Wonkette
Oooh go now go now before these enterprising Republicans figure out how this “Internet” thing works. (Naturally, the suggestions forum has already been bombarded with Paultards.) [Rebuild the Party]
SUGGESTION BOX
How Can You Help Rebuild The Republican Party?
Read More:
1:34 PM
on Tue November 11 2008
By
Sara K. Smith
6346 Views
…participate in anger management.
Like ticks attracted to a blood meal, that website was transformed into a quivering mass of humorless paultards from the moment of its inception.
Boo. Sign-up required before I could post that the new RNC chairman should eviscerate Michelle Bachman on the senate steps. Boo, I say.
i suggested a ball gag and leather restraints for Sarah Palin
To get incresed resources, Have Sarah Palin flash her cooch like Brittney Spears, and sell those photos on the inernets.
Build a fence along the US-Africa border.
Um…I’m not helping them. I say go ahead. Nominate Palin in 2012. Seal our victory!
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
MSNBC called, they want their banner rainbow back.
stfu about God.
New Idea: resurrect Lee Atwater.
This can’t be real. The Republicans would have to be alarmingly disconnected from reality for them to believe that this will have any useful results for the party. This is a hoax right? Some serious avant guard Internet art installation that most people won’t fully comprehend? What the hell is happening?
…ignore every suggestion on here, give tax breaks to your rich friends, and convince your electorate that we’re about to be taken over by fifteen impoverished Arabs with AK-47s and a can opener. Works every time.
The next RNC Chairman should…
get gay married to Gov Charlie Christ.
My 10 point plan:
1) Less closeted gay sex with interns.
Fight a maximum of one overseas war of choice at a time.
2) Less perverted straight diaper sex with hookers.
3) Accept fewer bribes (in the legal sense) from lobbyists
4) Don’t demonize voters you’ll need in the future (Messicuns are da devilz spawn!!!)
5) Less meth addicted spiritual advisers who are totally straight but into gay prostitute sex.
6) By all means make Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber your standard bearers. That way you can completely implode and let the Libertarian party have a chance at bat in the ol’ two party system for a while.
7) Less cities under water.
9) Stop wrecking the economy.
10) Say “Jesus” once every three words instead of every other word.
As the flies and vultures buzz around that large rotten decaying carcus of an elephant, I say we divide what feccid creeper inhabited meat thats left to feed the starving conservative base.
Hey, its better than all the shit they’ve been eating for the past 8 years.
How about some truth in advertising?
The new Republican Party Slogan: “Fuck you, I got mine”
Serolf Divad: 12) Steal the election in 2012 (with the Lord Jesus’s blessing of course).
“Change name to ‘Party of Death or Cake’”
Don’t mix science and medicine with religion. If you believe the earth is only six thousand years old and dinosaurs and humans occupied the earth at the same time, you aren’t religious, you are a fuckin’ idiot. Idiots should not be elected to any public office. Keep your bible away from my doctor’s office, my hospital, my university research center and my hospice care center. You are not qualified to make decisions about what takes place in those facilities so don’t even attempt it.
They’re onto us:
“WTF - I THINK THE LIBS INFILTRAITED
ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!”
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/68225
skyinator: 11) Learn how to count (educashun).
Stare up at the sky and just wait for God to tell you what to do. Stay there and be patient. Very patient. It could take a long, long time.
Serolf Divad:
Less cities under water?
Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Put Sara Palin in a Nun outfit, and on the back of a buffalo. Then tour the U.S. reorganizing the Evangelic right. If you need a volunteer to lead the great bison, I’m you guy. If interested, contact me here, and I will provide supply list.
Free beer.
Oh, and legalize marijuana.
“Do everything Rush and Hannity says. Swing to the far right. No, further! Jesus/Palin 2012!”
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
bookish_lesbian: Those damn “LIBS” always running roughshod on the internetitubes!
… appoint Palin’s African witch slayer head of the RNC, at which time he can pray the GOP back into office just like that time he put the screws to God to make Palin governor of Alaska.
that was fun bombing their suggestion box with thoughtful essays on transforming their party into a conservative democratic stronghold. that way the dems can actually be progressive, and even radical.
Deport the reds, fags, jews, colored people, commies and Scrantonians
Paultards ATTACK!
- engage in sex scandal that involves a woman.
- Markism for teh gayz.
It’s the only way to sotp it.
- continue the tradition of fear, ignorance, and populism
more fear, more ignorance, more fear, more anti-intellectualism, more arrogance. Push away Ron Paul and libertarians. Create a national holiday for GEORGE W. BUSH.
- stop having gay sex with interns
or if we continue this practice, we should hide it better.
- not be Sarah Palin
you know, just really anyone besides her.
- consider gender re-assingment surgery.
- african american
- Scratch backwards B into own face; teach themselves a lesson
Or maybe:
1. Have a lipstick tattoo
2. Have a pig with a lipstick tattoo
3. Have some Truck NUTZ
- Run John McCain again. He is such a young, vibrant person
-build a border fence around Ron Paul
- All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly…
- annex Canada.
Your overall message isn’t nearly divisive enough, GOP. Make sure to emphasize in the future that some Americans are ‘REAL’ Americans, and everyone else is definitely unpatriotic and possibly a terrorist pal. People won’t get the point unless you really beat them over the head in the most mindlessly simplistic terms possible. Man up, for fuck’s sake.
put a gun to his head. eliminate ‘marriage’ from the federal code.
runnykine: DraculaCunt for RNC Chairman.
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/68216
trucknutz!
My ideas: Invade Canada, Ignore Ron Paul, Make the Republican Party the Little Tent Party again.
If they perform another bris on Eric Cantor, that will be own personal Day of Atonement.
big sale on truck nutz
Limit party membership to straight, married, evangelical, pro-life, white people without college degrees who live in Real America.
Billy the Bass for veep?
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/68244
Right now, it only needs another 2500 votes!
JadedDIssonance:
http://digg.com/political_opinion/Rebuild_the_GOP_with_Truck_Nutz_4_All
Truck Nutz - Follows suit. Because I am a sheeple!!!!
Alright, which one of you put “forge Ring of Power in volcano, claim lordship of U.S.”
Continue necromancing Ronald Reagan.
And of course, Truck Nutz.
I’m tempted to sign up just so I can vote for this one: Be more gay: “not Larry Craig/Ted Haggart gay either. out in the open, flamboyantly homosexual.”
With Hopey in the House they’ll need to use an outer space monster to scare everyone now. As long as they don’t choose the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Maybe Mars-speaking Trisexuals Who Eat Bibles and Piss Terrorists?
that was fun. but dont use your real for serious email address, the republitards are gonna want revenge for our honesty. remember that this is the party which cannot handle the truth or even more entertaining alternate realities. They think Palin should be in charge.
Steal Disney’s animatronic Lincoln, run it for President.
I urge that all Republican events begin with strangling a kitten.
I hope the Paultards succeed and vote Alex Jones and Lew Rockwell to be RNC co-chairs.
I prefer Mick Jones and Rockwell.
Make the Pie Higher!
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/68323
Pull up his pants and leave that young man alone!
I suggested “make toilet stall with crossed plungers the GOP seal”
Has anybody noticed the HTML page title for that form is “Customer Feedback for Rebuild the Party”? WTF? Customer?
If you want reassurance that Barry is moving into the White House for eight years, drill down into some of the comments. You come away with the clear impression that all these people will be dead from walking into walls, gun accidents or raptured up in weeks.
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/68340
I am openly begging for your vote: Hire more ninjas!
Please.Vote!
legglaw: Legalize weed and de-escalate the drug war would blow (no pun intended) a giant hole in the Obama coalition. George Schultz and the late W. F. Buckley were for it. But I’m struggling to imagine would that do to the optics of the national convention.
From the underpolled pedovampiric wing: “Younger Blood. I feel part of the problem with the republican party is we need younger blood.” Or else it was Mark Foley.
BTW, the gun craze thing is totally true. If you own any, sell some now while the prices are good. I went to a sporting-goods place in Fredericksburg, Va., on Monday (getting a 90-year-old Remington derringer repaired), and the wait at the gun counter was just nuts. Lots of people browing the .223 “assault rifles” and semi-auto pistols.
No more surprise buttsecks with Congressional pages.
Yay!- Someone already suggested “eat shit and die” so I don’t need to sign up for this clusterfuck. Although I’d be willing to suggest they speed up the process and drop the eat shit part. Just die already, RNC!
Oh wow. This site has a “hot list” and the bottom rung of the list has a little as 116 votes.
Please, please go to the site and search “hire more ninjas”, vote for and add comments to “hire more ninjas.”
Thank you for your support. Please pass this along.
Serolf Divad: Less cities underwater? Way to hand the Atlantean vote to the libruls!
I like the one about AT-AT walkers and TruckNutz. Makes about as much sense as the Republicans do now. And about the same relation to reality.
… get rid of GOP elitism. Create Party Committee of Funny Fart Jokes and appoint Larry the Cable Guy as Head. Introduce policy of less talk more rock. Less party dialogue and more explosions.
Hostile Michigander: “Customer Feedback” in this case translates to “We’re too lazy or stupid to do our own work so we stole someone elses idea.” You can quote me.
Just want to say that this is the funniest goddam Wonkette thread since the day Turner Movie Classics ran a whole day of Reagan movies.
Use Rovian politics to rehabilitate the phrase “lipstick on a pig” until everyone just knows that its a Good Thing.
“Give the appearance of being a moderate in all things while at the same time seeking to discredit the true guardians of justice and order. Once absolute rule has been achieve, build a fucking Death Star.”
The fact that Truck Nutz are only behind Science (right now) by 39 votes makes me a sad panda.
Again, I know that I’m begging, but I honestly believe my idea is the best one on that entire site.
We won a major victory last Tuesday, but the fight is not over.
Please make a difference in the world by going to http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com and commenting on and voting for “hire more ninjas.”
The hot list appears to be unmoderated, so we can shoot this issue to the top of the GOP’s agenda, along with all of your lovely comments.
you actually don’t have to do the confirmation email to register. I just created like 10 accounts with fake email addresses.
Charlie Tuna: Fine. I am now cheneysdick, and I approve more ninjas.
Damn, out of votes after suggesting they blow the ghost of Reagan.
I’m so there.
I can’t tell what posts are from actual Republicans and which ones are from you guys. I am so scared.
TGY: They all want cake.
Gather everyone who blew the 2008 election into a bunch. Surround the bunch with a circle of the GOP’s best and brightest. Include Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, and hell, Sam/Joe the Plumber, in the spirit of egalitarianism and/or compassionate conservatism — remember that? Arm each of these outer-circle Republicans with a long-range rifle guaranteed to shatter everything in its trajectory as far as the eye can see. Have them all aim into the bunch with barrels fixed parallel to the ground, at throat level (to pick off the heads of the tall, the hearts of the short, the throats of the mid-sized). Have them fire at will until nothing is left standing or ammo runs out, whichever comes first. Re-load et cetera if necessary. That should pretty much do the trick.
Oops. I meant to post that THERE> ‘Scuse me a minute….
Yaybuls: Resurrect? I’m still here. In the face of every smarmy frat boy Young Republican, in the eyes of a child trashing his neighbor’s campaign signs, in Rove, Carville and (in a mutated form) McAuliffe … I will always be here.
Man-on-dog buttsecks, i.e. Ann Coulter vs Sarah Palin oil-wrestling…
Yaybuls: how about just resurrecting Lee’s brain tumor? It may have been where he got all those great ideas.
As a conservative Democrat, military member and swing voter, the Republican Party needs to finally rid themselves from the Nixon Dixiecrat era and move beyond the bigotry that was obviously portrayed by its based at Sarah Palin rally’s. The true message of the Republican Party does not reflect those members from the “old south” other than to obtain their votes. But it is obvious now that the base can not carry another election with turnout of the new register youth votes.
whew better late than nevah
Two suggestions from darkforce at Clipmarks that I have to share.
1. Invent a cure for your own illness - Republicanism.
2 . Help Bill Kristol to use the American military to oppress himself. Then, in 50 years, if the project is going well, we can start an 80-year study of the process, and maybe begin to phase in it by the year 2186.
My own suggestion:
The English language has a long and venerable history: Shakespeare, Faulkner, Morrison, the Beat Poets, William F. Buckley and my seven-year old niece’s poetic observations on the existence of horses. Stop praising ignorance of the English language as a virtue by fielding candidates who can’t express themselves. Think of the children! You set such a bad example as well as place an undue burden on English teachers tasked to counteract your damage. Find consolation in Obama’s victory: the ghastly utterances of Bush and Palin (please oh please) will diminish.