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Sexy Neel Kashkari, the 35-year-old former Goldman Sachs investor Hank Paulson selected to run the so-far embarrassing $700 billion bailout program, went before a House committee today to be brutally excoriated, roasted on a spit, and then sodomized by the giddy Elf King Dennis Kucinich and his snarling band of blood monsters. The highlight, and an instant Congressional Hearings Classic, came from Rep. Elijah Cummings of Maryland: “Mr. Kashkari, in the neighborhood I grew up in, in the inner city of Baltimore, one of the things that you tried to do was make sure that you were not considered a chump … Well, is Kashkari a chump?” [YouTube, HuffPo]

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52 COMMENTS

  1. Let’s see…. Thirty-five year old who thinks he’s in the movie Boiler Room and tries to pull off the Vin Diesel shaved head look…

    yep he’s a chump.

  2. A bald chump.

    Who’d have to take the bottom bunk.

    And call his cellmate “Daddy.”

    And who thought the shower room was the “train station,” If-You-Know-What-I-Mean-And-I-Think-You-Do.

    “Alllllllllll aboarddddddddddd theeeeeeeeeeeeeee honkeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

  3. Hey, if some of my employees had suckered a client into handing over $150,000,000,000.00 I’d want those employees taking home fat bonus checks, too!

  4. Dennis Kucinich and his Congressional crew gonna be cold regulatin’ yo ass Kashkari. Elijah Cummings gonna lean out the side of the Congressional whip and just be poppin’ caps in the asses of any chumps that be takin’ the tax payers’ cheese.

  5. “Mr. Kashkari, would you characterize yourself as a ‘mark-ass trick’, or do you feel that ‘trick-ass mark’ would more accurately describe your peformance under Secretary Paulson?”

  6. If only Elijah did a Barbara Billingsley aka Mrs Cleaver from Airplane:

    “Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help!”

  7. Man, the chumps are the people left holding the bag, not the people depositing $700 billion dollar checks. If we want to see chumps we can just go look in the mirror.

  8. Mr. Kashkari, do you currently agree with the notion that life is a cabaret? If so, what effect will this have on the inner workings of the bailout package?

  9. You are talking about 700 large ones.
    There are lots of folks who would be willing to be someone’s chump for that king of taxpayers’ largesse.

    If Kash had learned anything from Palin, he could have answered: “Let’s make America safe from communism… we’re… have been using this money to.. to make us great again…that is, freedom from the general population whom we serve. We serve these constit… people so we can fleece them… that is… help them to be hard workin’… Now from my office I can see the fear in Wall Street…

  10. “Congressman, I heard the words, but what in the fuck are you asking me, again? Because right now, there may be one bald chump in the room, but I’m not feeling it here at the witness table.”

  11. “Well, Sena-Congress Dude, in Akron, where I grew up, a chump was somebody who loaned a lot of his net worth to a guy who just left his job at GS to go into public service, based on a handshake, good intentions, and a two-page memo.”

    Also: Neel K was born with a deer-in-headlights expression: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kashkari

  12. Seems to me we got 700 billion rattling around, controlled by people with a minimum number of brain cells. I’d just like to modestly recommend the TGY Debt Relief Fund Handjob Charity Auction, is all I’m sayin’.

  13. 1 : a short thick heavy piece of wood for bludgeoning congressional inquiry
    2 slang chiefly Britain : HEAD ON A PLATTER
    3 a : stupid lout : BLOCKHEAD, FOOL ON THE HILL b : GULL, DUPE; specifically : intended victim
    –off one’s chump slang chiefly Britain : out of one’s mind : CRAZY

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