job” (i.e., a source of income).
RE: Rachel Maddow fantasies among heterosexual males
Let us borrow from Cuomo — not in ‘84, keynoting for Mondale-Ferracist, but ‘96, sitting in a corner mumbling about girls — & recall this: “they say everyone’s a little gay… why can’t you be a little straight?”
Aurelio: Who cares what some random guy wrote in a book thousands of years ago? It’s not like the Bible is really god’s law dude.
The employees were notified Friday, spokesman Gary Schneeberger said.
“We’ve been trying to take care of our family here first,” he said. “We notified those affected, and they’ll come back this week to find out more about their transition packages.”
They will come back this week to find out how completely fucked they are, losing their jobs as an economic collapse gets worse and no one will be hiring for a couple of years. Maybe Jesus will extend their unemployment benefits so they won’t have to eat thier children until the middle of 2009.
Palin-Plumber2012: It’s not like the Bible is really god’s law dude. And you call yourself “Palin-Plumber”? You should wash your mouth out with Drain-O. Then repeat after me: “Hot is on the left. Hot is on the left. Hot is on the left.”
Keram2: shenanagins. There are no homos in Arkansas. Ask anyone who lives there.
Numbat Dundee: No, because doing it standing up is too much like dancing — and the Baptists don’t allow none of that.
I hope these firings were all traditional heterosexual firings.
I’d hate for Tony Perkins to end up in hell for anything less.
Geezus, is the street price for crystal meth in the Colorado Springs area gonna take a beating…
Itsjustme: Don’t be hasty.
Jim, you’ve been quoted.
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2008_11/015705.php
cal: hey thats MUSLIN!!!!!!!!
ManchuCandidate: yeah he was quoted on politico last week
Aurelio: Leviticus 11:12 says:
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
http://www.godhatesshrimp.com
Aurelio: Likewise,
Lev 11:6 the rabbit also, for though it chews cud, it does not divide the hoof, it is unclean to you;
Lev 21:21 But of the winged four-footed things, those which have long legs for jumping on the earth you may have for food;
OK, rabbits chew their cud and locust have 4 feet. A real fund o’ wisdom, ole Leviticus…
What do you mean, “don’t complain”? How am I supposed to properly savor their pain if they don’t whine about it?
Aw, those professional haters them gonna lose them jobs…in COLORADO no less. What a nightmare. Long nights in a range-rover getting fucked for $20 and a bump of Tina. Have at it Morons, and by the way, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Case Closed.