Some liberal group of liberals produced a fake edition of the New York Times revealing all the wonderful things that will happen once hippies rule the world, next July. The evil corporate Harvard Business School will close forever; George Bush will be tried for war crimes; and the Patriot Act will be repealed by a 99-1 vote, with only a drunken Jon Kyl dissenting. Jesus, reading this thing is like crawling in Medea Benjamin’s brain. Come join us in a tour of this bleeding-heart masturbation pamphlet.
Here are the many exciting things you’ll be able to look forward to in the future:
- Fat cat corporate overlords are prohibited by law from making more than $180,000 a year. (Half of Manhattan immediately goes into bankruptcy.)
- PR goons put out of business forever. (Huzzah! Because when you think of a word that’s synonymous with “cancer on society,” you probably think of … public relations professionals. Lock ‘em all up!)
- Terrible military propaganda video game “America’s Army” cancelled and replaced with a new video game called “America’s Diplomat.” (Nobody will buy or play this boring video game.)
You get the point. The hilarious part is that this is precisely the sort of shit that conservatives believe liberals wank to, so now you will have to explain to all your Republican friends why you actually don’t think a boring video game about diplomacy is such an awesome idea.
Fake New York Times
Pranksters print spoof NY Times [BBC News]
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This NYT is in the Tank for Chavez
Meanwhile, masturbation to the actual WSJ continues unabated…
I really enjoyed America’s Army. Then I pissed off one of the players because I was a pot-smoking anti-bush kind of guy. Wasn’t even talking to him–just my existence pissed him off.
He started following me from server to server, joining my team, and shooting me in the back each time a round started.
Eventually I stopped playing.
Yeah, let’s burn those fuckin’ FATCAT CORPORATIONS to the ground. No, I haven’t thought of the consequences of their being no one left to advertise on my blog where my roving band of Kucinich-hugging moon-maiden burnout friends write about Phish concerts, why do you ask? I just like sticking it to the man!
America’s Diplomat is really America’s Diplomat: Grand Theft World. Silly Repugs, there are more fun and easier ways to fuck over the world than just blowing shit up.
Seriously, America’s Army (the game) sucked ass. Also a pretty stupid recruiting tool considering that many gamers are really meeker versions of Gomer Pyle.
blah blah Hippie overlords. Is this how the Obama Administration agenda is to be texted to the masses, one prank at a time? C U @ END IRAQ WAR.
I would play “America’s Diplomat” but I’m an effete nerd.
Oooo! Did they say anything about Enya becoming the world’s Faerie Princess who will grant wishes to those of us who embrace peace and love baby seals because they are so fuckin cute? Because I would SO be for that!
[re=175536]Crow T. Robot[/re]: That really is the ultimate in chickenhawk cowardice, when you’re too gutless to shoot an online character in the face.
Man, they went all out on this site. There’s even fake ads on each page that are made to look like major corporations are saying hippie shit! Haha, it’s funny because it’s blatant copyright infringement.
I was hoping there’d even be a hippie sports section where football players realized the error in their violence and reverted to totally rad sports like frisbee and hackysack, but they didn’t even put in the effort! I get a dumb 404 error.
Sadly, “America’s Diplomat” is what Condi thought she was playing all this time. Turns out it was “minesweeper.”
I’m still waiting for them to write their precious utopian article where Future Bill Kristol learns the error in his silly conservative ways and becomes a LIGHTNING-ROD PACIFIST.
Actually, no, I think even utopian-dream-NYT has to contain comic relief.
“Campaigns like “Army Strong” and “Be All You Can Be” were created by private firms, and companies are even alleged to have been paid hefty sums to guarantee returning veterans prominent placement on television programs such as ‘Wife Swap,’ ‘Trading Spaces,’ and ‘Punk’d.’”
Hahahahahahahahahaha! They could’ve also included “Extreme Home Makeover” to the list, but then that would actually make this part of the article true.
Check out the ads for American Apparel. Good god this is worse than that damn Why Mommy is a Democrat book.
I am looking forward to the commemorative music issue, “The Indigo Girls and other music that sucks that you have to listen to ’cause you’re a libtard”.
This was the work of the Yes Men. I preferred their giant inflatable phallus prank:
http://libcom.org/files/images/library/yes%20men.jpg
While some of these are nice dreams, some of this is actually my vision of hippy hell. I still can’t decide what I hate more, the real NYT or this one.
I like how their utopian vision includes all cars being recalled and replaced with “hybrid bikes”. Which is, what, crust-punk code for tall bikes?
The maximum wage is probably their worst idea, for about a billion reasons. Mommy, the hippies are scaring me!
Apparently they printed up 1.2 million hard copies for distribution in the Metro region. (Instant collectible + spoofing the newspaper of record) * (slow news day) = PURE WIN.
This is fucking brilliant, even if one takes into account the distinct lack of TRUCK NUTZ.
No crossword.
A hybrid bike is one which is partially powered by you and partially powered by Bill Kristol who is chained behind you.
We hit the stage, with rock and rage
And do our best to earn the maximum wage.
The lights are bullshit, the sound`s for the birds,
Don`t know the music and we don`t know the words but still we`re
Stinkin` up the great outdoors
Stinkin` up the great outdoors
Stinkin` up the great outdoors
And the kids don`t mind!
– Spinal Tap
Never mind. It’s not funny anymore. I shall resist our hummus sucking overlords.
This is basically the only thing I have ever seen in my life that makes me want to be a republican.
From the fake NYT article: “Unlike its predecessor, America’s Diplomat has been pronounced suitable for children of any age by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.”
From the fake americasdiplomat.com site: RATED T FOR TEEN
Oh no! Sexy teen content was added to the blockbuster diplomat game! Haha, even in the future the NYT can’t fact-check.
Hippie utopia? I think not. Where’s the mention of a national patchouli surplus, free ethical vegan free trade grilled cheese sandwiches, and the cars that run on love? Also all that secret liberal fascist stuff Jonah Goldberg says we want to enact? That paper doesn’t mention brown shirts or re-education camps at all.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
[re=175533]BarthexDeRosa[/re]: i masturbate to the thrifty nickel!!
Yea! Fox news for hippies!
It’s nice to know that progtards are as anti-intellectual as rightards: “Friedman: The End Of Experts?” No sir, we don’t need any of that fancy-pants expertise….
No Hacky Sack, No Peace. Know Hacky Sack, Know Peace.
[re=175544]mattbolt[/re]: agreed. way to not even try hippies. Is it that hard to make fun of Eli Manning? Come on! A Yankees/Steinbrenner/A-Rod/etc joke would have written itself!
Damn Hippies.
“Nation Sets its Sites…” Analphabètes de gauche!
Republican friends?
Um. I think it was meant as over-the-top exaggeration. The Yes Men, in general, don’t do painfully earnest.
“Ex-secretary apologizes for W.M.D scare.” IT’S A JOKE, SON.
[re=175608]Norbert[/re]: correction: friends?
(oh wonkette, is there no void you cannot fill?)
Uhhhhhh…
Sara said “wank.”
Uh huh huh huh
“Over 100 artists and artists groups collaborated to create the spoof NYtimes.”
and
“This page is copylefted by Joseph DeLappe, 2008. Feel free to copy, link or otherwise use anything on the blog for whatever purpose you like.”
hehehehesnorthehehe [america's diplomat]
Harvard University Business School will be closing its doors following an unprecedented drop-off in applications this fall. The school will be renamed the Harvard University School of Integrity, and students will receive Masters in Integrity and Compassion, or M.I.C.s.
This makes me want to punch an angel in the face.
I’m skeptical. I think this is a double reverse whammy trick of the neocons.
[re=175557]Kinbote[/re]: Well, they want all motor vehicles banned or something, but maybe they can work out some BikeNutz.
I dunno, America’s Diplomat couldn’t be more boring than The Sims–at least in the former you should be able to get virtually drunk at an embassy function and cause an international incident by slapping the Saudi Ambassador on the ass or some such…
Having logged so many hours’ worth—months worth, really—playing Sid Meier’s Civilization, I can say that the diplomatic parts of the game are much more interesting than the war parts (which are actually pretty good.) So I’d play America’s Diplomat, even though I now realize that if I’d spent all that time playing Civilization either working on that novel or working out, I could have a writing career and/or actually be in decent physical shape. Thanks a lot, Sid Meier.
Maybe they’d better not make that America’s Diplomat game. The last thing I need is another scapegoat for my own personal shortcomings. Still, in spite of my Civilization addiction, I met and married an actual woman, so maybe Sid Meier didn’t ruin my life entirely.
[re=175678]Neon Trotsky[/re]: Yeah, I’d probably play it. Then again, I did play a computer game called Diplomacy at some point, and it wasn’t half bad.
[re=175536]Crow T. Robot[/re]: just like in real life, eh?
[re=175537]mattbolt[/re]: we don’t need to burn the FAT CAT Corporations to the ground.. they are too busy doing it to themselves under a republican free for all.
[re=175556]mattbolt[/re]: Actually I like the Maximum Wage ruling – it’s more in line with the rest of the world and besides, with a little innovative thinking, you can up your corporate per-diem to 10k a day and not have to pay as much taxes on it.
Diplomacy is great in Medieval total war 2… It buys me enough time for my Armies of frothing Scots to invade France, or Poland, or where ever the hell I want. When I think of peace its more like how much more time can I prep for war. So be ready hippies! Now that you have gotten rid of guns its time for a good old fashioned Calvary charge!
I’m not exactly wanking to it, but I do feel kinda tingly all over.
WRONG FONT FAIL.
You snot-nosed snarking slackers should be on your knees, thanking your hippie progenitors who blazed a trail for your drugged-out, lava-lamped, over-caffienated, beetle-driving existense.
[re=175771]1337b07[/re]: Why do you want to charge the hill where Jesus was crucified? Seems like kind of an out of the way place to send your troops.
— A spokeswoman for the newspaper, Catherine Mathis, said: “This is obviously a fake issue of The Times.” — Hence Cathy’s high salary.
This is the reason that people turn to Ayn Rand for comfort.
[re=175697]Larry McAwful[/re]: Ditto on the unfinished novel – along with a screen play and 2 stage plays languishing since I discovered the world of Civ.
However, I also did manage to meet’n'mount a right-leaning fag, got him to play Civ, go even gay for Obama (albeit via Pantsuits! – little steps, little steps), and now we’re getting 2nd-class married (“Civ-union?”) next summer. Orygun IS leftie commie, but I guess not pinko’nuff to let me marry the man and our cat.
That being said, American Diplomat would pro’ly be too gay, even for me.
Fake NYT article is to Dems as Palin is to Repugs.
The Repugs do NOT have a sense of humor (you have to swear on a bible to never show/admit to a sense of humor when you sign-up.) They take their TruckNutz very, very seriously.
Soo many things wrong with the “America’s Diplomat” thing I just can’t… ugh…
-4 Words: “…Defense Secretary Scott Ritter…” The Scott Ritter military would have no chain ‘o command whatsoever; it would be a bunch of whiny bitches doing whatever they feel like.
OK, $180,000 max income was a little under the top. Wouldya believe $250,000? $1,000,000? How ’bout ACORN gets any house you don’t remember owning?
That photo can’t be real! It doesn’t show any desperate people hanging from the wheels as they try to escape!
Zhu Bajie
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