Wonkette
Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a modernist ranch house atop a hill in LA. “This is in preparation for Election Day, when ye shall amass at the polls and vote in favor of Proposition 8.” It worked! And now gays and San Franciscans, with their despicable San Francisco values, have started anthraxing Mormon temples. You see, they know no other way.
Envelopes containing ominous white powder have been received by Mormon churches in LA and Salt Lake City. This is not the stuff of democracy! In fact, it is “wrong,” RedState’s duosyllabic logician Moe Lane will have you know. “So stop doing that,” he urges of the “Left,” every member of which also voted in favor of state-sanctioned non-terrorism against Mormons on November 4th.
Domestic terror against Mormons: white powder sent to temples. [RedState]
They should bring a constitutional amendment banning magic underwear and religions based on stories read from a hat.
Translation:
Hey that’s our bit! Don’t steal our bit, libtards! It’s only okay if one of our deranged members mails icing sugar to the NY Times and Jon Stewart.
When will Bill Ayers stop sending anthrax to every American, simply because they hate their gays, like all good Americans do? Bill Ayers and his gay-loving homosexual friends are palling around with Obama, and other gay Americans.
I’m advocating a Proposition to amend California’s constitution so that marriages performed by the Mormon Church will not be recognized as legal there. I mean, if the voters there think discrimination against minority groups is such a hoot, won’t they jump at the chance to discriminate again? And mormons are what? 5% of the population in California at most? This is their big chance! I wish I could discriminate against Mormons…
Nice that Moe already knows who did it. Because nobody ever does something like this to stick it to the usual suspects, right Miss Todd?
OMG!!!!! WE WANT MITTENS!!! WE WANT MITTENS!!!!
GIVE A PRESSER, MITTENS AND COMMAND US INTO THE WILDERNESS!!!!
AND NO SHOUTING!!!
You know, now that I’ve had it explained to me in words I can understand, I see that it is indeed wrong to put two teaspoons of Sani-Flush in an envelope and mail them to the Mormon Temple.
It’s also funnier than shit to watch them freak out about it. Domestic terrorism!
Get a brain Mormans.
It was just a little blow. Trying to get their Mormon brothers into the SF/LA ‘vibe’, you know.
If I had thought of it, it would be cocaine. Not great cocaine, actually kind of crap cocaine. Just enough to get them to finally party a little.
The only people that ever mail “anthrax” are white Americans to other white Americans.
This is all a big misunderstanding. The gays are just sharing some cocaine with their fellow coked out Mormon brethren.
Let me also say, again, that fighting hate with hate will never repeal Prop H8. Sure, it’s fun to make fun of Mormons, but this shit will only further roil that haters that voted Yes on this disgusting proposition.
Congratulations America! You let a bizarre alien-worshiping sex-cult grow into a major force which dominates vast regions of the country.
I’m really bummed that they don’t come knocking on my door anymore. /sadface
Do you guys ever wonder if those “golden tablets” were actually a golden shower?
Whatever you do, DON’T look at the comments..teh stupidhate is strong with them.
blackdontcrack: But we cut it first. Haha; you better believe we cut it first.
Give them time, poor Mormons.
It’s been only yesterday that they started allowing those devilish darkies in their services.
Baby steps, baby steps.
checkonechecktwo: I kinda figured it was a mix of amyl nitrate and ecstasy, and that the disco ball and house music would be arriving separately. Once they get those Mormons dancing, they’ll be all about the gay marriage.
Hey, what does a gay Mormon bring on a second date?
His wife.
Kev-O-Tron: WIN!
Ok, wait…lemme get this right: some kooky religoids can have a whole state, then some, and make political decrees to their brethren, but i can’t get married?
FUCK MORMONS
Oh please, as if some queen in the Village would go with something as pedestrian as an anthrax attack. Give teh gayz more credit than that.
Off to ponder the irony of the LDS Prop 8 support when 150 years ago, the Mormons were all in favor of two gals getting married — to the same guy…
I was really hoping that Proposition Anthrax would be a one night only show featuring all your favorite 80s thrash bands.
Man + Man = bad.
Man + Woman + Woman + Woman + Woman + Woman = good.
Can’t wait for the final analysis. We’re finally going to learn what talc powder brand gays prefer!!!
So, should I throw away my Osmond family Christmas records?
I bought the damn records 25 years ago, but now I’ll feel guilty listening to them….
I find it somewhat amusing that a group that has a super secret Mormon marriage sealing ceremony is so out to stop gays from declaring their love in public. And worse yet, people are listening to their ideas about marriage.
Bad idea…..fairy dust only makes the magic underpants more powerful.
This makes no sense. There’s no way we’re responsible for this. For fuck’s sake, since when do queens share their blow?
SayItWithWookies: Haha! But no, Amyl Nitrate is SO 2006. And by “2006″ I mean “what’s Amyl Nitrate?”
That’s not anthrax; it’s meth.
You’re kidding — hot Mormon women AND cocaine?! How do I get in touch with the Angel Moroni and sign up?
checkonechecktwo: Come by my place later. Ted Haggard and I will be splitting open some poppers and trading “massages”. And by “massages” I mean “semen”.
NoWireHangers: I agree. I’m one of seven Mormons that regularly read Wonkette (for the funnies). No on 8 people didn’t do enough outreach in black and Latino neighborhoods, and despite their small financial advantage, they lost. But there are only 750,000 Mormons in CA, and of that number, I’d say 150,000 voted/participated in phonebanking, etc. Obviously a lot more people than the Mormons pushed this through. So look forward to 2010, and don’t give RedState the chance to say “domestic terrorist” ever again.
FUCK MOREMOMS!!!!!!!!!!!111
I don’t think you people get it, gay anthrax is one of the most virulent forms of anthrax (much more so than mormom or muslim anthrax), mere contact with a quarter of a miligram causes pink-eye, pink-sock, and pink-pony.
Next time those boys in their white shirts and black pants cruise up to my door on their bicycles and ring my doorbell, I’m gonna say “No thank you boys, and I think you know why too!”
Mustang: oh SNAP! That’ll teach ‘em.
Good Lord, this is an outrage! These kinds of librul attacks must not stand. The good people of the religious right would never stoop to such tactics. Unless you count bombing abortion clinics, murdering doctors, bombing gay bars and the Atlanta Olympic games, Blowing up office buildings in Oklahoma, and starting wars for no good reason. But hey, nobody’s perfect.
Cant teh gayz just assfuck the Mormons? Powders make things complex and hard to control.
At this point, the US Post Office not only sends your snail mail back if it doesn’t have proper postage, but also if its sans “suspicious white substance.”
>Congratulations America! You let a bizarre alien-worshiping sex-cult grow into a major force which >dominates vast regions of the country.
I know, what can we do about the Republican party.
PengIn: Including Anthrax of course, performing hits “Caught in a mosh”, “I’m the man” and the eponimous “Indians”.
Y’know - “forced out, brave and mighty - stolen lands - they can’t fight it”
chascates: I’m not mormon, but that does sound pretty good.
I was sorta hoping Mittens would win. It would be neat to have a Second Lady in the Whitehouse.
Man, the Mormons really bungled this from a PR standpoint. I blame Monson. This would never have gone down this way under Hinckley’s watch.
That said, whoever’s decided that threats and terrorism are an appropriate reaction is retarded. There are much better ways to win this fight, and a friendly, nonthreatening face is by far the best strategy. Hearts and minds, motherfuckers.
I’m fairly certain it was just the ashes of dead people some enterprising young hooligans stole and sent to the Mormons so that they could baptize them into the Mormon faith.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Have they been reading Dianetics? I thought mailing powder to yourself was a Scientology thing.
It wasn’t anthrax, it was ground up white salamander. Where’s ur god now, MORMONS!
WE ARE ALL FAKE TERRORISTS!
What Would Bono Do?
And then somebody handed the Mormons… a tambourine.
YEAH, GET A BRAIN MORMANS!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AND NO SHOUTING, MORONI
Kidshowbusiness: How about a law that requires them to wear a sigh that says “I Love Teh Buttsecks”?
Pope Priapus: If Mittens was a real leader he should make a statement on social unrest.
Lets see if he has the skill to do that. I doubt it. Hillary did not come out with a speech on sexism, and Mittens will not address the Mormon church as a leader for the good of equality in America, a phony opportunist.
Anthrax is for pussies. I suggest teh gayz send teh mormones some powdered santorum.
bitchincamaro: score.
Pope Priapus: moron mormon moran.
Mustang: I found hanging a pentagram on my door to be an effective ward against “visits” from the Morans, JWs and even the local Baptists. Of course, this is Oregon where doing such a thing won’t result in your house being burned down. Your results may vary.
thesycophant: Friendly and non-threatening? So I need to quit asking the missionaries to suck my balls when they stop by? Or I need to smile more when I ask?
Was there glitter in this white powder?
Cuz that’s how you’d know.
Give me fucking break. Anthrax? It’s Tide, for Chrissakes. You know, for the temple garments? So they can put on april-fresh drawers after they finish shitting on the gayz.
Holy crap, I followed the RedState thread and one of the moderators DOESN’T think gays are universal child-molestors.
Seriouspost I’m very surprised by that.
Oh shit (rummaging through my backpack) Did I send them my blow by mistake?
I wish Andrew Cunanan were still alive, he could have been retrained as a sort of gay 007.
MoodProcessor: No, no! Sell them on Ebay — and give the money to the anti-Prop-8 groups!
This seems to be the most popular subject of the day. Why? It’s not like anyone cares if someone offs some Mormons. I mean, everyone, except for, you know, a few Mormons themselves, hates them.
Seriously, these people need some payback. They haven’t been hounded for, what, a hundred years? So sending them maybe-anthrax, maybe-meth is just fulfilling their destiny. They should thank the senders of this sprinkly white powder.
Fuck Mormons. Let ‘em hide in their bunkers afraid to show their faces. The world will be a better place for it.
I smell an Ashley Todd. I know a lot of ‘Mos. I love me the ‘Mos. ‘Mos and I have a rich, loving history. There are no ‘Mos who would bother with a stunt like this. The ones who want to get back at the Moran Church are having lots of sex with the Moran menfolk. Not kidding. I won’t be shocked when the source of the white powder is discoverd to be Utah.
smashtheduck: This was a thought-out, coordinated attack but with (deliberately) no sting in its tail, as the substance was easily detectable and the fear was easily diffused.
Clearly, a lesbian committee did this.
wheelie: It’s cute you think we think anything through.
thesycophant: The whole sending-you-a-biochemical-weapon thing doesn’t really fit with the whole peaceful protest movement employed by the folks opposing Prop 8. I don’t have any tinfoil hats in my wardrobe, but I think it’s more likely that the sender was some pro-Prop-8 psycho who wanted to demonstrate how crazy and dangerous and vengeful are The Gays (and, hey, if a few Mormons shat their special underwear in the process, it’s just Extra Fun).
WendyK: Word.