Wonkette
- Why good morning, America! “Retail sales plunged by the largest amount on record in October. …Retail sales fell by 2.8 percent last month, surpassing the old mark of a 2.65 percent drop in November 2001 in the wake of the terrorist attacks that year.” [WP]
- The auto industry bailout doesn’t look like it will get through during a lame-duck session of Congress. [NYT]
- Hillary Clinton is high on Obama’s list for Secretary of State, meaning John Kerry will be a loser again. [Politico]
- Democrats are getting slaphappy again over the possibility of 60 seats and a “filibuster-proof” majority in the Senate. They just have to defeat a convicted felon, a Confederate colonel, and, uh, Norm Coleman. [Politico]
- Bill Ayers talks to Good Morning America, bombs Diane Sawyer. [ABC News]
- Wonkette welfare queens Sara K. Smith and Ken Layne both take day off; Jim Newell forced to wake up early and write constantly for like 20,000 hours. [Ron Paul Forums]
Newell has a sad.
Well now you know what morning looks like. Why not take a picture as an aide memoire for years to come?
Uh… isn’t that what interns are for?
Maybe the new president can appoint Saxby Chambliss as Ambasador to Dis.
I would feel bad for you Jim, except you linked to the Ron Paul forums, which is a crime against God and man. Especially man. Especially me.
Just write the Peggy Noonan post and then find something Ron Paul related for us to attack. We will entertain ourselves for the rest of the day.
Just kidding. Plz write many posts. My job is boring.
El Bombastico: Intern Juli is taking my usual place today, which is “the person who strolls in around 2:30 to write a few posts.”
Hiring old Clinton cronies is bad enough.
But hiring an old Clinton crone is taking things too far.
Bah, the Democrats can learn all they need to know about “filibuster-proof” from Mrs Tommy’s panties.
Now that you’re running the place, it’s time to move on to a natural extension of Paultardism and tackle the pressing subject of the conspiracy theorists who are pretty sure that this whole “global recession” thing is coordinated by the Rothschilds/Bilderberg Group, and that the only way to get back to it is to return to living out of covered wagons, hunting and protecting ourselves from outsiders in neighboring counties with solid gold-standard muskets.
I seemed to have correctly assumed that Hillary bargained for a cabinet post with her DNC delegates.
Keram2: beat me. but you forgot to write in correct lolspeak.
And can we PLEASE try to keep the influence of the CLINTONS to a minimum in this administration, please? For chrissakes, I voted for the unicorn for a REASON in the primaries!!
I don’t understand why Hillary would WANT to be Sec of State. She’s become rather powerful in the Senate and can get reelected indefintely. The Secretary of State, with Condi and Powell as models, is ignored by the President. The chief duty of Sec of State is to travel and pose with foreign dignitaries in matching wing chairs.
Terry: She’s probably excited about living through a fake Bosnian sniper attack again
I assume you roped Josh into writing 15 Cartoon Violence posts?
Terry: oh, how I miss Princess Sparkle Pony’s Condi Watch.
Terry: She’s fourth in line to succeed as SoS. I’d rather eat scrambled eggs off Carla Bruni’s, ahem, plates than deal with farmtards in upstate New York about juniper berry subsidies.
I understand that Obama wants strict assurances that any auto industry bailout money won’t be used to buy Chevy Silverado ads on Wonkette.
Finally, Diane Sawyer gets what she deserves!
Does Ayres seem like a grumpy left-wing Cheney? I almost hear him clearing his throat: “Eh, henggh. Kids today just don’t know throw a revolution.”
And, point of clarification. I’ve listened to the tape of Hils in Bosnia: “Eek! Sniper…oh, I thought you said SPIDER.”
Since when is “court-ordered squeegeeing of hoboes” considered a “day off” in these parts?
Tommy Says Soooo: So that means Obama, Biden, and Pelosi should all watch their backs. And the person in charge of changing Robert Byrd’s diapers should watch his back for him.
Terry: If Hillary takes the job to prevent John Kerry from getting it, as far as I’m concerned she can have the thanks of a grateful nation.
Advocatus_Diaboli:
Princess Sparklepony is alive, well, and still fabulous.
http://sparklepony.blogspot.com/
Tommy says noooo:
I didn’t look at it that way. But still, the Senate is job security. You can stay working there long after you’ve gone senile.
Whatsit called when you’ve been put on trial and the government asks to dismiss the trial and then Sarah Palin puts you on trial again?
And, is there a distinction between our Great Nation and our government?
Thank you in advance for any clarification or funnyz you provide.
Yeah, seriously, the Ron Paul Forums–jesus god, could it be less like the Penthouse Forums on the 1970’s?–now there was some fun reading–particularly if you were underage, like I was.
If I’m going to enter someone’s consensus un-reality, can’t it at least be full of teenage sisters who drop by my house to offer me their anal virginity?
I mean, seriously, armed revolution & Obama’s real birth certificate.
Those people are sharp as fucking tacks, I tell you what.
“The auto industry bailout doesn’t look like it will get through during a lame-duck session of Congress”
Arent all sessions of Congress “lame-duck” or “lame-plumber”
That means no alt text today. Now I has a sad. Jim Newell, please give us alt text!
BILL AYERS FOR SECRETARY OF STATE!
Norm Coleman = Fire Marshall Bill. Think about it.
Jim Newell: Whoever does the Peggy Noonan analysis today has his/her hands full; she’s in full flutter mode. I vaguely remember the columns she did 8 years ago at this time, swooning about “the deep bond developing between George Bush and the American people”, and how great he threw out the first pitch of the baseball season. Somebody should tie each one of those Valentines to a baseball bat and club her repeatedly and hard with it.
grendel: To be fair, I got the email addresses of all the FoxNews dickbags from a Ron Paul forum, so it’s not a complete buttfuck over there.
bluetom00: What gives with Minnesota Republican women? Norm’s wife is hot, Pawlenty’s wife is hot, even Nutso Bachman is hot in a Cougar Backyard Receptacle way.
Servo: I thought that was clear and obvious. The Clinton’s have ‘quid pro quo’ tattooed on their testicles.
Apparently the rise of homemade Sarah Palin Halloween costumes artificially depressed this potentially $3 trillion seasonal industry.
Terry: Plus Hopey makes the deal to pick the new New York senator. Someone, preferably black, who can scare Schumer in STFU.
HRC will not be Secretary of State. It won’t happen.
She won’t put up with the vetting. Specifically, Bill won’t. You think he’s just going to cough up the financial records (his own, the Clinton Library, &c)? It won’t happen.
It’s a mercy fuck of an interview. And it could be cover for some kind of negotiations re: HRC’s debt to Mark Penn and that Iowa grocery store she shafted.
Barack is playing Lucy to Hillary’s Charlie Brown. This time I really will let you kick that football…
Tommy Says Soooo: Before considering wear-and-tear on body parts from RBA (Repetitive Breeding Activity), I even got a little perky looking at La Jeune Fille de Juneau. It’s when the sound is turned on that I run away shrieking.
Crow T. Robot: Except for instead of making shit up about the time they got into a menage-a-trois with two female kung-fu experts after a night at the disco, they’re making shit up about the sexiness of a return to pre-civil war government.
two female kung-fu experts after a night at the disco
That really happened! I swear!
Tommy Says Soooo: To lose the MN Republican lady woody, I submit the lady at 0:55 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLlIigHg1v0
ForTheTurnstiles: I was thinking the same thing about the vetting.
Jim I am worried about your fixation with Ron Paul and his imbeciles – it is more than ridicule. You might be in need of a support group.
wheelie: I was hoping for a Clinton free administration but clearly Allah does not love me.
What happened to Bill Richardson as SoS?
pondscum: No es bueno.
Out of the three titles mentioned (”a convicted felon, a Confederate colonel, and, uh, Norm Coleman”), Norm Coleman is the most terrifying.
Layne’s taking the day off — something smells fishy. Did he start that fire in Santa Barbara?
Pondscum: He made a gaffe by asking Michelle Obama to sit on his face and to tell him that she loved him.
I’ll bet a bag of peppercorn ranch Sunchips that J. Crew is bucking that retail trend.
Saying John Kerry will be a loser again implies that he stopped being a loser earlier.
I say let Clinton have Secretary of State. Andrew Sullivan actually has a good reason for this:
For my part, I think making her secretary of state is an inspired idea.
Obama has to offer something to Clinton. She’s his main threat now and rightly regards part of his victory her doing. The primaries helped him. Left to fester in the Senate, Clinton will plot against the president if he doesn’t actively seek her support and engagement and “spread the political wealth” of his mandate.
It is a senior enough position not to be fobbed off; it really does take advantage of the Clinton name abroad; it could even put Bill to good use and keep him out of mischief; and Obama has kept telling us that his cabinet model is “Team Of Rivals.” Giving Hillary that kind of position is straight out of Lincoln.
Unlike the vice-presidency, a secretary of state has real constitutionally-designated things to do. From Clinton’s point of view, it would be a natural position from which to run to succeed Obama in 2016 (or to make an inside push to oust him in 2012). The emergence of Max Baucus as the front senator for healthcare seems to me a sign that Obama might have already been signaling this maneuver. If Clinton isn’t the lead player on healthcare, what is she going to do?
So here’s hoping he offers and she accepts. It’s an elegant and shrewd move; both public spirited and yet coldly calculating at the same time. Pure Obama.
Basically, if she’s part of the administration, it will be harder for her to fuck Obama over! Plus, if I was a leader from a foreign country, I would NOT want Kerry to come and visit me, I don’t know about you. And Bill Richardson would probably feel Angela Merkel up.
Jim Newell: You say “strolls in” - you mean you actually have an office?
Seriously? Nobody who is anybody has an office anymore, we just pay Starbucks.
eatsshootsleaves: I’m with you (and my super secret boyfriend forever andrew s.). I never liked Hillz, but she’s actually make a good Secretary. I think she’d actually be able to kick Kim Jong Il in the nuts and vodka drink Medvedev under the table. Not sure about Judo with Putin though - that guy is FIT.