SOMEBODY TELL MEDIA BISTRO  2:53 pm November 17, 2008

Sarah Palin’s Book Advance May Dwarf Even Nate Silver’s

by Sara K. Smith

NEED MORE MUNNIEZ FOR SNOW MACHINEZAfter her cruelly brief tenure as a vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin is poised to perform a time-honored ritual for national failures and people who have completely humiliated themselves, repeatedly, on the world stage: she will write her memoirs, and she will be paid many millions of dollars for it. And she will waste all her millions of dollars on raw-silk Versace jackets and a new meth lab for her seventh child, Pistol.

Publishing industry insiders speculate she might make as much as SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS on an as-yet completely imaginary book deal.

Palin’s personal account of her tumultuous introduction to national politics is widely regarded as the book most likely to repay a multi-million-dollar advance.

“She’s poised to make a ton of money,” said Howard Rubenstein, New York’s best-known public relations adviser.

“Every publisher and a lot of literary agents have been going after her,” added Jeff Klein of Folio Literary management.

Sarah Palin’s searing examination of a nation in turmoil, and her own pivotal role as the maverick reformer who frightened millions of moderate Republicans into crossing party lines to elect America’s first black president, will be called My Pet Goat. It will be a picture book.

Sarah Palin’s failure set to reap her $7m book deal [The Times Online]

 

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{ 126 comments }

mattbolt November 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm

SEVEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS? Haha, joke’s on them, anyone that would buy a book written (haha, “written”) by Sarah Palin is already illiterate

bitchincamaro November 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm

I’m hoping for a pop-up book.

superfecta November 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Since when do her fans read? What is the market for this? Having said that, I know a few ghost writers would would enjoy the work…

Quacker November 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Will it be bound in Moose-Hide?

Cathangover November 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm

I’m going to fuck the shit out of that book.

mattbolt November 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Has anyone in history ever gained so much for being such a failure? She was elevated onto the national stage just so we could tear her down, but somehow, as we all had a hold of her leg and were pulling all we could to toss her into some pit of misery where she belonged, she managed to reach out with her desperate hands and loot every Neiman Marcus in the country and grasp onto a book deal worth more than the entire net worth of Wasilla.

Valkyrie November 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=178631]bitchincamaro[/re]: So is Rich Lowry.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=178631]bitchincamaro[/re]:
Or scratch-n-sniff. Or a combo of both.

Hound November 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

itll just be naked pictures of her with various fruits and vegetables sticking out of her lady parts.

Tawmn November 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Who cares? How much is Joe the Plumber’s record deal worth?

FreshCliches November 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=178631]bitchincamaro[/re]: What a coincidence! The base is looking forward to a “book” that gives them a pop-up.

Quacker November 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=178638]Cathangover[/re]: Hell, I’d ghostwrite it myself, provided that we’re somewhere the National Enquirer couldn’t find us, and she was “wearing” that towel again – and I was ready to go straight to hell.

mephistopheles jefferson November 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Here’s hoping she goes all William Burroughs with that shit.

Deepthroat November 17, 2008 at 3:02 pm

as if i needed any more reasons to kill myself today.

randomsausage November 17, 2008 at 3:02 pm

I was banking on the Playboy shoot coming in before the book deal

choinski November 17, 2008 at 3:03 pm

And let it be titled: “Gerundipity”

mattbolt November 17, 2008 at 3:03 pm

Yeah, I’m gettin’ Todd ta ghostwrite tha thing wit me, he’s into dem Hardy Boy books in tha Young Adult section o’ the part o’ the library books I didn’t ban, anyhow, he’s addin some spooky mystery parts an’ detectives an’ bootleggers an’ whatnot to punch it up. Also.

intellijen November 17, 2008 at 3:04 pm

with a forward by tina fey, no doubt. *fingers crossed*

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=178641]mattbolt[/re]: Well, there’s George W. Bush. He holds the record on that. So far.

JohnnyMeatworth November 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm

i guess QVC isn’t returning her calls?

mattbolt November 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Starbursts in the Snowfall: The Passionate Embrace of the Eskimo Lady and the Handsome Journalist

By Bill Kristol

Mr Blifil November 17, 2008 at 3:06 pm

I’m assuming she’ll be fine with it if a bunch of us buy a couple hundred copies with the express intent of creating a bonfire with them.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Oh, oh wait. Even better idea. Please, let it be strictly on audio format where the entire thing is her spitting out one long, neverending, run-on sentence cluster of words for a solid two hours.

graceless November 17, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Break out the big box of crayons…

pourmecoffee November 17, 2008 at 3:07 pm

So, she’s paling around with publicists then?

Chicken Smack November 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=178651]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: To go William Burroughs, you must first go Ambrose Bierce.

AxmxZ November 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm

If there is any justice in the world, Silver will sell his book at the rate of Malcolm Galdwell and Michael Lewis, if they had a book baby, and Palin’s opus will be in Walmart discount bins two days after it comes out in print.

mattbolt November 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Sarah Palin’ Ultimate Toilet Reader: A Collection of Huntin’ Jokes, Naughty Limericks and Other Stuff To Read While You Poop.

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm

[re=178670]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Well, if William Falkner could do it, why not her? I think she’s more of a natural when it comes to that.

Theodorick Of York November 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Could they just print it on Charmin?

coolcatdaddy November 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Well, I can’t wait for this little tome to show up in the remaindered bins for $2. Would make a great gag gift.

magic titty November 17, 2008 at 3:11 pm

How many Pippy Longstocking books does the world need?

sevenrepeat November 17, 2008 at 3:11 pm

There will probably be a coupon section in the back for Alaskan seal pup skins.

SayItWithWookies November 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=178681]Larry McAwful[/re]: There’s a difference between writing from Benjy’s point of view and being Benjy. I fear for the sanity of her editor.

Ted Perino November 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Why do I think this will end like one of those stories where somebody in a trailer park suddenly wins millions in the lottery?

Itsjustme November 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm

[re=178661]intellijen[/re]: I was hoping the froward would be by the campaign aide that made the Hillbilly/Neiman Marcus raid comment.

Itsjustme November 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Doesn’t matter, she’ll ban it from the Wasilla Library.

obfuscator November 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm

[re=178686]magic titty[/re]: Sarah, Plain and Tall and So Fucking Stupid

Itsjustme November 17, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=178691]Itsjustme[/re]: Froward? um, forward

azw88 November 17, 2008 at 3:14 pm

So she was after a big $$ book deal! That is why she sabotaged the run for the WhiteHouse, she knew she couldn’t get a big $$ book deal as Veep. She isn’t really looking to 2012…

Folks, you need to d what I do: Any time I am in a bookstore or book section of a store, I turn around books by morons like that attacked Obama. I do the same to rags like the Enquirer (well, I didn’t mess with the Cindy is cheating and the Palin family squabble issues). so, when her books hit the shelves just casually walk over, act like you are reading the back cover (don’t actually read said jacket, it will cause you nausea and retinal burns) and put the book on the shelf backwards. Proceed immediately to the restroom to wash your hands and rinse the filth from your eyes. AN alternative would be to pick up a different book and put it in front of the Palin book.

freakishlystrong November 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm

$7fucking000,000 for a word salad? Fuck me…

Cape Clod November 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm

My money is on her taking the money, spending it on hideous tacky crap, and never writing a word. Remember, it took her ten years or something to get through college.

pourmecoffee November 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Chapter 6: Snowmobanged!

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Her book’s goin’ to look great in my bookcase. I’m goin’ to put it right between my copies of Marilyn Quayle’s The Campaign: A Novel and David Lee Roth’s Crazy from the Heat.

Them November 17, 2008 at 3:16 pm

“Restoring America’s Pride, One Costly Rape Kit at a Time”

JadedDIssonance November 17, 2008 at 3:16 pm

I would hate to be her editor. no question. ugh.

Come here a minute November 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm

She will “write” it herself by shouting it into a tape recorder over the weekend, a la Stephen Colbert, although in her case it will be more of a screech.

PrairiePossum November 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm

This will be the first book librarians voluntarily ban from their shelves.

Theodorick Of York November 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=178698]azw88[/re]:
Just put it behind Huckabee’s book…no one will ever find it.

norbizness November 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm

This may the first book that requires ghost-writing AND ghost-living.

Title: Smokin’ Banana Palins, Nothing Is Real.

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:19 pm

I might hire someone to ghost-read it for me.

Servo November 17, 2008 at 3:19 pm

“Where The Tarded Things Are.”

TGY November 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm

“History of my EPIC FAIL” by Sarah Palin.

Obviously, I need to find something bigger and more lucrative to fail at.

Miller November 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm

I pity the poor ghost writer who is going to have to turn her gibberish into readable, understandable, cogent English. On the other hand it might be so chock full of smarmy rural bullshit that the creators of the Andy Griffith Show might sue for folksiness infringement.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

sevenrepeat November 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm

Won’t she need a Speak ‘n Spell?

Kwame' November 17, 2008 at 3:22 pm

[re=178722]Servo[/re]: peed myself.

Tra November 17, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=178698]azw88[/re]:

Um. You’re aware that books have writing on the back covers, too, right?

Cut it out. You’re just pissing off the people who have to work there. Says a person who once worked there.

mephistopheles jefferson November 17, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=178676]Chicken Smack[/re]: Bierce, huh? I can see it now – “Did you happen to know that consciousness is the child of Rhythm?” “Well, gee, don’tcha know, Rhythm is the child of my 1st cousin Consomme’!!!”

bitchincamaro November 17, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=178698]azw88[/re]: You are doing godz work, fer sherz.

Quacker November 17, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=178697]Itsjustme[/re]: I thought you meant the direction you fro it….

Schadenfried November 17, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=178629]mattbolt[/re]: Don’t count out the “Desperate Housewives” demographic.

shortsshortsshorts November 17, 2008 at 3:25 pm

I call bullshit. There is no way Caribou Barbie is actually literate.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=178681]Larry McAwful[/re]:
As My Political Career Lay Dyin’ by Sarah Palin

Cape Clod November 17, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=178711]PrairiePossum[/re]: Or the first one to make librarians hold a book burning.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 17, 2008 at 3:26 pm

By “book” you do mean “One and a half pages of single-spaced, gerund-laced, hillbilly-laden nonsense with a few *winks* thrown in for good measure,” right?

S.Luggo November 17, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Title: “Words to Believe, Also”
She should make a TV series instead: Desperate Housewife.

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=178737]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: A Moose for Emily

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=178689]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Let’s see, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing? Yea, pretty much.

cal November 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=178646]FreshCliches[/re]: And filled with starbursts.

Sassette November 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm

How can she write a book when she can’t even form a sentence? Is it going to be a picture book?

iwillsavethispatient November 17, 2008 at 3:33 pm

Wow, that’s $1 million dollars per period!
Or perhaps, $1 per comma, also.

iwillsavethispatient November 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm

I have come to realise that Sarah Palin’s sentence structures are exactly like the SNL character Nicholas Fehn. Ergo, this book is going to be hilariously awesome.

Servo November 17, 2008 at 3:37 pm

“Bridges to Nowhere of Anchorage County”

PrairiePossum November 17, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Betcha this one doesn’t make Oprah’s book club.

Working title – “A Million Little Typos”

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 3:40 pm

[re=178743]Larry McAwful[/re]:
The Sound and the Fury… of Todd’s Snow Machine

pourmecoffee November 17, 2008 at 3:40 pm

“In This Respect, Charlie” by Sarah Palin

Citizen Kang November 17, 2008 at 3:43 pm

[re=178638]Cathangover[/re]:

Feel free to keep that copy of McCain’s “Faith of my Fathers” I lent you a few weeks ago…

hockeymom November 17, 2008 at 3:46 pm

“A Trig Grows in Wasilla”

Beef Supreme November 17, 2008 at 3:46 pm

It won’t actually be a book. It’ll just be a greeting card, and when you open it, it plays music.

hockeymom November 17, 2008 at 3:48 pm

“War and Peas…How To Bomb the Middle East AND Make a Healthy Dinner!”

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 17, 2008 at 3:52 pm

[re=178782]Beef Supreme[/re]: Heart’s “Barracuda,” no doubt. Done on a midi.

Atheist Nun November 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=178698]azw88[/re]: Turning books around? I just use superglue on the edges. There’s a lot of Bill O’Reilly and Limbaugh books where I live that go back to the factory with the pages stuck together, but not because Rich Lowery’s been reading them.

ella November 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Strunk and White are going to turn over in their graves.

Larry McAwful November 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=178767]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Sanctuary State (with Tim LaHaye)

hharlowe November 17, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=178793]ella[/re]: Not to mention Dr. Suess.

lawrenceofthedesert November 17, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Seems right to me that Sarah is 1/4 as valuable to America as Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics and less than 1/9 as valuable as Richard Fuld, who was paid $68 million last year to lead Lehman Brothers into the toilet. (GROUCHO: “How much if you don’t rehearse and you don’t play?” CHICO: “Forget it, Boss; you couldn’t afford it.”)

IonaTrailer November 17, 2008 at 3:58 pm

From Here to Retardity?

sati demise November 17, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=178659]mattbolt[/re]: Todd is ‘into’ watching that “ice truckers show” and that “fishin’ show”.

Working titles of Sarahs book:
“90 Outfits in 90 Days”
“Love or Lust: First VP Interview”
“Word Salad: Republican Beach Party”
“Image Politics From Down Home Wasilla”
The curious lies of Sarah Palin.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 17, 2008 at 4:00 pm

“Goodnight, Moran.”

IonaTrailer November 17, 2008 at 4:02 pm

“My Pet Goat, The Desperate Years”

IonaTrailer November 17, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=178808]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: SWEET!

hobgoblin of little minds November 17, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=178651]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: “Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk…” Hell, her family members resemble mugwumps and her sentences are basically constructed via some version of the cut-up method, so she should have no problem creating her own version of Nova Express or Naked Lunch set in a frozen wasteland and populated by meth addicts instead of being set in some futuristic space world populated by heroin junkies.

Panderfinder November 17, 2008 at 4:04 pm

before she and her ghostwriter begin, let someone explain the plagiarism laws
to them. oh, wait, they don’t care.

maybe judith regan could be her publisher.

JadedDIssonance November 17, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=178794]Larry McAwful[/re]: i died on that one.

A Separatist Peace

IonaTrailer November 17, 2008 at 4:06 pm

“A Creationist Field Guide to Alaskan Geology”?

hardcorepops November 17, 2008 at 4:07 pm

[re=178768]pourmecoffee[/re]:

“Why Mavericks Don’t Blink”

JadedDIssonance November 17, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Todd will write some ethno-sci-thriller about the time he broke his arm.
Snowbilly Crash

sarahconnor November 17, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Whoa, second dwarf sighting on Wonkette today. I must go buy lottery ticket.

Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov) November 17, 2008 at 4:11 pm

$237,542.62 per ‘Also’

suck it wonkers

-SP

ManchuCandidate November 17, 2008 at 4:11 pm

A Hackee Mom’s Gyde to Cloths Shapping

hardcorepops November 17, 2008 at 4:13 pm

“How To Veep Your Way To The Top (Without Looking Like a Total Slut)”

DieOnTheTurnpike November 17, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’08: A Meth Fueled Ride Through the Lower 48

NoWireHangers November 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Oh, please. If you said they were offering her $7 Mill for a porn, it would be more plausible. Bitch couldn’t write a picture book, and if she tried she’d probably die from exhaustion.

Damn, the jokes write themselves.

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) November 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=178638]Cathangover[/re]: Well, on the plus side if you do get a wild hair to read it afterward, you won’t miss anything if you have to skip over the pages that are stuck together.

Toomush Infermashun November 17, 2008 at 4:45 pm

I can’t wait: I love comic books! Palin the Eskimo and her sidekick Joe the Plumber epic fail to save the world from subtly colored Muslin caped infiltrator and his verbose pal: words vs, well, words with thoughts….

Godot November 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm

That picture of Palin makes her look like Giuliani.

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) November 17, 2008 at 5:08 pm

“The Chronicles of Wasilla: The Loser, the Witch Hunt and the Wardrobe”

sleepy November 17, 2008 at 5:17 pm

title suggestion: “i am america, and so can you!”

‘cept it won’t be funny.

Fly Over Girl November 17, 2008 at 5:29 pm

Screw the editors, it’s the fact checkers who are fucked.

Banzai77 November 17, 2008 at 5:33 pm

“Doncha Know: My Life In Words”

Aurelio November 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm

[re=178641]mattbolt[/re]: Maybe she’s not such a dumb chick.

wilbro November 17, 2008 at 5:48 pm

Do you think she and McCain win the election in the book version?

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 6:10 pm

[re=178946]messickc (ROLL TIDE!)[/re]:
Nice. Although I’ve got to go with The Lynin’, the Witch Hunter, and the $150,000 Wardrobe

messickc (ROLL TIDE!) November 17, 2008 at 6:16 pm

[re=179009]wilbro[/re]: Yes. That and her daughter wasn’t knocked up by a self proclaimed “Fucking redneck.”

rocktonsammy November 17, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Kitty Kelly will be busy with Oprah’s book, thank God.

Fingers crossed for lots of pictures of her kids.

Hooray For Anything November 17, 2008 at 6:45 pm

Will they allow this ” ;) ” so she can wink at you? And I thought writin’ books is elitist?

Borat November 17, 2008 at 6:57 pm

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but that photo makes you realise how aweful those heads living in perpetuity in a jar on Futurama are. Can you imagine that in your house all day. I’d get my cat to eat it

Wine from Outer Space November 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm

If you want to attack Sen. Obama about Bill Ayers, turn to page 13.
If you want to label Sen. Obama a socialist, turn to page 64.

Blub November 17, 2008 at 7:07 pm

“Unvetted: My Chance Flirtation with Greatness”
“Lodestone: Me and John on the Trail”

Hooray For Anything November 17, 2008 at 7:16 pm

Maybe it’ll be a travel book about where to go and see Real America, what to do there, and how to dress fabulously on somebody else’s dime.

Scandalabra November 17, 2008 at 8:14 pm

Sarah is part of a proud tradition of fundamentalist dingbats who had second acts in their lives. Anita Bryant opened a dress shop in Alabama or somewhere, and Tammy Fay Bakker did the gay cabaret circuit for a while.

El Topo November 17, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Do these asshelmet publishers even know what the word “book” means? It’s a collection of words that are supposed to make some semblance of sense. They are supposed to be written by human beings, a species differentiated from other life forms by its ability to reason, and by its ability to articulate.

Here, let me write something: Palin writing a “book” is like unto a dog turd inventing a sweet, sweet perfume. My simile is hindered, of course, by the fact that Palin is, in actuality, a dog turd.

This “book” would be hilarious if it weren’t sure to be “written” by Mark Salter.

Anonymous Office Zombie November 17, 2008 at 8:22 pm

[re=179036]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]:
Er, make that Lyin’

Servo November 18, 2008 at 6:42 am

“Running With Schizos”

Accordion-o-rama November 18, 2008 at 12:48 pm

[re=178754]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Was “a million dollars a period” a reference to her lifelong preg-a-thon?

WesternCorrespondent October 8, 2009 at 4:07 am

If the latest from The National Enquirer is true — they have a report from an inside source at HarperCollins that Palin’s book is merely a continuation of her State-of-Alaska press release diatribes aimed at the teenage father of her daughter’s child, not the expected journal-style autobiography — then it turns out Sarah Palin doublecrossed Rupert Murdoch, her HarperCollins benefactor.

Murdoch paid her $7 million to write a book, but I’m sure he didn’t expect it to be another petty attack on the same teenager she’s been slandering for the past 10 months.

Palin also failed Murdoch’s litmus test in Hong Kong 9/23/09 — few people thought her speech made sense or had merit. No wonder Murdoch has allowed anti-Palin articles to appear lately in his newspapers (the New York Post and the Wall Street Journal).

Palin made a big mistake trying to con Murdoch.

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