Make sure you’re sitting down and wearing like 20-25 straitjackets when you read this: “At this defining–” blah blah blah we’re bored, you’re bored, enough. Don’t read the rest of this two-paragraph statement, it’s gross! Hint: there are only two proper nouns (the excitin’ ones!) in it: “Washington” and “Americans.” Obviously they talked about neither of those things! Just watch that hilarious video again instead. Check out the shot about halfway through of gay Lindsey Graham staring at hunky Obama and thinking, “All we need is a bottle of ranch dressing and some firecrackers, and I’ve already got the ranch.” [Ben Smith]
Political Wire
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (924)
Rebecca Schoenkopf (413)
Liz Colville (170)
Kris E. Benson (10)
Sulagna Misra (3)
John Schoenkopf (7)
Jim Newell (5640)
Josh Fruhlinger (646)
Erik Jay (27)
Blair Burke (181)
{ 34 comments }
I definitely interpreted that ranch dressing comment the wrong way…
Blah blah Americans Blee! Wait, no, there’s a mention of ‘bad habits of Washington’ like smoking, crack, gambling, marrying cheating heiresses, or issuing meaningless statements. So, yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
[re=178741]magic titty[/re]: I’m struggling to interpret it any way at all…
Did anything else thing McCain looked as though his laxative just kicked in during that conference. I can’t imagine someone looking more uncomfortable. Can’t imagine why…
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
Oooh, that Lindsey! So naughty!
thousand island works so much better
BHO: Fuck Off Honkey
[re=178741]magic titty[/re]: hm, apparently i did too?
Kinda reads like the “shopper’s bill of rights” at your local grocery store:
Spoogemart Shopper’s Bill of Rights:
1) You have a right to expect great service.
2) You have a right to our low, low sale prices.
3) You have a right to Spoogemart quality.
4) You have a right to shop here every day if you wish!
JSM: I Knew IT!!!!!
In the spirit of the new era of bipartisanship, the Democrats will do stuff and the Republicans will release bland pointless statements taking credit.
[re=178741]magic titty[/re]: Is there a RIGHT way to interpret that?
Jim, you kinky bastard! Which get used first: the explosives, or the ranch?
Maybe I don’t want to know?
“… bitter partisanship …”
Slamming the there them you know who, Barry? Careful.
..and then Obama led McCain out by his dog collar with his ball gag in his mouth and said “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve made Senator McCain my bitch. Any of the members of the press who’ve felt slighted by John here, well, now’s your chance to take it out on his ass”.
wait,..does this mean Joe Lieberman lives on a ranch????
fun fact about my state’s least crazy senator, Lindsay Graham: when you picture him sitting in a tree next to Henrietta Pussycat he sounds remarkably like X the Owl from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood(actually, i guess he sounds like that whether you picture Ms. Pussycat or not, but it does make it more fun)
ranch dressing = cock sauce
Translation: “We’re probably going to need a 60th Democrat, and god knows no Republican wants anything to do with you. So whaddya say? HEHNGH?”
[re=178783]bitchincamaro[/re]: Thank you for clarifying that.
Ugh. This is exactly why Lindsey Graham and I are no longer friends on the Facebook:
http://urbzen.com/2008/11/17/why-were-no-longer-friends-on-facebook/
[re=178783]bitchincamaro[/re]: Bad rapper name.
[re=178795]magic titty[/re]: I suppose you don’t like the rapping duo Ass2Mouth, then.
Huh. Ranch dressing and fire crackers, eh? That just proves how fucked up Republicans are. I would have been thinking of basil pesto, a tub of butter, and a case of Pop Rocks.
Meh. I’d like to see tag-team, steel cage match: Obama and Biden v. McCain and Graham.
[re=178810]Monkey[/re]: Some match. How about Joey and Barry mudwrestle while McCain and Lindsay cheerlead?
Actually, fuck that, all old farts off stage. Barry and Rahm can mudwrestle.
[re=178810]Monkey[/re]: I’d rather see McCain+Graham in a cage full of flying chainsaws.
[re=178809]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: No! Don’t waste good pesto on a Republican. Save it for a good liberal atheist Italian-American.
The last time Hopey and Grandpa were going to deliver a “joint statement” WALNUTS!
quitsuspended his campaign todestroyfix the economy. What hell has Hopey unleashed upon us!This is much more to the point.
[re=178783]bitchincamaro[/re]: Oh Dear God!
[re=178776]dippinkind[/re]: I picture him falling out of the tree.
[re=178747]cal[/re]:
Lindsey daydreaming about his ebony prince:
“Love, love will keep us together,
Think of me, babe, whenever
…”
Homer trying to casually buy illegal fireworks: Let me have one of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a bottle of Old Harper… a couple of those panty shields… and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Later…
Marge seeing Homer’s purchases: I don’t know what you’ve got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.
The release is written with all spark of somebody who spent a career composing white page listings.
But I mean this in a good way.
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