This is your puppy, America. It belongs to you. [White House Puppy]

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  1. Earned? A bunch of liberal welfare queens roll out of their opium dens long enough to vote for the socialist and they get puppies. Meanwhile, Joe The Goddamn Plumber works 42 hours a day and the puppies he dreams of having one day are nationalized in advance by Barack Jong-Il!

  2. Joe assembles his Carcano, the pieces fitting together like a ball-cock, monkey wrench unlimbered in a falsetto of Dallas, he knows the puppy must be disposed of, like a hair clog…

    We laugh as the tool in his hands turns to the feather duster of Joe the housekeeper…

    and the housekeepers get pissed and beat him down with bottles of Form. 409 inverted into bludgeons…

    Slumber, Joe, a new wind blows, the kennels are empty…

    we are all adopted now…

  3. If anybody doubts that America is a land of infinite possibilities…

    …it bloody well better not be the damn puppy that gets picked out of a pound on the south side of Chicago and taken to live in the White House with the most adorable family on earth.

  4. Twelve point four three years ago, our sires brought forth on this continent, a new kennel, conceived in liberty,and dedicated to the puposition that all dogs are created equal….

  5. I am outraged by the teasing remarks accompanying this video, which suggested that a new puppy has been chosen and was about to be revealed somewhere in this post. Outraged! Since the election, the din of the demon yowling has reached such heights that some of us choose to shield our delicate souls by receiving national news only through Wonkette. So when you say things like “here’s your new puppy” America, I expect satisfaction. Do not do this to me again.

  6. Obama is probably going to promise that a special email with pictures of the new puppy will be sent first to all his supporters, so that they’ll be the first to know which companion was chosen. But then a picture of the puppy will be leaked on CNN, followed an hour later by the official Obama puppy supporter email.

  7. There is no reason that should have been that funny. Shame I’m so broke, I had to eat my new puppy. It tasted of hope, and a little saffron I sprinkled on.

  8. We need to start keeping a tally of the weird phantom-syllables Obama adds on before certain words. “You have earned a-the new puppy…” It’s brilliant.

  9. my favorite part was the non sequitur in the middle when instead of the new puppy line:

    “for those americans whose support I have yet to earn…

    we will defeat you!”


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