Wonkette
This is just weird. The Republican National Committee has started a “grassroots” Web site that, much like our beloved Rebuild the Party, wants people to think about how Republicans might make themselves a little less fucked. Here is an idea! If you are interested in “moving forward” and “building our future,” do not make a video that is all about the PAST. It’s like saying, “Help us build an intergalactic space travel machine and colonize Mars!” and recruiting with a video of two cavemen smearing poo into each other’s hair. [RNC: Republican For A Reason]
Wow, this video is great. It really gives the GOP a shot at winning the 1980 election.
The RNC is starting to resemble that guy who was quarterback in high school when the team went to State, but who has done nothing of note with his life in the meantime and today works as assistant manager at Safeway.
Reagan only lived from 1981 - 1989? I never knew that.
This where WALNUTS gets his jollies when Cindy’s not around.
GREAT VISUAL IMAGE! Bush and Cheney in animal skins. Cheney making BUsh his bitch!!
My kingdon for a single idea.
isn’t circuit city closing millions of stores and laying off billions of employees?
mini american flags for all, it’s so simple!
Serolf Divad:
Or how about the guy who scored four touchdowns for Polk High in Chicago and sells womens shoes?
That video is so utterly full of fail. I didn’t miss the irony of Bush Sr. receiving the nomination in NOLA in 1988, only to have his son drown it 17 years later. Epic, epic fail.
I think you’ve nailed what’s wrong with them, Sara. I’ve been reading the various recriminations from different factions of the right (Why didn’t they talk more about abortion? Don’t voters believe in the free market any more? How could Americans want to surrender to our enemies?) and it just feels like they stopped paying attention to the world around 1980. The intellectuals on the right all sound like teenaged kids who’ve read one book by Milton Friedman or Ayn Rand, and have not experienced any intellectual growth since.
rocktonsammy:
They’ve probably got a cool video like this, too, of when Circuit City was riding high, before Best Buy came around.
If they keep digging up Ronald Reagan, he’s going to start smelling pretty funny soon.
I think some more crippling losses in 2010 will finally cause them to snap, dig up Reagan’s body, and actually wave it around and drape themselves in it’s rotting holiness. It’s what American wants: full on crazy God worship of a man who was relevant 20 years ago. That’s why McCain lost: he didn’t mention Reagan enough.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
rocktonsammy
Yep. laid off 800 Headquaters employees, and will be in Chapter 11 with a deal with some suppliers so they can try and sell stuff for the xmas season, then they will probably cut down to a regional operation.
Anyone else like playing the “count the non-white people” game with RNC flashback vids like this? Ah yes, it’s wonderful to know the demographics will continue to beat their dumb asses in the decades to come.
I have only one thing to say: Bring Back Crystal Pepsi!!!
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/70436
Is that the Band of Brothers theme song I hear?
Y’all are wrong. This video clearly shows the hip, new, reinvigorated RNC! I’m crumping right now it’s so fresh.
Sooo old…sooo tired…must take nap now.
Appropriate–the bumbling party that can’t figure out what they did wrong lionizes the guy with Alzheimer’s.
It’s time to find the new Reagan from the “American Carol” crowd…. let’s see, we have delinquent father Jon Voight, drunken Maserati-crasher Kelsey Grammer, and Chris Farley’s brother. Lookin’ good!
I’m going out on a limb here, but I think that video is biased for some reason.
Zombie Reagan will save the republicans.
“If you wanted to run against George W. Bush, then you should have run against him 4 years ago Mutha Fucka!”
“You betcha, and also let’s keep lookin back at Ayers palin (palin and Palin look so much alike, also) around and blowing up this great country, say it ain’t so Joe! Speakin of which, back in my days as the mayor of Wasilla and takin on the library and such, we’ve got to pray for doors and cracks and cracks in those doors, also, such that we bust through those doors prematurely and so on, for this great nation of ours. And that Reagan was such an inspiration in those last days, god bless him, and wantin to talk to him from the grave, what would we hear this great dead man say about these great pockets of true America that are far removed from those pockets that are not so much as great?”
FMA: funny haha, not funny queer, right?
“It’s like saying, ‘Help us build an intergalactic space travel machine and colonize Mars!’”
You’ve been reading ronpaulforums again.
I think at this point about the only thing that could revitalize the GOP is Don Johnson’s sperm. Extracted forcibly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu9fESAlGc4
Serolf Divad: You mean this guy?
As noted earlier today, it’s not only elderly Evanstanis that keep their dead relatives in the house because they’re too weak to bury them properly.
OT but i widh ted nugent would shut his facehole
Carleaux The Pup: What is this “crum-ping” you speak of? I think Today’s New GOP is just hip enough to do the Charleston.
Why is the GOP so into Sharpies? Do they know that other types of writing implements exist? Couldn’t they at least try Mr. Sketch for a while?
Why start at Reagan? Couldn’t they have had some slo-mo pr0n of Nixon waving good-bye and a voice-over of him planning to get up the asses of those Jew-boys at the SEC?
ihasasad: That was fantastic.
monty: wish, foo! wish
superfecta: Nothing says “teh future” like a red Sharpie.
You all laugh, but they’re running Reagan’s reanimated corpse in 2012. Febreze sales will be through the roof when he’s back in the White House!
The Republican Party is ready for its close-up, Mr. De Mille.
I heard Tim Pawlenty on NPR this morning bitching about how hard his party blows. “We lost women, we lost minorities, we lost poor people, we lost young people, etc.”.
After hearing that and then watching the GOP message machine jerk off to Ronald Reagan’s forgetful corpse yet AGAIN, I wonder if they are as lacking in self-awareness as they seem to be. ‘Cuz we all know how kind the Reagan years were to minorities, young people, women, poors, etc.
Miller: they think Reagan is a saint, why not drag out his bones and build altars around them?
To Republicans, the future should be the past. Not the actual past, but a much more glorious, ennobling past; a past with bells and whistles; a past with roses and soft violins and trumpeting cornets and tintinnabulating timpani; a John Phillips Sousa past. A past, in essence, that never was.
psychedelicSludge: Lovely. I wouldn’t mind a telepathic dog that sounds like Orson Welles myself, right about now.
ok - revitalization right here - starts around the 4 minute mark
(part8) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6TYrvqmD4g
for a prescient travelogue of modern Republicanism:
(part7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHF6w_5WqfA
You think they’ll have to find something else to do than ask people why they hate America?
Goodness.
Dear RNC-
You actually included George W. Bush in your montage. Seriously, what is wrong with you? I’m concerned. Why, exactly, do you think you need to rebuild the party? Because you lost? Yes, well, okay dear, can you think of a reason why you might have lost? Maybe a prominent leader or philosophy that has ruined the country? No? Okay, have fun making your little movies.
Kthnxbai,
IV
Gopherit: Zombie Lincoln voted for your idea.
Speaking of the future of the Republican Party, Sarah Palin is going to address the Republican Governors’ Conference today, and NPR is going to carry it live, also! Please, live blog that bitch.
TedTheLightBulbSalesman: It totally is!
Kinbote: I’m not sure I have faith in the Republicans having good taste, though.
TGY: When I was in high school, one of my teachers went on and on about how she wished that we could “go back to the 50’s” because it was “a simpler, safer time”. Picket fences, apple pies, 4th of July, no minorities in your neighborhood, all that shit. I always found it interesting that she remembered these salad days so vividly, given that she was born in 1970 or so.
She reminds me of Today’s New GOP.
SayItWithWookies:
America: “You’re The Republican Party. You used to be in politics. You used to be big.”
GOP: “I am big. It’s the politics that got small.”
Sara K. “poo in hair?” That was not poo keeping Regan’s hair glossy and firm. The poo was pinched into his cheeks to give that red/brown hue. Get your facts straight!
WadISay: What are the odds of her mentioning Neiman-Marcusgate?
from Governor Palin’s prepared remarks:
“And also in regards of the clothes issue, what’s the big dill? The Toddster wouldn’t wear silk boxers, anyways. He’s usually goin’ smokeless anyways. Also, the Iraq, Katie. Oh, golly these shrimp cocktails aren’t agreein’ with me, golly gee.”
In the last days of the Roman Empire, the completely loony Roman Emperors lionized Alexander the Great so much that they literally looted the old guy’s tomb so that they could wear his armor and helmets and shit while they made speeches to the loony senate and stuff. I guess pretty soon we’ll see Newt on Fox News wearing a rather ill fitting jet black smelly wig soon.
“… and in conclusion, let us remember that even a cheap prostitute has a vagina. Thank you, and God bless America!”
NoWireHangers: Yeah. Maybe Doc. Brown can get out the Delorean, charge up the flux capacitor, and get them all back to 1980 so they can attend the “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance and make sure America falls in love with the GOP all over again.
I noticed that for the George W. Bush section, they were three-quarters of the way through when they got to 9/12/01. Everything after that was a quick blur. Just didn’t have time to cover it in detail, I guess.
Seeing this, I am reminded of all the sage provided (gratis) at the wonderful truck nutz site. Perhaps this most captured the moment:
be more gay
altho
eat shit and die
was one to ponder as well.
What has happened to these people. Some months ago Yglesias and Chait were Bloggingheads laughing about the otherworldly nature of the Republican debates with each of participants trying to show how they (and Reagan) would handle things. Should the Dems be looking for the new FDR?
This is so cool. It’s like the 70 or so years the Dems spent trying to revive the New Deal Coalition.
If the Republicans gain back control, it will be only a matter of days until hunky (president/prime minister hunky–relative to Gordon Brown and Andrea Merkel) Lula of Brazil buys our entire economy.
Which, of course, will be totally great. Help for the poors, damn good food and music, they’re in our side of the hemisphere, and their soccer players totally rock and have fun names, like Caca.
Personally, I can’t wait. And it will be, for once, a great time to live in Real America, where we don’t have beaches. I am so not ready for one of those string bikinis they wear.
So I may become a Republican, just to hasten our demise.
Mmmm… red Sharpies.
Reminds me of the movie Secretary>/i>.
One scoop of creamed potatoes… A slice of butter… Ronald Reagan… and four… green… PEAS!!!
qwerty42: be more gay is actually some good advice for them; the GOP suffers from an extreme lack of fabulousness.
It’s like when old ladies have to tell you over and over how good looking they used to be.
a video of two cavemen smearing poo into each other’s hair.
The imagery in SKS posts always gets me so hot…
Internally valid: yes, but did you notice that they ended the W montage at 9/11? They know that was less than a year into his administration, right? It’s as though they think that if they don’t mention the following 7 years, everyone will forget about them…
Serolf Divad: Nah, that guy is a commercial real estate broker.
shhhh, no one tell the GOP that Reagan actually SUCKED BALLS.
It’s kinda cute how they like to pretend that he was competent.
so the RNC started in 1980? Where was Tricky Dick? Where was Likeable Ike? Mr. ‘Hooverville?’
It still amazes me how much mileage Reagan got out of being someone best described as ‘affable.’ Washington, affable? Jefferson? Lincoln? Either Roosevelt? Affable. Laughable.
Advocatus_Diaboli: No kidding! Reagan was a total failure: made deals with terrorists and lied about it, pitched the doomed and insanely expensive Star Wars missile defense, ran the national debt up to $4 trillion, let his wife’s astrologer determine his schedule…where does it end?
Oh, I know, with the great triumph against communism in Grenada. Good times!
And don’t buy that canard about winning the Cold War. Everyone knows the Pope did that.
The corpse of Ronald Reagan is now GOP fossil fuel.
Somebody should remind the GOP that, despite his impressive electoral victories, Reagan was far from universally loved.
If you are an old, dead, white guy, you will find a home in the RNC. Others need not apply.
Serolf Divad: Or Chad Vader!
obfuscator: Oh yes. They seem to believe that there were no problems before the civil rights movement/womens’ lib./gay activism, and that everything went to to Hell afterwards and stayed there. I really think they want to live in a Mayberry that never existed.
Too bad Opie endorsed Obama.
But, but… Sarah is the new Ronald. She will lead them to the promised land of meth labs and trailer parks adrift in a sea of white faces.
Here’s looking to the future… back in the day.
bhosp: “…the GOP suffers from an extreme lack of fabulousness.” it needs something, and I don’t think reanimated corpses are the way to go. Unless … well, this is just crazy enough to push them over the cliff altogether: they become the Zombie Party! Wow, how cool would zombie Kristol be? (ok, not much, but it is a start, and isn’t that what they really need?)
SkimLatteModerate: The unbearable whiteness of being was the first thing I noticed. 2 non-white folks in the vid. Both military.
Having lived through the Reagan years…he wasn’t all that. I would love for them to include the Iran Contra testimony from Ronnie looking old and confused and unable to remember anything.
I think the Modern Whig Party actually has a chance…
http://modernwhig.org/
The last sentence of this post is pure genius, even though I swear it made my coffee taste funny.
I’m just waiting for the day when the shine is finally off Reagan. I cannot understand the near-adulation of his presidency.
dcgrrl: wow. but it wouldn’t matter if they had the bestest platform ever, who’d join the Whig party? I mean, really. What is “Whig”? (I know, it took its name from the one in the UK, but really …) They’d have as much of a chance if they called themselves “Zentrum”. (which would look more like a pharma name if spelled “XentRum”, but I digress)
Min: They don’t have that many to pick from, really.
I don’t understand why the RNC doesn’t worship Teddy Roosevelt. Hell, I would vote for Zombie Teddy.
forgracie: Or Nancy with her stupid astrology and the ghost of Lincoln. Just say NO, biatches!
V572625694: Hey now, don’t be bashing Grenada. I have a friend who served in that Great War. He was wounded. I can’t remember though whether he got grazed by a bullet or stepped on a seashell. Either way, it was heroic and showed that America really CAN win when we put our hearts and minds to it. Totally made up for Vietnam.
YAY! COMMUNISM IS DEAD! PRAISE JESUS!
Too bad the Ruskies still have their nukes and hate us just as much…
But at least they aren’t godless commies!
Right?
More appropriately…
at the end they should have said:
“Don’t let this happen again.”
Maybe this video was a way to remind the Republican Party of why they suck so much.
In this letter I would like to respond directly to Trucknutz’s simple-minded arguments. However, considering its inability to cope with the truth I feel that doing so would be a great disservice to Trucknutz at this time. So, instead, I’ll devote the rest of this letter to explaining as politely as possible how it is our responsibility to ourselves, to our posterity, to our ancestors, and to the God of Nature, which made us what we are, to say “no” to its snarky, rotten invectives. Before I get moving here, let me point out that its cringers claim that “a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem.” First off, that’s a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that one task that rests on all of our shoulders is to deal with Trucknutz appropriately then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, we must recognize that the confluence of simplism and exhibitionism in Trucknutz’s snow jobs ensures a swirling river of discontent upon which Trucknutz so peremptorily rides. Well, that’s getting away from my main topic, which is that it will probably never understand why it scares me so much. And Trucknutz does scare me: Its prank phone calls are scary, its agendas are scary, and most of all, almost every day, it outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It’s surely breathtaking to watch it.
In plain, simple-to-understand English, Trucknutz writes a lot of long statements that mean practically nothing. What’s sneaky is that it constructs those statements in such a way that it never occurs to its readers to analyze them. Analysis would almost certainly indicate that Trucknutz’s querulous dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Antipluralism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these vindictive trends is to shout back at Trucknutz’s propaganda. To be precise, its suggestions are unrealistic. Now that’s a rather crude and simplistic statement and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it unequivocally expresses how its bruta fulmina are a disgrace and an outrage. End of story. Actually, I should add that we must take personal action and give direction to a universal human development of culture, ethics, and morality. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time.
Even so, Trucknutz’s jibes are more than just antisocial. They’re a revolt against nature. My concern and outrage are not directed solely at Trucknutz, but at all those who seek to create some demonic, pseudo-psychological profile of me to discredit my opinions . An obvious parallel from a slightly different context is that the scantiness of its abstract knowledge directs its sentiments more to the world of anti-intellectualism. There’s nothing controversial about that view. It’s a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Trucknutz says that you and I are inferior to bitter masters of deceit. I’ve seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. I hope I haven’t bored you by writing an entire letter about Trucknutz. Still, this letter was the best way to explain to you that sensationalism has long been Trucknutz’s lodestar.
Yeah, I think I’m going to throw a party on the day when historians finally pull their shit together and start tracing all of our real problems (i.e. all our non gay, minority, abortion, flag-burning, etc., etc. related problems) directly to the Reagan Administration. Balooning deficits, check. Shrinking social safety net, check. Cavalier cowboy-diplomacy, check. Economic policies designed to shift wealth from the poor to the rich and the tax burden from the rich to the poor, check. No investment in crumbling domestic infrastructure (especially URBAN domestic insfrastructure), check. A big F-U to people without health insurance, check. Shipping money and weapons to Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, check.
I mean the guy essentially invented all of our problems over a single long weekend, and then spent the rest of his time in office worrying about things that only existed in his (admittedly powerful) imagination. Why was he so scared of Mikhail Gorbachev again? Nobel Peace Prize winning Mikhail Gorbachev? Why was everyone so ecstatic that we got to trade Gorbachev for good ‘ol Vlad Putin? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Vlad has a Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, I can definitely see why the Republitards would want to all promise at the top of their lungs that they’ll be just like Reagan.
In this letter I would like to respond directly to Trucknutz’s simple-minded arguments. However, considering its inability to cope with the truth I feel that doing so would be a great disservice to Trucknutz at this time. So, instead, I’ll devote the rest of this letter to explaining as politely as possible how it is our responsibility to ourselves, to our posterity, to our ancestors, and to the God of Nature, which made us what we are, to say “no” to its snarky, rotten invectives. Before I get moving here, let me point out that its cringers claim that “a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem.” First off, that’s a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that one task that rests on all of our shoulders is to deal with Trucknutz appropriately then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, we must recognize that the confluence of simplism and exhibitionism in Trucknutz’s snow jobs ensures a swirling river of discontent upon which Trucknutz so peremptorily rides. Well, that’s getting away from my main topic, which is that it will probably never understand why it scares me so much. And Trucknutz does scare me: Its prank phone calls are scary, its agendas are scary, and most of all, almost every day, it outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It’s surely breathtaking to watch it.
Hey Regan defeated the Reds, which is why there are no more communist countries posing a threat to us, except for that really big one to the west that now owns us.
Now that’s a rather crude and simplistic statement and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it unequivocally expresses how its bruta fulmina are a disgrace and an outrage. End of story.
illanate: tl;dr. However, I think your point was that you wanted to blow us all, no?
The best part, of course, is that The Noonington wrote most of the lines in this vid. Before the senile set in.
Serolf Divad:
I hope Wonkette made sure the check cleared before they ran the ad.
The continuity of the transition from Bush the Elder to Bush the Lesser was certainly given its just desserts - about one second (including 0 seconds at the inauguration of 43). There was a longer shot of W with some guy in a paint store.
Ronald Reagan took office almost 29 years ago. And he’s dead. What have you done for me lately, RNC? Maybe if they began the process of indictments for Bush, et al. for war crimes …