Wonkette
Sweet lord Jesus, Gilbert Genn must love lobbying more than life. This proud lobbyist and former Maryland state delegate was leaving his house in Gaithersburg to go walk his dog and the next thing you know a terrifying deer wandered into his yard and started ramming him in the groin with its Antlers of Doom. And do you know what this valiant Democrat did? He tended to the bloody wound with a frigging BINDER CLIP so that he could go lobby the Maryland House Speaker. (After the meeting he finally dragged his bloody ass to the hospital.)
Oh and this awful deer, which rammed him thrice and appeared not to care very much for his dog, Yuffie?
“Not to get too partisan, but I’m convinced it was a Republican deer, because it happened right where we had our Obama sign. And all the deer could do was attack, attack, attack. So it had to be a Republican deer.”
Ha ha, jokester. Now Gilbert Genn has to endure an agonizing series of rabies shots — a normal precaution for anyone with the misfortune of being attacked by a Republican.
Local lobbyist repeatedly stabbed by wild buck [WTOP News]
>>Local lobbyist repeatedly stabbed by wild buck.
This obviously is a euphemism for gay sex.
By the way, this dude really straddles the line between “badass” and “fucking stupid” by treating a GROIN wound with a binder clip.
Deer in America have always been “center-right”, goddamnit.
4tehlulz: Well, what would you use to hold your nutsack together on the way to the hospital-by-way-of-captiol-hill? Tape?
His dog’s name is “Yuffie”..which sounds like Yiffie, which makes me think of “Yiffpile” again…
Oh, and SRSLY, What the fuck????
HOly S%$$$%$! Check out the picture in the article!
I could’ve done without the sight of blood soaked underwear.
If this is a real picture of the lobbyist collapsed in the hospital bleeding from the scrote… my vote is for “fucking stupid.”
Confucius say “he who put job before balls not deserve either.”
The pic in the link is more frightening than the description.
Good God, you can see his bloody boxer shorts in the picture. Do you think they could have cropped that out?
That was just Obambi, emphasizing that lobbyists won’t be running the country anymore.
Rack ‘em!
Hit it… again.
Clearly, he approached the deer and asked to be rammed in the groin, since it was a dusky, dark appearing deer and he didn’t want to become a statistic.
Couldn’t he use duct tape to repair the injury? I always keep some handy for such emergencies.
Also, the deer wanted to be referred to as “Joe the Deer”.
I am proud, proud I say, of the lobbying spirit exhibited by Dems..uh..WTF? GO TO A HOSPITAL, MAN!! What kinda idiotic priorities are those?
As ‘the big apple’ and ‘the big easy’, so is D.C. well characterized by ‘the nutsack in binder clips’.
paolaccio: Best part is he was just chillin’ and lobbyin’ away while his junk was exploding under his pants. Lovely.
WadISay: Or possibly “John the Deer”.
WadISay: Nice.
But why do we have to see his bleeding nutsack in the article?
WadISay: Or Joe the Buck
Gawd I hate it when that happens
SkimLatteModerate: That’s standard operating procedure for Republican lobbyists.
Maybe he’s like Morton Downey Cut-Nut, maybe he did it hisself.
Who’s the assfuck who took that picture? Our emergency rooms are third world, people!!! Seriously, I just spent seven hours in one with my father - the woman right next to him was getting catherized. Gawwd.
4tehlulz: TGY: BAM!!bi ?
Joe the Buck stops here!
I hope that the Maryland legislature passes that all important .00000001% gravel tax to fund the construction of the national tin museum, otherwise the spearing of Genn’s bean bag children by Bambi and his heroic struggle will have been in vain.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
IslandGirlFL: Isn’t that Ted Danson as Becker?
I can’t tell from the picture, but I’m pretty sure the deer used his antlers to carve a backwards B into the dude’s scrotum.
Nader in a furries outfit?
Genn said his mind flashed to the tragic death of “Crock Hunter” Steve Irwin and he realized he had to prevent getting stabbed in a vital organ.
You got stabbed in the dick with an antler and THEN thought, gee, I need to avoid getting stabbed in a vital organ? Crikey.
The Nuge would have grabbed that deer by the antlers, flipped him over, ripped off his Buck Nutz and consumed them right there on the spot just so the deer would understand that the Nuge doesn’t fuck around. Then he would have seet the buck on fire and spun him over his head screaming “Wango TANGO!” because that is his method of rolling.
If you are injured, go to the hospital and have your wound treated immediately.
Does a grown adult need to be reminded of this?
It’s called common sense.
No one is a hero for not treating a serious wound–it’s just dumb.
slithytoves: Catheterized.
Ah, I sure do love that italicized Hoefler Text “J.”
magic titty:
“If it bleeds, it leads, especially if ‘it’ is ‘lobbyist testes’”.
That was William Randolph Hearst’s favorite saying.
That’s what you get for living in Gaithersburg.
Could be it’s not his baby at all.
I mean, after all, what a bizarre story.
Who would go through all of that *before* going to the hospital.
Investigate this guy for child porn and possible animal abuse. He named his dog after the underage jailbait ninja from Final Fantasy 7, and honest hard-working American’s just don’t do that.
I call bullshit. He’s lying about something. Let’s get House on the jorb!
Now we need to invent BUCK NUTZ.
Wow. Some years back when I mostly-cut-off three of my digits on my table saw, I most certainly did not stop along the way to the hospital for a little light lobbying and somesuch. That guy’s nuts!
(Are bleeding! And he’s frickin’ lobbying!)
edgydrifter: Don’t forget he would then go on a tirade about Holly-would libruls and their crazy deer sex beliefs.
instead of bleeding hearts, libruls will henceforth be known as “bleeding nutsacks”
edgydrifter: Being repeatedly gored in the nutsack by a wild animal? To the Nuge, that’s just a good Saturday night.
Apparently, no one is safe during rutting season. This deer thought the dog and then the lobbyist were going to challenge him for some hott sexxxxy doe. Deer not the smartest of animals.
I am speechless.
I have no idea what he was lobbying for, but I think we should give it to him.
paolaccio: Yeah…that’s really him…there was no reason for that picture to be anywhere…why exactly did the hospital let the camera in there?
4tehlulz is correct. One cannot put together a story involving a groin, stabbing, blood, a buck AND a chocolate lab unless one is cross-eyed and steaming from an epic ass-fucking.
Also, obviously deer vote Republican; it was part of the the Cheney-Bambi pact. Deer now vote conservative, and hunters use up their ammo on each other.
edgydrifter: Thank you for that visceral image so close to lunchtime.
But the most important question that was clearly not addressed: Is Yuffie okay?
All this misplaced focus on Genn and his bloody, binder-clipped testicles. Psh…
So, he didn’t think getting stabbed in the nutz by a rabid deer was an acceptable excuse to miss a meeting? How big of a dick is House Speaker Michael Busch?
Are you absolutely sure it wasn’t an Alaskan moose?
This is why I love Democrats. Doesn’t matter if the Republicans leave us with a mountain of debt. Dems will just fucking MacGyver us out of it.
thefrontpage: ok thanks for that PSA now go back to wisconsin
I’d pay good money to see the look on the House Speaker’s face when a disheveled lobbyist shows up in his office with a binder clip attached to his crotch, bleeding from his nuts and mumbling some nonsense about being attacked by Bambi.
I’d say “What a trooper!”, if I didn’t think he was completely out of his mind. And his little dog, too.
What binder clips did he use? I find the ACCO-7200 series to be very springy, but my pubes get caught up in the clamp.
edgydrifter: That’s more along the lines of what I would want to do if a deer attacked me like that (even though I don’t have a scrotum). He had the deer pinned down and then he just let it go?! I would have fucked that damn deer up! I would have called up a couple of hard, pipe-hittin’ niggers to go to work on the horned homes there with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. I’d say, “You hear me talkin’, hillbilly buck? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get medieval on your ass.” Instead, dude just let him mosey off into the woods to spawn more demon deer.
sanantonerose: Let’s send a SWAT team with duct tape, chewing gum, and twist ties to Detroit! No need for a silly bailout.
He prolly apologized to the deer for blocking its antlers with his groin. Typical pussy Obama centrist. —-signed, Yuffie
Binder clip futures maket got a huge boost of adreniline with this story…
Take your frigging Obama sign down already. You’re like those people who still have a Christmas tree in their house in mid-January. We get it, you like Christmas and are lazy.
What do a lobbyist and a doe have in common?
They’d both be willing to take it from behind for a buck.
“Local lobbyist repeatedly stabbed by wild buck “? Where was AngryBlakGuy at the time?
I don’t think there are too many Republican deers left. They all tend to get drunk out in the woods and go hunting for each other with shotguns.
It’s a good goddamned thing that democratic lobbyists always have a handy supply of binder clips on them at all times.
Typical conservative deer hypocrisy: take an aggressive “pro life” position, then go goring middle aged lobbyists in the sack. How’s this guy supposed to knock up his intern now?
So he went to lobby the Maryland Speaker with a binder clip on his bloody taint? How is that unusual?
If it were Bush, he wouldn’t have even gotten hurt…Dubya is always sporting his “mission accomplished” codpiece when out in the “wild.” Joe the Buck would of had no chance against that.
4tehlulz: MCGUBER!!! (SNL reference)
Oh the heroism. He and Snowbilly should get together to trade yarns about their struggle to get their job when they are injured or giving birth.
Doglessliberal: Just make sure the chewing gum is the kind that comes in foil wrappers.
IslandGirlFL: It’s been like an hour and still no Blingee? Wonkette is slipping.
edgydrifter: awe-fucking-some!
messickc (ROLL TIDE!): It was MacGruber. Get it right, Muslim.
Maryland, figures.
Up here in Pennsyltucky, we kill and eat deer before they can attack.
McGruber. McGoober is for the canadians I think.
I’m Joe the Deer. Don’t tax me for eating yards.
bhosp: Soy… “R” is an ove ated lette.
mattbolt: +3!
All of this could have been avoided, had he only been carrying an automatic weapon on his person. Or at the very least, a small grenade.
We need more guns, people. Who among you wants to be the NEXT victim of these stone-cold deers? What if the deer come for your wife? Or your children? HENGGHHH??
sanantonerose: ah, yes, in case you need to complete a circuit…or something.
hockeymom: it’ll be the squirrels next. The ones around my house have been acting weird lately. I think they are plotting.
country first!
DID he or did he not offer the deer $20?
http://wonkette.com/323915/bob-allen-sentenced-resigns
Doglessliberal: Yikes! I hope it isn’t the squirrels. Those guys are completely nuts!
I watched Steve Erwin on TV. Gilbert Genn, you are no Steve Erwin.
Too bad he wasn’t one of those folks that are stocking up guns and ammo for the Obama-rmageddon. He could have dispatched Bambi in a second and held a deer-baque for the whole neighborhood that night.
Where is a AK-47 when you need one!
This guy’s definitely hiding something — or maybe he just didn’t want to get mocked for getting his balls mauled by a deer.
Don’t know where he would have gotten that idea.
I think he’s making his case to get money from the tARP. Everyone else is, and they didn’t get their balls shorn off literally (only figuratively).
I’m sending this story to my state senator who knows this guy to see if it sounds true- or if this is some crazy bs. I mean, it is crazy bs- is it TRUE crazy bs?
mookworthjwilson: Just realized…he himself gets the photo credit…why did he allow himself to take this photo???
mookworthjwilson: Blood, mutilation, head turned to the side looking angsty. I think it’s his new emo shot for his MySpace page.
Yuffie the dog must laugh until he hurts every time he sees Genn limping around the house. Yuffie probably falls to the floor and proudly licks his nuts just to taunt him.
Oh Deer, the poor thing!
Speaking as a person who once took an army PT test and did 48 push-ups on a broken wrist (little more than minimum) because I didn’t want to look like a ’sick-call-wuss-out’ I got to say, this dude is a badass.
That’s it. A threshold has been crossed. Weirdness is the new normal. David Lynch is now a realist.
mookworthjwilson: Okay, not only did he do this crazy stupid thing, he voluntarily gave the news media pictures of himself bleeding from the nutsack? Is this some weird version of leaving the curtains open when having sex in front of the window? Do we need to name a weird fetish? How about exhibitionist zoomasochism?
Wisconsin? What? Common sense and Wisconsin? That makes no sense! What? And nothing wrong with a little common sense in the form of bashing what’s obviously a moron lobbyist. Moron lobbyists are not heroes for not tending to a wound–it’s just stupid. If you’re hurt, go to the hospital. It’s that simple.