…But be sure to wear a rubber! It is a true fact that all Mormons have space warts. [SFist]
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November 11, 2008
Tragicomic Mormon-Homosexual War In California Intensifies
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{ 73 comments }
Would that be a hate fuck or a pity fuck?
Obviously Mormons aren’t getting any if they’re so worked up about teh sexy lives of California queers.
Jesu, when will these nutty magic underpants wearing bible bangers learn to mind their own damn bizness?
Oh right – never.
It’s hard to fuck a mormon, all that magic underwear is usually more bother than it is worth.
Don’t do it! It’s a trap! They have fangs in their anuses!
I will spend the rest of the day perusing this foto for people doin’ it on one of those balconies.
…and I’d like to say, that if I were a covert RNC operative working in teh gey community, the first thing I would do is arrange protests targeting a single denomination. What a horrid idea.
As usual, the gay Mormons are at an impasse. Once you have splooged into the Great Salt Lake en masse, mere human accomplishments seem small.
[re=173349]WWJGD[/re]: Anus dentata? Figures. But who said anything about fucking them with an actual penis?
So if Prop 8 is legal, then there’s really nothing preventing a California constitutional amendment outlawing Mormon marriage, right?
And I’ll pass on the fucking Mormons thing — they’ve got some cute chicks but I can’t listen to them talk without laughing. It ruins the whole “I’m taking your worldview seriously” thing.
I’m beginning to understand why the most popular Mormon hymn is entitled, “Come, Come Ye Saints”…..
….ON MY TITS!
[re=173364]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The only way to fuck a Mormon is to gag them first — especially the twinks they send door to door.
[re=173356]nurple[/re]: AMEN. The Yes fundies said letting teh gaiz marry was an attack on religion. Well, maybe not, but NOT letting us marry sure seems to be making it one. Morans.
As fun as it is to hate on Mormons (and easy too!), hating on them isn’t going to endear them to the Gay Rights cause. You win more Mormons with Tang and Rice Krispies than with hate, people.
Son: What is marriage, dad?
Dad: Well son, marriage is sacred bond between a man and a woman or a man and 16 young girls like Uncle Edward in the hills of Utah.
Son: Really? Then why do Cousin Jeb and his roommate, Bill, want to get married?
Dad: That’s because they’re blasphemous homos. The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Amanda and Eve.
Son: Why is it evil?
Dad: Why all the fucking questions? It just is okay. If the federale gubbiment won’t let us have polygamy then the geyz shouldn’t be married. Stop fucking bothering me.
This message brought to you by the Church of Latter Day Douchebags and Space Jeebus. Wearing the majik undies since 1827.
[re=173364]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I have done a lot of ex-Mormons. SO MANY HOT ONES. I accidentally found myself in a visitors’ centre once (don’t ask), and the movie they showed me of HOT MORMON FARM BOY alternately brushing his horse or in a cute sweater by a camp fire made me seriously contemplate converting. Until they mentioned the no drugs or alcohol or buttsecks thing.
Sometimes when you touch, the honesty’s too much — and I have to close my eyes and chide. Thank you. Thank you very much.
“FUCK MORMONS” in day-glo pink? Those gay boys have talent!
[re=173372]NoWireHangers[/re]: And jello salad. Don’t forget jello salad.
[re=173345]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Mmmmmm…. Magic underwear….soooo sexy…….
There are a lot of hot Mormon women. I can almost understand the polygamy thing — they’re like Lays potato chips, you can’t eat just one.
Isn’t that all Mormons are good for, fucking? Don’t they apply the same rule as Catholics? Go forth and Multiply.
Or, is that Joe Scarborough’s Summer Hacienda?
No, no, it’s not Mormons who have space warts, you’re thinking of Scientologists. Those “Thetans” are actually pretty skanky as far as aliens go…
Targeting the Mormons and their millions spent limiting other people’s rights is okay with me, but in the interest of equality, couldn’t they add, “And piss on the Southern Baptists” and add a pic of that New Jersey Councilman to the banner?
The whole bunch could link hands with the pentecostals and march into hell. I’m not being biased here, just suggesting a way to improve life in the Real America.
I was in LA, getting my drunk on over the weekend, and the streets were lined with riot police suppressing the anti-prop 8 protest. Gay guys don’t throw molotov cocktails, though. They only throw cosmopolitans.
I believe that’s a photo of the Osmond’s home.
Bah. The banner is just an advertisement for the “special magic undies” DVD release of Latter Days.
Perhaps this could all be settled in a little place I like to call … Thunderdome!
[re=173381]hedgehog[/re]: A friend stationed in Salt Lake City doing contractor work told me it was understood that Mormon girls (who are–yes–as a group disproportionately cute) had strict prohibitions against dingus-in-vajayjay sex, but were totally uninhibited otherwise, a favorite passtime being “taking it up the old dirt chute.”
duh, i thought it said FUCK MORE MOMS
Hope Romney is nowhere near the west coast these days. Having to do him would be reaaaaalllly hard.
[re=173345]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Yeah, but when you, their toes curl…
Pertaining to the sign, I have–two female ones. And it was pretty good, I have to tell ya’. And that’s the truth, on two and on the quality. Sometimes, you have to watch out for the religious ones.
[re=173413]WadISay[/re]: yeah, good times… I knew a ‘good Lutheran girl’ in high school who was very adamant about keeping her hymen intact until marriage. In the meantime, she would take dick in any position that didn’t involve a vagina and was very proud of her blowjob skills. She also confessed that she had her boyfriend’s naughty parts in the lock-and-load position and managed to get him out of there before the magic membrane was mutilated. And yes, she was a bible-thumping, holier-than-thou, full-of-the-Lord’s-spirit type.
Screw ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out…
Morans, Mormons, can’t anybody spell MORONS anymore?
I like the autumn leaves in the pitcher.
[re=173376]Canuck13652[/re]: It’s interesting how many swingers are ex-Mormon . . . or so I’ve heard. I haven’t decided if Mormonism creates the desire for delightfully deviant behavior, or if the desire is what ends the faith.
[re=173433]natoslug[/re]: There is another possibility: Mormon tradition dictates that a man spread his seed as widely as possible.
[re=173413]WadISay[/re]: OK, that’s it. I was going to spend my weekend on the couch watching college football and eating Doritos. But when I see that “Fuck Mormons” ad, it speaks to me. I’m not usually that susceptible to advertising, but that’s the best slogan since “Where’s the beef?” (I bet those guys came up with that one, too.)
Salt Lake City, here I come!
As I always say, Mormonism is just Scientology for the Everyman.
The whole Prop 8 battle was especially weird in Oakland. There was this large roving band of large Samoans who set up at various freeway on-ramps with Yes on 8 signs. Also, during the primary, there were a bunch of black dudes wearing whities with Romney banners on some of the freeway overpasses. The Mormons have an odd way of mobilizing activists.
And there is a huge Mormon temple up in the Oakland hills. It’s this massive pyramid thing that you can see, literally, for miles. The Mormon church owns a bunch of homes in that area as well. It’s a weird pseudo-compound that spreads out for blocks, and you would totally miss it if you were just passing through the area.
At any rate, they had to shut down a few roads around the temple it this weekend because of the protests. I hope they do it again this weekend.
Who knew Mormons would ever try to take the moral high ground on marriage? Big Love went to their heads. Paxton!!!!!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
[re=173381]hedgehog[/re]: “There are a lot of hot Mormon women. I can almost understand the polygamy thing — ”
Big Love aside, have you actually SEEN FLDS women?
[re=173364]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
I like where that thought is headed, but remember, you are talking about a state that lacked the political spine to name a sewage treatment plant after the worst president ever.
[re=173454]Maus[/re]: I’ve seen them in documentaries, and they’re pretty scary looking and have that brainwashed, dazed look. I’m talking about the blonde, perfect-looking, BYU-type women, the ones who the Mitt Romneys of the world cavort with and have that brainwashed, dazed look.
[re=173458]blader[/re]: Don’t read the sewage treatment initiative that way. The people of SF just don’t want to memorialize Bush in any way. Naming their shit factory after Bush would be an insult to the shit factory, and to the sensibilities of the present and future generations of SF residents. I’m surprised they haven’t renamed Bush street to something else.
I say lets start a proposition to take away the Mormon claim to be a religion (they are a cult) and therefore take away thier tax free status. That’ll show’em.
[re=173463]hedgehog[/re]: I had a friend in High School who was Mormon. His mom found out I was Jewish and asked, politely, if she could ask me some questions about Judaism. I agreed, and she sat me down for a really long time and started peppering me with questions, all the while taking notes. It was really fucking weird. She wasn’t trying to convert me or anything, she just wanted data. Bizarre.
Why are you oppressing Mormons by insisting that they don’t oppress you?
The whole Mormon thing reminds me of one time when my wife and I with my in-laws were heading up to San Francisco, and while driving through San Jose my mother-in-law suddenly shouts out “Look, there’s a giant statue of C-3PO!” “Uh, no mom, that’s the golden Jesus in front of the Mormon temple.”
Seriously though, before this whole Prop 8 BS, myself (like a lot of Californians) regarded Mormons as a bit kooky and odd, but cute and essentially harmless. After all this, as far as I’m concerned they might as well be burning crosses and wearing white hoods. They can do whatever the fuck they want in Utah, but they can keep their hateful homophobic asses our of our state, and out of our politics. If they make the mistake of darkening my doorstep again, they are going to get an earful, at the very least. They have made a lot of enemies here with this move.
[re=173468]Rodney Badger[/re]: I’m really disappointed. After a couple of sentences I thought this was going to be a Mormon MILF fantasy.
Many of the Mormons I have met are exceptionally well versed in world events, multilingual, etc. Meeting them always makes me wonder how much I could know if I didn’t drink, chase skirts, etc.
[re=173463]hedgehog[/re]: Sure, the Stepford wives can be hot looking. But once they let you know that there will be no touching in the ‘swimsuit area’, why bother?
For god’s sake if you do that PULL OUT. One thing we don’t need is more-mons.
..”Fuck Hormones”? Their choice of font leaves something to be desired.
[re=173381]hedgehog[/re]: I bet you think this is hot, don’t you ?
http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/d79e/unibrow.jpg
Our high school Prom King and Queen were Mormons. Ah, the for-beee-din fruit.
[re=173478]hedgehog[/re]: Sure, most are well-versed, but it’s kind of like the Republicans on Real Time with Bill Maher smart: They can hold on for about 30 minutes and then they haul out some ridiculous talking point and can’t understand why everyone’s laughing at them. Dude, you’re not getting a fucking planet!
[re=173458]blader[/re]: It wasn’t a state issue, it was a San Francisco issue. And “Rodney Badger” is right: SF people don’t want to memorialize Prez Monkey Boy in any way. They just want his ass either back in Crawford or behind bars.
I dunno…California shot down the abortion measure, which prevented how many potential abuse incidents and protected privacy. You don’t win them all, and the campaign against 8 was just not well done. And we all know about the high defection rate from these right-wing cults. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you should act like the end of the world.
[re=173478]hedgehog[/re]: And the no drinking, smoking deal makes them all look so freaking young. I’m like a grizzled veteran in comparison to the Mos at my work.
They are pretty in that plastic, phoney, “we’ve built a religion around some nutjob” kinda way.
This gay Mormon war is, by far, the most retarded political move I’ve seen all year.
Save some bitter for the Catholics! And, yes, there will be more protests this weekend at various City Halls.
Poor puerile West Hollywood backgammon players can’t even spell “Moron”. No wonder they can’t get to 8!
http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/1895/gay_triv.html
hate fuck and hot fuck – especially getting those steamy little missionaries in the missionary position.
“Arf !”
Shakers make a better fuck.
I remember going to gay bars in Salt Lake City one Halloween – just driving through – and being fascinated with the large numbers of Mormon men, single and married, hanging out, hitting up and hooking up.
None of the cute younguns, though, you know, the clean cut boys who knock on the door to present a slideshow on the life of Jeebus. These were older gays, in their 30s and 40s, looking for love.
http://www.gaymormonstories.com/
Fascinating. Reminded me of the Jews and Catholics and certain church-going African Americans…closeted gay men out for a drink and a bedmate.
Just like my dad, actually, a career Air Force officer! Bless his departed soul.
Say, why does the Mormon Church keep sending those two gay guys to my door all the time – can’t they afford a room?…?
You cant fuck Mormons, they have magic underwear
Growing up Mormon, I always got a little hard when we sang the hymn: “Hold to the Iron Rod.”
It’s actually very really real.
Didn’t Brigham Young forbid Mormons to live in California?
Maybe someone needs to found another Mormon splinter denomination for the gay Mormons.
Zhu Bajie
Dude with the balcony doesn’t get it. Mormons LOVE to fuck… to the point that my late uncle, whose ex-inlaws are Colo. City FLDS Mormons, called them FUCKIN’ MORMONS.
And no surprise that the fuckin mormons vote Repub, since they love them some young, YOUNG ‘cooch’.
It’s so depressing. Why don’t all the Yes on 8 assholes MOVE to Utah and quit fucking up my state?
It’s so depressing. Why don’t all the Yes on 8 assholes MOVE to Utah and quit screwing up my state?
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