SHINY THINGS  1:30 pm November 12, 2008

Michelle Obama Wears Expensive Jewelry, Just Like Republicans!

by Sara K. Smith

Look at her fancy plutocrat baublesMichelle Obama is worse than Cindy McCain times Sarah Palin divided by Imelda Marcos times one million. Her election-night earrings cost a reported $11,000 — approximately twice what a healthy human kidney will fetch on the black market! This is a relevant metric because next year we will all be selling our kidneys to make rent, until we burn down our rental dwellings for firewood. Meanwhile, the Obamas will be sitting in the White House feasting on precious gems and fillets of endangered species. [New York Magazine/British Vogue]

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qwerty42 November 12, 2008 at 1:35 pm

as long as they don’t try to confiscate my truck nutz.

shortsshortsshorts November 12, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Just wait ’til ya’all hear how much the Obama’s spent on terrorist cells and yellow-cake uranium.
Still not as much as Palin’s wardrobe, BUT CONSIDER.

problemwithcaring November 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm

HEY! She earned that – 11 grand for 16 years worth of bj’s? They are square.

grendel November 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm

$11K jewelry? That’s what Cindy’s stage jewelry costs that she lets the maids keep for “not finding” her stash.

magic titty November 12, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Michelle is awesome. All haters can get royally fucked.

grendel November 12, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=174647]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Shorts, you ignorant twat! That is all.

TGY November 12, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Could be worse: ‘nose piercings’. Nobody likes a nose-ring bedecked with emeralds because, you know…boogers.

satyricrash November 12, 2008 at 1:38 pm

What is the cost per terrorist fist bump?

Terry November 12, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Pretty earrings, but I still didn’t care for that dress.

choinski November 12, 2008 at 1:40 pm

My kidneys are clip-ons.

tinybubbles November 12, 2008 at 1:42 pm

After supporting Hopey for the past who knows how many months, campaigning for him, taking care of the girls, traveling all over, Michelle has earned those earrings. I wonder if this is going to cause a bitterz uproar?

GagHotDew November 12, 2008 at 1:44 pm

This is just so true. I knew it would happen. Wearing earrings. Smiling. I warned my next-door neighbors about this but they went ahead an voted for this Hussein fellow. Go ahead, I said, you’ll see. Earrings, and shiny ones at that. Smiley, smiley-o. I threw up on my flag-themed pinafore just thinking about it. PS – don’t tell anyone but I got way more than 11 dollars for _my_ kidney.

MissMal November 12, 2008 at 1:44 pm

They were probs just a gift from Oprah… one of her Favorite Things, perhaps?

problemwithcaring November 12, 2008 at 1:44 pm

[re=174664]tinybubbles[/re]: For a little while – at least until the inaugural ball tickets on eBay start going for about three times that.

Terry November 12, 2008 at 1:45 pm


Only if the RNC paid for them.

TeddyS November 12, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Rest easy, bitters. Those big earrings transform into assault rifles.

blinky_twinkie November 12, 2008 at 1:48 pm

M.O. could wear eleven thousand $1 bills taped to her ears and still look good.

wx insider November 12, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I hear Hopey wear a gold-plated cock ring — made by Muslims!

AngryBlakGuy November 12, 2008 at 1:51 pm

…well that is nothing compare to what Barry is gonna wear to the inauguration

2druk2phluq November 12, 2008 at 1:52 pm

It’s obvious that they can be stretched into a rather deadly garrote. Michelle would have learned several of the ways a garrote can kill during her training at Islamofascist Assassin School™ (It’s not just for Islamofascists anymore! Call 1-800-DIE-YTEE).

I’m going to hell. It’s so clear now.

Aurelio November 12, 2008 at 1:52 pm

Michelle should get some diamond-studded TRUCK NUTZ earrings. Just sayin.’

Lazy Media November 12, 2008 at 1:53 pm

Hey, two pairs of those, and you might could afford a ticket to the inaugural.

longjohnson November 12, 2008 at 1:53 pm

[re=174652]magic titty[/re]: That is what I am hoping for – a princess to lay one on me.

AngryBlakGuy November 12, 2008 at 1:53 pm

…hey Sara K., you don’t happen to know how much a gently used Liver would go for do you? Mine is a few hundred thousand miles past the warranty.

Spiro Agnew November 12, 2008 at 1:55 pm

Muslins do love earrings!

Even more so than bitters love TRUCK NUTZ!!!!1111

V572625694 November 12, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Did we just wander over to Princess Sparkle Pony’s (awesome) site by mistake here?

robanybody November 12, 2008 at 1:56 pm

I think we should be clear: when our side wears expensive jewelry, it’s giving hope to the masses at a time of deep economic concern or, if you wish, it’s a tasteful display of success hard-earned through real work, dedication, and brilliance, which affirms the American story. When their side does it, it’s over-the-top decadence, period. I see no contradiction or irony there at all, and neither should you.

tootsieroll November 12, 2008 at 2:00 pm

[re=174681]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: That needs to inspire a Blingee.

Tommy Says Soooo November 12, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Earrings, schmearings. Michelle can pull off Wolford hose/bodystockings. Um, excuse me, gotta go.

Schadenfried November 12, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=174652]magic titty[/re]: Not most talented femcee, but still appropriate:

Miller November 12, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Who does she think she is, 1/10th of Cindy McCain? Real first lady wanna-bees slap down real money for some half a mil blood diamonds, not these $11,000 poverty baubles. I bet no one in Sierra Leone got an arm hacked off so she could get some ear sparkles. For shame.

sezme November 12, 2008 at 2:04 pm

So you’re saying she sold both kidneys? Or was it one each from Sasha and Malia?

Schadenfried November 12, 2008 at 2:04 pm

[re=174681]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: At least you didn’t use Reh Dogg’s pic, he wasn’t in the tank for the Hopester.

TGY November 12, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=174647]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Chocolate cake uranium is much preferable to the yellow cake.

AngryBlakGuy November 12, 2008 at 2:09 pm

…so what, Michelle has a couple of house payments dangling from ears; Sarah Failin spent the entire GDP of Zimbabwe on her wardrobe.

AnnieGetYourFun November 12, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Shit, I paid $13K for this fucking kidney. Did I get ripped off?

V572625694 November 12, 2008 at 2:13 pm

[re=174716]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Costco has kidneys for $8K in the flyer!

NoWireHangers November 12, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Well, duh. Now that the Obamas are in the White House we WANT Michelle to spend millions of dollars to look fabulous. That’s why we voted for them.

Besides, I’m sure the expensive earrings are like fancy Oscar duds: the designer phoned her up and wanted her to wear them. I’m sure they were free. Even if she paid, it was with her own money, and cot damn she just became First Lady. Gotta celebrate, bitches!

WonderWomyn November 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Who paid for ‘em?

Ms. Single Mama November 12, 2008 at 2:17 pm

They were probably donated by some designer. And besides 11K is nothing… could have been much worse.

Itsjustme November 12, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=174652]magic titty[/re]: She’s so totally Awesome!

PoliTacky November 12, 2008 at 2:24 pm

[re=174723]NoWireHangers[/re]: The designers often loan that shit out for the free publicity, sometimes they even come with a bodyguard… only Sharon Stone thinks that they’re “gifts” and refuses to give them back!

HeyHey November 12, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Do we know that she purchased them? I think they may have been lent, like designers do for Hollywood stars.

There’s a big difference between Cindy wearing blinding diamond earrings that she purchased for herself and Michelle borrowing hip diamond ear-bobbs for a single night.

Tommy Says Soooo November 12, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Free earrings and free Mumia! Muthas!

sati demise November 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=174730]Ms. Single Mama[/re]: Retail or wholesale?

Enjoy the bold choices of Michelle now, because she might be constricted to ‘business classic’ jewelry when she lives in the White House..or NOT!

There will be a mad spending spree in Washington DC during this ‘transition’, out with the old, in with all sorts of new and exciting people. Christmas in January! So dont expect any great after Christmas sales in DC this year…..retail is going to cash in some chips in the one geographical area of the country where people are getting new jobs…

AngryBlakGuy November 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=174715]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …and Cindy McCain probably financed an entire African civil war with all the blood diamonds she was wearing at the RNC!

problemwithcaring November 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm

[re=174724]WonderWomyn[/re]: Rezko, obvs.

hedgehog November 12, 2008 at 2:30 pm

Those earrings look like the plastic ties that hold together socks at TJ Maxx.

shortsshortsshorts November 12, 2008 at 2:31 pm

[re=174713]TGY[/re]: But yellow cake is clearly less fattening.

TexasCowGirl November 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Sorry but I’m relatively new here so what are truck nutz exactly? I hate to be an ignorant slut, but I’m a bit confused.

And Michelle earned those damn earrings. The more fabulous she looks the more the bitters scream and the more I laugh. So keep it up Mrs. O.

sevenrepeat November 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm

“fillets of endangered species”, yum!! Is Sarah Palin providing their meals?

Tommy Says Soooo November 12, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=174760]TexasCowGirl[/re]: There’s no need to be a hater. Ignorance is often a valued attribute in sluts.

FreshCliches November 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm

For the first time, Michelle is proud of her ear lobes.

zetetic November 12, 2008 at 3:09 pm

[re=174760]TexasCowGirl[/re]: TruckNutz are only the most awesome vehicle accessory since mirrored silhouette mudflap girls. Or whatever they’re called.

Kinda surprised you don’t know about them. Are you sure you’re from Texas? Aren’t TruckNutz required there to make your truck street-legal? Like having a license plate and a gun rack?

S.Luggo November 12, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Meanwhile, shouldering a 9.7 million gazillion dollars in campaign debt, Hilary is forced to wear last season’s fugly pant suits and to use old Miracle Whip tubs for friggin’ soup bowls. Unfair. Very unfair. – Countess de Rothschild

BTW: Michelle’s boojzee bling looks like dandified pipe cleaners. Just being objective.

Mustang November 12, 2008 at 3:30 pm

can i has truck nutz erings

S.Luggo November 12, 2008 at 3:34 pm
TexasCowGirl November 12, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=174769]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Tis true what you are saying. Tis very true indeed, sir.

TexasCowGirl November 12, 2008 at 3:51 pm

[re=174850]zetetic[/re]: I resent and reject your stereotyping of Texans! How the hell would I know anything about trucks? I ride a damn horse!

Oh, and thank you for the info. I really appreciate you answering my question.

psychedelicSludge November 12, 2008 at 4:35 pm

She’s too modest to let it slip out she sold her own kidneys to pay for them.

ceci November 12, 2008 at 4:48 pm

I agree with heyhey. Celebs do it all the time, I don’t see her spending that much on jewelry, she gives off a low maintenance vibe? Maybe she needs a stylist though…that election day dress was kind of ugly!

sarcasticusername November 12, 2008 at 6:11 pm

hey at least she saved her blinding jewels until after gustav destroyed the world, this way she’s just fabulous, rather than fabulous AND insensitive.

Itsjustme November 12, 2008 at 6:37 pm

[re=174850]zetetic[/re]: Truck nutz are more Florida/Georgia than Texas. All we had was a stupid fucking Governor to sacrifice to the Nation.

veganrampage2 November 12, 2008 at 8:21 pm

[re=174884]S.Luggo[/re]: Confederate flag trucknutz + drivers who buy them = SMEGHEADS

Diahni November 14, 2008 at 9:42 am

I am underwhelmed at the report of MO’s earrings. If my husband made a bundle on an autobiography, he had damned well better buy me a nice pair of “real” jewelry. Since you’re comparing this to the excesses of the GOP girls, can you really compare her earrings to Yoda Palin’s wardrobe or, worse, Cindy McCain’s Star Wars get-up for the GOP convention. Think of something more interesting to write about.

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